Ministry Wives Resource Center

VISIT our SECOND SITE!

2007-04-01T15:19:00.001+08:00

Hello!

To ensure a fast loading of our pages, we've created a SECOND and THIRD site which will be containing all our NEWLY ADDED resources from April 1, 2007. Visit:
http://mwfrc2.blogspot.com
to browse new additions to our online resource collection.

Visit: http://mwfrc3.blogspot.com to browse new additions to our online resource collection from June 1, 2008.

We've also set up a new RESOURCE INDEX site. This will be found at:
http://resourceindex.blogspot.com

This new resource index site will contain ALL ( combined ) links to posted resources on BOTH sites. Feel free to visit and browse links to our resource titles per TOPIC/CATEGORY.

For ministry wives, we invite you to join our online care and resource group. Just click the 'join' button at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/helpmeets2006

Be blessed!
helpmeets2006

The Transforming Truth of the Holy Spirit

2007-02-02T15:43:00.000+08:00

by Chip Ingram

Someone has said that we must study doctrine in the light in order
that it would sustain us in times of darkness. In a world where
"truth" is often only as real as one's "experience," this is excellent
advice! It is absolutely essential that we who claim to know Christ
choose to ground ourselves securely in the sound teaching of
Scripture.

This is especially true in regards to our understanding of the Holy
Spirit. Exciting spiritual manifestations are great, and
discouragement is difficult, but neither experience is a valid
indicator of truth. I spent much of my early Christian life
questioning my place in God's family, seeking dramatic demonstrations
of His power, and struggling with false humility and guilt, not
realizing that a healthy dose of biblical doctrine could alleviate the
insecurities that gripped my heart.

I'd like to share with you some of the truth that anchored my faith
and revolutionized my Christian walk.

Understanding that I am sealed in the Holy Spirit has brought
tremendous security. In my early struggles as a relatively new
Christian, I had a hard time believing that God really did love me,
that He would never remove Himself from my life. Then I did a word
study on the word "sealed" from Ephesians 1:13, "...having also
believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise." I
began to understand that as an adopted child of God, I am secure. God
had placed his irrevocable seal on my life, and I belonged to Him
forever, regardless of my circumstances or emotions.

Understanding the difference between baptism and filling of the Holy
Spirit has given me a new identity. After a couple of years of
confusion, a very careful study of the Scriptures liberated me from my
search for multiple experiences of "baptism and filling." I came to
understand that the baptism of the Spirit is a one-time, historical
event that placed me in the body of Christ and gave me a new identity.
The filling of the Spirit, on the other hand, is an issue of
submission, commanded by God of every believer. As I give God full
rein in my life, His Spirit will control me. As He controls me, I will
see "fruit" in my life: a joyful heart, thankfulness in my spirit
regardless of circumstances, and a genuine desire to serve and love
others. This truth transformed me! "Doctrine," previously dry-as-toast
historical dogma, began to reveal to me the keys of an abiding, very
personal fellowship with God.

Understanding my spiritual gifts has given me power and freedom. It
amazes me how few Christians realize that they have been given
spiritual gifts, and the even fewer number that have discovered what
they are! My life was transformed as I began to realize that God had
equipped me to do a unique work in His Church. I was able to embrace
the God-given characteristics that made me "me."

Understanding the Holy Spirit's work of conviction has relieved me
from guilt. I have one of those sensitive consciences that are easily
plagued by guilt. There have been times when I've struggled with
feeling depressed, overwhelmed, or uneasy for non-specific reasons.
But a study of Scripture has taught me that the Holy Spirit convicts
of sin (John 16, 7ff), with a goal to restore. The enemy, on the other
hand, accuses and condemns. Now when I feel a vague impression of ill
will or guilt, a sense that God doesn't love me, my doctrine tells me
that those feelings are not from God, and I know to do spiritual
warfare. But if it comes to my mind that I was rude or insensitive to
a friend, or had a specific negative, critical or lustful thought,
that's the Holy Spirit convicting me. I can bring that to Him, confess
it, take it to the cross and find forgiveness. Right doctrine, once
again, revolutionizes our thinking.

Understanding the Holy Spirit's powerful presence in my life has given
me great confidence in adversity. Santa Cruz, California, where we
live, is a center for "spiritualism" of all sorts. At times, the sense
of darkness and confusion in our town can seem overwhelming. But the
truth of Scripture, specifically I John 4:4, assures me that the One
who indwells my life is greater than any other force in the world. I
am left with a tremendous sense of confidence, even in the face of
adversity and "spiritual attack."

About the author: Chip Ingram is President of Walk Thru the Bible in
Atlanta, GA, and Teaching Pastor of Living on the Edge, a national
radio ministry.

NEWS: Ted Haggard's accuser accuser visits church

2007-02-02T15:41:00.000+08:00

AP, via the Rocky Mountain News, USA
Jan. 29, 2007
www.rockymountainnews.com

COLORADO SPRINGS - The former male prostitute
whose accusations against New Life Church founder Ted
Haggard led to Haggard's dismissal as pastor visited the
megachurch Sunday.

Mike Jones told 9News he felt he should visit the church
as part of his research for a book he is writing about his
life and his experiences with Haggard.

He told the TV station he was welcomed by the
congregation.

"They were all congenial," he said. "None of them
expressed anger, and many expressed gratitude for what
they said was `exposing the deception.' "

Haggard resigned last year as president of the National
Association of Evangelicals after Jones alleged that
Haggard paid him for sex over a three-year period and
sometimes took methamphetamine during the encounters.

Haggard was fired as pastor of the 14,000-member New
Life Church after admitting in November to unspecified
"sexual immorality."

In an apology to the church, Haggard urged members to
forgive and thank Jones for exposing deceit.

Church members had invited Jones to the church several
times. He visited Sunday with members of a New
York-based theater troupe, The Civilians, who are
researching a project on evangelicals.

Associate Pastor Rob Brendle saw Jones in the foyer.
"I told Mike, `I don't want to impose my religious beliefs
on you, but I believe God used you to correct us, and I
appreciate that,' " Brendle said.

"The church's response to him was overwhelmingly
warm," he said. "One of the wonderful and enduring
truths of Christianity is to love people the world sets up to
be your enemies."

NEWS: Baptist Pastor Shot Dead in South Africa

2007-02-02T15:39:00.000+08:00

Michael Ireland

FISH HOEK, SOUTH AFRICA -- A 65-year-old
prominent radio presenter and founding pastor of a local
church has been shot and killed in South Africa.
According to Salem Voice Ministries News Service,
Pastor Philip Zanikele Mokson, the founding pastor of
Masiphumelele Baptist Church in Pokele Road, Ocean
View was shot and killed while he was teaching a Bible
class at the Church on Monday evening, January 22.

Family members including his wife, children, and
grandchildren witnessed the event.

SVM News Service says Mokson was a peacemaker who
acted as a link between Western Cape Premier Ebrahim
Rasool and afflicted communities. He was also featured in
a column on page two of the April 16, 2005, print edition
of the Biblical Recorder.

The SVM News Service report says Mokson's attacker,
30 year old Mvusi Dondolo also shot and seriously
wounded a 32-year-old woman named Tamara Bemba, who
was known to have spurned his romantic advances,
despite the efforts of another pastor named Joseph to
protect her. Bemba is paralyzed down the left side of her
body. After others had left the church, the man reloaded,
turned the gun on himself, and took his own life, according
to John Thomas, pastor of Fish Hoek Baptist Church and
a close friend of Mokson who arrived at the scene soon
after the shootings.

Fish Hoek Baptist Church sponsors the work in
Masiphumelele, a teeming township of more than 20,000
residents. Residents are predominantly young and poor.

As many as 25 percent of them are HIV positive.
The man who shot Mokson had been baptized as a
member in late 2006, and the pastor had sought to counsel
him during a period of deep depression. The man, also
known as Vusi, had attempted suicide at least twice. On
one occasion Mokson had discovered him hanging inside
the shack where he lived and cut him down.

Others had also counseled Dondolo. Pastor Thomas said
Dondolo had apparently asked Bemba to marry him, but
she told him she was not interested. "Look, this could
have sparked the shooting. We don't know for sure,"
Thomas said.

"Pastor Philip Mokson was a peacemaker and a godly
community leader, a committed Christian, who gained the
respect of the community. Whenever there was a problem
in the community, residents would call him. For He stood
as the face of justice, and had a deep caring for his
community," Thomas told SVM News Service.

"He was a founding trustee of Radio CCFM and their
Xhosa presenter. In addition, he was a trustee of the
Living Hope Community Centre, a health-based NGO
(Non-Governmental Organization) in Masiphumelele, and
a member of the Cape Town division of the Baptist
Church's Seminary."

Pastor Thomas also said: "A relative of a Masiphumelele
resident had drowned in the Eastern Cape while Mokson
was on holiday in Uitenhage in December, and the pastor
had called the resident to offer his condolences. When the
family had traveled up to the Eastern Cape, he said, their
car rolled and they were injured. Mokson later fetched
them at an Eastern Cape hospital and drove them to their
relatives' home in the Eastern Cape. That's the type of
man he was," said Thomas.

Thomas explained that he had worked with Mokson for 18
years and had known him for 20. "Technically, I'm his
boss, but we were more than colleagues -- we were great
friends," he added.

"Pastor Philip's death came as a big shock (to myself) and
my department," Sifiso Mbuyisa, the Director in the Social
Dialogue and Human Rights department in the Premier's
office, said on Tuesday.

"He was a key leader in the Masiphumelele community
near Ocean View. I remember his great help in dealing
with the Somali crisis and the fires. And we worked
closely together whenever there was a crisis, " Sifisco
said, adding: "His death is a great loss to the community,
his church and to us."

SVM News says that following the shootings, thousands of
township residents surrounded the church building in
hushed silence, remaining into the early-morning hours in
quiet tribute to the respected and influential pastor, who
was considered a leading elder in the community.

Pastor Philip Mokson leaves his wife Minah (65), and his
daughters Nolifa (33), and Nomzana (35).

Mokson's funeral was held in his home town of Uitenhage.
A memorial service for Mokson was scheduled for Jan. 27
at the King of Kings Baptist Centre, a multi-pronged
ministry center sponsored by Fish Hoek Baptist Church.

© 2007 ASSIST News Service,

Time: A $5 Wallet

2007-02-02T15:38:00.000+08:00

personal/ministry resource from Crosswalk

A $5 Wallet

By Glynnis Whitwer

John 15:1-2, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He
cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch
that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
(NIV)

Devotion:

"Wouldn't it be weird if someone only had $5, then bought a $5 wallet?"

My 11-year-old son Robbie laughed at his own wit, as he related this
latest pearl of wisdom. After passing along that gem of insight, he
ran off to play. I considered his words, and the idea of someone
spending their last dime on something, only to be unable to use it
properly.

What started out as a humorous observation became a haunting question
for me over the next few weeks. I knew God had a message in it for me,
and one day I got it! I was that woman who bought a $5 wallet with her
last $5. Only it wasn't money spent on a wallet. It was my life!

A woman who spends all her money is living with no margin for
financial emergencies. She doesn't even have money for necessities.
However, my problem wasn't monetary. It was my schedule. I had
invested so much of my time in "good" activities that I had no margin
in my days or my life for any emergency, let alone all the things I
had to do. My overloaded schedule left me drained and empty, both
emotionally and relationally.

The year 2006 was a challenging one for me. My husband's consulting
business was growing, which left me assuming most of the household
responsibilities. Plus our two adopted daughters consumed so much of
my time. Add to that the needs of our other three children, the
blessings of my own work, volunteer roles, writing and speaking, and I
knew I was on overload. There was simply no margin in my life.
Christmas was the final straw when I barely got the tree up and then
left it sparsely decorated.

So I started praying and asking the Lord to reveal the things that
needed to be dropped. A few things were easy and obvious and those
went quickly. I had to ask for help in a few areas of my life, and am
learning to accept things done around the house in ways different from
mine. I'm still praying because there's more to be pruned. The last
options are big and I need to be sure of the Lord's direction before I
eliminate something based on my frustration rather than the Lord's
leading.

My son's innocent comment has become a profound guiding principle in
my life. I don't want to be the woman with a beautiful wallet that is
empty on the inside. I know Jesus came to give me an abundant life,
but that meant spiritually, not an over-flowing to-do list.

In 2007, I think I'll keep that "$5" and forgo the "wallet." I'd
rather have the margin (and the spiritual, emotional and relational
health that comes with it) than more great opportunities.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the wonderful blessings You have
given me. I thank You for my church, ministry opportunities, my job,
family and for health. Help me to align my priorities every day with
Yours, and to make decisions that bring honor and glory to You through
how I live my life. Please show me what I need to prune in order to
create more margin in my schedule. I want to give You all the glory
through my obedience. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

When You're Running on Empty by Cindi McMenamin

A Busy Woman's Guide to Prayer: Forget the Guilt and Find the Giftby
Cheri Fuller

P31 Woman Magazine

Application Steps:

Consider if your schedule is overcrowded. Ask God to reveal one
responsibility that can be delegated or released. Then act upon His
answer.

Reflections:

What does having margin in our schedules really mean?

Why would God want us to have more flexible time?

What relationships/commitments take the most time in your life? Are
these at the top of your priority list?

What is one thing you know God is asking you to do, but you haven't done yet?

Why haven't you done this?

Power Verses:

John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I
came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. (NAS)

Isaiah 26:3, "You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their
purpose firm and put their trust in you." (TEV)

Ephesians 5:17, "Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you
understand what the Master wants." (MSG)

25 Things About God

2007-02-02T15:37:00.000+08:00

Posted by: "Donna Kay Lutz"
Sat Jan 27, 2007 5:44 pm (PST)

FWD: 25 Things About God

1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.

2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end! -- God's way leads to an endless hope.

3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let
him be the period.

6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.

8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.

9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.

10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.

11. The church is prayer-conditioned.

12. When God ordains, He sustains.

13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an adv isory position.

16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.

17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.

18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.

19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

21. He who angers you controls you.

22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.

24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them..

25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Caring for a Difficult Person

2007-02-02T15:34:00.000+08:00

personal/ministry resource

Caring for a Difficult Person
Some personalities require extra attention.
by Louis McBurney

1 John 4:7-8; Colossians 3:12-14

A passive-aggressive person appears friendly and is eager to get
involved in the church-until you entrust him or her with an important
task. Then, to your surprise and confusion, this person often drops
the ball. This type of personality submerges negative feelings and
resists open, healthy discussion of problems.

Instead, this hidden hostility takes the form of procrastination, lack
of cooperation, and behind-the-scenes manipulation of others. How does
a church leader handle such a frustrating personality?

Confront. Assertive confrontation lessens your vulnerability to
passive-aggressive people and reduces your frustration. Set up a
meeting, and prepare to be persistent when he is late or misses the
appointment altogether.

Identify the pattern. When you do get together, identify what you
perceive happens in your interactions with him, and then invite the
person to share his perception of those events. Be specific; give
illustrations.

Own your feelings. You might say, "Last spring I asked you to organize
some summer events you had expressed interest in. The events never
happened. When all was said and done, I was disappointed and angry."

Break out of the pattern. Make clear you prefer to avoid perpetuating
a pattern of relating that leaves you both guilty and frustrated. If
he wants to commit to a future ministry activity, ask him to arrange
an accountability system that will enhance the likelihood of his
success, such as a series of deadlines.

Make him responsible for his future choices. Invite him to express his
anger or fear more openly. Listen, but say, "I know for me it's more
comfortable when I'm direct with my feelings-well, like I'm doing now
with you. Otherwise I'd struggle with my anger and end up feeling
guilty or just avoiding our relationship. Think about what I've said
and let me know what you think."

Follow up your confrontation with some distinct boundary
identifications depending on the response (or more likely, the
non-response) you receive.

To Discuss

Think about some recent conflict in your extended family or work
place. Has that conflict centered on one person? Does that person
exhibit any of the passive-aggressive characteristics?

How comfortable are we with confrontation? Describe a recent example
in our church of a loving confrontation.

Where is the line between compassion for one who struggles emotionally
but causes disruption in the body of Christ and the need to make sure
the mission of the church doesn't get sidetracked?

From Building Church Leaders, published by Leadership Resources (c)
2000 Christianity Today Intl.

FAITH: How to stand when you don't understand

2007-02-02T15:26:00.000+08:00

by James O. Davis
President/CEO
Global Pastors Network

It is true that we live life forward and learn life backward. When the
Lord teaches us something in the light, we must not doubt it in the
dark. A faith that cannot be tested is a faith that cannot be trusted.
As ministers, we are called and challenged to fight the good fight of
faith. As we have just begun this new year, please know that there are
six lessons of God's love that will carry you through whatever you
face.

First, we are governed by God's providence. The word "providence"
simply means to see ahead of time. God sees ahead of time for our
lives. He never learns anything new. The Holy Trinity never meets in
an emergency session and say, "This tragedy caught us by surprise. We
did not see it coming." Even though the tragedy does not make sense to
us, it always makes sense to God. God knows what is best for our
lives. What we may consider to be "bad" for us God may consider to be
"good" for us. We have come to realize that there some things in life
that we may want but do not need; and some things that we may need but
do not want. Only God knows what is truly best for us.

Second, we are growing by God's plan. We grow spiritually more in
sickness than in health; more in tragedy than tranquility. God's
primary goal in our lives is not to make us happy or healthy, but to
make us holy. It has been said, "We do not live our lives by
explanations, but by the promises of God." God's Word is still
faithful and reliable even though we may not understand what is going
on in our lives or why God has allowed a difficulty to come our way.
Faith is like film: It is better developed in the dark. Mother Teresa
once said shortly before her death: "You will never know that Jesus is
all you need until all you have is Jesus."

Third, we are graced by God's prayers. Even though we cannot see God,
He can always see us. He never takes His eyes off us. Did you know
that you are on the prayer list of Jesus Christ? Jesus Christ is
praying for each of us. Sheri and I do not fully have answers for the
deaths of our daughter and son. We have to daily commit our lives to
God's will and wisdom. We must always remember that where reason
cannot wade, faith must swim.

Fourth, we are gladdened by God's presence. Have you ever wondered why
God takes so long sometimes to answer your prayers? Have you ever
wondered if God was going to come through for you? For Christians,
waiting time is not wasted time. While we are waiting on the Lord, we
must not forget all the times He has answered our prayers.
Forgetfulness leads to fearfulness and fearfulness leads to
faithlessness. Fear will make you sick and will shorten your life.
Fear will take the blue out of your sky and the joy out of your heart.
If the icy fingers of fear have gripped your life, then ask the Lord
to melt them away by His Holy Spirit.

Fifth, we are guarded by God's person. When Jesus came walking on the
water, He announced, "It is I; be not afraid." Someone has said, "The
will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot keep
you." Whatever is over your head is still under the Lord's feet. Are
the waves of life crashing over you? Have you been panic-stricken,
filled with fear, wondering whether you will make it through your
terrifying storm? If so, please take heart; the waves that are over
your head are still under the Lord's feet.

Sixth, we are guided by God's purpose. What is God's purpose for our
lives? It takes us from one side to the other side. God's purpose was
fulfilled as He carried our children from this side of life to the
other side called heaven. Even though God has not promised us smooth
sailing, He did promise us a safe landing. God will make sure that we
make it through the storm and land safely on the other side. In the
near future, time, distance and gravity will simultaneously collapse
and we will be standing on the peaceful shores of heaven.

Please remember that the best is yet to come in the years ahead! Take
a moment today to pray for fellow servants worldwide who are facing
life's toughest moments, even death. Our Lord takes death out death
and the gloom out of the grave! Blessings!

Prepare Your Kids for Life on Their Own

2007-02-02T15:25:00.000+08:00

personal/ministry resource

Prepare Your Kids for Life on Their Own
Whitney Hopler
Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications
of Connie Neumann's book, Parenting in the Home Stretch: 12 Ways to
Prepare Your Kids for Life on Their Own, (Revell Books, 2007).

As your kids progress through the teenage years and start to think
about life after high school, you may start to panic. Soon they'll be
moving out, away from you. Have you taught them what they need to get
started in life on their own?

Teaching them some key attitudes and skills will help prepare them for
when they fly out of your nest. Here's what to focus on:

Teach them how to deal with authority. Give your kids a combination of
unconditional love for who they are as people and clear limits on
their behavior. Set appropriate consequences for misbehavior, and
follow through consistently on discipline. Motivate your kids to obey
not out of fear or duty, but out of love and respect for you and
others in authority. Train them to face tough situations with courage
rather than running away in anger. Say "yes" to your kids as much as
possible, but be strong enough to say "no" whenever necessary. Think
carefully about your values and decide which ones are critical to you.
Then choose your battles with your kids. Don't budge on issues that
are important in the long run, and let other issues (such as personal
preferences) go.

Keep your emotions under control when you discuss hot-button issues
with your kids; be as calm and rational as possible. Let your kids see
you in prayer, asking God for wisdom. Help them understand that, just
as they need to answer to you, you need to answer to God for how you
raise them.

Teach them how to handle money wisely. Give them a regular allowance
and require that they use it to pay for certain things. Explain that
they should strive to spend just 80 percent of every dollar they
receive, save 10 percent of it, and give away 10 percent. Encourage
them to give their time and possessions to others, as well. Open a
savings account for each of your kids and teach them to set short- and
long-term savings goals.

Talk with your kids about how much goods and services cost in real
life. Take them grocery shopping with you and show them how to compare
prices. Discuss the cost of expenses such as rent, car maintenance and
insurance, and utility bills. Decide on a clothing budget and let them
buy their own clothes (subject to your veto if any items aren't modest
enough). Help them analyze the value of items they're considering
buying. Once your kids have regular after-school jobs, open checking
accounts for them and teach them how to reconcile the account to their
monthly statements.

Explain how to use credit wisely and avoid debt that plagues far too
many young adults today. Let them know how much interest they'll pay
if they buy things before having the money to pay in the bank to pay
for them. Stress the importance of always paying off credit cards in
full every month. Teach them to be honest in all their financial
dealings. Show them how to make – and stick to – a budget. Explain the
basics of investing to them. Gradually, as they grow older, stop
paying for all their expenses and shift the financial responsibility
more and more to them.

Teach them personal responsibility and self-discipline. Give your kids
responsibilities around the house. Set deadlines for them to complete
those responsibilities, and set consequences in motion if those
deadlines aren't met. Model responsibility in your own life by letting
your kids see you honoring the commitments you've made to others. Help
your kids make sure that their commitments match their priorities.
Teach them how to say "no" graciously to requests that don't align
with their core values. If your kids are part of a team, encourage
them to be faithful by attending practice regularly and not dropping
out mid-season. Make a family calendar to organize your time.

Require your child to replace something that he or she broke or lost.
Have your kids get themselves out of bed every morning when their
alarm clocks go off. Have them pack their own school lunches. Don't
bail your kids out of crises when they fail to do their homework or
complete projects on time; let them experience the natural
consequences. Spend time regularly with your kids, teaching them to
make good decisions.

Teach them chores and life skills. Require your kids to perform
specific chores at home to teach them the value of hard work (which
will prepare them for professional jobs) and give them a sense of
belonging and accomplishment. Supervise your kids to make sure they do
the work well and on time. Inspect their work and insist that they do
the job over if it isn't done correctly.

Don't divide chores along traditional gender lines. Teach both boys
and girls how to do laundry, cook basic meals, wash dishes, clean
floors and bathrooms, pull weeds, mow grass, sew buttons on clothes,
and perform basic house and car maintenance (such as changing an air
filter or changing a flat tire).

Get a family pet if you don't already have one. Realize that, besides
providing great enjoyment, pets teach kids invaluable lessons about
responsibility. Have your kids learn how to take care of the family
pet (or pets) on their own. Clear clutter out of your house regularly
by giving away or throwing away items you no longer use.

Teach them your core values. Think and pray about what matters most to
you so you can clearly articulate your core values to your kids. Help
your children discern truth from lies. Explain the importance of moral
absolutes, and train them to think critically and respond wisely to
relativism in our culture. Teach them that there is a difference
between who a person is and what a person does. Encourage them to show
love and compassion to others. Model a life of honesty and integrity
for them. Don't lie, cheat, or steal. Treat others the way you want to
be treated. Don't cut corners with your work; give your best effort to
everything you do. Expect the same just behavior of your kids. Require
your children to apologize if they've hurt someone's feelings. Make
your kids stick to commitments they've already made even when better
offers come along. Urge them to respect other people's time by being
punctual.

Teach them to use their gifts and talents. Help your kids discover
their God-given natural talents and spiritual gifts. Encourage them to
develop those abilities and put them to use through service. Become
involved in what interests your kids most – attend their games and
performances, read their writing, view their artwork, discuss their
ideas. Let your kids freely choose what activities they want to
participate in, rather than forcing your own preferences and agenda on
them. Limit time your kids spend watching TV or playing video games.
Provide plenty of unstructured time for them to be creative. Buy them
supplies they need for creative projects. Know each of your kids'
personality type and primary love language. Urge your kids to follow
their dreams. Regularly talk with your kids about what's on their
minds and help them work through issues that are important to them.

Teach them to grow spiritually. Actively live out your faith in front
of your kids and talk with them about what you believe and why it's
important to you. Participate in church regularly as a family. Read
and study the Bible together. Pray together. Urge your kids to think
and pray through issues of faith for themselves so they can be clear
about what they believe and why. Inspire them to connect with God
regularly through private devotional times. Encourage them to put
their talents and gifts to use through ministry.

Teach them about guys, girls, and hormones. Explain your family's
standards of appropriate dress, and model those standards by being
modest yourself. If you're married, let them see what a successful
marriage looks like in the way you talk to and treat your spouse.
Figure out what rules you want to set about dating, and be able to
clearly explain those rules – and the reasons behind them – to your
kids when they ask. Explain the vital importance of sexual purity
before marriage. Take a firm stand against pornography. Regularly
express affection for your kids so they feel secure and won't be
tempted to seek affection in unhealthy ways. Get to know their friends
well. Teach your kids how to treat people of the opposite sex with
respect. Give them strategies for dealing with peer pressure about sex
and getting themselves out of bad situations. Pray for their future
spouses.

Teach them to take good care of their physical health. Prepare
nutritious meals for your family. Drink plenty of water and limit soda
and other unhealthy beverages at home. Have healthy snacks – not junk
food – available at home. Exercise regularly and urge your kids to do
the same. Set some times to exercise together. Make sure your kids
stick to a regular bedtime and get enough sleep. Have them take a
multivitamin daily. Urge them to avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and other
drugs. Encourage them to have a healthy body image (not necessarily
what's portrayed in the media). Teach your kids to read food labels.
Help them effectively manage stress in their lives. Explain how they
can tell if they need a doctor's care, and how to take medicine
wisely.

Teach them what a loving home is like. Eat meals as a family together
regularly. Celebrate your kids' birthdays well. Establish and enjoy
family holiday traditions. Tell them stories of when they were
younger. Help them learn about their heritage by telling them stories
from your own childhood and what their grandparents' and other family
members' lives were like. Preserve memories of both small and large
events in your kids' lives through photos and video. Save some of your
kids' school papers, artwork, and other documents. Invite their
friends to join some special family events and activities in your
home. Talk with your kids about how trust and privileges work
together. If you're a single parent or in a blended family, seek God's
healing for your emotions and His wisdom for solutions to your
problems. Carve out plenty of time and effort to help your kids heal
as well.

Teach them good manners. Encourage your kids to treat other people in
ways they would like to be treated themselves. Train them to address
their elders respectfully. Urge them to speak up politely at school
when necessary. Explain how to properly speak to people in person, on
the phone, and by mail and e-mail. Enforce consequences for
mistreating other people. Don't gossip yourself, and reprimand your
kids if you overhear them gossiping.

Prepare yourself for when your kids leave. Make sure that you don't
depend too heavily on your kids for your own personal fulfillment.
Invest time and energy in your marriage to build (or maintain) a
healthy relationship once your kids have left home. Pursue a career
and and/or volunteer work about which you feel passionate. Remember
that your kids ultimately belong to God, who created them. Pray for
them daily, and trust God to continue to watch over them throughout
their entire lives.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adapted from Parenting in the Home Stretch: 12 Ways to Prepare Your
Kids for Life on Their Own, copyright 2005 by Connie Neumann.
Published by Fleming H. Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group,
Grand Rapids, Mich., www.revellbooks.com.
Connie Neumann writes a parenting column for a regional publication
called Family Times and has written dozens of articles in parenting
magazines. She has also worked as an editor, staff writer, copyeditor,
consultant, and proofreader. The mother of two teenagers, Connie lives
with her family in Summerfield, Fl.

Your Attitude . . . Your Choice

2007-02-02T15:24:00.000+08:00

personal/ministry resource

Your Attitude . . . Your Choice
Written by JB & Shugie Collingsworth

Your attitude is your own. No one else controls it. You make choices
every day that determine your attitude. Your attitude makes an
impact on your marriage, your relationships, your work, your whole
life. If you knew what to do to establish and maintain a good
attitude toward life and especially toward your marriage, would you
do it?

God's Word has clear instructions and guidelines for us. While we
may say we believe God's Word is true, it is another thing to apply
specific instructions for life found in God's Word to our own
situation. Let's look at verses that refer to our attitude or
outlook on life.

Attitude of Humility
"Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one
another in showing honor." (Romans 12:10, HCSB)

"Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider
others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out
not [only] for his own interests, but also for the interests of
others." (Philippians 2:3-4, HCSB)

When we join our life with another, the future should not be one of
competition but of cooperation and oneness. Becoming one does not
happen by accident, but it can become reality when two people commit
to love, cherish, honor, and prefer one another. Selfishness has no
place in marriage. You must come to realize that who you can become
together is much better than who you are individually. Commit to
offer your best to your marriage and to bring out the best in your
mate and you will reap great rewards.

Attitude of Love
"Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God,
and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God" (1 John
4:7, HCSB).

"No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his
life for his friends" (John 15:13, HCSB).

"This is what I command you: that you love one another" (John 15:17,
HCSB).

Ask God each day to fill your heart with His love. You will be
amazed at your response to others when you are filled with His love.

Attitude of Kindness
"A gentle answer turns away anger" (Proverbs 15:1, HCSB).

"And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one
another, just as God also forgave you in Christ" (Ephesians 4:32,
HCSB).

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the taste and health to
the body" (Proverbs 16:24, HCSB).

When you face everyday demands and challenges, it is easy to fail to
be kind, especially to your spouse. However, when you choose an
attitude of kindness and commit to obey God's instructions, you will
bring peace to your household and God will bless you.

Attitude of Goodness
"Do everything without grumbling and arguing" (Philippians 2:14,
HCSB).

"Deceit is in the hearts of those who plot evil, but those who
promote peace have joy" (Proverbs 12:20, HCSB).

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control … If we live by
the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit" (Galatians 5:22-25,
HCSB).

"So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the
proper time if we don't give up" (Galatians 6:9, HCSB).

Choose goodness – do the right thing, even when you don't feel like
it. Give grace to your spouse. Remember, "while we were still
sinners Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8, HCSB).

Attitude of Joy
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice"
Philippians 4:4, HCSB).

"Now I am coming to You, and I speak these things in the world so
that they may have My joy completed in them" (John 17:13, HCSB).

Joy is not dependent on your circumstances but on your relationship
with God. You can choose an attitude of joy. When you do you are
giving a blessing to your family and to all those around you. When
you choose joy over discontent and a bad attitude you are displaying
the life of Christ and his characteristics which are available to
every believer.

In Summary
Get up each day and choose an attitude that will benefit yourself
and also bless those closest to you. You will not regret it!

JB & Shugie Collingsworth travel around the country, coaching
churches and couples on how to build strong marriages. Their
ministry is based in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex.

Two guardrails to keep a couple on the road to intimacy

2007-02-02T15:22:00.000+08:00

marraige resource from RW Ministry Toolbox
includes practical pointers...

Two guardrails to keep a couple on the road to intimacy
by Selma and Rodney Wilson

In January of 1993, I knew Mom was dying of breast cancer, but Dad
refused to accept it. I'm a Daddy's girl, and to see him gripped by
denial was heart wrenching. He was trying so hard to be the provider
and protector that he had always been. But he could not protect Mom
from death.

I'll never forget the night Dad finally broke. He came in from working
the fields of his farm, sat down in "his" chair, and wept. I knelt
beside him, held his hand, and cried too. Then Dad said something I'll
always remember: "I have gone through everything with your Mom, but
she's going someplace I can't go yet, and I want to go with her."

That's the example of emotional intimacy I witnessed in my parents'
marriage. I really think Mom wouldn't let go until she knew Dad was
ready to let her go. Two short weeks later, after 46 years of
marriage, she left his arms, dying peacefully in her sleep. We took
great comfort in knowing that the second she left my Dad's warm and
protective embrace, Jesus wrapped his arms around her.

The necessity of emotional intimacy
That year was one of the most difficult journeys of my life, but along
the way God gave me many gifts -- one was Rodney. We had been married
16 years, and our commitment had never been more tested. During the
year prior to Mom's death, I gave my all emotionally, physically, and
spiritually to my parents. I traveled often from our home in Nashville
to their farm in East Tennessee. It broke my heart every time I would
leave Rodney and my two beautiful girls, ages 9 and 7, standing on our
front porch, waving goodbye to me.

Rodney was my anchor during that difficult time. You see, in giving so
much to Mom and Dad, I had little left to give him. I would return
home empty, exhausted, totally depleted. But rather than demanding I
give to him, Rodney gave to me. He would lovingly wrap his arms around
me -- emotionally, physically, and spiritually renewing my strength.
When I was too exhausted to pray, the Holy Spirit and my partner on
the journey of life would intercede for me. Rodney stood in the gap
and gave me the freedom to feel and express every emotion churning
inside me: anger, fear, guilt, and exhaustion. Never once did he say,
"You shouldn't feel that way." Instead, he listened, and he allowed me
the solace of silence.

Rodney has seen me open and vulnerable. He has witnessed both my good
days and my bad -- and he has loved me unconditionally through all of
them. Although that year was one of the most painful of my entire
life, it built our marriage more than any other. You see, just as
Genesis 2:25 describes, I stood before Rodney emotionally naked -- and
I felt no shame.

Not long ago I shared with Rodney my fear of getting breast cancer.
And just like my faithful Dad, Rodney gave me assurance that he would
be there with me every step of the way, whatever happened. It was a
sobering conversation for both of us. Yet there was depth. There was
closeness. There was reality. There was emotional connection. We
didn't wear masks. We didn't pretend. And that took our marriage to a
new level of intimacy.

Wired by the Creator
To be connected emotionally is to take the risk of removing your masks
and allowing your partner for life to see the real you. No concealing.
No competition.

Quite the contrary: You share your lives as partners -- teammates
cooperating, encouraging, and helping each other along this journey.
You offer each other the treasures of peace, comfort, and freedom to
be yourself.

Don't you long for that? Don't you yearn to be connected to your
spouse, for him or her to know you deeply -- the real you -- in every
area of your life? God wired you to have that yearning. And he wove
into your very DNA creativity, wisdom, love -- and an incredible range
of emotions to enable you and your mate to intimately experience life
together.

In The Christ of Easter (Broadman & Holman, 2004), Calvin Miller says,
"Emotion is not the evidence that a religion is true, but emotion is
always the by-product of true religion. Why? Everything which impacts
our lives at the deepest level of our souls cannot help but elicit our
deepest, most profound feelings." God feels the deepest of emotions
and wants you to feel them, too. God wants a deeply spiritual
relationship with you. But he also wants to be intimate with you
emotionally. Such intimacy with God requires being real, making
yourself vulnerable.

God also wants you to be real with your mate. He created marriage as a
safe haven for a man and woman to be vulnerable. However, God can't do
much if you wear masks and play the game of surface relationships. But
oh, the extraordinary things he can do when he has your hearts -- your
real, unmasked hearts!

Emotional intimacy fuses you and your mate together. You know your
mate like no one else does. There's a certain extraordinary mystique
about that. You are in an exclusive two-member club -- just as God
planned from the beginning.

Safeguarding your emotional connection
Giving yourselves to each other emotionally is not just a good idea,
it's your responsibility. God wired you for emotional bonding, and the
need is powerful. When deprived of this type of intimacy, the enemy
can tempt you (see 1 Peter 5:8). He may try sending someone into your
path who gives you the emotional attention that you crave from your
mate. Then, in your mind, "the other man" or "the other woman" can
quickly become everything you feel your mate is not. That's a
dangerous scenario.

Emotional bonding with someone else can easily slip into a physical
relationship. Numerous couples have sat before me (Rodney) seeking
help from an affair begun by a lack of emotional connection within the
marriage. That's why it's vital to erect emotional guardrails around
your marriage. What's in our hearts and minds will make a difference
in our marriage relationship.

Let's look at two critical guardrails to put in your marriage.

1. Guard your heart.
You should only think of one man or woman as your emotional home, and
that person is your mate. Connect fully with the wisdom, power, and
protection provided in Philippians 4:7 (NIV): "And the peace of God,
which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds
in Christ Jesus." This protection and peace comes when you let your
love for your spouse flow out of your love for God. By seeking after
him, the byproduct of peace will come. And it is that by-product of
peace that will guard your heart, keeping it focused only on your
mate.

2. Don't share deeply with someone of the opposite sex.
Guard your emotions and share them only with God, your spouse, a
Christian counselor, or a close friend of the same sex. Emotions are
the subtlest of attractions. Physical attractiveness is easy to spot
-- and thus guard against. But a warm, caring, sensitive personality
can draw you in so subtly, so smoothly, and so quickly that if
guardrails are not securely in place, you'll find yourself much closer
to the cliff of emotional bonding than it's safe or wise to be.

If you're thinking, "That would never happen to me! I would never have
an affair!" think again. Never overestimate yourself, and never
underestimate the enemy.

There's a reason the department of transportation erects guardrails at
dangerous curves in the road: Without them, people would accidentally,
but quickly, tumble over the edge. It's not any different with our
emotions. Boundaries must be established when relating to the opposite
sex, or you can easily and quickly find yourself going over the edge
emotionally.

For you to enjoy abundant emotional intimacy with your spouse, these
guardrails must be in place at all times. We are to be alert
constantly. With God's boundaries in place you are free to enjoy a
level of emotional intimacy that results in an extraordinary marriage!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How to move past surface talk
By Rodney Wilson

All of us have room for improving our emotional intimacy with our
mates. To move in the right emotional direction, let's talk about
talking. Years ago, David and Vera Mace, a Quaker couple known as the
founders of the marriage enrichment movement in the United States,
taught us four levels of communication between mates:

1. Stern Talk. That's sarcastic, manipulative talk. The style with the
stinger in its tail!

2. Surface Talk. That's small talk: "Have you paid the electric bill
this month?"

3. Search Talk. That's the dreaming stage when you share what your
goals and ambitions are.

4. Straight Talk. That's the deepest level of conversation. At this
level, whether the emotions are positive or negative, you and your
mate feel freedom and safety to share them.

Selma and I like to draw a line between levels of Surface Talk and
Search Talk. That line represents the difference between a couple's
merely sharing a house and sharing a life together. To get beyond
routine small talk, you need to take a major step.

It's much like walking up to a lake and sticking your toe in the
water. What you sense when you do that determines whether you'll go
farther into the water. If the water is warm, if it's "receptive," it
makes you want to go deeper. On the other hand, if it's cold, you'll
pull your toe out quickly and stay right where you are.

When your mate shares even a little that's below the emotional
surface, your response can determine where the conversation will go.
If you're supportive, you're inviting him to go deeper and share more
with you. If, however, you are critical or make fun of his dream or
feeling, you're telling your mate that the water is cold; don't go any
deeper.

Be aware of the influence you have when your mate wants to share
emotionally with you. Encourage your mate to go deeper by asking him
to elaborate on the dream or feeling.

Selma and Rodney Wilson are co-editors-in-chief of HomeLife magazine.
From Extraordinary Marriage: God's Plan For Your Journey (LifeWay
Church Resources, 2004), by Rodney and Selma Wilson. (c)Copyright 2004
LifeWay Press.

Ways You Can Make Your Marriage Better

2007-02-02T15:21:00.000+08:00

Written by JB & Shugie Collingsworth

Recently one of our children was moaning about a poor test grade. With
a desperate look and a plea for sympathy, he suggested, "I don't think
I have ever been taught how to study. I really just don't know what to
do."

It sounded like an excuse, but I decided to start where he was and
told him we would help him learn how to study. I asked, "Did you read
the material more than once?" "No," he replied. I continued, "Did your
teacher give a study guide?" "Well, she gave us terms to define but it
was not required, so I did not do them."

"Okay," I replied, "Let's start with the obvious and figure out what
studying is. It really is not rocket science. Read the chapter at
least twice, with a highlighter in hand, marking each term as you come
to it. Then type up the terms and

define each so you can use this sheet to review in preparation for the
next test. Ask if the teacher offers tutoring or group study time and
plan to attend."

This child's schedule began to change gradually and he actually put
into practice some of these simple, basic suggestions. Guess what?
Next test he made a much better grade and he was so proud of himself!

Why am I telling you this story? In marriage we sometimes complain and
blame our unhappiness on our spouse.

Usually that is time to go back to basics and put into practice some
of the simple clear instructions God has given us in the Bible. Here
are some suggestions for you to put into practice today.

1. Be nice to your spouse! It is amazing how relationships improve
when we decide to be nice and kind and thoughtful. Not only will your
presence and your deeds of
service pour out a blessing on your spouse, you will find yourself
much happier for having been nice.

2. Watch your tongue. We choose our words and they have the power to
build up or tear down. Can you determine to choose words wisely, at
least for a day? God's word instructs, "Let no unwholesome word
proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for
edification . . . , that it may give grace to those who hear,"
Ephesians 4:29.

That instruction is for you and me!

3. Turn away from temptation and evil. God knows we will have
opportunity to behave badly, but He has given instructions for our
good and for the success of our
marriage and family. Obey God when He says, "... deny ungodliness and
worldly desires and live sensibly, righteously, and godly in the
present age," Titus 2:12. In

Ephesians 5:4 we find, "Do not let immorality or any impurity or greed
be named among you, and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or
coarse jesting, which are not fitting..."

4. Read a Proverb a day. Whatever the day of the month is, read that
Proverb. And commit to obey what God says through the passage each
day. We should know by now that God is much more trustworthy than we
are. We do ourselves a favor when we follow His instructions rather
than our selfish whims.

5. Never forget you are not on your own! You will find joy and
contentment when you lean on God and allow Him to accomplish His will
in your marriage, both in the good times and in the unavoidable bad
times. So, allow Him to rule in your life and anticipate His
supernatural intervention.

"Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might," Ephesians 6:10.
"It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me," Galatians 2:20.
"Put on the Lord Jesus Christ," Romans 13:14.
"I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may
dwell in me...for when I am weak, then I am strong," 2 Corinthians
12:9.

These are just a few of the basics, but we trust you will see a change
for better in your marriage when you put these suggestions into
practice! May God bless you and your marriage.

JB & Shugie Collingsworth travel around the country, coaching churches
and couples on how to build strong marriages. Their ministry is based
in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex.

Escaping Negativity

2007-02-02T15:18:00.000+08:00

ministry resource Written by Les and Leslie Parrott

This article is courtesy of HomeLife.

Do you tend to have a negative outlook on things? Whether it's your to-do list, your job, or even making nit-picky complaints about your spouse, we're probably all guilty of negative thinking from time to time.

The good news is that no one is born with a bad attitude; it's developed over time. With a little effort, we can move past negativity and begin to turn our attitudes — and our relationship with our spouse — around. Here are four ways to nip the negativity in the bud:

• Look for the positive. This simple step can be revolutionary for some couples. It involves trying on a new mindset, one that looks for good things in your partner and positive solutions for your predicaments. Look beyond the negative traits of your spouse and see the good.

• Refuse to be a victim. Whatever your situation, no matter how tough, you will gain nothing by being a victim. Self-pity will likely drain the energy from you and your relationship. Don't allow it to sabotage your attitude and your marriage.

• Give up grudges. Nothing keeps good attitudes from emerging more than a good grudge. Bitterness and resentment are the poisons of positive thinking. So in your desire to build a better attitude, it's essential to give up your grudges, no matter how well justified they seem.

• Give yourself and your marriage some grace. Negative attitudes can be habit-forming, and it can be hard to break out of that pattern. Give yourself and your partner grace along the way. Remember each new day presents another opportunity to start fresh. And each day that you make this effort to improve your attitude brings you closer to the marriage you desire.

Adapted from I Love you More by Les and Leslie Parrott (Zondervan).

Measuring the Worth of a Year

2007-02-02T15:17:00.000+08:00

ministry resource from Crosswalk

Measuring the Worth of a Year
Henry Blackaby
Baptist Press

Life is very short, at best. It passes quickly, and it is uncertain at all times. "It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away" ( James 4:14). David understood this all too well and pleaded unto the Lord:

Lord, make me to know my end,
And what is the measure of my days,
That I may know how frail I am.

Indeed, You have made my days as handbreaths,
And my age is as nothing before You. ( Psalm 39:4-5)

Like the years before, 2006 passed very quickly. Did you make time to take a careful and thorough inventory of not only the events of the year, but how you lived your life through those events? If not, take the time to meditate on each of the following questions:

Did I gain a heart of wisdom as I passed through the year 2006?
Am I a better person?
Am I a wiser person?
What consequences have resulted in my life, and the lives of others, from the decisions I made?
Did I learn through tragedy?
Did I invest in the lives of others?
Was I a good steward of what came to me in 2006?
What happened in my family in 2006?
Have I gained a maturity toward Christlikeness?
Did I gain a greater knowledge of God through the Scriptures?
Did my prayer life grow deeper with God?
Did I clearly help my church?
Did I become more effective as a Christian in my workplace?
Am I walking more confidently in God's will for my life?
Have I positioned myself to even greater heights in 2007?
If you answered "No" or "I'm not sure" to any of these questions then you need to ask yourself, "Why?" Why did 2006 not measure up to God's desired will for my life? Why did I not seek God with all my heart? Why did I not grow as a Christian? Was I self-centered instead of God-centered?

Do you need to remove sinful habits from your life? If so, ask God to remove those. Or perhaps you have broken relationships. Ask Him to forgive your transgressions against others and to remove any sin that is causing you and those around you harm. Or, if necessary, ask Him to place within you a heart of forgiveness towards those who have sinned against you. Do not let your heart be filled with anger. Regardless of the circumstances, you must go and mend any broken relationships with family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. These relationships need to be redemptively resolved in order to honor God in the year ahead.

In 2007, be inspired to be God's best! Be determined that all of the questions posed here will be answered this time next year with an emphatic and resounding "Yes!" Allow God to move you from where you are now to where He wants you to be. Make the right choices for your life and grow closer to Him. Ask God to fill your life, and the lives of those you touch, with joy and gladness. And finally, surrender your life fully to Him so that He can create in you "a clean heart" and a greater spiritual maturity with each passing day.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For more information about Henry Blackaby's ministry and travel schedule, visit his website at www.blackaby.org, call (770) 603-2900, or contact Blackaby Ministries International, P.O. Box 16338, Atlanta, Ga.

A Building Block for Parenting: Setting Boundaries

2007-02-02T15:14:00.000+08:00

by: Ryan Rush
Home on Time Ministries

Kids need boundaries. That probably doesn't surprise you, but this might: Kids want boundaries! That's right. Providing parameters for our children gives them a sense of comfort and security that nothing else can. Boundaries are the clear lines of behavior we draw within the home that children know they are not to cross. In this sense, the parenting process is as much an organizational task as anything else in life. Organizing the boundaries we will place in our homes is an essential building block to raising successful kids.

I talk with parents all the time who are frustrated with the level of cooperation they get from their kids, even in things as common as doing chores or disrespectful attitudes. My first question is this: "What boundaries have you set for acceptable behavior?" In other words, I want to know whether the child has been given a standard to follow, or if they constantly have to guess what the acceptable behavior should be

The Danger of Moving Boundaries. One mistake that parents often make is allowing inconsistent boundaries. If a football player never knew where the boundaries were, he would get frustrated when one time he's called for being out of bounds and another time he's allowed to run completely off the field. There would be no way to measure success. In the same way, all parents are guilty at times of similar inconsistencies. Sometimes we allow for almost complete freedom, and then other times we hold high expectations for behavior. This creates a real challenge for kids, because they can never be sure exactly which standard he or she must adhere to for the moment. An example of this is parent's expectations during mealtimes. When we allow kids to grab bites as they run around the dinner table at home, why should we be surprised when they don't want to sit in a high chair at a restaurant?

The Freedom Boundaries Bring! There is a common misconception that setting forth clear boundaries for kids is too strict or stringent. I would adamantly disagree. When kids are given a clear outline of behavior that's acceptable and behavior that is not, it gives them the freedom to move within those boundaries without constantly guessing what behavior will bring disciplinary action. Children who are disciplined live with security and freedom that undisciplined kids will never enjoy.

With these foundational principles in mind, here are three steps that every parent can take to help kids understand the boundaries in your home:

1. Establish clear standards of behavior. All too often, parents simply tell kids to "be a good boy" without clearly defining what that would mean in a given situation. Set up some clear parameters that show how behavior would dictate this order. Using the restaurant example again, acceptable behavior for a young child might mean sitting still at the table during the meal, not playing with the food, and talking in a quiet voice. These are all very clear, attainable goals.

2. Use "What-if" scenarios to apply to future situations. You don't have to wait for tough situation to deal with difficult scenarios. In fact, it is far easier to address them beforehand. With the earlier example, going over some questions with children before eating in the restaurant could certainly help. At this point, the parent can even make it fun! "When we get to the restaurant, would it be okay if Daddy gets up and runs around the table screaming? What would happen if he did that?" These steps work for kids of any age, by the way. For older kids, the "what-if" questions just change: "If you are riding in a car with some friends, and the driver stops at a convenience store and buys beer for everyone, how will you handle the situation?"

3. Move from "Moses" to "Micah." The Israelites had all sorts of laws during the time of Moses. God had laid out a very detailed plan for His people to follow, because that was the first way they could know exactly what they were to do. At times, though, the law must have been overwhelming to God's followers. Later in the Old Testament, Micah sums up God's laws for the people in one simple sentence: "And what does the Lord require of you, but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8, NKJV)

This transition not only profoundly simplified God's law, but also made an important adjustment in the lives of the Israelites. The command moved from the law to the lesson behind that law. The new command was principle-based rather than action-based. This allowed it to cover every area of life. This is also an important transition for parents to make. In early childhood, the most important thing kids need is a list of "do's" and "don't do's." As they begin to grow, they need to embrace the principles behind those rules, so that they can apply them to every area of life. This is important for two reasons. First, as life gets more complicated, it will become impossible to anticipate every situation and make up a rule for your kid that applies. Secondly, the principle-based behavior cultivates initiative your child will need as he moves into adulthood.

Boundaries are an essential building block of parenthood. Without them, kids can never be sure when they are "out-of-bounds." On the other hand, when children are given a clear understanding of what is acceptable, they really have the freedom to shine! Choose to give your kids the freedom they deserve - within a clear-cut set of boundaries.

Ryan Rush is the founder of Home On Time Ministries and author of Home On Time: Life Management by the Book. This 192-page paperback, published by 21st Century Press, reveals four secrets of time management that are found in the Ninetieth Psalm. Insights and tips on how to take control of life at home and every other area make this an essential tool for any active family. The book also features a special bonus section called "The First Forty Days" to help you begin your new family habits and goals.

Hear the Silent Message in Unanswered Prayer

2007-02-02T15:12:00.000+08:00

by Whitney Hopler
The following is a report on the practical applications
of Pete Greig's new book, God On Mute: Engaging the Silence of
Unanswered Prayer, (Regal Books, 2007).

You've prayed repeatedly for God to intervene in a situation close to
your heart – but all your requests have been met with silence. You've
prayed with great passion and faith – yet still, God doesn't answer.
Do unanswered prayers mean that God doesn't care, or worse, that He's
not even there? When you're heartbroken over His silence, it can seem
that way.

But God has a message to send you through the silence. Here's how you
can hear Him, even when He doesn't answer your prayers:

* Be honest.
Admit your disappointment, frustration, confusion, doubt, sorrow,
anger, and any other feelings you have about the fact that you haven't
yet received answers to your prayers. Don't be afraid to express
yourself completely to God, without shame or pretense. Pray about
every concern you have. Ask God hard questions.

* Trust in God's love.
Know that nothing – not bankruptcy, divorce, illness, death, or
anything else – can ever separate you from God's love. Regularly
remind yourself of specific ways God has already shown you that He
loves you, such as through answered prayer in the past and His
promises in Scripture. Recognize the blessings you currently have that
you haven't noticed before, and thank God for them. Remember that God
often expresses His love through the kindness of faithful people.
Choose to take God at His word and believe that He cares about you, no
matter what.

* Seek God Himself instead of just His miracles.
Understand that, although God sometimes does choose to perform
miracles for certain purposes, He often decides not to do so. Believe
in the truth that a miracle is always possible, but remember that
miracles are rare by definition. Check your motives to make sure
you're not just vying for a miracle, but instead are seeking to grow
closer to God. Don't expect God to be like a divine vending machine
who dispenses miracles on demand. Love God Himself more than what He
can give you.

* Realize that silence doesn't mean absence.
Know that God is still present with you, despite His silence. Remember
His promise never to leave or forsake you. Understand that God
sometimes decides to withdraw from your conscious experience and
deliberately make Himself less obvious and less immediately available
in order to reduce your dependence on outward things and help you live
by faith instead of sight. Ask God to reassure you of His presence as
you struggle with unanswered prayers.

* Be willing to accept "no" as an answer.
Consider carefully whether God has truly not answered your prayer, or
whether He has answered it, but chosen to deny your request. Ask God
to give you the strength to accept His will, even if it's contrary to
your wishes. Realize that your power to choose God's will over your
own preference is a significant opportunity to grow in faith and
maturity. Remember that God's wisdom is often beyond human
understanding, but He is always working out the best for you from His
eternal perspective. Ask God to help you learn the valuable lessons He
wants to teach you through your suffering, so that suffering will
ultimately lead you to greater joy.

* Ask yourself if your prayers are trivial.
Acknowledge that some prayers are inconsequential or just plain
stupid, such as praying for God to miraculously fill your car's gas
tank when it's nearing empty and you haven't yet found a gas station.
If that's the case, choose to pray in another way or do something
practical yourself.

* Ask yourself if your prayers are conflicting with someone else's
prayers. Remember that God considers prayers from all the more than
six billion people on our planet. Realize that He may say "no" to your
request so He can say "yes" to someone else. Know that God won't act
if your prayers contradict something He wants to accomplish in another
person's life.

* Ask yourself if your prayers would impact the laws of nature in a
destructive way if they were answered.
Understand that some prayers aren't answered because they would be
detrimental to the world and other people's lives in some way.
Remember that, although your prayer may seem reasonable to you, God
may be protecting people's lives by refusing to answer it.

* Ask yourself if you're expecting God to spare you from the normal
consequences of living in a fallen world.
Acknowledge that, in our fallen world, suffering is common for every
human being. Expect to have trouble in this world, as Jesus predicted
we all would. Discuss your situation with some faithful friends and
honestly consider whether God is asking you to pray against your
suffering, or whether He simply wants to give you the grace to endure
it with Him alongside you.

* Ask yourself if your understanding and expectations of God are wrong.
Seriously consider whether you're asking the wrong thing of God based
on an unbiblical set of expectations. Make sure your prayer life
reflects God's character and His promises in the Bible. Talk with
someone you trust about whether or not he or she thinks your request
is sensible.

* Ask yourself if you're praying for the second best when God wants to
give you something better.
As you keep praying for the good outcome you hope for, remain open the
possibility that, at the right time, God will give you something even
better, something beyond what you hope for now.

Recall the ways God has given you the best in the past and know that
He may be delaying His answer to your current prayer until it's time
to give you the best again.

* Ask yourself if your motives are selfish.
Don't covet anything, seek something that's inherently sinful, or
insist on something and try to manipulate God to get it. Feel free to
express your desires openly to God, but always with the overriding
desire to fulfill His purposes for your life. Ask God to help you
approach Him with pure motives, genuinely wanting what He wants for
you.

* Ask yourself if your unanswered prayers are leading you into a
deeper relationship with God.
Understand that God will sometimes not answer your prayers because He
is the ultimate Answer and He wants to draw you closer to Himself.
Decide to pursue God Himself rather than what He can give you. Know
that when you make your relationship with God your top priority,
everything else will fall into place.

* Ask yourself if you're asking God to override someone's free will
and force your desires on that person.
Rather than expecting God to mechanically control someone (which isn't
a loving thing to do), expect Him to just influence that person while
still respecting his or her free will. Pray into the situation
creatively and one step at a time.

* Ask yourself if Satan is opposing your prayers.
Know that Satan will sometimes try to block your prayers from being
answered by contesting them. Ask God to help you persevere in prayer
and stand in courage against evil so you can break through spiritual
opposition. Learn about spiritual warfare and use Scripture as your
weapon in the battle. Ask God to reveal how you should best pray into
the situation. Try fasting. Spend more time worshipping Jesus than
thinking about Satan.

* Ask yourself if you have the faith to believe God will answer your prayers.
Realize that some prayers aren't answered simply because you just
don't believe that they will be. Ask God for the faith to believe.
Seek to grow in faith by worshipping, fasting, and memorizing God's
promises from the Bible.

* Ask yourself if you want an answer enough to keep praying.
Don't give up. Pray about the situation regularly and ask God to help
you persevere until He is ready to give you His answer about it.

* Ask yourself if there is a secret sin you need to confess.
Understand that disobedience may block your prayers from being
answered. Find a Christian friend you trust and confess any sin you
haven't yet confessed. Repent of that sin by turning away from it and
turning toward God. Pursue healing for wounds that keep you tied to
sinful thought or behavior patterns. Ask God to give you the strength
to forgive or apologize to people to whom you need to do so.

* Ask yourself if you're actively pursuing justice.
Know that some prayers aren't answered because of disregard for
oppressed people – in your own community, and around the world. Make
sure you're seeking to express God's love for people who are
marginalized in society, such as the poor and the disabled. Practice
hospitality. Volunteer for service projects. Act politically to
support causes that God leads you to support.

* Ask yourself if you're trying to find answers in situations where
you need to simply trust instead.
Realize that if you're doing everything right, but your situation
still doesn't make sense, you can still hold onto God like a hurting
kid embracing his or her father. Stay connected to God and keep
trusting Him while you go through your current challenges. Know that
your challenges are not in vain because God will use them to make you
a better person.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adapted from God On Mute: Engaging the Silence of Unanswered Prayer,
copyright 2007 by Pete Greig. Published by Regal Books, a division of
Gospel Light, Ventura, Ca., www.regalbooks.com

Pete Greig is an author, church planter, and one of the founding
leaders of 24-7 Prayer, a British charity that has grown in six years
from a single night-and-day prayer room into an international,
interdenominational Christian movement committed to prayer, mission,
and justice. A popular speaker, he has spoken to hundreds of thousands
of people on five continents. His books, which have been translated
into a number of languages, include: Awakening Cry, The 24-7 Prayer
Manual, Red Moon Rising: The Adventure of Faith and the Power of
Prayer, The Vision and the Vow: Rules of Life and Rhythms of Grace,
and Practitioners: Voices Within the Emerging Culture.

What Difference can One Mom Make?

2007-02-02T15:10:00.000+08:00

by Elisabeth Corcoran
"I look at the enormity of the problem and I can't help but think,
'what can one person do?'" It's occurred to me that I used to think
that way but that I don't anymore. One person can do much.

One person can pray with all she's got, begging God to intervene in
any situation, to pour out his power, to give her wisdom to know what
she can and should do. One person can give of her time in a way that
will be a sacrifice to her and of great benefit to others. One person
can give money…even a little bit of money…and that can be added to
what others have given and then multiplied when God steps in. One
person can call attention to an issue that is usually talked about in
hushed tones…making people aware of something they may have had no
idea about. One person can enter into the darkness, carrying her
little bit of light, and shed great illumination where only dim
shadows used to dwell. One person can touch another person's life in
small ways – with a kind word, a gentle touch, a moment of time to
listen and hold and cry with. One person can take her gifts and pour
them out into someone else's life, knowing that freely has she
received and freely should she give. One person can take her hurt and
ask Christ to turn it into a blessing as she connects with the pain of
another hurting heart. One person can move into another person's life
in large ways – with a shout against injustice, a rallying of a group
to do something of meaning, a hand reaching out to draw someone out of
their circumstances permanently.

Moms, we're told time and again that we as women have the ability to
set the tone of our home. That our daughters will learn how to be
women and mothers by watching and modeling after us, and that our sons
will grow up to look for wives that mirror their mothers. We have been
given not just the ability, but the responsibility, to do great good.
One life at a time. In our home. And in our world.

This year…2007…can be the year that we allow our one life to do a
world of good for someone else's life. What can one person do in
comparison to the vastness of our world's problems? Each one of us can
do much. We each have so much to give. And we are called to do just
that.

Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we
must care for those in their distress. -James 1:27-

My challenge to myself and to each one of you is this: go be a light
in the dark in this New Year, ladies.

(c) Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2007

Elisabeth Corcoran is the author of In Search of Calm: Renewal for a
Mother's Heart (2005) and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom's
Weary Soul (2001). She is wife to Kevin, and mom to Sara, 10, and
Jack, 8-&-1/2. Her passion is encouraging women and the Church which
she fulfills through serving in leadership on staff part-time at
Christ Community Church – Blackberry Creek Campus in Aurora, Illinois,
and writing and speaking as much as she can. In Search of Calm can be
purchased through Xulon at #1.866.909.2665 or www.xulonpress.com; Calm
in My Chaos can be purchased at #1-888-644-0500 or www.kregel.com; or
they are both available at amazon.com, or ordered through your local
Christian bookstore. You can learn more about Elisabeth and her
ministry at www.elisabethcorcoran.com.

“The Power of Words”

2007-01-10T12:52:00.000+08:00

Marybeth Whalen, Proverbs 31 Ministries Speaker
source: helpmeet Elizabeth

Thanks helpmeet!

Key Verse:

Jeremiah 15:16, “When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty.” (NIV)

Devotion:

Whenever I park my car, I immediately depress the emergency brake. I have done this ever since I was in college and bought a new car from a dealership. As I took that car for a test drive, the salesman told me something I have never forgotten: “Never let the transmission hold the car. Use your emergency brake.” As a result of that one statement, I have used the emergency brake ever since. Not only that, but I’ve encouraged my husband to do it too. I imagine when our kids start driving, we will even teach them to do it.

The truth is, I never even checked to see if what that salesman told me is correct. I never asked someone else or did research to see if he knew what he was talking about. I took the word of this person I spent a few hours with when I was twenty-years-old. For the rest of my life, his words have stuck with me. The other day, I wondered how many other offhanded comments like this I have taken to heart and adopted as truth in my life? How often do I do this with other people’s words?

Words are powerful. We take the things people say to us to heart whether we intend to do so or not. Words have ways of sneaking past our defense mechanisms and penetrating deeply into our soul. We might try to disregard or shrug off the things others say to us, yet we find ourselves recalling the hurt, the sting, or the doubt those words stirred up. The words of a friend, neighbor or mere acquaintance can affect us for better or worse.

In hindsight, perhaps I should have checked on the words of the car salesman by asking others for advice or checking a guide. This is true of anyone’s words. Instead of accepting and indoctrinating someone’s offhanded comment, we need to take those words before God. We need to ask Him if the words are true. What is His opinion of the issue?

Particularly when someone’s words rub us the wrong way us, we need to hold these words up to the light of His Word. By doing this, we will feel His peace. We will experience the freedom of being released from the hold these words have had on us.

Don’t let the words of others inflict unnecessary harm on you. We say things we shouldn’t every day—never realizing the mark we leave. And yet, the very thing someone said without thinking can so easily penetrate our hearts forever. God loves you. He wants to free you from the falsehoods you have mistakenly adopted as truth in your life. Take time today to seek His truth in your life. Spend time reading His Word to hear what He has to say about you. Don’t just take someone else’s word for it!

My Prayer for Today:

Dear Lord, Please help me to let go of the hurt I have held onto because of what others have said to me. I want to know what You have to say to me instead of believing the wrong things. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Additional Resources:

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue by Deborah Smith Pegues

Becoming a Woman Who Listens To God by Sharon Jaynes

Out of the Mouths of Babes by Wendy Pope

Application Steps:

Live your life aware of the power of others’ words and make a habit of immediately stopping hurtful words in their tracks through prayer—before they take root in your heart.

Reflection Points:

What hurtful words have you taken to heart that you need to release through prayer and time in God’s word? What does God have to say to you about those words?

Power Verses:

Psalm 12:6, “And the words of the Lord are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times.” (NIV)

II Samuel 22:31, “As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.” (NIV)

Proverbs 30:6, “Do not add to God’s words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar.” (NIV)

YOU SAY, GOD SAYS

2007-01-10T12:46:00.000+08:00

author unknown
source: helpmeet Linda

Thanks helpmeet!

BIBLE VERSES
You say: "It's impossible" God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired" God says: I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me" God says: I love you
(John 3:16 & John 3:34 )

You say: "I can't go on" God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out" God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it" God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able" God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it" God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:28 )

You say: "I can't forgive myself" God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage" God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid" God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated" God says: Cast all your cares on ME
(I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I'm not smart enough" God says: I give you wisdom
(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone" God says: I will never leave you or forsake you
(Hebrews 13:5)

Believe God is there just for you...

Old Virtues Can Make Your Life New

2007-01-10T12:31:00.000+08:00

personal or ministry resource....

here's a lesson u can share for this new year, from Crosswalk

Old Virtues Can Make Your Life New
Whitney Hopler
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer

Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications
of Mark Buchanan's new book, Hidden in Plain Sight: Seven Old Things
that Can Make Your Life New, (W Publishing Group, 2006).

What's holding you back in life? If it seems like you're stuck nursing
past wounds or trying to overcome persistent bad habits, there's hope.
As a Christian, you actually already have everything you need to make
real progress – old virtues that can make your life new if you embrace
them in a fresh way.

Here's how you can experience a renewed life by embracing old virtues:

* Grow in faith. Ask God to give you more faith so you can more deeply
notice and appreciate what He's doing in your life now and trust Him
to continue to accomplish good purposes through your life. Recognize
that attempting to be virtuous apart from God is futile, since no one
can be truly good without God. Realize that you don't need more skill,
more cunning, or more resources to make progress in life – you just
need more faith. Understand that, if you rely on the Holy Spirit's
power, He will magnify even your smallest efforts into more than you
can ask or imagine. Pray for God to give you a vision of the future He
has in mind for you. Decide to trust Him to lead you toward that
future. Embrace the gift of faith and treasure it, realizing that it
is the foundation for all other virtues. Understand that faith is the
seed that enables all other virtues to grow and bear fruit. Spend time
in the company of other people who value their faith, and let them
inspire you. Know that what matters most are things unseen (the
greater spiritual world beyond the material world we can see right
now). Remember that God exists, and everything else that exists
depends on Him. Be assured that God rewards those who earnestly seek
Him, and decide to pursue God (which will bring you eternal benefits)
rather than worldly things that won't last. Develop an intimate
relationship with Jesus through spiritual disciplines like prayer and
reading and meditating on the Bible. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you,
empower you, and guide you. Pay attention to the Spirit's nudges and
act on your faith. Serve God out of joy instead of guilt or fear.
Anchor all your other virtues to your faith so you won't be swept away
from what matters most.

* Pursue goodness. Realize that you can't do good without being good.
So set out to be good by getting to know the One who is good – Jesus.
Rather than focusing on being a better philanthropist, activist, or
therapist, focus on becoming a better worshipper. Know that if you
learn to love God, you can then love other people. Pay attention the
Holy Spirit's prompting and act on it. Follow the examples of role
models who exhibit true goodness at work in their lives. Learn from
them.

* Pursue knowledge. Pray for the knowledge you need to be wise, and
the humility to always remember that knowledge is a gift from God and
therefore shouldn't be used as a trophy to exalt yourself or a weapon
to make others feel inferior. Read, study, and ponder the Bible often
to learn the truth about God's nature and work. Get to know God better
as you encounter Him through worship and prayer. Learn about God
through experiencing and studying His creation. Come to know God more
deeply by inviting His love to flow through you to others in your
community through relationships.

* Pursue self-control. Pay close attention to what God has done and is
now doing. Be aware of how evil is trying to trip you up as you run
the race of faith. Ask God to help you see what's really going on
(without illusion or distortion) and act wisely in light of it. Train
yourself to think clearly about what matters most. Instead of just
reacting to stressful situations, pray first to help you decide how to
respond wisely. Work the habit of prayer into your daily routine, so
when crises hit, you'll have learned how to rely on prayer to get you
through. Stand firm in your faith. Be self-controlled because you're
grateful for the salvation you've received and want to thank God by
pursuing holiness, because your prayers matter now and for eternity,
and because you need to resist evil that is seeking to destroy you.

* Pursue perseverance. Don't quit in tough situations. Don't let
setbacks defeat you. Remember the value in suffering: it refines your
faith, it perfects your hope, it deepens your intimacy with Jesus, it
trains you in holiness, and it weans you from sin. If you believe you
are on the right path, stay the course, no matter what obstacles you
face along the way. Remember that God will never abandon you and that
He isn't out to get you, but He is out to perfect you. Ask Him what He
wants you to learn from your current challenges and how you should
redefine your expectations. Pray for the encouragement you need.

* Pursue godliness. Know that God loves you completely, just as you
are, but that He loves you too much to just leave you there.
Understand that He wants you to become all you're meant to be. Do so
by developing Christ-like character. Make your relationship with Jesus
your top priority in life, and give His guidance precedent above
everything else (your opinions, your emotions, your background, etc.).
Don't allow anything to stand in the way of Jesus' work in your life.
When you sense Him leading you to do something, follow through. Hold
onto hope, even in the worst situations. Remember that God can take
the most challenging circumstances and transform them to accomplish
good purposes. Always be willing and prepared to tell people who ask
you about the reason for your hope, but do so with gentleness and
respect. Remember that you represent Jesus when you interact with
those who don't yet know Him; try to make His presence tangible to
them by letting His love flow through you. Don't seek revenge whenever
you're mistreated; instead, trust God to vindicate you at the right
time. Remember that your life makes a real difference in the spiritual
realm that you can't see right now, but that exists in another
dimension where angels and demons are watching you. Understand that
your influence extends beyond the confines of your church and local
community and impacts the whole planet by touching the lives of other
people who, in turn, touch others' lives. Live in light of eternity,
realizing that you will be rewarded in heaven for your faithfulness.
Pray for the strength to avoid worldliness – whatever makes sin look
more attractive than God. Constantly remind yourself of how dependent
you are on God. Remember that Jesus faced many trials and temptations
that you also face, and look to the example of how He handled them
when you need strength to overcome them yourself. Practice the daily
discipline of dying to yourself in small ways (such as avoiding
yelling at someone with whom you're angry) so you can gradually let go
of selfishness in larger ways as well.

* Pursue brotherly kindness. Remember that God loves all people –
they're all His children, made in His image. Ask Him to view other
people as your brothers and sisters, and to give you love for them to
help you bear with them in all their flaws and annoying
eccentricities. Decide to care for other people no matter what,
recognizing that you can't truly love God unless you also love the
people He has made. Rely on God to overcome your feelings and act in
love anyway when dealing with difficult people. Treat everyone you
meet as an equal. Live in unity with other Christians, recognizing
that whatever makes you different can't possibly be greater than what
makes you alike – Jesus living inside you. Develop close relationships
with other people in which God's love flows freely between you. Serve
others in practical ways for their good and for God's glory.

* Pursue love. Ask God to help you love unconditionally. Instead of
waiting to feel love for someone, decide to act in love toward that
person no matter what. Love the "least of these" (people you'd be
tempted to trample or sidestep without love, such as prisoners,
homeless people, or refugees). Love the "most of these" (people whom
you're most likely to resent because they cause you to feel jealous
and insecure, such as someone who got the promotion you wanted or
someone who looks more attractive than you). Love the "worst of these"
(people who have hurt you in some way through mistreatment). Remember
how deeply and unconditionally God loves you, and let that love cast
out fear from your life and give you the confidence you need to love
others.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adapted from Hidden in Plain Sight: Seven Old Things that Can Make
Your Life New, copyright 2006 by Mark Buchanan. Published by W
Publishing Group (a division of Thomas Nelson Publishers), Nashville,
Tn., www.thomasnelson.com.
Mark Buchanan lives on Vancouver Island, Canada, with his wife,
Cheryl, and their three children, Adam, Sarah, and Nicola. He is a
pastor and the author of several other books, including Your God is
Too Safe, Things Unseen, The Holy Wild, and The Rest of God. Some days
he is restful or playful without shame

Motherhood: Softly and Tenderly

2007-01-10T12:29:00.000+08:00

Jenny Veleke
"But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and
abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." Psalm 86:15

On a recent afternoon running errands, my children and I were
listening to a kid's praise tape in the car as we traveled from one
place to the next. The tape featured familiar hymns sung by children
with a modern flair. As I drove, I listened to the children on the
tape singing, "Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, calling for you
and for me."

My mind discarded the running to do list in my head and pondered the
words of the song. "How often do I call my children softly and
tenderly, the way Jesus calls me?" I thought. "Earnestly, tenderly,
Jesus is calling," the children continued singing. "Do I call
earnestly and tenderly when my children do not listen the first time?
Am I quick to be impatient with them?"

David tells us in Psalm 86:15 that God is "merciful and gracious, slow
to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness". While I
was still a sinner, God lovingly and patiently sought me out. He
called to me softly and tenderly, despite my rebellion, hard
headedness and continual disobedience to Him. He earnestly called to
me again and again, patiently seeking me out until I answered His
call. God did not draw me to Him with fear and wrath or the threat of
fire and brimstone. He drew me to His cross with mercy and tenderness.
Years after accepting Him as Lord of my life, I still struggle with
sin on a daily basis. When I disobey, He does not strike me with a
bolt of lightning or punish me fiercely. Instead, He softly, tenderly,
earnestly calls me back to Him, gently reminding me that I am His
child. Psalm 86:5 says, "For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call on you."

As I think about my Heavenly Father's steadfast love for me, I am
convicted of my lack of patience and mercy to my children. Too often I
am quick to raise my voice to my children, to become impatient when
they are not immediately compliant to my wishes or my schedule. I
become frustrated when Ross writes his "A" incorrectly for the
fourteenth time. I get impatient when Gracie pulls the pots and pans
out of the cabinet while I'm cooking dinner. I raise my voice and yell
when my children disagree again about whose turn it is to play with a
toy.

During this new year, when my children test my patience and my
frustration reaches its limits, I pray that God will remind me of the
patience He shows to me in my imperfection. Let me yearn to be more
and more like my Savior. Let me call on my children softly, tenderly,
and earnestly as the Father calls me to Himself. Let me correct my
children with love and mercy. For my children, after all, are
ultimately His children entrusted to me for a short time to care for
as He cares for me.

Jenny Veleke is homeschooling mom to Ross, age 5 and Gracie, age 18
months. She and her husband, Michael live in the Charlotte, NC area
where they attend CrossWay Community Church.

Achieve Unity in Marriage without Losing Your Uniqueness

2007-01-10T12:26:00.000+08:00

Whitney Hopler

Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical application
of Jack and Judith Balswick's book, A Model for Marriage: Covenant,
Grace, Empowerment, and Intimacy, (IVP Academics, 2006).

If you want a fulfilling marriage, but fear that the relationship's
demands will swallow up your own personal fulfillment, take heart.
Experiencing the joy of unity with your spouse doesn't have to cost
you your uniqueness. By learning to become interdependent, you and
your spouse can become one without compromising your individual
distinctiveness. Here's how:

Look to the Trinity as your marriage model.
Realize that just as God exists in three distinct forms (the Father,
Son, and Holy Spirit) yet is also completely unified, your human
marriage can mirror that divine relationship. Know that God wants to
use your marriage to help both you and your spouse grow more and more
into the people He wants you to become. Understand that, through this
process, you each can be transformed into a unity that transcends what
either of you can be alone. Invite God to use each of your individual
strengths and weaknesses to create a thriving marriage.

Don't expect marriage to complete you.
Instead of viewing yourself as an incomplete person who needs your
spouse to make you whole, recognize that, in Christ, you are complete
alone. Remember that your true identity is as God's beloved child,
free because of all Christ has done for you. Rely on His unlimited
power rather than your own limited resources. Don't depend on your
spouse for what only God can give you. Ask God to show you which of
expectations you have of your spouse are unrealistic. Then let those
go. Focus on pleasing God rather than just pleasing your spouse. Don't
simply go along with whatever decisions your spouse makes because
you're not sure what your own opinions are; get to know your thoughts
and feelings, and learn to be comfortable expressing them clearly.
Approach marriage as a union of two complete people, secure in who
they are, working together toward a common purpose – to love God and
others more and more.

Don't live separate lives.
Rather than seeing yourself as independent of your spouse, recognize
that your lives are intertwined and that you each have a
responsibility to consider the other whenever you make decisions that
affect your life together. Be in close communication with your spouse
regularly and make choices that will enhance your emotional
connection. Listen to your spouse even more than you speak, so you can
come to understand what's important to him or her, and why. Know that
building a life together rather than separately will help you each
discover more personal fulfillment than you could experience on your
own.

Keep the covenant.
Decide to remain committed to your spouse, no matter what, and ask God
to help you love him or her unconditionally. Choose to make sacrifices
for the sake of your marriage, recognizing that both your own needs
and your spouse's needs are valid. Meet your spouse's basic needs for
belonging and bonding. Show your spouse that he or she can trust you.
If either of you has betrayed the other in the past, pursue healing
through the process of confession, forgiveness, and restoration. In
your sexual relationship, get to know what your spouse desires and
think of those desires as well as your own while trying to give your
best to each other.

Regularly serve your spouse through acts of kindness (such as making
meals and helping with chores and errands) to give him or her the
security of seeing your love in action.
Humbly recognize how much you continuously need God's grace; pray
about all your concerns and rely on the strength He will provide. Make
your marriage a collaborative venture in which you each do all you can
to create the best marriage possible.

Give each other grace.
Remember how much grace God gives you every day, and let your
gratefulness motivate you to offer grace to your spouse. Understand
that living in an atmosphere of grace will get rid of destructive
emotions like guilt, shame, and bitterness and inspire you and your
spouse each to work on changing for the better. Instead of blaming
your spouse for problems, accept the person he or she is – flaws and
all – and accept responsibility for your own contribution to the
problems in your marriage. Realize that trying to change your spouse
is futile; instead, pray for him or her persistently, trusting that
God will work through His Spirit to bring about real and lasting
change whenever your spouse seeks Him. Rely on God's help to forgive
your spouse whenever he or she makes mistakes.

Show appreciation whenever your spouse does something that blesses you.
Pray for the confidence to be who you are, rather than pretending to
be the person you think your spouse wants you to be. Give your spouse
the freedom to be authentic without fear of being criticized for it.
Respect and embrace each other's unique personality and gender
differences, and learn how to use those differences to complement each
other and build a stronger marriage. Don't let rigid, traditional
marriage roles frustrate you; recognize that there are many ways of
doing what needs to be done in your shared household. Think and pray
about creative solutions for assigning collaborative roles that take
advantage of each other's interests and talents and don't place too
much of a burden on one spouse over the other. Be flexible enough to
change role assignments for a season when each other's circumstances
or needs change.

Empower each other.
Remember that marriage is a relationship of equals who mutually submit
to each other out of reverence for Christ. Follow Christ's example of
self-giving by considering each other's needs rather than just your
own and serving your spouse out of love. Treat your spouse the way you
would like to be treated. Do all you can to help your spouse reach his
or her full potential, and welcome help that your spouse gives you.
Rather than just yielding to your spouse's wishes or trying to force
your own way, join forces to use each of your personal resources for
the good of your marriage and God's glory.

Ask God to give you and your spouse a vision for what He wants your
marriage to be like, and choose to mutually invest in your future
together.
Working together, seek to become all that God intends you to become,
both individually and as a couple. Express your views honestly and
directly, and encourage your spouse to do the same. Do your best to
understand each other's perspective and remember that two perspectives
are better than one when it comes to solving problems. Make yourselves
accountable to each other and make every effort to fulfill your
responsibilities to each other – not just to fulfill a duty, but
because you share genuine love.

Pursue intimacy.
Pray for the courage to be truly open and honest with your spouse
about your deepest thoughts and feelings. Take the risks necessary to
share your fears and dreams. Create a safe atmosphere for your spouse
to feel comfortable to do the same with you. Understand that your need
to be known is a valid one, and do your best to get to know your
spouse. Spend significant amounts of time talking and listening
together. Focus on listening attentively, putting your own agenda
aside to pay full attention to what your spouse is saying. Don't
interrupt or interpret your spouse's message while he or she is
talking. After your spouse is finished, repeat back the basic message
you heard in your own words to check whether or not you heard it
accurately. Pay attention to your spouse's body language and tone of
voice, as well, for cues to how he or she is feeling. Try to see the
issue from your spouse's point of view.

If either you or your spouse has been betrayed in the past, work
through the healing process together so you can regain trust.
Think and pray about how each of your families of origin have
influenced the way you relate to your spouse and others today. Then
work on changing unhealthy patterns to healthy ones. Remember that
sexual intimacy will strengthen your emotional intimacy as a couple.
Pray with and for each other regularly, and discuss your spiritual
journeys often. Whenever you encounter a crisis, reach out to God for
wisdom and comfort and turn to each other for courage and
understanding. Work to develop a marriage that can withstand any
difficulties you all might face.

Seek God's will together.
Whenever you're facing key decisions, seek God's will about them
through prayer, Bible reading and reflection, counseling, and feedback
from family, friends, and fellow church members.

Deal with conflict wisely.
Acknowledge and face the conflicts that come up in the normal course
of your marriage. Identify the core issue and focus just on that
without getting distracted. Agree to discuss the issue at a neutral
place and time. Come with a desire to use the conflict to help
strengthen your relationship. Refuse to bring up past mistakes. Avoid
emotional hot buttons when talking with each other. Don't dismiss your
spouse's concerns; take them seriously. Avoid "why" questions that
often lead to blame. Keep the conflict between the two of you, without
involving a third party. Don't ridicule your spouse. Respect each
other's right to veto the discussion if one of you breaks the rules
for fighting fairly. Take breaks at the end of each discussion round.
Work together to find creative solutions.

Keep your bond strong through different seasons.
As you and your spouse pass through the various seasons of marriage,
work together to revise your dreams and goals. For example, when you
have your first child, discuss how you'll incorporate your parenting
roles into your relationship, and when you retire, figure out how to
find fresh meaning in how you spend your time.

Balance work and family.
Be fair and flexible when assigning childcare, household chores, and
other duties to each other. Keep in mind each of your current work
schedules and other commitments, and do all you can to support your
spouse so neither of you becomes overwhelmed with your individual
responsibilities. Rather than just reacting to life's pressures, agree
with your spouse on priorities and develop a proactive plan for how to
handle every aspect of work and family life. Be willing to let
non-essential tasks go during particularly busy seasons, and welcome
help from family and friends.

Enjoy a healthy sexual relationship.
Remain faithfully committed to each other. Clearly and directly
express your personal sexual preferences and get to know your spouse's
as well. Respect each other's preferences, seek to please each other,
and don't coerce your spouse outside of his or her comfort zone. Know
each other's sexual history and work compassionately to help your
spouse find healing if he or she has experienced any past trauma such
as rape or abuse. Never use sex to control your spouse. Work out
conflicts regularly so you don't bring them into the marriage bed.
Keep your romance alive through creativity and fun. If either you or
your spouse desires sex more often than the other, work together to
find middle ground. The spouse with less desire can find some new ways
to be receptive, and the spouse with more desire can divert some
sexual energy into other activities that enhance your marriage. If
your marriage has been damaged by an affair, get counseling and do all
you can to reconcile.

Grow spiritually together.
Remember that God is using your marriage to help both you and your
spouse mature into the kind of people He wants you to become. If your
spouse is at a different level of spiritual maturity than you are
right now, seek to inspire and support each other. Listen to each
other's concerns with compassion. Pray together often. Read, study,
and meditate on the Bible together. Participate actively in church,
worshipping together. Take advantage of marriage enrichment events and
programs at your church. Find a couple you admire to mentor you. Work
in your community to serve others together. Go on retreats together.
Thank God regularly for the gift of your marriage. Rely on strength
from the Holy Spirit to incorporate your beliefs into your actions in
every part of your lives.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adapted from A Model for Marriage: Covenant, Grace, Empowerment, and
Intimacy, copyright 2006 by Jack O. Balswick and Judith K. Balswick.
Published by IVP Academic (a division of InterVarsity Press), Downers
Grove, Ill., www.ivpress.com.

Jack O. Balswick (Ph.D., University of Iowa) is professor of sociology
and family development, and director of marriage and family research
at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. He has twice
received an American Senior Fulbright Scholar Fellowship. He has been
associate editor of the Journal of Marriage and Family, Family
Relations, Journal for Scientific Study of Religion and Religious
Research Review. He has authored or co-authored articles in over 70
professional publications and has presented papers at conferences
around the world. He is author or coauthor of 17 books, including Men
at the Crossroads, The Family: A Christian Perspective on the
Contemporary Home, The Gift of Gender, Social Problems: A Christian
Understanding and Response, Relationship Empowerment Parenting,
Authentic Human Sexuality and The Reciprocating Self: Human
Development in Theological Perspective.

Judith K. Balswick (Ed.D., University of Georgia) is a licensed and
practicing marriage and family therapist in practice for over thirty
years and taught for over twenty years in the marriage and family
therapy program at Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, California.
She has served on the editorial board of Marriage and Family: A
Christian Journal since 1997 and she has contributed articles to that
journal and to several others, including Family Ministry Journal,
American Journal of Pastoral Counseling, Journal of Psychology and
Christianity and Marriage Partnership. She is author or coauthor of
The Family: A Christian Perspective on the Contemporary Home, The Gift
of Gender, Mothers and Daughters Making Peace, Raging Hormones, Life
Ties, Then They Leave Home, Family Pain, Relationship-Empowerment
Parenting, The Two Paycheck Marriage and Authentic Human Sexuality.

Go from Good to Great this Year

2007-01-10T12:23:00.000+08:00

Whitney Hopler
Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications
of Zig Ziglar's recent book, Better than Good: Creating a Life You
Can't Wait to Live, (Integrity Publishers, 2006).

You may think that achieving a good life is the most you can manage in
this stressful, challenging world. But you don't have to settle for a
life that's merely good. God wants to give you a life that's great!

Here's how you can live life to the fullest:

* Discover your passion. Think and pray about what matters most to
you, and why. Ask God to reveal His dreams for you. Consider what
noble contributions you can make to the world to make life better not
just for yourself, but for other people as well. Once you've found
your passion, keep it alive. Regularly invest your time, talent, and
money into pursuing it. Find someone who is already successful at what
you're passionate about doing, and ask that person to mentor you.
Envision what you'd like to achieve, and let your imagination inspire
you as you develop your passion.

* Manage stress well. Don't let stress rob you of your passion. Wait
to worry about situations until you have all the facts about them;
then use that information to develop an action plan so you won't need
to worry. Learn from your failures, but leave them in the past so you
can move confidently into the future. Live with integrity so you won't
have to deal with any stress arising from guilt or shame. Stay out of
debt to avoid financial stress. Don't fear the future; remember that a
loving and powerful God is in control of it, and decide to trust Him.
Reduce your stress with laughter as often as you can, and share the
joy with others.

* Watch your thoughts. Realize that what you think powerfully impacts
who you are and will become. Decide to be an optimist. Meditate on
thoughts that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good
repute, excellent, and worthy of praise. Spend time regularly reading
the Bible and other inspirational books. Avoid negative material from
the media and in conversations with others. Feed your mind positive
thoughts, knowing that they will lead to positive actions. Embrace
healthy attitudes, such as knowing that you're never a victim of your
circumstances, trusting that God will cause everything that happens to
you to work together for a good purpose, and thanking God for all the
gifts He has given you.

* Plan wisely. Submit all your dreams to God and ask Him to direct
your steps. Ask Him to help you develop a plan to accomplish the goals
He wants you to, yet still remain flexible enough to adjust the plan
whenever necessary. Don't picture the negative – what you don't want
to do. Instead, envision the positive – what you would like to achieve
and what your life would like if you do. Realize that life is a
journey rather than a destination. As you go through life, have faith
to take action as you can, learning along the way, persevering with
hope, and steadily moving forward toward the future God has for you.
Trust that fulfillment will through the process rather than the
results. Regularly review your progress on your way to your goals, and
stay focused on God and His guidance. Use the resources He has given
you wisely to accomplish your goals. Remember that He wants you
succeed.

* Don't let failure stop you. Accept the fact that failure is an
inevitable part of life. But realize that it is also a valuable
learning tool. Understand that experiencing failure doesn't mean that
you're a failure as a person; it simply means you tried something that
didn't work at a particular moment in time. Study what went wrong to
see what you can learn from the experience. Remember that failure can
teach you: to depend on God, to be humble, that you can't always get
what you want, to correct your course of action, to have strong
character, to persevere, and to realize that you can survive. After
failing, try again, and keep trying as long as God urges you to do so.
Remember that you may be just one more effort away from success.

* Cultivate healthy habits. Build these habits into your life: staying
motivated, listening, learning, reading, redeeming downtime by using
it to be productive, doing your best in every situation, exercising,
getting enough sleep, eating a nutritious diet, drinking lots of
water, praying often, reading the Bible regularly, holding yourself
accountable to others you trust, setting goals, rewarding yourself for
a job well done, going the extra mile on tasks, and thinking pure
thoughts. Seek healing to break free of negative habits, and trust
that starting positive habits will replace negative habits in your
life over time.

* Recognize the power of grit. Ask God to give you the grit –
determination and persistence – you'll need to accomplish your goals.
When you encounter criticism, consider the source. If it's coming from
a wise, credible person who means well, learn from it. If not, don't
let the criticism squelch your determination. Be patient over the long
haul as your dreams finally become reality. Ask God to give you His
eternal perspective on your life.

* Redefine success. Understand that God's definition of success
differs from the world's view of it. Know that true success is losing
yourself in a life's work that is bigger than you and that brings
glory to God. Realize that success shouldn't ever come at the price of
damaging your relationships with God, your family, or friends. Ask God
to help you balance your life so you can place relationships first
while pursuing your goals. Don't let obstacles limit you; rely on
God's unlimited power to help you through. Strive to develop strong
character based on biblical virtues, which will lead to true success.
Be discerning; don't tolerate unethical behavior as you pursue
success. Do your best to be a positive role model to others.

* Discover your purpose. Know that God has created you to accomplish
something wonderful. Ask Him to reveal your calling to you. Every day,
consider what activities fulfill you the most, and bless others as
well. Be sensitive to what God wants to show you about your calling.
Recognize that, just because opportunities present themselves, that
doesn't mean you're called to pursue them. Measure opportunities
against your purpose by considering whether or not God is truly
compelling you to embrace them. Take whatever steps you can to have
your calling and career overlap, so you're paid to do what you've been
made to do. Be trustworthy and loyal so you can build winning
relationships to help fulfill your purpose. Seek to constantly learn
something new, your whole life long.

* Change the world. Realize that you can change the world for the
better, one act of kindness at a time. Every day, do your best to love
others, set a good example, smile, speak encouraging words, show a
biblical worldview, and help others through service. Ask God to
constantly guide you toward people whom He wants to touch with His
love, expressed through you. Be alert to opportunities to show His
love to others.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adapted from Better than Good: Creating a Life You Can't Wait to Live,
copyright 2006 by Zig Ziglar. Published by Integrity Publishers,
Nashville, Tn., www.integritypublishers.com.

Zig Ziglar is an internationally known author and speaker whose client
list includes thousands of businesses, Fortune 500 companies, U.S.
government agencies, churches, schools and nonprofit associations.
Many of his 25 books have been bestsellers, including See You at the
Top, Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World and Secrets of Closing
the Sale.Ziglar is also chairman of Ziglar, Inc., which helps people
more fully utilize their physical, mental and spiritual resources. He
and his wife live in Texas.

7 keys to getting healthy this year

2007-01-10T12:22:00.000+08:00

by Dr. Don Colbert

Most people, however, do not realize that the medications they are
taking amount to taking the fuse out of their body's warning light,
instead of addressing their body's seven fundamental needs for health
and well-being.

Dr. Don Colbert, author of The Seven Pillars of Health
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Like most physicians, I see people all the time who suffer from
headaches, back pain, arthritis, skin problems, digestion problems,
and other ailments. Often, they have gone to another doctor, who might
have given them medications that merely turned off the symptoms,
instead of addressing the underlying problem.

If you had a red warning light blinking on your car's dashboard,
informing you to check your engine, would you simply remove the fuse
to turn off the warning light? No! You would take your car in for
service, knowing that if you don't you will eventually ruin your car's
engine.

Most people already know that the No. 1 killer of Americans is heart
disease, and the No. 2 killer is cancer. Most people know that nearly
two-thirds of cancer deaths in the United States can be linked to
tobacco use, diet, obesity, and lack of exercise. Most people know
that most diseases are caused by unhealthy lifestyles, poor diet, lack
of exercise, stress, and inadequate sleep.

Most people, however, do not realize that the medications they are
taking amount to taking the fuse out of their body's warning light,
instead of addressing their body's seven fundamental needs for health
and well-being.

In my practice, I talk to patients about seven pillars of good health:
water, sleep and rest, living food, exercise, detoxification,
supplements, and freedom from stress. What you don't know about these
seven pillars of good health may be derailing God's plans for your
life.

For example, most people's bodies are starved for clean, natural
water. Many people never drink any water. Some don't like the taste of
it, or they were never taught the importance of drinking it. Maybe
their parents gave them juice, soft drinks, milk – anything but water.
As a result, many people spend their day going from one caffeinated or
sugar-based drink to another. They jump-start their mornings with
coffee. By midmorning they have a soda for another boost, and then
drink sweetened caffeinated iced tea for lunch. Late afternoon it's
another coffee-based or "10 percent juice" drink. Little do they know
that all that caffeine and sugar are actually stealing water from
their bodies, doing them more harm than good.

Even many people who drink water fail to realize how many harmful
substances that water contains. Tap water, even if it comes from wells
200 feet deep, often is contaminated with chemicals used in industry,
agriculture, and consumer products. People who turn to bottled water
often don't realize that those manufacturers are less strictly
regulated and their products less carefully tested than municipal
water companies. About one-fourth of bottled water actually is tap
water!

Water is the most basic pillar of health, and many people are paying a
terrible price for ignoring it. A body that is slightly dehydrated
goes into a sort of rationing mode, diverting needed water to vital
organs. Inadequate hydration can be a significant factor in back and
joint pain, arthritis, high blood pressure, digestion problems, and
asthma, among other things.

Paying attention to the other six pillars of health is just as
important for your health and well-being:

Sleep and rest – During the precious hours you are shut down for
sleep, your body recharges your immune system and restores your
organs. Many Americans live on the brink of mental and physical
collapse simply for lack of sleep.

Living food – Much of our diet consists of "dead food" that leaves us
tired and vulnerable to degenerative diseases like diabetes and
cardiovascular disease. "Living food," on the other hand, will protect
your body from cancer and other diseases and will sharpen your mind,
energize you, and enliven you.

Exercise – More than 75 percent of the people who start exercise
programs quit; health clubs bank on that. Your body is two-thirds
water – what happens to water that sits stagnant? When water moves,
life thrives.

Detoxification – Most of my patients who suffer from chronic disease
are actually affected by toxins, heavy metals, chemicals, and
microbes. Fortunately, there are things you can start doing today – as
simple as drinking healthy, taking in fiber, and sweating – to rid
your body of toxins and help your waste management systems keep them
out.

Supplements – Many doctors refuse to recommend multivitamins and
nutritional supplements even though a study published in the Journal
of the American Medical Association in 2002 recommended that all
adults take a multivitamin supplement to help prevent chronic
diseases. Few people, if any, get the nutrients they need from food
alone, even if they eat a completely healthy diet.

Stress – Good stress is healthy. It's our bodies natural reaction to a
real or perceived threat. But when stress goes on too long, it can
leave you feeling depressed and angry, lower your sex drive, and
predispose you to all kinds of illness. A prescription as simple as
"10 good belly laughs a day" will go a long way toward protecting you
from those dangers.

The good news is that you do not have to be a statistic. Wouldn't it
be great to meet your great-grandchildren – and keep up with them?
Surely you would like someone to tell you that you look 20 years
younger than your age. Can you imagine what it would feel like not to
experience the stiff joints and headaches that have disrupted your
life for several years?

Paying attention to these seven pillars will help you restore your
health and reclaim your life. It could set you on the path to being
healthy, happy, and whole – just as God intended.

Mentoring That Makes a Difference

2007-01-10T12:21:00.000+08:00

Encouragement can help people discern God's will for their lives.
by Earl Palmer

In our prophetic role, pastors need to challenge people to keep the
faith, fight the good fight. And often that means giving a forceful
word to the congregation.

The other side of being prophetic, the side that the mentor
highlights, is being an encourager. The goal is the same—living
faithfully a Christian lifestyle—but the means are different:
encouragement, affirmation, praise.

As a mentor I don't want to tell people what God's will is for them; I
want them to discover it for themselves. And that happens best, I've
noticed, when I affirm what's going right with a person.

Express encouragement regularly.
A young lawyer in a class I taught recently wrote a paper on 1
Corinthians 15. He didn't just parrot back my lectures, however. He
went beyond what I had taught, doing his own study and making his own
breakthroughs. He grappled with issues we hadn't discussed in class;
he dared to draw his own conclusions. It occurred to me as I read his
work that I was learning from this student. So on his paper, along
with his grade, I wrote a note saying his ideas had inspired me.

Sometime later he told me that little note had bolstered his
confidence to work through his own thoughts and draw his own
inclusions. I had confirmed that his thinking was sound, that his
ideas were exciting and helpful to me. He began to have the confidence
that he could teach.

I didn't plan for that one note to have that impact, but when I
regularly encourage, some of my notes and words will.

Build trust.
People are vulnerable about things most precious to them. So poets
don't want to share their poems with somebody bored by poetry;
musicians don't enjoy playing their compositions for someone who
doesn't care for their style of music.

So I can encourage another in the things that matter only if the
person will share what's important to him with me. That means I have
to attend to the slow business of building trust. And that involves
listening with interest to what the person shares with me and
affirming the good in what they say and do.

Gradually, the person I'm mentoring will share deeper thoughts and
talk about their more exciting dreams. And that's when my
encouragement will really count.

Don't qualify the affirmation.
I meet many people who are discouraged because what personal
encouragement they have revived has been qualified: "Yes, that's true
enough. But you forgot about this." Some have been in a Christian
atmosphere where leaders always corrected them or added, "You did that
well, but you also need to improve in this area."

Instead, I look for ways to give simple, direct affirmations without
the "buts," without having to add anything. "You know," I'll say,
"you're doing some very good thinking about this." Period. Simply
affirm the people for what they're doing right. Since the people I
mentor are serious about their walk with Christ, I know in most cases
they'll eventually figure out where they fall short. In the meantime,
I'm giving them confidence that, when they do see a shortfall, they'll
be able to do something about it.

I call this kind of prophetic mentoring the ministry of agreement. The
Greek word for agree is homologea, "to say the same word." When I
agree with someone, I don't feel the need to add a single word—I say
"the same word." I affirm what they've done well. This doesn't mean I
never correct or take issue. It means I honor the discovery the person
has made, acknowledging new footing that's been established.

Confront only when you've earned the right.
Naturally, as in any meaningful relationship, there comes a time when
the mentor must confront the person being mentored.

For instance, I've been working with a young man for whom I have a
great deal of respect. He has tremendous potential. But there is one
area of his life in which he has been unrealistic: he has not been
responsible in the financial support of his marriage. He's had trouble
finding and keeping a job because he has set his sights way too high.
His wife was supporting him and the family, but the bills kept piling
up. One month recently their phone was cut off.

I had been encouraging him for months, trying to discern the direction
God is calling. But at that point, if I said nothing about this
problem, I would have become co-dependent to him, enabling his
destructive patterns. So I had to help him see he needed to get a job:
pump gas or wait on tables in a restaurant or sweep floors—anything.
He needed to do something now for the sake of his wife and family, but
also for himself.

I couldn't have done that at the beginning of our relationship. And I
can't do that in every mentoring relationship I have—sufficient trust
has not been established. But since I've been this man's friend for
some time now, and since I've done nothing but encourage him up to
this point, I've earned the right to tell him what I think he ought to
do.

A mentor, then, offers encouragement, and sometimes direction, so that
the person mentored can move ahead on his own with confidence. The
goal of a mentor in medicine, for example, is to help another acquire
the courage and independence of thought to do surgery alone, without
needing the mentor looking over his or her shoulder. The goal in
Christian mentoring is to help people discern and follow the will of
God on their own.

Citation: Mastering Teaching; Earl Palmer, Roberta Hestenes, Howard
Hendricks; Mentoring, pp 142-144.

Has the Spark Faded from Your Marriage?

2007-01-10T12:19:00.000+08:00

Has the Spark Faded from Your Marriage?
Dr. David B. Hawkins

Winter's bite is in the air and it's playoff time in the National
Football League. Everyone knows that, even if you've decided to tune
out the frenzy that accompanies the season.

Here in Seattle the tension and excitement is palpable. For the first
time in years, maybe forever, we can taste success. We feel it, dream
about it, and yes, talk about it ad nauseum.

A recent visit to Qwest Field — Seahawk Stadium — was an incredible
experience. Imagine 65,000 rabid, frothing fans with a singular
purpose — to see their beloved Seahawks win. Sportscasters talk about
our "home field advantage," because the stadium is known to be a
raucous and boisterous venue. There is no one in the trenches here,
whiling away their time with mundane activities; only radical and
fanatical fans in the grandstands, cheering excitedly.

I am ecstatic for the success of the Seahawks; I am equally
discouraged about the time most couples spend in the trenches in their
marriage. Imagine: we put time into painting our faces, tattooing our
arms, buying megaphones and T shirts supporting our sports team, yet
we fail to champion our mate.

Consider our plight — being caught up in what has been called "the
tyranny of the urgent," we expend our energies on everyday things like
work, getting kids to soccer practice and dentist appointments, or
perhaps sprucing up our homes so they are the nicest on the block.
None of these activities, of course, are bad. But, when they become
our sole focus to the exclusion of championing our mates, our
marriages suffer.

Perhaps your marriage is not in the middle of a huge crisis like
pornography addiction or an adulterous affair. Yet, allowing the spark
to fade – slowing losing passion for each other as the daily grind
chips away at your relationship – can also be damaging to a Christian
marriage.

I clearly remember a phone call from Debbie. She inquired about an
appointment for herself and her husband, Kerry. During our brief
conversation, she said they needed something to bring back the spark
in their marriage. Several days later they came in for their
appointment.

Kerry was a tall, well-built man with a long, flowing beard. My
initial impression was that he would be loud and forceful, so I was
surprised by his soft voice and passive manner.

Debbie was a large woman with long, blond hair. She wore jeans, tennis
shoes and a sweater. She appeared tense and tenuous.

After the usual exchange of pleasantries, I got things rolling.

"Debbie, when we talked on the phone the other day, you mentioned that
you and Kerry need something to bring a spark back to your marriage.
Why don't you tell me a bit about your relationship?"

"Well, I don't think anything is really wrong with us. At least
nothing major. But, we don't talk much. I think we are the classic
couple that has grown so comfortable together that we don't really
know each other really well anymore. I've noticed we've been doing
more criticizing lately. I can't speak for Kerry, but I think both of
us may be getting discouraged about how things are going."

"How about it, Kerry?" I asked.

Kerry stroked his beard. "Well," he said slowly, "it can't be all that
bad. We've been married fourteen years and have two great kids. I work
hard and enjoy the chance to play golf. Debbie works and likes to
attend quilting parties with her friends. I guess I didn't know things
were so bad."

"So, things are okay as far as you're concerned?" I asked.

"From my perspective…yes. But, Debbie says she's not happy, and I'm
having trouble understanding what she has to complain about. I'm
definitely not like the guys I work with who spend every night at the
cocktail lounge."

Debbie became noticeably more upset.

"See what I mean," she said, looking at me. "This isn't new news. I
have been asking him to go to counseling for months. Our marriage is
dying a slow death. Kerry doesn't tell me or show me that he cares
about me. He doesn't ask me about my day. And to tell the truth, I've
quit asking about his day. He does his thing, and I do mine. We
haven't spent a weekend away alone in years. I don't want our marriage
to end up like my friends. Things have to improve."

Over the next several weeks we explored Debbie and Kerry's marriage.
Together we outlined some of their patterns of living in the trenches
instead of the grandstands. We discovered these "trench-like" habits:

• They talk sharply to each other;

• They take one another for granted;

• They make demands instead of requests;

• They put each other down rather than offering praise and encouragement;

• They fail to get excited about each other's ideas and dreams;

• They spend little time simply conversing;

• They forget to champion one another.

Fortunately, Debbie and Kerry caught their problem early enough and
were willing to change. They made a deliberate decision to clear out
some of the everyday "urgents" that came between them and replaced
them with positive activities and encouragement. Specifically, I gave
them the following instruction:

• Notice and encourage the good things about your mate. Make it a
point to see the small things they do every day that is worthy of
praise;

• Listen carefully and encourage your mate to talk about the hidden
hurts and fears in their life;

• Refuse to carry grudges. Insist on small issues remaining small, not
allowing them to contaminate your daily relationship;

• Check in with one another every day. Spend ten minutes sharing what
you feel, think and want with one another;

• Create adventure in your marriage. Travel, dream, read out loud,
delight in life together;

• Experiment with different activities you have never done before.
Take some chances. Be surprised.

How are you doing in your marriage? Are you spending too much time in
the trenches? There is no excuse for a marriage turning stale. God has
created a wonderful universe for our exploration — a universe of ideas
and possibilities inside our creative minds, and outside in His
wonderful creation. Share it and explore it with each other.

Finally, I encouraged Debbie and Kerry to memorize and apply Psalm
139: 14-15. Let this passage come to mind when you interact with your
mate.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works
are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place."

Yes, both you and your mate are "fearfully and wonderfully made" by a
God who works wonders. Grab your mate's hand and get out of the
trenches and into the cheering grandstands. You'll love the
difference. (Go Seahawks!)

This article is fifth in a series on nine mistakes most couples make.
Read part 4: Are You Playing God in Your Marriage?

_________________________________________________________
This article was adapted from Nine Critical Mistakes Most Couples
Make (Harvest House Publishers, 2005).

Dr. David B. Hawkins is a Visiting Professor at International
Christian University and specializes in interpersonal relationship
counseling as well as domestic violence and emotional abuse in
relationships. He has been a frequent guest on Moody Radio Mid-day
Connection, Focus on the Family, and At Home Live. You can visit his
website at www.YourRelationshipDoctor.com.

Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice about an issue in your
marriage or family? Submit a question to Dr. David's new advice column
by contacting him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Trading Spaces - The Renovation

2007-01-10T12:18:00.000+08:00

Trading Spaces - The Renovation
by Ed Young

Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling for it is
God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Philippians 2:12-13

We work out what by God's grace and mercy has been worked in at the
time of our salvation. We develop what's been delivered to us through
the person and work of Christ. We build on what has been bought by
His blood. Look at that phrase, "work out." In the original language
it means "work to full completion"...to develop what one already
has...to finish a project. So, what does life change look like? What
does the renovation of a heart look like? In short, it looks like
work. But it is a different type of work.

This whole process of spiritual renovation starts when we resign and
God designs. What if you gave two sets of plans to a builder? That
would be chaotic. Yet, a lot of us have a vice grip on our plans and
we say, "I know how to design my life. I know how to run my life. I
know how to do my marriage, my job, and this or that. Yes, God, I see
your plans on the table but I'm going to do what I want to do." God
simply says, "Let go of the vice grip that you have on your plans.
Let go. Resign as the designer and let me design your life, because I
am The Master Designer. Resign. Fire yourself. You are incapable of
knowing your plans. You're incapable of designing your life by
yourself."

Once we resign and let him design, he brings swatches of fabric into
your life and mine. He says, "Here's a swatch for your relationships.
Here's a swatch for your future. Here's a swatch for your
occupation." When he shows it to us, oftentimes we think, "I can't
take that. That's not my color. I don't understand that. I don't
see that." But we have got to realize that God sees the whole context
of the room, the whole context of our lives. He sees the final result
and we have got to trust him. When we let the Designer design our
lives "according to his good purpose," we will stand amazed at the end
result of our sanctification, the complete and perfect renovation of
our hearts by the power of God's Spirit.

How You Can Live a Life of Thanksgiving all Year Long

2007-01-10T12:17:00.000+08:00

How You Can Live a Life of Thanksgiving all Year Long
Dr. Jack Graham

There's a poignant story in Scripture about a group of lepers who were
healed by Jesus. And as Luke 17 tells us, only one of the men who was
healed of their horrible, incurable disease came back to thank Jesus
for doing what He did!

Now, I don't think those other lepers weren't thankful. In fact, I'm
sure they were overjoyed. But they were in such a hurry they didn't
pause long enough to say two simple words: Thank you.

During this time of year when we pause to give thanks to God for all
His blessings, we as Christians have more reason than anyone else on
earth to be thankful.

But how many of us are really truly thankful people? How often do we
stop long enough all year long to remember and thank Jesus for all
He's done for us?

There are three main reasons why followers of Christ aren't thankful
today... three "thanks-busters" that each of us — if we're not careful
— can fall victim to. Not only will these three thanks-busters keep us
from being thankful, they'll stop us from truly enjoying life and
becoming all that Christ wants us to become as His children!

Thanks-buster #1: Conceit
Conceit - or the attitude of pride - is one of the biggest thieves of
thankfulness. Why? Because a conceited spirit says, "I deserve what
I've got," and, "I deserve all the credit for what I did and for what
I accomplished."

It's like the woodpecker who was hammering away at a telephone pole.
At about the time he was making some headway, a huge bolt of lightning
struck the pole and split it right down the middle. When the
woodpecker came to his senses, he flew out and came back with ten of
his woodpecker friends and said, "See! See what I did! See what I
did!"

The Scripture says that pride comes before a fall... and I might add,
a great deal of disappointment, too.

Thanks-buster #2: A Critical Spirit
Another thief of thankfulness is a critical spirit.

You know, those who have a critical spirit are petty. They're never
satisfied. And they're all wrapped up in themselves. They're
constantly finding fault... constantly blaming... constantly being
negative. I doubt you know anyone like this!

People like this grumble because they don't have what they want,
instead of being thankful for not getting what they deserve. This kind
of attitude destroys thanksgiving…and it could potentially wreck your
life.

Thanks-buster #3: Carelessness
Having an attitude of carelessness means getting accustomed to your
blessings... getting used to what God has given you. Much like the
children of Israel when they were out in the wilderness.

God satisfied the needs of the nation of Israel as they wandered
through the wilderness by feeding them with manna, an incredibly light
bread that appeared on the ground every day. It was a miracle every
morning, and, of course, they celebrated it at first. But as they
wandered in the wilderness due to their own disobedience, they
eventually grew to hate that light bread! They got used to the
blessing. They became accustomed to what God had given them. And that
will destroy thanksgiving in our hearts every time!

So what about you? Are you a thanks-buster?

Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 to "give thanks in all
circumstances." Why does Paul tell us this? Because he knows that when
we limit our gratitude... when we don't say thanks... we build a very
small fence around our lives.

Instead of living and enjoying the full expanse of what God has given
us, we build a little hut around ourselves — and our world becomes
very small, narrow, and selfish.

So today, I want to encourage you to ask God to help you root out any
thanks-busters in your life. Because when you live a life of thanks,
you'll realize that beyond your circumstances... beyond what you're
going through... there is a sovereign God who loves you and has a
wonderful plan for your life!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PowerPoint(r) Ministries started as a vision of Dr. Jack Graham and
his wife Deb. They believed that the power of God was evident in their
growing church and that His Gospel message should be spread beyond the
walls of that church to the world at large. They put their faith into
action and purchased airtime on the Trinity Broadcasting Network.
PowerPoint(r) Ministries was then officially launched in April 1994.
PowerPoint(r) Ministries now reaches 31 cities and 18 states in the
United States through their radio and television stations. In
addition, they broadcast in over 70 countries including the U.S.,
Great Britain, South Africa, Iraq, Israel, and more.

Organize to Thrive as a Mom at Home

2007-01-10T12:16:00.000+08:00

Organize to Thrive as a Mom at Home
Whitney Hopler

Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications
of Cindy Sigler Dagnan's book, Who Got Peanut Butter on My Daily
Planner?: Organizing and Loving Your Days as a Mom, (Harvest House,
2006).

As a mom, you want to give your best to your kids – but you don't want
to lose yourself in the process. Staying home with your kids doesn't
have to be an ordeal to endure; it can be an adventure to love if you
organize your life wisely.

Here's how you can organize your life so you can best enjoy motherhood at home:

Recognize the importance of your job.
Know that your efforts as a mom are vitally important to your kids and
will shape their lives in crucial ways. Understand that no other type
of work you can do is more significant than parenting. Realize that no
one else can raise your kids as well as you and their dad can. Take
heart that all the sacrifices you need to make to stay home with your
kids are worthwhile.

Aim to be productive.
Realize that, as demanding as your parenting duties are, you can
actually accomplish a lot beyond parenting while you're home with your
kids. Make time regularly to work toward other goals, such as learning
a new skill, exercising, reading, and doing volunteer service
projects.

Get out of the house regularly.
Give yourself the gift of a change of scenery as often as you can.
Take the kids to a library, park, museum or other place to give both
them and yourself relief from cabin fever.

Establish and maintain friendships.
Get together with other women frequently to support and encourage each other.

Cultivate a sense of humor.
Look for creative ways to have fun with your kids and truly enjoy your
time with them. Try to laugh frequently. Whenever you confront
stressful situations, look for the humor in them to help you relax.

Pray often.
Talk with God regularly about your thoughts and feelings. Intercede
for others who need prayer. Make a prayer a habit to model faith in
action to your kids.

Put situations in perspective.
Make a list of everything that's currently causing you stress. Then
consider each situation on your list, asking yourself whether or not
it will matter to you tomorrow, next week, in one year, or in five
years. Turn your worries into prayers and ask God to take control of
each situation that's troubling you. Ask Him to give you His
perspective on all you're facing so you're not stressed unnecessarily.

Plan well.
Understand that if you don't plan your days, circumstances will end up
planning them for you. Every night, draw up an action plan for the
next day. Build your plan around your priorities so you'll spend your
time and energy doing what most helps you fulfill God's purposes for
your life. As you write your list of things to do, build in extra time
in between tasks to account for interruptions and other unexpected
demands that will inevitably come your way. Consider what you might
eliminate from your to-do list every time you add something new.

Use time well.
Turn downtime (such as time spent waiting in lines or in traffic) into
productive time by keeping supplies like and a pen and paper and a
magazine with you at all times so you can write notes or read whenever
pockets of time open up for you. Exercise regularly and get eight
hours of sleep each night to boost your energy. Do your shopping at
odd hours to avoid crowds. Group your errands together to get several
tasks accomplished in just one trip. If possible, delegate some of
your chores and errands to others. Don't hesitate to say "no" to
people who ask you to do something you can't do your best on right
now. Accept your limitations. Just do your best to focus on your
priorities and trust that everything else will fall into place. Be
flexible. Recognize that people are more important than things,
schedules, or deadlines. Remind yourself of your blessings often,
thank God for them, and continue to rely on God's strength to help you
with whatever you need.

Make space for sanity.
Clear out mental clutter by asking the Holy Spirit to renew your mind
daily, help you focus on what's most important, and have the right
attitudes to live well. Clear out clutter in your home by simplifying
your lifestyle and making do with less stuff, handling each piece of
paper (such as bills or schoolwork) only once before dealing with it
or filing it, and storing every object in your house in a designated
place.

Give up perfectionism and control.
Realize that it's futile to try to be perfect and that perfectionism
can actually cause you to miss out on God's best for your life. Rather
than striving to fulfill unrealistically high expectations of
yourself, relax your standards. Think about the worst that could
possibly happen if you can't do what you hope to do in a given
situation, and realize that the outcome would probably something you
could live with just fine. Don't despair when your best-laid plans go
awry. Expect the unexpected and be flexible. Pray regularly,
relinquishing control of your life to God. Trust God to work out even
the worst situations to accomplish good purposes in your life.

Plan enjoyable meals.
Recognize the power that family meals have to draw you all closer to
each other. Do your best to eat at least one meal a day together and
have dinner together at least four nights a week when your husband
isn't on a business trip. View meals as more than just nourishment for
your bodies; see them as nourishment for your souls, as well. Create
an enjoyable experience at each mealtime. Try some new recipes, play
music, discuss a topic of interest to everyone, or hold a simple
devotional time while you eat.

Make time for yourself.
Don't let your responsibilities caring for others overwhelm you and
cause you to neglect yourself. Understand that you can ultimately care
for others better if you've had your own needs met first. Make time
regularly in your schedule to do anything you enjoy that doesn't
involve your kids' immediate needs.

Develop and maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Ask God to help you feel content with your life, no matter what your
current circumstances. Drink at least eight glasses of water each day.
Try to get eight hours of sleep each night. Set an exercise routine
doing types of exercise you enjoy. Eat a healthy diet, including whole
grains and plenty of calcium and fruits and vegetables. Ask God to
help you like and respect your body. Work on keeping a healthy sexual
relationship with your husband. Nurture your friendships with other
women. Write down dreams and goals for yourself in different areas,
such as: personal, marriage, family, spiritual, career, and financial.
Then work each day to get closer to your goals.

Strengthen your connection to God.
Make prayer a frequent habit. Read, study, and meditate on the Bible
often. Get involved in a Mothers of Preschoolers group, a Moms in
Touch prayer group, or a Bible study group. Join a church and
contribute through service there. Teach your children how to grow
closer to God themselves, such as by giving each of them a Bible of
their own, pointing out how God is at work in their lives,
participating in devotions together, worshiping to praise music
together, practicing hospitality and working on service projects in
your community together.

Strengthen your marriage.
Don't let your parenting responsibilities cause you to neglect your
relationship with your husband. Keep investing significant amounts of
time and energy into your marriage. Go out on dates regularly. Make a
list of your husband's dreams and help make some of them come true.
Initiate sex with your husband sometimes. Set up boundaries to help
you both stay faithful to each other. Pray for God to protect your
marriage, or, if either of you has been unfaithful, that He would heal
your relationship and restore trust between you.

Pursue joy.
Decide to act in joyful ways, even when you don't feel that way, since
feelings often follow actions. Savor the simple pleasures around you,
such as the natural beauty of your backyard or the smell of cookies
you bake with your kids. Play with your kids and make memories
together for them to cherish after you're gone. Every day, ask God to
help you live purposefully.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adapted from Who Got Peanut Butter on My Daily Planner?: Organizing
and Loving Your Days as a Mom, copyright 2006 by Cindy Sigler Dagnan.
Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Or.,
www.harvesthousepublishers.com.

Cindy Dagnan is a writer and a popular speaker at national
conferences, retreats, and marriage seminars. She is the author of
five books – including Who Got Peanut Butter on My Daily Planner?; The
Chocolate Side of Life; and Scribbles: Sketches for Stressed-Out Moms
– and has also written numerous articles in such publications as P31
Woman, Christian Standard, and Hearts at Home. Cindy and her husband
are the proud parents of four children.

JOIN OUR CHATROOM

2007-01-10T11:39:00.000+08:00

Hi there,

PARACHAT has made some changes to the free chatroom use. There would be times when All users would enter the lobby upon sign in. IN CASE you find yourself entering the lobby area and not our own private chatroom directly, please kindly note the following instructions and guidelines:

1. CLICK the PARACHAT button. It's found at the TOP RIGHT of our homepage:
http://mwfrc.blogspot.com

(If you have problems viewing the PARACHAT BUTTON, you might need to download the FREE JAVA SOFTWARE first at:
www.java.com )

2. TYPE IN your desired USER NAME.

You might want to register your username there to keep your username permanent. Registration is free.

3. For registered user names, TYPE your PASSWORD.

4. Search for the room name:

pastors_wives

5. Type our room PASSWORD.

(If you forgot or do not know our password:

Click OPTIONS at the TOP of the CHATROOM SCREEN
ROOM SEARCH pastors_wives
CLICK any of the USERNAMES you see on the right and MESSAGE them by clicking the word CHAT

If you are not a member of our support group but would like to schedule a session/talk with someone at our chat room, kindly email us at messagectr@gmail.com . Also, feel free drop by on Monday nights)

6. IF you are not able to locate our room from the list, go to the CREATE room and type our room name: pastors_wives. PLEASE make sure to CHECK the box which says ADD PASSWORD and type in our support group's ROOM password.

( Helpmeets, you may check your EMAIL for our CHATROOM info or visit our Yahoo! group site.)

Decoding the Differences between Men and Women

2006-12-27T19:15:00.000+08:00

a personal/ministry resource from Crosswalk

Decoding the Differences between Men and Women
Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg

It's something we hear from couple after couple: men and women are so
different! How can my spouse and I learn to understand each other?

Men and woman sure are different! It doesn't take science to tell us
that. All we need to do is look at how any group of guys or girls
interact to begin to see some differences. Obviously, these are
generalities, but here are just a few of the differences between men
and women:

• When guys need encouragement, they typically go for the slap on the
back from the guys on the court. When women need encouragement, they
want hugs from their supportive friends.

• Men look to their friends to be just company. Women want emotional
connection in friendships. For women, it hasn't been a good time if
they haven't had a good laugh or a good cry.

• Men think of intimacy in physical terms (S-E-X); women think of
intimacy in emotional terms (T-A-L-K).

So how are you supposed to know what your husband or wife wants and
needs? Well we've done part of the work for you! For our book, The
Five Love Needs of Men and Women, we surveyed more than 700 couples
from across the country and asked them to rank what they needed from
their spouse. The results may surprise you!

Here's a look at the top five love needs for husbands and wives – and
how you can meet your spouse's needs.

A Wife's Top 5 Love Needs

1. Unconditional Love and Acceptance. Imagine your spouse loving you
completely, without even hesitating over your mistakes. Sounds just
like Christ, doesn't it? That's the core of unconditional love, and He
is the source of it. You can reflect God's love for her and your love
for her by encouraging her, standing with her, complimenting her,
respecting her opinion, talking with her—and listening, spending time
with her, and serving her.

2. Emotional Intimacy and Communication. When your wife hears the word
intimacy, she thinks about emotional connection and communication. She
wants a marriage that has vulnerable sharing of inner thoughts,
feelings, spirit, and true self. Listen to her. Show her an
understanding heart. Give her attention and affection. Build rapport
with her. Resolve conflict and safeguard your relationship.

3. Spiritual Intimacy. A wife wants a marriage as a cord with three
strands: God, husband, and wife. She wants God to be inextricably
woven throughout the marriage relationship. She needs to be growing
spiritually and watching you grow spiritually and leading the home. To
do so, encourage her spiritual growth, encourage her fellowship with
you and others, encourage her to express her spiritual gifts, and
encourage her with your prayers.

4. Encouragement and Affirmation. To keep a bounce in her step, give
her daily doses of encouragement. Tell her she's your best friend,
that she's the best wife, give her some space when she needs it, leave
her thank-you notes, and give your wife extra help with chores.
Encourage her by understanding her wiring, giving her first place,
pointing out her potential, and appreciating her contribution.

5. Companionship. To your wife, friendship means heart-to-heart
communication, special time away with you, and growing old together.
It involves togetherness. She needs you to work hard at your marriage
– to laugh together, play together, stay the course, and work out the
inevitable differences between you.

A Husband's Top 5 Love Needs

1. Unconditional Love and Acceptance. When your husband needs your
unconditional love, it simple means that he needs you to love him and
receive him no matter what. Unconditional love starts with God. He
loved us even though we didn't deserve us. He loves us even though we
are full of pride and self-centeredness. In the same way, put aside
your own needs to meet your husband's needs.

2. Sexual Intimacy. Less than 50% and up to 90% of a man's self-image
is locked up in his sexuality. Sex, passion, pleasing the woman he
loves – that's what makes a man feel like a man. Consequently, when a
man experiences sexual rejection from his wife, he may shut down, pull
away—or worse—do something morally stupid. To meet his sexual needs,
talk to God about any hesitation you have. Start with your own heart,
learn what satisfies your husband, and commit yourself to meet his
needs.

3. Companionship. Are you the one person your husband can count on
when the rubber meets the road? Your husband needs your friendship. He
needs to know – deep down – that he is safe to explore with you what
is churning around in his heart and mind. Let your husband know you
want to be his best friend. Make your relationship a safe place for
your husband to face his pain, and be willing to love sacrificially.

4. Encouragement and Affirmation. Your husband will feel discouraged
and defeated when he doesn't hear you cheering him on – or he'll seek
the applause somewhere else. When he knows that he's the only one in
your world, the walls around your marriage grow stronger. Encourage
him to hear your applause. Encourage him by reminding him of God's
work in his life. Most important: pray for him to hear the applause of
heaven – to know God is on his side!

5. Spiritual Intimacy. Your husband needs to be growing spiritually.
He needs spiritual connection—with God, with you, and with other men.
Being the spiritual leader of your family is the toughest job your
husband will ever take on. Your husband needs your help. Encourage him
to spend personal time in the Word, talk about Scripture with him,
pray with him, pray for him, and make time for fellowship and worship
together.

Meeting your spouse's love needs is one of the most important
responsibilities you have in your marriage. So take the time to learn
your spouse's love needs – and meet them! It will bring you closer and
help you build an extraordinary marriage!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Portions of this article were adapted from "The 5 Love Needs of Men
and Women," Copyright 2000 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights
reserved. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,
www.tyndale.com. To order this resource or to find our more about Dr.
Gary and Barb – Your Marriage Coaches, visit www.drgaryandbarb.com or
call 1-888-608-COACH.

Doors Now Wide Open for Christian Clubs at Nation's Schools

2006-12-27T19:14:00.001+08:00

source: Religion News/ Crosswalk
Doors Now Wide Open for Christian Clubs at Nation's Schools
Allie Martin
A federal appeals court has ruled that a South Carolina public school
district violated the constitutional rights of a student-led Christian
club.

The unanimous decision (3-0) by the Fourth U.S. Circuit Court of
Appeals last week ruled that the Anderson School District Five had a
discriminatory policy against Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF), which
sponsors Good News Clubs in elementary schools. CEF was charged a fee
to use school facilities, even though the district waived fees for
clubs such as the Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, YMCA, the local Democratic
Party, and other groups.

CEF of South Carolina was represented in the three-year legal battle
by Orlando-based Liberty Counsel. Mat Staver, founder and chairman of
the legal group, says the decision handed down by the appeals court is
solid.

"The court clearly had some great words to say that every public
school in America ought to heed," says Staver. "It says, for example,
that the government may not bar religious perspectives on otherwise
permitted subjects, and that communities of faith may not be
arbitrarily excluded from the protections of the free-speech clause."

In short, said the court ruling, "speech is not to be selectively
permitted or proscribed according to official preference." Overall,
the court "hit the bullseye," says the Christian attorney.

"Government cannot treat religious group unfavorably compared to other
groups," he states. "Equal access is the law, and equal access means
equal treatment in every respect."

Staver contends that Christians clubs have a positive influence on
public school campuses and should not be harassed. In fact, he feels
they should be welcomed with open arms.

"I think it's ironic as these schools hassle the Good News Clubs,
because they're great organizations," Staver shares. "They teach
character, they teach morality, they teach right and wrong, they teach
respect, and they do it all from a Christian viewpoint -- and the
kids' lives are literally changed."

The Liberty Counsel founder believes the ruling now opens the doors
for Good News Clubs and other Christian clubs in public schools
nationwide. The case was Child Evangelism Fellowship v. Anderson
School District Five.

(c) 2006 AgapePress all rights reserved

The Emotional Affair: When Friendship Goes Too Far

2006-12-27T19:14:00.000+08:00

for personal/ministry resource
includes 5 practical tips....

The Emotional Affair: When Friendship Goes Too Far
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg
America's Family Coaches

It begins innocently – You talk about the events of the day, your
interests, share funny stories. Pretty soon you're discussing the
passions of your heart and confiding in each other about the problems
in your marriages. What began as an innocent friendship with someone
of the opposite sex has quickly become an emotional affair. And if
you're not careful, it could mushroom into a full-blown physical
affair.

Of course, most of us have friends of the opposite sex and never
stumble into an affair. But it can be easier than you think to cross
the line in those kinds of friendships. That's why you need
appropriate boundaries with opposite-sex friends and you need to guard
your heart – and the heart of your marriage!

We live in a culture that is largely hostile to biblical truth, moral
purity and marital fidelity. Our hearts are continuously bombarded by
temptations from our human nature, our culture, and the devil himself.
Here are three things you can count on:

1. You have a marriage relationship that is worth guarding with your life.

2. Living in a world that is largely hostile to healthy marriages,
your hearts will come under attack.

3. You cannot survive these attacks on your own. You and your spouse
must stand together against your common foe. You must guard your heart
and guard each other's heart. And you need others to stand with you
over the long haul – Christians who share your desire for a
divorce-proof marriage.

Men: It can be especially easy for you to begin capturing another
woman's heart without even realizing it. You may think you're just
having an enjoyable conversation with a coworker, but it may be the
only attention that woman has had all week. Before you know it, your
conversations move from friendly chatter to intimate subjects. We're
not suggesting men can't have friendships with other women, but we are
warning it can be easier than you think to cross the line.

Think of it this way: If this woman invited you into her house and the
two of you were along, would the topics and conversation stay the same
as they do in public or with other people? And here's a word of advice
for you guys: Trust your wife's instincts in this area. If your wife
suggests another woman is behaving inappropriately, she is probably
right. Most women have radar, an innate alertness to nonverbal
communication and an ability to translate body language into emotional
facts. Your wife probably is able to see these things clearly. Regard
it as a gift from God that will keep you out of danger.

Women: you need to know that for you, as well as men, adultery begins
in the heart. Be careful you are not lured away from your marriage by
a man's tenderness, openness, warmth, personality, and attentiveness.
When you sense that someone else is captivating your heart, when this
attraction results in increased disappointment or frustration toward
your husband, or when you begin to dwell on or act out your
fascination, it's time to confront the threat.

Here are several practical tips that will help you guard your heart in
your friendships.

1. Dismiss and replace tempting thoughts. Don't allow any unwholesome
thoughts to make a home in your mind. If those thoughts enter your
mind, it's time to look away or leave the room. If you can't leave,
shift your focus away from that person by thinking of your spouse.
Start praying for your spouse and your kids. Wrong thoughts don't
easily coexist with sincere prayer.

2. Don't gaze too long into the windows of the soul. Eye contact in a
conversation is good. But if you catch a look that is too intense, too
engaging, or makes you uncomfortable, avert your eyes and resist that
gaze. A deep gaze can stir something in one or both of you, something
you don't want stirred up. Save that eye contact for one person: your
spouse.

3. Don't go out of your way to see or meet someone. Don't take a
different hallway back to your office just to encounter that
attractive new employee. Don't select a seat in church because it is
near that person who loves to talk to you after the service. Don't
linger after a meeting hoping to be noticed by that certain person.
And don't meet with a tempting person privately, even if the purpose
is legitimate. Invite your spouse to come along, meet with a larger
group, or meet in a public place where you are never alone.

4. Be careful with physical touch. You may like to shake your friends'
hands or even sometimes give them a hug, and you may be very
affectionate with your family. But no matter how affectionate you are
at home, you need a different standard with members of the opposite
sex. Here's a helpful question to ask yourself: If your spouse, your
children, your mother and Jesus were in the room watching you give
that hug or pat, would they heartily approve? If not, don't do it.

5. Keep conversation general. Many affairs are started or fueled when
a man and woman who are not married to each other talk about their
personal lives. Talk about the weather, work, the new pastor, the
news, and the like. But if the other person starts sharing something
of a personal nature – even if disguising it as a "prayer request" –
redirect or terminate the conversation.

6. When all else fails, run for your moral life. If for some reason
you find yourself in a compromising situation with someone of the
opposite sex, immediately and physically remove yourself from that
situation. You don't have to explain or apologize. And don't let the
other person convince you it's no big deal. Do what Joseph in the Old
Testament did when Potipher's wife attempted to seduce him: drop
everything and run.

You can say no to the threats to your own marriage by guarding your
heart, and standing strong for a godly marriage.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Portions of this article were adapted from "The Great Marriage Q&A
Book," Copyright 2006 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights
reserved. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,www.tyndale.com.
To order this resource or to find our more about Dr. Gary and Barb –
Your Marriage Coaches, visit www.drgaryandbarb.com or call
1-888-608-COACH.

Married over 30 years, the parents of two adult daughters and four
grandchildren, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, your marriage coaches, have
a unique blend of insight and wisdom that touch people of all ages.
Together with Gary's 25,000 hours of counseling experience and
Barbara's gift of encouragement and biblical teaching, they are
equipping thousands of families across the nation through their
interactive daily radio program, conferences, and marriage and family
resources.

Guilt-Free Holiday Menu

2006-12-27T19:13:00.000+08:00

Written by Branda Polk

Planning a holiday meal can be a frustrating battle for the
health-conscious host or hostess. Your mind desires to provide a
delicious, festive, and healthy meal for your guests, but your heart
(and family) cries for the traditional, high-fat recipes identified
with the holiday season.

Healthy Holidays; A Plan to Help You Maintail for Healthy Lifestyle
Through The Holiday Season
This year, settle both mind and heart with this delicious menu full of
good-for-you food. Impress your guest's taste buds and save time and
waistlines with this easy-to-prepare line up of festive food,
appropriate for an intimate meal for four or — when doubled — for the
family gathering.

THE MENU
Appetizer: Festive Black Bean Salsa with Baked Tortilla chips
Salad: Spinach Jicama Salad
Main Course: Apricot Cornish Game Hens
Side Dishes: Low-Fat Creamy Potato Au Gratin
Herb-Stuffed Tomatoes
Broccoli with Lemon
Dessert: Delicious Cherry Cheesecake

THE RECIPES

Festive Black Bean Salsa
2 cans black beans, drained and rinsed
3/4 cup finely chopped tomatoes
1/2 cup finely chopped red onion
1/2 cup finely chopped red bell pepper
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro
1 tsp. finely chopped jalapeno pepper (add more for additional heat,
omit for milder salsa)
1/3 cup red vinegar
1/3 cup sugar

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl. Cover and refrigerate to let
flavors blend. Best when made 1-2 days before serving. Serve with
baked tortilla chips.

Spinach Jicama Salad
Jicama is a sweet, crunchy root vegetable from Mexico that is
delicious alone or in a salad. You can find jicama in the produce
section of your local grocery store.

1 bag fresh spinach leaves, cleaned, dried, and torn into pieces
1 6 oz. can mandarin orange slices
1 cup Jicama, peeled and shredded or thinly sliced
1/2 cup fat-free or reduced fat poppy seed dressing
1/2 cup sliced almonds, lightly toasted (optional for garnish)
Place spinach, oranges, and Jicama in a large salad bowl. Drizzle with
dressing and toss together. Sprinkle with toasted almonds if desired.

Apricot Cornish Game Hens
2 – 4 Cornish Game Hens, cleaned and patted dry
2 envelopes of dry onion soup mix
1 jar apricot preserves
1 large bottle reduced-fat Italian dressing

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Determine number of hens based on size.
Plan at least half a bird per person for larger hens and a whole bird
per person for smaller birds. Place cleaned game hens in a roasting
pan sprayed with non-stick cooking spray. In a bowl, combine soup mix
and apricot preserves. Drizzle mixture over hens. Pour entire bottle
of dressing over hens. Cover roasting pan. Bake for approximately 1.5
hours or until done. While baking, occasionally spoon juices over hens
to baste and distribute flavor. Remove foil for final 10 minutes of
baking to brown hens. When done, remove hens from oven, cover, and
allow to rest before slicing or serving.

Low-Fat Creamy Potato Au Gratin
3 medium baking potatoes, washed and thinly sliced
2 Tbsp. all-purpose flour
1 small onion, trimmed, thinly sliced and separated into rings
1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 tsp. paprika
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
4 Tbsp. freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp. seasoned salt
12 oz. evaporated skimmed milk
2 Tbsp. fresh parsley, chopped

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a small bowl, combine all spices
(cayenne and black pepper, paprika, nutmeg, and salt). Coat a 10-inch
pie plate with non-stick cooking spray and layer half of the potatoes
in the bottom. Sprinkle potatoes with 1 Tbsp of flour. Arrange onions
on top of floured potatoes. Sprinkle with half of spice mix and 2
Tbsp. of Parmesan cheese. Arrange remaining potatoes in a spiral
formation on top of cheese. Sprinkle with remaining flour and spices.
Pour milk over the potatoes and top with remaining cheese. Cover with
foil and bake for 45 minutes. Remove the foil, lower the temperature
to 350 degrees and bake for about 15 more minutes until the top is
golden brown. Remove from oven and allow to rest for 10 minutes before
serving. Garnish with fresh chopped parsley.

Herb-Stuffed Tomatoes
4 large tomatoes, cut in half crosswise with seeds removed, forming "cups"
3 small shallots, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
4 tsp. margarine, melted
2 Tbsp. fresh parsley, chopped
1 cup seasoned breadcrumbs
3 Tbs. grated Parmesan cheese
Fresh ground pepper (garnish)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Sprinkle inside of tomato "cups" with
salt and set aside to drain on paper towels for 15 minutes. Combine
remaining ingredients, except pepper, in a bowl. Stuff each tomato cup
with breadcrumb mixture. Sprinkle with pepper. Bake 10 minutes, then
broil 30-60 seconds until lightly browned. Serve warm.

Broccoli with Lemon
1 pound fresh broccoli, trimmed, washed, and cut into flowerets
3 Tbsp. chicken or vegetable broth
1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice
2 Tbsp. finely grated lemon rind
2 tsp. olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Steam fresh broccoli over boiling water or in microwave until tender
but still crisp. Drain, cover to keep warm, and set aside. Combine
remaining ingredients in a large bowl. Whisk to thoroughly combine.
Add cooked broccoli to sauce and toss together. Garnish with lemon
slices.

Delicious Cherry Cheesecake
Prepare cheesecake the night before your big event and keep chilled
until ready to serve.
1.5 pounds fat free cream cheese, softened at room temperature
3/4 cup sugar
2 tsp. vanilla extract
3 eggs
1 nine-inch graham cracker pie crust
1 can cherry pie filling
Light whipped topping (garnish option)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Blend together first 3 ingredients with
an electric mixer until smooth. Add eggs one at a time, combining each
one before adding the next. Blend well. Pour cream cheese mixture into
pie crust. Bake 45 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool.
Refrigerate 3 hours or overnight. Top with cherry pie filling and a
dollop of whipped topping just before serving.

Mary's Angel

2006-12-27T19:12:00.000+08:00

source: Right to the Heart
By Rebekah Montgomery

A little over 2000 years ago, God sent an angel named Gabriel with an
extraordinary announcement to a young woman named Mary in the town of
Nazareth.

What do we know about Mary? We know that in First Century Israel,
girls were betrothed as soon as they became women - at 12 or 13 years
old. So we can guess that Mary was very young.

And there's something else interesting about Mary: Her name literally
means "bitter" or "bitterness." That's significant because Jewish
parents chose names for their children based upon what they hoped for
their child or how they felt about it.

So why would parents name a child "bitter"? Because the child was a
girl, not a boy.

Keeping that in mind, listen to Gabriele's greeting to Mary:
"Greetings you who are highly favored, the Lord is with you." (Luke
1:28)

To a young girl whose name meant bitterness, these were strange words.
But Gabriel's message reveals so much about the tender care of the
Heavenly Father: His Word touches the deepest hurt of the human heart.

To Mary, the angel said, "You are not a mistake. God planned that you
would be born a girl so you could be the mother of His Son."

If we could truly see into the realm of the angels, those who are
disappointed and bitter would see that the very thing they thought
ruined their life is meant to bless others. They would see the truth
that Mary grasped when she proclaimed, "From now on all generations
will call me blessed." (Luke 1:41)

"I Believe in You!" The Power of Encouragement in Marriage

2006-12-27T19:11:00.000+08:00

source:crosswalk/
The Smalley Relationship Center

"I Believe in You!" The Power of Encouragement in Marriage
Dr. Greg Smalley
One of the greatest gifts you can give your mate is to believe in his
or her dreams. What a difference you can make if you always treat your
mate not as he might be at that moment, but as you know he can be.

But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called
"Today," …

— Hebrews 3:13

"I've hit the wall!" That was my first thought when I felt an intense
tingling throughout my body. "This can't be happening now!" I pleaded
with myself, "I still have eight miles to go!" But with each step, my
body engaged in a war with my mind. On one side of the battle was that
I had dreamed and trained for six months to complete a marathon. On
the other side, however, was my body. At the eighteen mile marker I
began to experience severe cramping in my calves.

My wife, Erin, found me at the next mile marker. Expecting to see me
running along joyously, her first thought was that I was injured.
After explaining my dilemma, all I could think about was quitting. In
my mind, if I had to walk the remaining distance, my dream of
"running" a marathon was over. As I struggled with each step, Erin
said something I'll never forget: "I believe in you!"

Looking back on the experience, Erin's encouragement seemed so simple.
"I believe in you." I've heard her use those words many times before.
But at that moment, during a time in which I felt so defeated, her
words were like a burst of energy.

The rest of the race looked like a scene out of a Rocky movie. With
each agonizing step, Erin was by my side. Some friends and family who
were watching even joined in the long walk. However, as we reached the
twenty-fourth mile, I couldn't endure walking any longer. If I was
going to finish the race, I had to start running. After several yards,
my calves began functioning again and I was able to jog. Finally,
after 26.6 long miles, Erin and I crossed the finish line together.
She believed in me.

The Power of Believing in Your Spouse

One of the greatest gifts you can give your mate is to believe in his
or her dreams. As the pressures of life intensify, sometimes the
difference between going after a dream and remaining passive is having
someone say, "I believe in you!" If it's your desire to become an
encouragement for your spouse, I suggest you answer two important
questions.

1. What are your mate's dreams? The first step -- learn what your
spouse is dreaming about. What specific things motivate him in life?
What does she want to accomplish in her lifetime? During a road trip,
Erin and I made a list of all the things we wanted to complete before
we die. As Erin talked, I was amazed at the diversity of her dreams. I
had no idea she even dreamt about some of those things. Understanding
your mate's goals is a great way to deepen your intimacy.

2. What stands in his or her way? After hearing about your mate's
dreams, it's important to determine what might inhibit realizing those
goals. Is it a lack of confidence? Maybe she doesn't know where to
begin? Whatever the reason, I encourage you to find out and assist him
or her to overcome those barriers.

As I discovered while running the marathon, when someone believes in
you, there's no limit to what can be accomplished. However, a goal is
only a dream until someone makes it a reality. And that reality
sometimes begins with a simple word of encouragement. What a
difference you can make if you always treat your mate not as he might
be at that moment, but as you know he can be.

(c) Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

NEWS: Persecutions on Christans in Eritrea

2006-12-27T19:10:00.000+08:00

Eritrea Imposes New Controls on Orthodox Church
source: Special to Compass Direct News
Nine Samaritan's Purse employees jailed in Asmara.

LOS ANGELES – The government of Eritrea wrested financial and
personnel control away from the Eritrean Orthodox Church last week,
the day after security police jailed nine staff of a Christian aid
agency.

In an ultimatum delivered to the church's Asmara headquarters on
December 5, the state demanded that all offerings and tithes collected
through the Orthodox Church be deposited directly into a government
account.

According to the unilateral order, effective immediately the monthly
salaries of all Orthodox priests are to be paid out from this
government-controlled fund of church income.

In a related policy, the government also announced new limits for the
number of priests to be allowed to serve in each parish throughout the
country.

The order specified that any "extra" priests beyond this quota who are
now serving in any given parish would be required to report to the
Wi'a Military Training Center, to perform their required military
service.

The leadership of the Eritrean Orthodox Church has reportedly accepted
the government demands, forwarding formal notice of the new
regulations to every Orthodox parish in the country.

Ignoring church canons, the regime of President Isaias Afwerki removed
the church's ordained Patriarch Abune Antonios from office in August
2005 and placed him under house arrest. After installing a lay
administrator, the government then put forward Abune Dioscoros as
Antonios' unofficial successor.

The Catholic Church of Eritrea reportedly continues to reject
government demands to curtail their staff of priests or send them to
military service.

Samaritan's Purse Staff Arrested
At the same time, Asmara sources have confirmed that 10 days ago
security officials arrested nine truck drivers working for Samaritan's
Purse, an international aid agency ordered to leave the country last
month.

Eritrean authorities intercepted the men on December 4 as they were
driving toward the Eritrean-Sudanese border, where Samaritan's Purse
had projects assisting the nomadic Beja tribe.

A U.S.-based evangelical Christian organization, Samaritan's Purse is
the 11th international aid group expelled from Eritrea this year.
Officials in Asmara insist that these expulsions are simply protecting
the country from the aid dependency rife across Africa.

The detained drivers, most of them known to be evangelical Christians,
remain under arrest in Police Station No. 6 in Asmara.

Gospel Singer Released
Local evangelical Christians report that Gospel singer Helen Berhane,
released in late October after more than two years in jail for
refusing to recant her faith, is recuperating at her home in Asmara.

No reason was given for Berhane's release, although she was
transferred into emergency hospital care for several days earlier in
October, shortly after undergoing a new round of beatings.

"She is extremely strong spiritually, and in high spirits," one
Christian who visited her last month declared. Still in a wheelchair,
Berhane was severely injured in her right leg by beatings and
bruisings inflicted by her captors.

A member of the Kidrane Mehrete Fellowship, Berhane was arrested on
May 13, 2004, shortly after releasing a Christian music album that
proved popular among Eritrean youth. Jailed at the Mai Serwa Military
Camp, she was never charged or put on trial.

"She spent most of her detention in inhuman and degrading conditions
inside a metal shipping container which was used as a prison cell,"
Amnesty International wrote in a November 3 statement reporting her
release. "The authorities reportedly tortured her many times to make
her recant her faith."

Although Berhane reportedly knew that the world had heard about her
plight and that Christians were praying for her, local Christians told
Compass that they assumed she had been ordered not to talk about her
imprisonment after her release.

"Of course we've had no contact with her, because that's extremely
risky for somebody who's just released from prison," Horn of Africa
researcher Dr. Martin Hill of Amnesty International told the British
Broadcasting Corporation on November 4.

In an interview with Agence France-Presse the previous day, Eritrean
Foreign Minister Ali Abdu denied any knowledge of Berhane's case.

Instead, he criticized Amnesty International for its massive campaign
on her behalf, saying, "Who is accountable for them, and who has given
them the right to be the global police of this world?" Abdu said. "I
am not saying it is a lie . . . but we do not even give them
recognition," the minister said.

Designated by the U.S. State Department as one of the worst violators
of religious freedom in the world, the Eritrean government flatly
denies the allegations.

In ongoing crackdowns since May 2002, Eritrea has banned all
independent religious groups not under the umbrella of the
government-sanctioned Orthodox, Catholic, Lutheran or Muslim faiths.
Serious restrictions against these four recognized religions have also
escalated in the past 18 months.

More than 2,000 Eritrean citizens are known to be jailed solely for
their religious beliefs, some for several years. Most are routinely
subjected to torture and severe pressure to either recant or remain in
prison.

Copyright 2006 Compass Direct News

QUOTES: Christmas, Serving Others

2006-12-27T19:03:00.000+08:00

Hi!, thought i'd share the quotes we're going to have printed on our
church bulletin tomorrow :)

"The best minute you spend is the one you invest in people."
Ken Blanchard

"We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give."
Winston Churchill

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
~Charles Dickens

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a
happy family all wrapped up in each other.
~Burton Hillis

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
~Roy L. Smith

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.
~Mary Ellen Chase

Top 5 Reasons to Love A.M. Exercise

2006-12-27T19:00:00.000+08:00

hi, thought maybe you'd find this interesting,
this is from sparkmail.
also, the Sparks website offers lots of programs and tips on
health,excercise, etc.

Top 5 Reasons to Love A.M. Exercise

Exercising early in the morning "jump starts" your metabolism,
keeping it elevated for hours, sometimes for up to 24 hours! As a
result, you'll be burning more calories all day long--just because
you exercised in the morning.

Exercising in the morning energizes you for the day--not to
mention that gratifying feeling of virtue you have knowing you've
done something disciplined and good for you. (Much better than a
worm!)

Studies have shown that exercise significantly increases mental
acuity--a benefit that lasts four to ten hours after your workout
ends. Exercising in the a.m. means you get to harness that
brainpower, instead of wasting it while you're snoozing.

Assuming you make exercise a true priority, it shouldn't be a
major problem to get up 30 to 60 minutes earlier--especially since
regular exercise generally means a higher quality of sleep, which
in turn means you'll probably require less sleep. (If getting up 30
to 60 minutes earlier each day seems too daunting, you can ease
into it with 10 to 20 minutes at first.)

When you exercise at about the same time every
morning--especially if you wake up regularly at about the same
time--you're regulating your body's endocrine system and
circadian rhythms. Your body learns that you do the same thing
just about every day, and it begins to prepare for waking and
exercise several hours before you actually open your eyes.
Exercise Extra: More than 90% of those who exercise consistently
have a morning fitness routine. If you want to exercise on a
regular basis, the odds are in your favor if you squeeze your
workout into the a.m.

“Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room”

2006-12-27T18:57:00.000+08:00

personal/ministry resource from Crosswalk
Bonita Lillie, P31 She Speaks Conference Graduate

Key Verse:

Luke 2:6-7, "While she was there, the time came for the baby to be
born, and she gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped him in
clothes and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them
in the inn. (NIV)

Devotion:
No room in the inn? As a former maternity nurse, I can't imagine such
a thing. No matter how full the hospital might be, we could always
find one more bed for a woman giving birth. Yet, when our Savior was
about to appear the world hung out a "no vacancy" sign, refusing to
welcome Him. I could easily condemn those folks, except for the fact
that I did the exact same thing one year.

It was one of those years, the kind loaded with heartache and trials,
the kind we would rather forget. After a long arduous year, I found
myself completely lacking in Christmas spirit. I didn't want to
decorate or get a tree; my daughter did those things. I wouldn't
bake cookies or sing carols. Even buying gifts didn't arouse the
usual thrill. I was numb. I really just wanted Christmas to come and
go and be done with it.

One morning as I sat gazing at the Christmas tree I wondered why I
felt this way. Gently, the Lord spoke to my heart, "You have no room
in your heart for me." I softly cried as one by one, the Lord
revealed the ugly things filling up the chambers of my heart, keeping
Christ at bay:

Busyness - Can't we all relate to this one? Life can become so busy
and crowded. That year I was a full time wife, full time mom, full
time homemaker, full time homeschool teacher, part time nurse, part
time writing instructor, and so much more. All of these things
crowded in, crowding Jesus out. My life became one big "to do" list
and I lived my list, by not my life.

Anger, bitterness, and disappointment - We experienced the kiss of
Judas that year, as a dear friend betrayed us, resulting in a major
financial setback. My trust in fellow Christians was shattered.
Unfortunately, I closed the door to the trusting part of my heart,
padlocked it, and refused to let anyone in, not even Jesus.

Pain and sorrow - Matthew 16:24 says: "If anyone would come after me,
he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." I learned
what that meant that year as one by one I nailed my dreams to a cross
and watched them die. Then I shut the door to the morgue and said,
"No new dreams, Jesus."

Doubt and unbelief - At some point, faith and hope packed up and left,
leaving behind two unwelcome twins, doubt and unbelief. They are
unpleasant guests as they constantly scream, "Will things ever get
better?"

Selfishness and self-pity - I didn't realize how much room I occupied
in my heart until I had to exchange my will for they will. Ouch!
Suddenly, life became all about preserving me, forget opening my heart
to others.

That Christmas I served some eviction notices to those things in my
heart that kept me from God. Now I want the Lord to fill not only a
room of my heart, but the whole thing, every nook, cranny, and
crevice.

How about you? Is there room in your inn for Jesus? He doesn't
require fancy accommodations. He's just looking for the welcome mat.
Let every heart prepare Him room!

Prayer for Today:

Father, forgive me for becoming so entangled with the world that I
miss out on You. Help me, Lord, to squarely face and submit to You
the problems that keep me from enjoying Your wonderful presence. Fill
my heart with Your life giving spirit. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

How to worship when you are wounded

2006-12-27T18:54:00.000+08:00

How to worship when you are wounded
source:RWMT

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Job's story is in the Bible for one question. Will I worship God if
everything goes wrong in my life?

Everybody goes through wounding experiences in life – even
those of us in ministry. Whether these wounds are physical,
spiritual, emotional, or relational, they're either in your life now
or they're coming. So what do we do when we're wounded?
Worship. It's the only antidote to our pain.

Job is a great example of this. He lost everything – his wealth,
family, friends, and health – in a 24-hour period. In one day, Job
goes from a hero to a zero. Throughout the book of Job we see a
man who is deeply wounded: physically, emotionally, and
relationally. Yet the book also tells the story of how Job
worshiped God instead of becoming bitter.

How do you do that? How do you connect with God during a crisis
in your life? Many of you had a crisis this week. Others have been
carrying around wounds your entire life and haven't been able to
get rid of them. To worship in the midst of this pain, you need to:

1. Grieve. Tell God exactly how you feel. You need to unload all
of your feelings. When you share your feelings with God, when
you trust him with your pain, you're worshiping – even when
those feelings are negative.

Job expressed his pain to God. Job 1:20 (CEV) says: "Job stood
up, he tore his robe in grief, shaved his head, and he fell to the
ground and worshiped." In the ancient Middle East, that's what
people did when they wanted to express frustration, anger, or
deep grief – they tore their clothes.

God did not make our bodies to handle negative emotions. God
never designed them that way. When we swallow our emotions,
our stomach keeps score.

So the first thing you do when you experience pain in life is
confess it. Tell God you don't like what happened – it stinks! Don't
worry. God can handle it.

2. Praise God. After you grieve, praise God in spite of your
circumstances. Don't thank God for your problems, but thank him
in the midst of your problems.

Job's story is in the Bible for one question. Will I worship God if
everything goes wrong in my life? Would you? It's easy to
worship God when everything's going your way. It's easy to be a
fair weather believer.

But what happens when everything goes badly in your life?
Would you still trust God? That's the ultimate test of faith. You're
going to be tested. That's guaranteed. At some point in your life,
everything is going to fall apart.

Yet there's a lot you can praise God for even when life is bleak. I
used to think life was mountains and valleys – highs and lows. But
the longer I live, the more I realize that's not reality. There's
never a time in your life when everything is perfect. And there's
never a time in your life when everything is bad. Actually, life is
more like two rails on a railroad track. One of them is the good
things in your life and the other one of them is the bad. You get
both all the time.

Job chose to thank God in spite of his pain – and so can you.

3. Ask God for wisdom and strength. When we're wounded, more
than anything else we need wisdom and strength – to know what
to do and to get the power to do it. Throughout his story, Job
depended on God for wisdom and strength.

You don't think straight when you are wounded. You start thinking
goofy thoughts, such as retaliating and getting revenge. You need
wisdom. The Bible says this: "True wisdom and real power
belong to God. From him we learn how to live and also what to
live for." (Job 12:13 MSG)

You also need strength – the power to do the right thing. Psalm
37:39 says, "The Lord saves good people and he is their strength
in times of trouble." (NCV)

I don't know what kind of problem you're going through right
now, but I do know that God is waiting to strengthen you. When
you become a follower of Jesus Christ, you have the exact same
problems before you became a follower of Jesus. You're not
exempt! But now you have God's wisdom and strength available
to you – so ask him for it!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you haven't learned how to share your pain, you'll never get
well. You'll hurt the rest of
your life.

Rick Warren
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. Gather with others for support. God doesn't want you to
worship by yourself. You were never meant to handle all your
pain – and all of your wounds – alone. If you haven't learned how
to share your pain, you'll never get well. You'll hurt the rest of
your life.

Here's the problem: When we're wounded, it is human nature to
withdraw. When we get hurt, we put up barriers. We put up
boundaries. We put up walls. We pull back into a shell. We lock
ourselves into self-imposed prisons. That's just stupid. You're
never going to get well until you learn to open up again.

That's why even pastors need to be in a small group – a group of
others in ministry and a group in your church. A recent survey
said that 25 percent of Americans say they have no close friends
to depend on. If you don't need a small group, you will. You're
going to need people who are committed to you that when
everything drops out of your life, they'll still be there.

5. Keep on going. Did you know that keeping on keeping on is
actually an act of worship? In Job 2, Job's wife suggested that he
"curse God and die." She suggests her husband end his pain on
the spot by killing himself. But Job refuses. Instead he says,
Though he [God] slay me yet will I trust him."

That is the ultimate statement of faith. When all looked doomed,
Job trusted God and kept going.

What gave Job that kind of depth? In Job 19:25, Job says, "I know
that my redeemer lives and that in the end he will stand upon the
earth." Job expected a coming savior, a redeemer.

Any pain you have is relatively short compared to eternity. One
day, if you've put your trust in God and in his redeemer, then
you'll live with him forever in eternity. And there will be no more
pain there, and no more suffering, and no more sorrow. So hang
on by not looking at the here and now but by remembering what
God has planned for you in eternity.

Those of us in ministry are not exempt from pain. Whether you're
experiencing pain because of unfair criticism, exhaustion, or
even a problem you caused yourself, or if there is pain from your
past that you've never dealt with, please don't ignore it. Don't let
it rob your ministry and block the worship you should be giving
God. Deal with it today. Grieve for the pain that's in your life.
Praise God in the midst of the pain. Ask God for wisdom and
strength. Gather with others for support. And keep on keeping on.

Remember, your redeemer lives!

source: RWMT

A Broken Spirit for God

2006-12-27T18:50:00.000+08:00

A Broken Spirit for God
Chip Ingram
source: crosswalk

Moses saw the suffering of his people and felt compelled to intervene.
David heard the taunts of a giant and was stirred to action. Esther
was informed of a plot to exterminate her people and took a huge risk.
Nehemiah heard a report about the condition of Jerusalem and his
broken heart drove him to prayer and action.

Do you see a common theme? All of these examples of faith began with a
huge need that broke someone's heart and moved that person to action.

The Bible is full of examples of this dynamic. God's people, stirred
with compassion or overwhelmed with desperation, repeatedly come to
him with an enormous problem. They see that all is not right, and they
can't be content to do nothing. Though they all lived in a world where
people say ?it's not my problem,? they couldn't live with that
attitude. The heart God had put within them had to act.

That's what it takes to make a difference in this world. Even in the
Walk Thru the Bible network of instructors, I can think of person
after person whose broken spirit became a catalyst for a powerful move
of God.

One of my favorite examples is a church begun years ago in Cairo's
large community of garbage collectors. Our regional director for the
Middle East and his father were instrumental in its founding. For
years it met in an obscure cave. It still meets there, but the cave is
no longer obscure; the side of the mountain has been carved out and
the open-air seating accommodates about 5,000 people. That community
of garbage collectors has been radically transformed because some
Christians saw a need and made significant sacrifices to fulfill it.

Keys to a Broken Spirit

It's easy to become desensitized to others' needs, especially in the
society we live in. On one hand, our culture emphasizes comfort and
success and offers plenty of opportunities to insulate ourselves from
the hurts of this world. We easily become self-focused. On the other
hand, global media technology gives us a constant stream of images of
the destitute, whether they live in our inner city or in a country
twelve time zones away. We see so many needs that we become
desensitized to all of them.

There are three keys to developing a broken spirit, and we can see
them all in the prayer of a man whose heart grieved for his homeland.
Nehemiah heard how the captives who had returned to Jerusalem from
Babylon were living in a devastated, vulnerable city. His response to
what he heard fulfilled God's purposes and left us with a great
example of how God inspires His people to action.

A broken spirit begins with a restored view of God. Nehemiah had been
living in a foreign land among foreign gods, but he addressed his
prayer to the ?God of heaven, the great and awesome God? who keeps His
covenants. A broken spirit knows how high and holy God is and doesn't
try to make Him a self-help genie. Like Isaiah before him, who saw God
and was filled with awe, Nehemiah bowed low because he understood the
greatness of the One he served.

Not only does a broken spirit involve a high view of God, it involves
an accurate view of ourselves. In his grief, Nehemiah felt compelled
to confess the sins of the nation. Even though he was a godly man, he
repented on behalf of himself and his people as a whole.

When we get near to God, we realize we're not doing nearly as well as
we thought. We have mixed motives and self-centered plans, and most of
what we think and do is tainted with impurity. We're also reminded
that the world was here a long time before us and will continue to be
a long time after we're gone, and God's kingdom isn't hinging on our
ability to step in and save the day.

That goal of a broken spirit isn't to feel terrible about ourselves.
We're significant and valuable in God's eyes, and He invites us to be
an integral part of His plan. But while an accurate view of ourselves
shouldn't make us feel horrible, it should also keep us from thinking
too highly of our role. We're reminded that we need the grace God
gives us.

The third aspect of a broken spirit is a renewed commitment to fulfill
God's agenda rather than our own. Nehemiah appealed to God's
promises-the covenant He had made with Israel long ago in Deuteronomy.
His request is filled with references to God's plan, God's agenda,
God's power, and the reputation of God's name.

After Nehemiah had prayed with a broken spirit-for four months,
according to some clues later in the book-God used him as part of the
solution. That's almost always the way it works. Nearly every great
movement of God or project that has brought about relief of human need
and the fulfillment of God's will has begun with one man or woman who
cared deeply enough to hear God's voice and then stepped out to do
something. God works through broken spirits.

Broken Spirit, Powerful God

Do you want your life to have an impact? Do you want to be a person
God strongly supports? God must work in us before He works through us,
and one of the ways He works through us is to let our hearts be broken
over the things we see. He uses our compassions to drive us into deep
levels of prayer and to stir us into action for His purposes and in
His power.

If you are willing to stand in the gap like Nehemiah did-to let your
heart be moved by the will of God-ask God to show you a need and to
give you a vision for how to meet that need. Ask Him to reveal where
in His kingdom He is calling you to build. And ask Him for a broken
spirit and a bold faith that will invite His power and purposes into
your life.

"A Cup of Christmas COCOA"

2006-12-27T18:47:00.000+08:00

Encouragement for Today
source: crosswalk

"A Cup of Christmas COCOA"

Tracie Miles, Proverbs 31 Ministries Speaker

Key Verse:

Matthew 2: 11, "On coming to the house, they saw the child with his
mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened
their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense
and of myrrh. (NIV)

Devotion:

One of the things I adore about the holiday season is hot cocoa. Who
doesn't feel warm and snuggly while sipping on a steaming cup of cocoa
with marshmallows or whip cream piled on top? The word 'COCOA' can
be used to help us remember the important aspects of Christmas,
reminding us of the happiness and warmth we can enjoy being a part of
God's family.

C – CHRIST

Matthew 1:18 This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His
mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came
together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.
Jesus Christ is the reason for the season. Remember to spend as much
time searching for God's truth, as you do searching for that perfect
gift. Christ IS Christmas – there is no Christmas without Christ.
During this season, share the gift that Christ has given you with
someone else.

O – ORNAMENTS
1 Peter 3:3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such
as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.
Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. Do
you spend more time fretting over whether or not your house could be
featured in the holiday edition of Southern Living, than whether or
not your inner spirit is adorned with God's love and compassion for
those in need? Put a stronger focus on blessing others this holiday
season.

C – CHEERFULLY CELEBRATE THE SEASON
Proverbs 15:13 A happy heart makes a face look cheerful. But a sad
heart produces a broken spirit. As the gift list grows, the budget
drains, and the calendar fills, it is easy to get discouraged. And
although Christmas is meant to be a joyous season, many people also
struggle during the holidays with depression and discouragement.
Despite the reasons that you might feel discouraged during this time
of year, focus on how much you are loved as a dear and precious child
of God. The holidays are merely a season, but God's love and
compassion for His children is permanent. Now that is something to
celebrate!

O – OVERJOYED not OVERWHELMED
Matthew 2:10 –12 The shepherds saw the star, and they were overjoyed –
they were overcome with delight, awe, motivation, encouragement, love
for God – they were overwhelmed with the gift of life. Think of a time
when you were overjoyed- the birth of a child, a graduation, a
wedding, a beautiful sunrise, sparkling white beaches, a baptism.
Your feeling of happiness was likely so overwhelming, that tears
filled your eyes, you had a lump in your throat, or your heart was
beating rapidly. For many Christmas-a-holics, we are overjoyed when we
kick off the holiday season, but overwhelmed by the middle of the
month! Try to find ways to remind yourself each day of December to be
thankful for the birth of our Savior and overwhelmed by the blessings
that have been bestowed upon you, rather than being overwhelmed with
your holiday to-do lists or personal issues.

A – ABUNDANCE
Jude :2 ..mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance.

Whenever I think of Christmas morning, from my childhood to the
present, the word ABUNDANCE comes to mind. As soon as the sun rises
on December 25th, until it sets in the evening, we are bombarded with
an abundance of presents, candy, baked goods, fruit, and other
delectable foods. But these things are temporary. What we really
yearn for is the abundant life promised to us in God's word. Our true
heart's desire is for mercy, peace and love, not just on Christmas
day, but every day throughout each year.

The next time you are in the mood for a hot cup of steaming cocoa, I
pray that you will be reminded of this devotion. As the warmth of
the cocoa trickles down your throat, allow the warmth of God's love to
pour into your heart, and then pour that love out abundantly onto
others.

My Prayer For Today:

Dear Lord, thank You for giving us the gift of your son, so that we
could have eternal life with You. Please help us not to get so caught
up in the earthly celebrations of Christmas that we forget to
celebrate Christ. Grant us joy and peace this season and into the
future. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Additional Resources:

The Adventure of Christmas by Lisa Whelchel

The P31 Woman Magazine

Listen to Today's Radio Show

Application Steps:

Determine how you will honor Christ this Christmas and make your
schedule accordingly.

Reflection Points:

Do I spend more time and effort on decorating my home, or my heart?

Is my family focused on seasonal abundance, or spiritual abundance?

What can I do to help my family and others remember Christ as the
center of this season?

Power Verses:

Hebrews 4:16, "So let us boldly approach the throne of grace. Then we
will receive mercy. We will find grace to help us when we need it."
(NIV)

Psalm 136:2, "Give thanks to the God of gods, His love endures forever." (NIV)

Number 6:25-26, "The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious
to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." (NIV)

Live Your Dreams Now

2006-12-27T18:44:00.000+08:00

source: crosswalk

Live Your Dreams Now
Whitney Hopler
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer

Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical
applications of Shannon and Michael Primicerio's
soon-to-be-released book, Life. Now.: Overcoming the 10
obstacles that Derail Your Dreams, (Bethany House, 2007).

What dreams lie dormant in your heart? Whatever you wish you
could pursue someday isn't really out of your reach right now. If
you start making deliberate choices to pursue your dreams –
without waiting for your circumstances to change – you don't
have to wait to see your dreams begin to come true.

So don't wait for someday. Overcome obstacles standing in the
way and start living your dreams now! Here's how:

* Overcome fear. Know that, although it's natural to feel fear
about taking the risks necessary to pursue your dreams, giving
into your fear will stop your progress. Realize that God will give
you all the power you need to do whatever He is calling you to
do. Rely on Him for help, knowing that He never fails. Don't worry
about what other people think of your dreams, since doing so will
allow them to control your dreams. Feel free to seek counsel from
a few trustworthy people who are close to you, but dismiss critics
who don't have your best interests at heart. Ask God to give you
the courage to do what He wants you to do, no matter what others
think. Make whatever changes you need to make to stop playing
it safe and living in a rut. Move, change jobs, find a new church,
or do anything else to get you unstuck and on the road toward
where you want to go. Meet with a trusted friend, family member,
or pastor to honestly express your dreams and fears, and ask that
person to pray for you. Check back in with this person regularly as
you make progress toward fulfilling your dreams.

* Stop trying to earn other people's approval. Ask God to help you
be comfortable with the unique person He has made you to be.
Then be yourself, rather than the person others think you should
be. Expect that, somewhere along the way while you pursue your
dreams, you're going to lose the approval of some people close
to you. Don't worry about asking anyone except God for
permission to go after your dreams. Understand that sometimes,
in order to obey God, you'll need to disappoint other people. Ask
God to give you the confidence you need to move forward with
what He wants you to do, even when people you care about don't
support you. For one week, keep track of how you make your
decisions (both simple ones like where to go to dinner and
complicated ones like whether or not to take a certain job). As
you make each decision, write down whether you did what you
really wanted to do, or whether you did what you felt others
wanted you to do. Then, after the week is up, study your notes to
notice a pattern in your decision-making strategies. Going
forward, remember to choose what you want to do instead of
seeking other people's approval.

* Be willing to leave the comforts of home. Understand that
pursuing your dreams often requires venturing out beyond all
that's comfortable to you now. Don't let a love for the familiar
stand in the way of your dreams. If you live at home with your
parents, set a time for leaving and stick to it. Establish true
independence in your life. If you're stuck in a dead-end job, look
around for better opportunities and go after them. If a longtime
friend doesn't support your quest to fulfill your dreams, find some
new friends who will support you. If your current area doesn't
offer the resources you need to pursue your dreams, move to a
place that will better enable you to pursue them. Don't be afraid
to leave behind a way of life that you've been conditioned to
think is normal so you can discover something better. Leave small
thoughts behind and dream big.

* Trade average for excellent. Don't be satisfied with halfhearted
living. Recognize that in order to give your best to pursuing your
dreams, you need to be at your best as a person. Decide to live a
life of significance – one that makes the world a better place
because you lived. Ask God to use your ordinary life to
accomplish extraordinary purposes. Never stop learning. Take
care of your body through good nutrition and regular exercise so
it will serve you well as you go after your dreams. Remove clutter
from your home, office, and car so you can think more clearly and
use your time more productively. Write down your goals clearly
on flash cards, and review them regularly to keep them in the
forefront of your mind and stay on track. Find a photo of
something that represents a goal you have (such as a photo of an
island if you're dreaming of vacationing in Hawaii one day), and
place it somewhere relevant (such as by your ATM card to help
you remember to save). Celebrate whenever you make
accomplish something that moves you closer to your goals. Every
day, spend time with God in prayer about your dreams and your
progress toward them.

* Surrender a sense of control. Realize and accept the fact that
you can't control many things that happen to you. Whenever you
encounter frustration and disappointment as you pursue your
dreams, identify what your feelings are and face them with grace,
trusting in the fact that God is still working out good purposes in
your life. Don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Know that,
although you can't always change your circumstances, you can
always change your attitude in response to them. Pray for the
Holy Spirit to help you grow in the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,
and self-control. Let go of the way you think things should
happen, and trust God to guide you through His best plans for
your life. Resist the temptation to be jealous of others who are
seeing their dreams come true while you're still waiting. Simply
remind yourself of all you do have to be thankful for, and keep
moving forward toward your goals.

* Start where you are. Don't wait for a certain time or situation to
start going after your dreams. Start right now, right in your current
circumstances. Be creative about maximizing your time. Know
that if you invest even small amounts of time toward reaching
your dreams, over the long haul your investment will pay off in a
big way. Whenever you have idle time, fill it in productive ways
(such as by listening to Scripture on your commute to work). Don't
let seemingly urgent things like household chores and checking
e-mail distract you from what's most important. Make sure that
you're focusing on important tasks – ones that will help your
dreams come true – first, and just fit all the "urgent" tasks in as
you can. Establish and grow relationships with key people who
can help you fulfill your dreams. Pray for God to lead you to a
mentor or two and place the right people alongside you at the
right times as you go after your dreams. Don't wait for all the
pieces of a plan to make perfect sense to you before moving
forward if you sense God calling you to do so; be willing to take
steps of faith as He leads you.

* Use money to fund your progress. Recognize that you'll need to
spend money to pursue most of your dreams. Don't let financial
constraints prevent you from following your dreams. Instead, think
and pray about a plan to make money available, over time, to
fund your progress. Get and stay out of debt to free up cash to use
for pursuing your dreams, such as starting your own business or
going back to school to earn a certain degree. Set up a budget
and stick to it so you don't overspend. If you're not bringing in
enough income, start looking for a second job or a new primary
job that pays more. Set short- and long-term financial goals. Save
as much as you can, tithe faithfully, and give generously.

* Stay motivated. Remind yourself often of the reasons why you're
making sacrifices and working hard to pursue your dreams. Paint
a vivid mental picture of what you want your life to be like after
you've achieved your goals. Write out a plan for how to make
your dreams realities and move forward with that plan while
inviting God to edit your plan as He sees fit. Dream lavishly and
expect God to do even more than you could ever imagine or ask.
Ask Him to keep encouraging you as you follow His dreams for
your life.

* Follow through. Be persistent when you face challenges on your
way to fulfilling your dreams. Don't grumble about difficulties;
instead, be thankful that you have the gift of each new day to
keep making progress. Try to enjoy the journey as much as the
destination. Be prepared for trials and tragedies that will
inevitably threaten to derail your dreams. When you encounter
them, depend on the hope that Jesus offers and keep working to
make progress as you can. Don't let your mistakes or failures
cause you to give up. Stay focused on your vision, keep working
hard, and continue to trust God.

* Keep seeking God's will. Constantly check in with God to make
sure your dreams align with His will for your life. Spend time with
Him daily in prayer. Regularly read, study, and meditate on
passages of the Bible. Participate in a church and a small group
to build relationships with trusted friends who can help you
discern where God is leading you. Make your relationship with
God your highest priority in life. Know that if you seek God
Himself first – before your dreams – then your dreams will fall into
place.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adapted from Life. Now.: Overcoming the 10 Obstacles that Derail
Your Dreams, copyright 2007 by Shannon and Michael Primicerio.
Published by Bethany House Publishers (a division of Baker
Publishing Group), Bloomington, Mn., www.bethanyhouse.com.
Shannon Kubiak Primicerio is the author of The Divine Dance,
God Called a Girl, and the BEING A GIRL... series. A popular
national retreat speaker, Shannon has also been featured in such
media outlets as PBS's Religion and Ethics Newsweekly and Time
magazine. She has a B.A. in Journalism and a minor in Biblical
Studies from Biola University.

Michael Primicerio has served as a youth pastor's assistant for
three years. He has discipled teenage boys and taught at youth
camps, high school chapels, and in a regular youth group setting.
He attended Calvary Chapel Bible College, including time abroad
in Israel.

Holidays Not Always Happy For Ministers' Wives

2006-12-27T18:41:00.000+08:00

Holidays Not Always Happy For Ministers' Wives, Panel Says
Written by Chris Turner
source: lifeway

NASHVILLE, Tenn., 11/27/06 -- Shirley Cross knows what it's like to not be "Patty Perfect" - and still survive.

"It's been an interesting season each year to go through because each year brings the different stresses," said Cross, a pastor's wife, employee of LifeWay Christian Resources, former missionary and mother of two. "How do you handle prioritizing the church parties and the family time? Issues with going to see family also was always a stress because you had to find time. And a lot of times, you not only had the concern about 'is there time to go,' but [also] 'is something going to happen with a church member in the church' [when you leave]?"

The last six weeks of every year are supposed to be the most festive times of the year, especially for Christians. Families gather for big Thanksgiving meals and just weeks later gather again to celebrate the birth of Christ.

The herald angel ushered in Jesus' arrival with, "Behold, I bring you good news of great joy." Unfortunately, many times for ministers' wives, the only good news they hear during the holiday season is that they have almost made it through to January. The stress of balancing the realities of their lives against the expectations of other people can sap them of the great joy they long to experience during the holidays.

Cross was part of a panel discussion recently recorded for an episode of Inside LifeWay (found at LifeWay.com/InsideLifeWay), the official news podcast of LifeWay Christian Resources. Cross joined Barney Self, Chris Adams and Inside LifeWay host Brooklyn Noel to discuss the great stress ministers' wives face around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Self is a licensed family counselor and a member of LifeWay's pastoral ministries team. Adams is the women's enrichment and ministers' wives specialist in the training and events area of LifeWay's church resources division. She formerly served as a special ministries coordinator at Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas.

Ministers' wives often feel the pressure to be "Patty Perfect" during the holiday season, being the perfect hostess or guest, or providing the perfect gift - for everybody. Unfortunately, while ministers' wives may be smiling on the outside, the panel said, inside they are "probably screaming," hoping to survive until January.

"They cannot always afford to go and visit family, or because of church responsibilities they're not able to leave and go be with family," Adams said. "So sometimes it can be really lonely for them.

"There is also the issue of finances," she said. "Who do you buy presents for? Do you try to have something at your home, a little gift of some sort to give to those who come by your home? Where do you stop the gifts? Is it with other staff members? Is it with other congregation members?"

Adams also said the expectation to be at so many Sunday school parties or other gatherings can be a financial burden for those ministers' families with smaller children, which translates into a considerable expense for babysitting. Self said the expectations "are ubiquitous."

"There is a significant need for ministers' wives and ministers to show a graceful balance and say, 'yes, we love you but no, we are not coming to your party,'" Self said. "That is a way to affirm those who are inviting but it is also a way to draw the line as well.

"I think the ministers themselves can help their wives by defining for the church what's appropriate," Self added. "Very often the minister doesn't do that. He just sort of plays a passive role and takes it as it comes. Which means he brings home the list of Sunday school parties and there's an expectation that they're going to go to all of them."

Cross acknowledged wives have the fear that people don't want to hear "no." She said ministers' wives often fall prey to wanting to be people pleasers and fear saying no will offend church members. But, she said, saying "no" is a learning process, and one that is a necessity if wives are going to enjoy the season and help create a meaningful time for their own families.

"In order for balance to occur there needs to be an awareness of both sets of needs and expectations," Self said. "If you try to meet all of the needs it will not work. Often ministers' wives ignore their own needs and focus on the needs of others. This is a set-up for trauma in the family of the minister."

Adams said church members can look for ways to minister to their ministers' families by praying for them and doing something special for ministers' wives to acknowledge their contribution to the ministry. Self added that this is a difficult time of the year emotionally for many people in the church and it adds extra stress on ministers and their families.

"I think it's critical for the ministry body to be lifted up in prayer … by the congregation and certainly by specific groups within the church that are really committed to the church life being the best it can be," he said. "I think bathing ministers and their families in prayer, especially during this season, is vital because the pressures on them are greater."

Visit LifeWay.com/InsideLifeWay to listen to the entire discussion or for a complete transcript.

NEWS: Embryo cloning gets the go-ahead

2006-12-27T18:37:00.000+08:00

Embryo cloning gets the go-ahead
Mark Davis and Mark Metherell
source: Religion news blog
December 7, 2006

AUSTRALIAN scientists will be able to clone human embryos for medical
research under legislation passed by Parliament which divided the
country's most senior politicians.

In a rare conscience vote, the House of Representatives passed the
controversial measures despite the Prime Minister urging MPs to vote
against the bill because it eroded some of society's most absolute
values.

The new Opposition Leader, Kevin Rudd, also opposed the legislation,
saying it crossed a fundamental ethical threshold by allowing human
life to be created for the purpose of scientific experimentation.

During his speech on the bill last night, Mr Rudd became emotional
when he recalled the suffering of his mother from Parkinson's disease:
"Mum died two years ago so she is not here to ask about this [bill]."

Despite prominent opponents, the bill passed by 20 votes.

The bill has been strongly supported by medical research organisations
because they say it widens the scope for eventual development of
treatments for crippling and lethal diseases.

The vote split both the Government and the Opposition because MPs were
free to vote according to their consciences rather than along party
lines.

John Howard was joined in voting against the bill by the Treasurer,
Peter Costello, the Deputy Prime Minister, Mark Vaile, the Health
Minister, Tony Abbott, as well as Mr Rudd and Labor MPs Peter Garrett,
Gavan O'Connor and Tony Burke.

Those in favour of the bill included cabinet ministers Brendan Nelson,
Julie Bishop, Ian Macfarlane, Alexander Downer and Philip Ruddock and
Labor frontbenchers Julia Gillard, Simon Crean, Jenny Macklin and
Wayne Swan.

Opponents failed in a last-ditch attempt to amend the bill to prohibit
use of foetal tissue for cloning, a measure critics said would mean
aborted female foetuses would be harvested to extract eggs for the
creation of embryos.

Speaking in the debate, Mr Howard said he had wrestled with the moral
issues at stake, trying to resolve the tension between the benefits of
medical research and the moral doubts over whether it was acceptable
to experiment on embryos.

But in the end he had not been convinced that the scientific evidence
justified changing the existing prohibition on so-called therapeutic
cloning.

"I think we live in an age where we have slid too far into
relativism," he said. "There must be some absolutes in our society."

Mr Rudd said: "I find it very difficult to support a legal regime
which allows creation of a form of human life with the single purpose
of allowing the conduct of experimentation. I am concerned with the
crossing of such an ethical threshold and where it may lead in the
long term."

The legislation would allow the cloning of embryos for research
through somatic cell nuclear transfer, commonly called therapeutic
cloning.

The House of Representatives vote follows a narrow one-vote majority
in the Senate in favour of the private member's bill introduced by the
former health minister Kay Patterson.

In a decision which shocked supporters of the legislation, Mr Costello
earlier yesterday spoke strongly against it. He said he was not
convinced by the legislation's 14-day limit on the life of cloned
embyros, which was a shifting line and one "I would not anchor
legislation on". Mr Costello supported the 2002 legislation allowing
stem cell research on embryos produced by IVF.

Mr Abbott, an avowed opponent of cloning, acknowledged that even
though he was opposed, he could not say how he would respond if the
process led to a treatment which could save a loved one.

Build your family before building a ministry

2006-12-08T12:29:00.000+08:00

by Ronnie Floyd

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I believe that building your family is more important than building
your ministry. ... Today it stands as probably the only legacy I will
ever see this side of heaven. I would not trade anything for it that
ministry offers.

Ronnie Floyd, pastor of First Baptist Church, Springdale, Ark.
and author of 10 Things Every Minister Needs to Know
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was a very young pastor in a growing church. I had my academic
degrees behind me and was engaged in my pastoral venture — hook, line,
and sinker! I was in my late 20s and had been married for just under
10 years. Josh was 4 or 5 years old and Nick was only 1 or 2 years
old. I was zooming and filled with life, vitality, and vision.

God was doing some marvelous things in our church. We had seen it come
alive with great passion and fire for evangelism. Everything was
growing.

Heaven was happening on Sunday, but trouble returned on Monday.
Meetings were dominant in the church world back then, and they seemed
to occur nightly and continuously for pastors in that season of
American church life. Jeana had been raised in a pastor's home, so she
understood the challenges of church and family to a degree, but I was
exhausted and my family was caught in the middle of it all.

I would hurry home around 5 p.m. in order to get back to an early
evening meeting with some committee or group of leaders. My family was
very young, and the church was growing. I knew this was taking its
toll on Jeana and me. The boys were way too young to feel it or know
it, but I was neglecting them due to all of the demands on my life.

One night on my journey home, I came to a stop sign. I believe I could
take you to it today. It was like the Holy Spirit spoke to me in that
still, small convicting voice. I am not sure what occurred, but I am
confident of what I told the Lord at that very moment. I said, "Lord,
I will stop sacrificing my family on the altar of ministry success."
That event and moment has shaped my life and family to this very day.
Had God not taught me that lesson at a young age, it might have been
catastrophic later in ministry, marriage, and life.

I believe that building your family is more important than building
your ministry. Not only have I believed it, I have lived it. Today it
stands as probably the only legacy I will ever see this side of
heaven. I would not trade anything for it that ministry offers.

As I have evaluated our journey in balancing marriage, family, and
ministry, I have narrowed the journey to seven values that we observed
in our family. These seven values were things we esteemed, believed
in, championed, and rewarded continually.

Value prayer
Since we are ministers, this sounds like something you would expect
another minister to say or try to prove he does, but make no mistake
about it: You will not succeed in marriage, family, and ministry
without prayer.

For at least two decades I have prayed Ephesians 6:10–18 – the armor
of God – over my family daily. I call their names out to God
specifically and then place the armor on them piece by piece. I do
this for all of our immediate family. We are in a war. Satan goes
after your family with great intensity. Therefore, stand your ground
in Jesus' name by placing the armor of God on your family in prayer
daily.

Also, we prayed with our children before they went to school every day
without exception. I encourage you to pray through the various crises
or situations you face as a family. Also, pray with your spouse
nightly. Jeana and I trade off nightly as to which one of us will pray
before we go to sleep.

Value marriage
The greatest thing you can do for your family is to have a spiritual
and enriching marriage relationship. If you want your children to make
the right decisions in life – especially in relationships – then you
have to have a healthy and godly relationship with your spouse.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you spend uninterrupted time with your mate consistently and
weekly, your mate and your children know that your family is more
important than your ministry.
Ronnie Floyd
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One way I do this is by taking Friday off every week to spend with
Jeana. I've done this ever since "the stop sign moment" I mentioned
earlier. It is our day, and I attempt to stay away from the office.
When you spend uninterrupted time with your mate consistently and
weekly, your mate and your children know that your family is more
important than your ministry.

Value church
The minister and his family need the church in their lives as much as
any other family needs the church. I always told the church when my
children were young, "Pray for my children to grow up loving Jesus and
the church." My children love Jesus and the church. Both Josh and Nick
married young ladies who love the church. Josh and Kate, as well as
Nick and Meredith, will raise children who love Jesus and the church,
beginning with Peyton.

Yet Josh and Nick always knew they came before the church. When Josh
was experiencing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to play in the
13-year-old World Series, I did not preach or attend a Sunday night
service which I had been scheduled to do.

In fact, the only game I ever remember missing was when I was asked to
preach to Promise Keepers in Washington, D.C. – before a million men.
I almost chose not to do it, but a friend advised me to talk to my
boys and ask them what they thought I should do. Both immediately
said, "Go do that!"

Value mentoring with gentle accountability
Teach your children to walk with Christ. Teach your children how to
have a daily time with God. Start when they first begin to read words.
Mentor them to lead and influence others to the degree of their
God-given giftedness.

Mentor them in their relationships as well. Do not let them become
culture-driven, but encourage them, in a godly way, to act differently
if God asks them to do so. At times I would intervene in my children's
relationships and re-direct them to others. Why? We knew if Satan
captured our children, it would happen through their friends or their
dating relationships.

Value consistency
Consistency builds godly children. Inconsistency builds the opposite.
You must be consistent in your leadership as a parent. You must be
consistent in your discipline. You must be consistently honest with
them as well. When you make a parenting or marital mistake (and you
will), admit it to your children.

Also, pick a time and develop a consistent time together with your
children. As our boys got older this became tougher, but we tried to
make Sunday at lunch a time when we would always go out somewhere or
stay at home and watch a football game together.

Value communication
Build a climate in your family where your children can tell you
anything. This means you let them finish without interruption or
explosion. Always affirm that you love them unconditionally. I still
tell my children, "I love you." I still kiss them on the cheek or the
neck, as well as embrace them. I let them know early on that they did
not have a bigger cheerleader than me. I believe beyond "I love you,"
the greatest words a dad can say to his children are the words, "I
believe in you."

Value vacations
Time away throughout the year is valuable to your family. In those
early years, it was limited due to finances. I believe it is also
important that as your children grow up you ensure that every vacation
is not going to be spent with other family. They need time with you
away from others.

One more time
Jeana and I are not perfect and do not have perfect children or a
perfect grandchild. However, what we do have is a healthy family, a
family full of love and grace. We want to be together.

I believe this can occur for any minister and his family if he values
the right things. Just one more time to set the record straight:
Building your family is more important than building your church!

Remember: "If anyone does not know how to manage his own household,
how will he take care of God's church?" (1 Tim. 3:5)

This article was adapted from Ronnie Floyd's book, 10 Things Every
Minister Needs to Know.

Schedule a buffer for yourself

2006-12-08T12:26:00.000+08:00

source: RW Ministry Toolbox

...The faster you go, the more margin you need.

I'm guessing many of you have no white space in your appointment
books. It's absolutely crammed with appointments and reminders and
tasks. You've left no margin in your life, no place for rest, and I
think God would say, "This is not good!"

The truth is, you can't hope for space in your schedule or pray for
space in your schedule or expect somebody else to provide space in
your schedule. If you're going to free up some space for yourself, if
you're going to allow some down time and build some buffer zones into
your life, you're going to have to make the decision to do so. No one
else will do it for you.

This means actually leaving some empty spaces in your planner – a
pretty scary thought to some of us. But the result is that your Palm
Pilot won't reveal the word "Overload" every time you open it up.

Here's a fact about life: The faster you go, the more margin you need.
If you're going 70 miles per hour down the freeway, you want more than
three inches between you and the other car, don't you? It's no
different in life. Most of us in ministry have lives that are filled
to the brim with activity. You start your day running and it only gets
crazier as the day goes on. Since you're going so fast, you need
margin all the more. You need to build that margin into your day.

Why do we find ourselves having to work all the time? The Bible tells
us very clearly that if we don't allow space into our schedule, if we
just work all the time, we're foolish. Ecclesiastes 10:15 says, "Only
someone too stupid to find his way home would wear himself out with
work."

Don't you like the Bible? It cuts straight to the point. It's deals
very bluntly and honestly with our struggles.

It reminds me of the guy who comes home with a big pile of work he
needs to finish. His little kindergarten daughter looks at the pile
and asks him why he's working so hard and why he always has to bring
work home. The father looks at her and says, "The problem is, I just
don't get it all finished at work so I need to bring it home and get
it done here."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I really want to last in life, I've got to stop and realize there's
a whole journey of life to live. I've got to remember it's not how
fast I live that's important; it's how well I live.

Rick Warren
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The daughter looks up at him and says, "Daddy, I think they should put
you in the slower group."

Why is it we have to feel so important that we have to keep every
moment of every day busy? Why do we stress load everything? Why do we
have the mindset that everything has to be done right now, and
wherever we're going, we have to get there quickly? The truth is -
life is not a race; it's a journey.

If I really want to last in life, I've got to stop and realize there's
a whole journey of life to live. I've got to remember it's not how
fast I live that's important; it's how well I live.

Pastor (or whatever your vocation is), some of us just need someone to
give us permission to slow down. Why not consider this your
permission?

Rick Warren

What does God teach you when you're down?

2006-12-08T12:24:00.000+08:00

personal/ministry resource from the Collingsworths

What does God teach you when you're down?

I do not know if God teaches you things when you are down, but I have
learned (and am continuing to learn) lessons that would've never been
mine had it not been for this pause in my life.

Take nothing for granted.
Little did I know a road trip would send me to the hospital - three
times, over a seven-week period, with a life-threatening condition.
When was the last time you looked at your situation and wondered, "Do
I cherish the moments that I have?" James often reminds us about what
life is: "You don't even know what tomorrow will bring—what your life
will be! For you are a bit of smoke that appears for a little while,
then vanishes." (James 4:14, HCSB).

Enjoy things about your spouse, and your children, that you are taking
for granted today. Nothing can take the place of time spent looking at
the good things that are yours. Not everything is bad in any marriage.
Look for the good spots and relish in them.

Your life experiences count.
Many times as we navigate the roads of life we look around at all the
great people we know who are making a difference. I was amazed as I
viewed a recent "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" television show about
a 26-year-old mother who had cancer. She was making such a difference
as she bravely fought for her life. She was such an inspiration to so
many.

Trying times tend to make us bitter or they make us better. We can
choose to rise above, see the good, and know in our heart that those
times make us stronger. They also allow us to learn things so we are
able to help those around us.

God needs you to learn what you need to know to touch another life.
Think about Jonathan and David and the vast wisdom they shared with
one another. There are many stories in the Bible that give us a
glimpse of lives filled with desperation, until God sends someone
along to help them. Who are you supposed to be helping? Or are you
praying for someone to help you through a difficult time in life?

Tune into His leading.
You can be used in a great way. Have you ever been prompted to make a
call, go see someone, send a card or letter and failed to do it? I
believe the Holy Spirit is continually pressing us to do things to
make a difference in someone's life. We have the joy of the Lord in
our hearts to share and God has blessed us with gifts to give away. If
you do not do what He requires, just think of the incredible blessing
you will miss!

Maybe there's a couple walking in the same shoes you walked in 5 years
ago. Or maybe there's a young mom suffering from the same kind of
depression that gripped your heart when you were her age. You may know
of a couple struggling to maintain an "everything is fine" image, yet
you can see through the facade. Ask God to show you people to minister
to.

If you're going through a tough time and think, "Who is supposed to
help me?" Pray for that person or seek out someone to call. God's
voice works to call us out to minister, and sometimes it prompts us to
ask for encouragement.

Today, I pray you will minister to someone. Or, that you will pray and
seek out the person who is supposed to minister to you! Remember, we
have no idea when we will be called home, so do those things you have
put off, say a nice word, or write a note of encouragement!

J.B. and Shugie

The Collingsworths coach church leaders on strategies to divorce proof
their congregations, and help couples build strong marriages. They
lead seminars in churches across the U.S. to make a difference in
marriages! If you are interested in booking JB & Shugie in your
church, please email beth@marriageandfamilymatters

Facing Giants

2006-12-08T12:22:00.000+08:00

by Greg Laurie

We all will face giants at one time or another in our lives. By
giants, I am speaking of what seem to be insurmountable problems and
issues. We try to fell these giants, but often they seem to only grow
stronger with the passing of time.

It could be a giant of fear. Or it might be a giant of some type of
personal sin that you fall into again and again. It might be the sin
of pride or envy or gluttony or lust or something else. In a related
way, your giant might be one of addiction, something that has a grip
on your life. Then again, it could be a giant of threat that is
taunting you today. Someone has slandered you. A lawsuit has been
filed against you. Maybe there is even a threat against your very
life.

Or it might be a different kind of giant altogether, like an
unbelieving spouse or a prodigal child. You have prayed for them. You
have asked the Lord to reach them, yet they seem to become more
hardened by sin as the years pass by. You find yourself wondering how
you will ever overcome this.

So how do we deal with giants? We find the answer in the Old Testament
account of David and Goliath. Most of us are familiar with the story.
What a victory it was as David boldly defeated the giant Goliath,
armed only with a slingshot and five smooth stones. The will of the
Philistines was broken. The Israelites were reinvigorated. And it was
all because a little shepherd boy answered the call of God and cut
down the giant.

So what can we learn from this story about facing off with our own
giants in life?

One, recognize that we all have giants.
We all face severe hardships, seemingly insurmountable obstacles and
temptations. We all have problems. We all have temptations. We read in
1 Corinthians 10:13, ??The temptations in your life are no different
from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow
the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he
will show you a way out so that you can endure?? (NLT).

While it is true we all have giants, it is also true that every giant
can be defeated. After all, giants rarely start out that way. Goliath
was not always a giant. He was not always nine-feet-six-inches tall.
He was once a baby. And with the passing of time and the nurture of
others, the baby became a child. And the child became a teenager. And
the teenager became a man. And the man turned into a giant.

In the same way, giants often begin quite small. When we have a big
sin in our lives, it started as a little sin that was allowed,
nurtured, fed, and even encouraged, and then became a giant that
taunts us. It started with a so-called Christian liberty that we
proclaimed and is now getting the best of us. In time, little things
become big things.

Two, realize the battle belongs to the Lord.
David told Goliath, ??This is the Lord's battle, and he will give you
to us!?? (1 Samuel 17:47 NLT). That is why giants defeat us again and
again, because we face them in our own strength and we lose. We need
to realize this is the Lord's battle.

Three, attack your giant.
Goliath had come into the actual territory of the Israelites. He had
crossed their line. He was taunting them. And if you tolerate a
Goliath, he will take over your territory. He will come right up on
your doorstep. That is why you don't run from giants. You don't
negotiate with them. You attack them. The Bible tells us, ??As Goliath
moved closer to attack, David quickly ran out to meet him?? (verse 48
NLT). As the enemy drew closer, David ran right at him.

Whatever your giant might be, force it into the light of day. Stop
rationalizing it. Stop excusing it. Realize you can't defeat it in
your own strength. Call on God and pray for His power, and then attack
it. Draw lines and be accountable to others. Stay away from people or
situations where you would be easily tempted. And don't let that giant
back into your life again.

Finally, trust in the Lord. Don't look at God in the light of your
giant; look at your giant in the light of God.

Holiday Ideas

2006-12-08T12:18:00.000+08:00

Today's Christian Woman, November/December 2006
personal/ministry resource

Merry and Meaningful
12 ways to make the most of your holidays.
by Jeanne Winters

As you enter this year's festive season, consider incorporating new
traditions and time for personal reflection into your celebration.
Here are 12 fresh ideas just in time for the holidays:

1. Thinking of Thankfulness
Find a beautiful blank journal, or create one with handmade papers.
Then write the year's blessings in it. This can be a private exercise
or a family tradition. If you choose to make it a family activity,
have each member write briefly and allow time to read past entries.
Or, you may prefer a year-end journal to be completed after the
holidays. Either way, it's sure to become a treasured keepsake.

2. Joy to Your World
Share the Christmas message with everyone who visits your home. Cut
gold or silver shimmer fabric into squares. Place several wrapped
candies and a copy of a holiday verse such as Isaiah 9:6, Luke 2:11,
or Matthew 1:21 inside. Then tie the squares up with sparkly ribbon.
Keep a basket of these favors by your front door to bestow on your
package-delivery person or children selling door-to-door.

3. Guiding Lights
I never tire of seeing fine homes gleaming with colorful Christmas
lights. The usual line of cars tells me I'm not the only one who
enjoys the splendor! This year when you tour a glittery neighborhood,
choose one decorated house and one undecorated house, say a prayer for
the people who live there, and continue to pray for them every day
thereafter until Christmas.

4. Do Unto Others
Bring a little Christmas cheer to a "twin family" in need by providing
them with a few presents. A twin family is one with the same makeup as
yours (single; married with no children; single mother with two
children; etc.). Call your church or local social services department
for contacts and shopping guidance.

5. A Tisket, a Tasket …
Instead of exchanging gifts with your girlfriends or coworkers,
arrange a party to package gift baskets for a local women's shelter or
a pregnancy care center. First contact the director about specific
needs and quantities. Then create a list of items and ask friends to
sign up for what they'll provide. When you gather, gift-wrap cardboard
boxes or dress up inexpensive wicker baskets, then fill them with your
donations. Relax over tea and holiday treats before making your
delivery.

6. The Gift of You
Often the presents we shop so intently for are quickly forgotten. For
a more memorable gift, why not try doing something? Think about what
you might do for your spouse, friend, or parent that would have a
longer-lasting, more positive impact on your relationship. Would your
spouse appreciate a date night? Do your parents long for more quality
time with you? Don't be afraid to ask—it doesn't have to be a
surprise.

7. Gothic Gingerbread
Try your hand at a gingerbread church. You can work alone or with
friends or family members. Pour some apple cider, start the Christmas
music, and get to work. Choose a different country each year and
create its most famous cathedral or simplest country church in
miniature. Travel books can provide ideas. Then, pray for that nation
throughout the month of December.

8. Happy Birthday, Jesus
Offer Jesus a symbolic gift in honor of his birthday. Give him an area
of your life you desire to change—an emotion, an activity, or a
relationship—and physically wrap a box to represent it. Do this
individually or as a family. Create a family present to display every
year by painting an unfinished wooden box and tying it with a silk
ribbon.

9. Serve the Servants
December is an extra busy month for church staffers who work extended
hours due to holiday programs and an influx of visitors. Deliver a hot
meal to one or more of these families to help lighten their load.

10. Simple Pleasures
Set aside an annual night to relish simple, old-fashioned joys. Pop
some corn and snuggle with a book of sentimental short stories of
Christmases past. If you have kids, plan a night of games and pizzas.
Saunter through the snow-covered woods, leaving a trail of snow angels
behind. Or, if you live in a warmer climate, grab a blanket, head
outside, and search for the star in the East. Whatever you do, take
reprieve from worries and reflect on Christ's humble birth.

11. Guest of Honor
Set a place of honor for Jesus at your Christmas dinner table as a
reminder of his presence.

12. Forgiveness Eve
The end of a year is a wonderful opportunity to engage in earnest
reflection. Take time to forgive anyone who's wronged you during the
year and for whom you still harbor resentment or bitterness. Begin the
new year with a refreshed heart!

Jeanne Winters is the author of Inspirational Home (Creative Faith
Place). Visit her online at www.jeannewinters.com.

Copyright (c) 2006 by the author or Christianity Today
International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Today's Christian Woman.
November/December 2006, Vol. 28, No. 6, Page 28

------
additional input from ELIZABETH

thanks helpmeet!

I LOVED this article! I was trying earlier this week to think of a little way we could give to church members without it costing a lot. This article inspired the following ideas:
1.We have left over candy from our Fall Festival. We can wrap these candies in silver paper and tie with silver and white ribbon. On Dec 31st we can have the children pass these out to each member.
2. At the entrance to the church, lay out a holiday notebook and a pen. Ask congregation members to sign it and write what they are thankful for this year. We can keep this item in the church library for all to come and read.
3. To remember to be thankful and teach my children thankfulness, I will make a homemade journal and keep it in our study. Each night before bed I will ask the children to name at least one thing they are thankful for that day. ( I will write for the younger ones.) At the end of the year we should have a nice little keepsake to reread as we please.

Resist Discouragement

2006-12-08T12:16:00.000+08:00

by Rick Warren

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... Great people are really just ordinary people with an extraordinary
amount of determination. Great people don't know how to quit.

Rick Warren
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I believe procrastination is the number one enemy of your life
mission. You know what you're supposed to do, but you don't get around
to it. You keep putting it off. That's a deadly enemy. But a close
second is discouragement. If Satan can't get you to put off your life
mission, he'll try to make you quit altogether. He'll neutralize you.

If I'm going to fulfill the purpose for which I was made, then I must
resist discouragement. Galatians says: "Let us not get tired of doing
what is right …" Do you ever get tired of doing what's right? Sure you
do. Because it's easier to do the wrong thing than the right thing.

When you're discouraged, you're ineffective. God cannot use
discouraged people, because discouraged people are the opposite of
people of faith. And God uses people who have faith. When I am
discouraged, I'm saying, "It can't be done." That's the exact opposite
of saying, "I know God can do it because he's said …"

I have a few questions for you. How do you handle failure? When things
don't go your way, when plans don't happen the way you want them, do
you start getting grumpy? Do you get frustrated? Do you start
complaining? Do you have a pity party? Do you finish what you start?
How would you rate yourself on persistence?

The Bible says you need to resist discouragement. Don't give in
without a fight. Nothing worthwhile ever happens without endurance and
energy. When a stone sculptor is trying to sculpt a masterpiece, do
you think the first time he hits the chisel with the hammer
everything's going to fall off and it will be a beautiful sculpture?
No. He has to keep hitting it and hitting it, chipping away. And
that's the way life is. Nothing really worthwhile ever comes easy in
life. You keep hitting it and going after it – and little by little
your life becomes a masterpiece.

The fact is, great people are really just ordinary people with an
extraordinary amount of determination. Great people don't know how to
quit.

I'm sure many of you are discouraged. Some of you are discouraged over
your children. Their lives are not going well. Some of you are
discouraged about your marriage. It's not at all what you thought it
was going to be. You feel deflated and disappointed. Some of you are
discouraged about your ministry. Or about your finances, or your
health, or the economy, or an unanswered prayer.

I want to say something to you. It may sound mean, but it isn't. It's
the truth. I say this in love. If you're discouraged, that's your
choice. You have chosen to be discouraged. Discouragement is always a
choice. It comes from thinking discouraging thoughts – and you can
change your thoughts any time. You have a choice of what you're going
to focus on: either your purpose or your problems, God's power or your
weakness, Christ or your circumstances. It's your choice.

Great people fight discouragement. Here's a tip to help: When you get
discouraged, ignore it. Just say to yourself, "I don't have time to be
discouraged right now. I'm too busy fulfilling my life mission." That
doesn't mean you're a Pollyanna and pretend that everything's great.
Life is a mixture of good and bad. You can be realistic, but you also
need to be optimistic because you are a Christian. "I can do all
things through Christ who strengthens me." And "Lo, I am with you
always," God says. He will help you, and he will strengthen you. Faith
starts with optimism.

Some of you have been praying for something specific and you haven't
yet gotten the answer. In Habbakuk 2:3 God says, "These things I plan
[for your life] won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the
time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow,
do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be
patient. They will not be overdue a single day." God's timing is
perfect. Our church claimed this verse from Habbakuk for 13 years. For
13 years we had no building of our own, and the church kept getting
bigger and bigger. We'd say, "Everybody else has a building. How come
we don't have a building?" The reason was that God wanted to put us on
79 acres of land. He had a bigger plan. The piece of property we now
own wasn't even available when we started Saddleback. There weren't
even roads leading to it. God had a plan and slowly, steadily, surely
the vision was being fulfilled.

The same is true in your life. God's delay is not a denial. Just
because you haven't had the answer or the miracle yet, that doesn't
mean God isn't going to do it eventually. It simply means not yet!
Maturity is knowing the difference between, "No," and "Not yet,"
between a delay and a denial. God says, "Don't become discouraged.
Resist discouragement. Because there are going to be delays in your
life."

You're going to be tested in your patience by God. The really good
news is you're not just going to be tested once, you're going to be
tested thousands and thousands of times. Because anybody can be
patient once. And anybody can be patient twice. And anybody can be
patient three times. So what God's going to do is test you over and
over and over. Why? So he'll know how patient you are? No. So you'll
know.

God tests you, not for him to find out what's inside of you but for
you to find out what's inside of you. He tests you so you'll know your
level of commitment, and he tests you so that you can know his
faithfulness. His purpose is to teach you.

Some of you are going through some difficult times right now and you
feel like dropping out of the race. You're discouraged because the
situation seems unmanageable. Unreasonable. Unfair. It may seem
unbearable. Inside you're basically saying, "God, I can't take it any
more. I just can't take it any more!" But you can. You can take it
some more because God is with you. He'll enable you. Remember, you are
never a failure until you quit, because quitting means you won't make
it to the finish line.

Resist discouragement! Finish the race God has set before you.

Is Your Spouse Stressed at Work?

2006-12-08T12:14:00.000+08:00

9 things you can do to help.
By Donna Savage

Watching your spouse struggle with prolonged stress at work can be
like a long roller coaster ride. Each day brings a new dip or turn
produced by the irritability and frustration your partner brings home
from work.

No one wants to watch helplessly as their mate wanders from unhealthy
stress into burnout or depression. We want to take positive action,
but we can't fix things by ourselves. Often all we can do is provide
support and encouragement during the rough moments. Here are nine tips
for handling the bumps and curves ahead.

1. Practice listening. We all struggle with the temptation to share
our insights and knowledge, sure that we can solve our spouse's
problem. Instead, partners may need us to listen without evaluating
their responses.

2. Be content with silence. Being supportive does not equal talking.
Recognize that your spouse may not want to update you daily, because
reviewing and reliving every event and emotion is additional stress.

3. Share the load. Your mate needs you to acknowledge the emotional
and physical demands of stress by offering help in acceptable ways.
Volunteer to handle supper and the kids' homework. Hire a neighborhood
teen to mow the lawn during the crunch season at work.

4. Meet primary needs. Husbands often need the reassurance of more
frequent sexual intimacy when they don't feel successful in the
workplace. Stressed-out wives need extra tenderness and affection—such
as a simple hug with no strings attached—and more time for
conversation.

5. Make home a haven. At times, deliberately choose not to unload
every issue and problem from your day during your first minutes
together. By waiting to share, you assure your spouse that you're not
the next one in line waiting for a piece of him or her.

6. Adjust your expectations. The stressed-out husband or wife may not
have much energy at home—for anything. The decision is ours whether to
spend the evening sulking or to tenderly kiss them as we give them the
evening off.

7. Keep your spouse in the picture. In an effort to help their
stressed spouse, some husbands and wives silently start handling all
the issues of the household or the children by themselves. They begin
to withdraw emotionally, not wanting to burden their mate by sharing
any personal struggles. In reality, isolating the beleaguered partner
simply communicates that they're a failure at home, too. We need to
share the news of a child's success at school or ask for our spouse's
advice about a relationship problem, and our mate needs the
encouragement of being needed.

8. Guard your heart. When we hear our spouse continually vent about
the same people or situations, it's easy to get sucked into their
anger and bitterness. Devoting extra time and energy to bolster our
spiritual walk allows us to give a husband or wife the prayer support
they need—without becoming bitter ourselves.

9. Demonstrate unconditional love. Let's face it. While we'd love to
see our mates display only spiritually mature responses to adversity,
that's not reality. Your spouse needs to "spew out the poison"
building inside before it does further damage: Although watching that
process isn't pretty, our spouses need the freedom to share bad
reactions without fear of rejection. By extending that freedom, we put
1 Corinthians 13:7 into action: "(Love) always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Near the entrance of most roller coaster rides is a warning sign. Some
rides prohibit people under certain heights or ages; others warn those
with specific medical conditions to avoid the ride. The roller coaster
ride of job stress comes with no such warnings—for the spouse at risk
or the partner.

We watch our mates struggle, but we can't win the battle for them. We
can't wave a magic wand and make all their aggravations disappear. We
can't even promise that our words and actions will lessen their
stress. We can, however, offer one important promise to a stressed-out
spouse. No matter how often the roller coaster pitches us from side to
front and back again, we can promise to go along for the ride and stay
in the car with them until the very end.

Donna Savage, a freelance writer, lives in Nevada.

Bible Teaching: Gaps to Bridge & Principles to Understand

2006-12-08T12:12:00.000+08:00

Bible Teaching: Gaps to Bridge & Principles to Understand

Ever been guilty of twisting the Scriptures to say what you want it to
say? or maybe just unkowingly or maybe even carelessly using a passage
to fit a point you want to make? or maybe quickly coming up with a
lesson without proper preparation and analysis of your content?

May this article help us become better at our study and lesson preparations....

By John MacArthur

As I read Scripture, I always keep in mind one simple question:
What does this mean???
It's not enough to read the text and jump directly to the
application; we must first determine what it means, otherwise the
application may be incorrect.

Gaps to Bridge
The first step in interpreting the Bible is to recognize the four gaps
we have to bridge: language, culture, geography, and history.

Language The Bible was originally written in Greek, Hebrew, and
Aramaic. Often, understanding the meaning of a word or phrase in the
original language can be the key to correctly interpreting a passage
of Scripture. Two books that will help you close the language gap are
An Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words, by W. E. Vine, and
Nelson's Expository Dictionary of the Old Testament, by Merrill F.
Unger and William White, Jr.

You don't need to know Greek or Hebrew to use those books effectively.

Culture
The culture gap can be tricky. Some people try to use cultural
differences to explain away the more difficult biblical commands.
Don't fall into that trap, but realize that we must first view
Scripture in the context of the culture in which it was written.
Without an understanding of first-century Jewish culture, it is
difficult to understand the gospels. Acts and the epistles must be
read in light of the Greek and Roman cultures.

The following books will help you understand the cultural background
of the Bible: The Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah, by Alfred
Edersheim, Sketches of Jewish Social Life, also by Edersheim, and The
New Manners and Customs of Bible Times, by Ralph Gower. Geography

Geography
A third gap that needs to be closed is the geography gap. Biblical
geography makes the Bible come alive. A good Bible atlas is an
invaluable reference tool that can help you comprehend the geography
of the Holy Land. Of course, nothing helps like seeing the land
first-hand on a tour.

History
We must also bridge the history gap. Unlike the scriptures of most
other world religions, the Bible contains the records of actual
historical persons and events. An understanding of Bible history will
help us place the people and events in it in their proper historical
perspective. A good Bible dictionary or Bible encyclopedia is useful
here, as are basic historical studies.

Principles to Understand
Four principles should guide us as we interpret the Bible: literal,
historical, grammatical, and synthesis.

The Literal Principle Scripture should be understood in its literal,
normal, and natural sense. While the Bible does contain figures of
speech and symbols, they were intended to convey literal truth. In
general, however, the Bible speaks in literal terms, and we must allow
it to speak for itself.

The Historical Principle This means that we interpret Scripture in its
historical context. We must ask what the text meant to the people to
whom it was first written. In this way we can develop a proper
contextual understanding of the original intent of Scripture.

The Grammatical Principle This requires that we understand the basic
grammatical structure of each sentence in the original language. To
whom do the pronouns refer? What is the tense of the main verb? You'll
find that when you ask some simple questions like those, the meaning
of the text immediately becomes clearer.

The Synthesis Principle This is what the Reformers called the analogia
scriptura. It means that the Bible doesn't contradict itself. If we
arrive at an interpretation of a passage that contradicts a truth
taught elsewhere in the Scriptures, our interpretation cannot be
correct. Scripture must be compared with Scripture to discover its
full meaning.

"The Friendships of Women"

2006-12-08T12:09:00.000+08:00

Glynnis Whitwer, Senior Editor P31 Woman, Proverbs 31 Speaker and Author

Key .Verse:
Ecclesiastes 4:8-10,
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their
work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man
who falls and has no one to help him up!"

Devotion:

A study of elementary school activity recess revealed that boys and
girls play differently on the playground structures. Researchers have
found that girls are more likely to swing and climb to the top of the
play structures and yell down at their friends who are close by on the
ground. Boys, on the other hand, are more likely to run around the
structure or the playground.

Apparently, these findings concerned the researchers because they
worry that girls aren't using enough of the playground. Isn't that
interesting? Without any suggestion from teachers or parents, the
girls place themselves in closer physical proximity to each other,
thereby increasing their social contact.

Although little girls tend to disagree more than boys, their need for
friendships is obvious, and at a young age, seek each other out. God
designed this need in us, and friendships offer more than
companionship, they also offer protection.

With Satan as our enemy, and sin as our nature, we are weakened. One
of Satan's most effective tools is isolation. He knows if we stay
away from godly friends, he can start planting lies in our minds, and
thereby bring us down. But with good friends to surrounds us, and
affirm God's truth in our life, we are less susceptible to attack.

Consider frost damage. In a forest, a tree is more likely to be
killed by frost if it is standing alone. The same goes for plants and
bushes around our homes. However, when the trees are clumped together
there is a natural protection and they survive the cold.

This is a lot like people. None of us expect a difficult time to come
– but we live in a fallen world and bad things happen. To a person
without godly friends, a time of frost can kill them emotionally.
However, when a person is surrounded by friends, they are more likely
to survive.

For many of us, friendships are whipped cream on the ice cream sundae
of life. They are an added bonus, but not essential. However, God
thinks otherwise. In Ecclesiastes 4:8-10 we have the following words
of advice: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return
for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But
pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"

In another book of the Bible, we are advised to confess our sins to
others. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other
and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a
righteous man is powerful and effective." Since I'm probably not
going to confess my sins to someone I don't know, this verse affirms
the importance of godly friends.

As we enter a busy time of year, take time to be with friends. Plan a
holiday gathering and share the things you are thankful for. Look for
opportunities to include friends in your planning and preparation for
the big events in the next two months. While you are getting things
done, take time to share what's going on in your life. Our time
invested in friendships is time well spent. It's in our God-designed
make-up to need each other and it accomplishes God's desire for our
protection when the hard times come.

My Prayer for Today:

Heavenly Father, I praise You for Your almighty power and great love.
I confess the times I have neglected to develop godly friends. I pray
for wisdom to know how to be a better friend to those You have placed
in my life. Thank you for answering our prayers and for Your
faithfulness. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

NEWS: Families in India Driven from Homes for Receiving Christ

2006-12-08T12:06:00.000+08:00

Families in India Driven from Homes for Receiving Christ
Nirmala Carvalho & Vishal Arora
Tribal peoples retaliate for villagers converting; in Karnataka, more
specious charges.

MUMBAI, India – Adherents of a Bodo tribal religion in Assam,
northeast India, forced nine families from their homes last Tuesday
(November 14) for converting to Christianity.

The villagers destroyed six of the nine families' homes, forcing the
Christians to take shelter in a primary school. The nine families live
in four villages in the Kokrajhar district of Assam.

Their ordeal began when Christians attended a Pentecostal meeting held
in Haldibari village last Monday (November 13).

"This meeting infuriated the Bodo tribals, who organized their own
religious gathering the next day," a source told Compass.

At 8 a.m. on Tuesday morning (November 14), the tribal people of
Haldibari gathered for their own meeting at the village council hall,
said the Rev. Madhu Chandra, Delhi regional secretary of the All India
Christian Council.

"Some of them were sympathizers of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh
[RSS, a Hindu extremist group]," Rev. Chandra said. "Under their
influence, the group resolved to evacuate Christian families from the
village."

At around 2:30 p.m. that day, 25 Bodo villagers went to the homes of
three Christian families in Haldibari and attacked their houses. The
violence soon spread to the neighboring villages of Moflabari,
Jamduguri and Basdari.

The district administration rushed security forces to the area to
guard the nine families, who had taken shelter in a lower primary
school building.

Kokrajhar police officer Manoj Kumar Saikia told Compass that a case
had been registered against the 25 alleged offenders. At press time,
police had arrested seven of the 25 but released them on bail.

Advocates have submitted a memorandum to the Bodoland Territory
Council, asking it to investigate the attack, pay compensation to the
Christian families who lost their homes, and provide safety to other
minority Christians in the district.

Attacks in Karnataka
In the southern state of Karnataka, Christians will hold a rally on
December 2 in the wake of specious arrests for "forced conversion' and
vandalism of a church in the past week.

A quarry owner filed a police complaint against two Christians,
including a pastor, accusing them of "forced conversion" on Wednesday
(November 15), said Dr. Sajan K. George, national president of the
Global Council of Indian Christians.

A pastor identified only as Hoysala and his companion, medical doctor
Anup Kumar, were accused of forced conversion in Karnataka's Mandya
district.

The pastor and Kumar had gone to visit a friend at a quarry in
Jaknahalli village in Pandavapura Taluka in Mandya District on
Wednesday, George said. Not finding the friend there, they started
back and a woman approached them requesting that they pray for her as
she was suffering from a severe headache. As they were praying, the
owner of the quarry came and shouted at them, accusing them of
forcible conversion.

Nevertheless, the two were able to leave peacefully.

The following day, the quarry owner filed a complaint against them at
the Pandavapura police station, accusing them of conversion. The two
were arrested and released on bail the following day.

The Christians could not be released on bail the day of their arrest,
Thursday (November 16), because all officers of the rank of inspector
or sub-inspector were occupied on security for a visit of political
leaders at a Bharatiya Janata Party rally, George said.

On November 17, a lower court refused their bail application and sent
them to the Mandya jail. "However," George said, "a higher court
granted them bail in the evening."

Also in Karnataka, on November 18 Hindu extremists vandalized a statue
of Mary in a Catholic theological institution. About 10 unidentified
people marred the statue in the Carmelram Theological College, on
Sarjyapur Road on the outskirts of Bangalore, George said.

He added that spit and vermillion (red powder applied on the forehead
by certain Hindus) was found in the vicinity of the statue. College
authorities could not identify the attackers as they fled in a blue
car and on a few motorbikes at 11:15 p.m.

Condemning the incident in a public letter, George urged the chief
minister of Karnataka to "instruct the government machinery" to
maintain religious harmony and peace in the state.
Representatives of various Christian organizations, mainly Catholic,
had on Wednesday (November 15) urged Deputy Commissioner of Police
M.S. Srikar to provide security to Christians in the wake of rising
attacks on them in the Hubli-Dharwad region in Karnataka.

Copyright 2006 Compass Direct News

Asking Questions Like the Master Teacher

2006-12-08T11:53:00.000+08:00

Ask your small group the same types of questions Jesus used to produce change.
By Dave Arch

"Do you not yet understand?"
—Jesus (Matthew 8:21)

Whether in a public gathering, a confrontation with his enemies, or a
private conversation with his closest friends, Jesus consistently used
questions to produce change and growth. In the eighth chapter of the
Book of Mark, he used eight types of questions.

1. Answering with Questions (Mark 8:5)
Rather than merely answering a question (and thereby stunting the
question's teaching potential), Jesus would often answer a
participant's question with a question of his own.

In Mark 8, when his followers asked Jesus how he planned to feed a
crowd of 4,000 people, he responded with a question: "How many loaves
do you have?" That question kept his followers involved.

It takes confidence and wisdom to ask involving questions. Asking a
question as simple as "What do the rest of you think?" can keep people
engaged and searching for truth. When we answer every question, we rob
the questioner of the satisfaction found in personal discovery.

2. Gathering Data (Mark 8:5, 19-21)
Jesus eventually asked some personal questions in this chapter.
However, he began with and interspersed throughout the dialogue
questions of a more factual nature. "How many loaves do you have?"
involved his followers on a non-threatening level.

Using these types of questions helps maintain group involvement while
gently moving toward the more personal application questions. A
factual question such as "How many years have you worked in your
current job?" doesn't require much personal disclosure but still
reveals insights about the person.

3. Making Statements (Mark 8:12)
Jesus skillfully asked rhetorical questions to emphasize a point in a
powerful but non-combative manner. "Why does this generation seek for
a sign?" communicates much better than "You stubborn group of
unbelieving people!" Such diplomacy is a beneficial teaching skill.

4. Communicating Passion (Mark 8:17-18)
When rhetorical questions are linked together, they can transport
tremendous passion. In Mark 8:17-18, Jesus asked his followers: "Why
are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or
understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to
see, and ears but fail to hear?"

As Jesus joined questions together without giving pause for an answer,
his listeners were rendered thoughtfully speechless.

This technique can be used effectively in discussion groups to
powerfully reinforce a point.

5. Correcting (Mark 8:21)
When we need to correct someone, phrasing it as a question can allow
the person to make the necessary changes without defensiveness or
losing face. Instead of saying, "You are so stupid—you never
understand anything," Jesus asked, "Do you not yet understand?" This
question made the point while maintaining the involvement of his
participants.

6. Seeking Feedback (Mark 8:23)
While healing a man of blindness, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?"
We can ask the same kind of question throughout any teaching process.
A question such as "Do you understand what we're studying?" can reveal
the level of comprehension and keep people on track.

7. Encouraging Personal Application (Mark 8:27-29)
Toward the conclusion of Mark 8, Jesus used two increasingly personal
questions to lead his followers into content application.

He began with a more general question—"Who do people say I am?" (Mark
8:27)—before leading into the directly personal question—"Who do you
say I am?" (Mark 8:29).

When we want to move our group to application, a good approach is to
ask, "What are some ways we could … ?" before transitioning to "What
are some ways you could … ?"

8. Soul Searching (Mark 8:36-37)
Mark 8:36-37: "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet
forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

These types of questions reach to the heart of an issue and have no
comfortable reply. One example of such a question might be: "How can a
church survive if it isn't in touch with the needs of the
congregation?" Closing with this type of question or writing it at the
bottom of a handout can make a strong impact.

6 Prayer Snares and 5 Prayer Pointers

2006-12-08T11:41:00.000+08:00

source:Beyond Prayer Requests
buildingsmallgroups.com
article outlines 6 prayer snares and 5 prayer pointers

Groups should consider whether their requests line up with what God is doing.
By Wayne Jacobsen

You'd have thought I'd just cussed by the way the mouths around the
table soundlessly fell open. And all I'd said was "I don't think I can
pray that for you."

The woman who had just asked us to pray was perhaps the most shocked of all.

My home group had just finished eating dinner, and we were sharing
prayer requests. With obvious distress, Kris had told of her
daughter's plan to move in with a boyfriend that weekend, and asked us
to pray that God wouldn't allow it.

I usually try not to take exception to people's prayer requests, but I
have a low tolerance for requests I think God clearly will not answer.
On this occasion, I didn't keep quiet.

Once they all caught their breath, I explained. "I think all of us
here can understand why you want God to stop her from doing that. If
anyone here feels that's what God wants, you're free to pray that way.
I'm wondering, however, whether asking God to override someone's
ability to make moral choices isn't akin to witchcraft."

I could see Kris was near seething at my bluntness, so I hurried on.
"What I suggest we pray for is that God would reveal himself to your
daughter. That he would let her see clearly the choice she is making.
And that God will show you how to trust him and love your daughter,
even if she makes the stupidest mistake of her young life."

I had hardly finished before Kris blurted out through tears, "That's
exactly what I need."

We gathered around her to pray. Instead of praying for the situation
not to take a distressing turn, we prayed for Kris. What could have
been a sympathetic but shallow exercise in prayer became a marvelous
discovery of how God works in difficult situations.

Prayer Snares

At most prayer meetings a host of requests are made, then a handful of
people offer quick prayers until the list is covered. Rarely do we
stop to ask if a particular prayer request is in line with what God is
doing. Rarely do we follow up to find out if God answered.

We are often left praying a list of wishes, as though if we throw
enough darts at the balloons on the wall, we're bound to hit one of
them.

My young son awakened me to the folly of this. We were reading John 15
one morning for a family devotion when he suddenly blurted out,
"That's not true!" I had just read the verse about God giving us
whatever we ask of him. But my five-year-old was already aware that
most of what we prayed for as a family didn't happen. I wondered if
our prayer practices were teaching him, whether we liked it or not,
that prayer is only wishful thinking.

While the exercise of prayer itself offers comfort for the moment, I'm
afraid many prayer requests teach us to use God like a genie in a
bottle. I don't want my son, or my brothers and sisters, to get that
impression. I'm no longer comfortable praying for things that I'm not
convinced are in sync with God's heart.

Here are certain types of prayer requests that reflect more our human
desires than the desires of God. Do these sound familiar?

The trivial: "Let's pray I can get over this cold" or "Give us a
rain-free day for the church picnic." Our comfort and our plans seem
important to us, but might God have something larger in mind? Might
the farmers around us desperately need the rain? Our requests need to
reflect things we truly expect God to do, not just our thoughtless
hopes and whims. I don't want my requests to trivialize the awesome
gift of prayer.

The self-motivated: "My brother's unit just got called up to go to
Iraq. Let's pray he won't have to go." While I can understand the
emotion behind the request, it is still misplaced. If he's in the
military, why shouldn't he go? God's purposes frequently include
hardship and risk. Should we ask him to trump his purposes for our
convenience?

The controlling: As with Kris' request, I think we're spitting into
the wind if we ask God to make other people act according to our will.
He doesn't even force people to adhere to his will. Why should he make
them act according to ours?

The manipulative: Not all prayer requests are directed at God. We're
usually more diplomatic about it than Charissa, who was only four
years old, but knew what she wanted. "Jesus, would you help Bob and
Laurie learn how to spank their children, so their kids won't hit me
when I come over?" I'll admit it worked for Charissa, but I don't
think prayer was intended to send subtle (or not so subtle) messages
to the faithful.

The blaming: A group in my former church was praying for an infertile
woman. They thought she wasn't getting pregnant because her husband
wasn't godly enough be a good father. So they asked God to change him.
She blamed him and tried to manipulate him to change, and by the time
she came to see me, she was incredibly frustrated. I told her I
thought they'd missed the point. None of us qualify for God's gifts.
If God waited until everyone was ready to have a baby, no one would
ever give birth.

The mass-produced: I don't know why we think we have a better chance
of getting prayers answered if more people are in on it. Like many of
you, I receive prayer requests on the Internet begging me to pray for
people I don't know, about needs I'm not involved in. God's answers to
prayer are not based on a tally sheet. Prayer was designed for two or
three faithful believers to focus on, agree, and fervently intercede,
rather than enlisting large numbers of uninvolved people.

Prayer Pointers

Prayer enables us to discover what God is doing, to trace his hand in
the circumstances of our lives. Through the vital communication of
prayer, he transforms us in the process. Prayer, therefore, is not so
much a means of manipulating the master plan, but of being shaped by
the master's hand.

Not all prayer groups are conducive to that kind of prayer. Not all
requests follow that understanding. Consider five guidelines to direct
your prayer times to foster a transformational, ongoing walk with God.

1. Focus prayer on the people involved. The temptation at
"prayer-request time" is to narrow the request to action points we
want God to undertake or gifts we want him to give. That misses what
God considers most important.

When the news arises of a brother sent to war, the opportunity for
prayer is not to ask God to keep him home. That limits the scope of
prayer to events, when it should be focused on people. It also limits
the other pray-ers to a specific request, without offering an
opportunity to discern God's heart in the matter.

Instead, address the fears of his sister, the worry of his mother, and
the faith of the soldier himself. We can pray that God will mold our
courage and our ability to trust, that he will help us overcome fears,
and that the brother will recognize God's presence. These are the
evidences of God's work and the kinds of prayers he answers.

I've discovered that smaller groups give us time to process someone's
struggle and help identify God's work. Even home-sized groups can be
too big for this kind of prayer. I have always found it more effective
to break down in groups of two or three where people really know each
other and give them the time to explore the situation together.

2. Seek God's perspective. Most prayer requests fit what we think is
best, and often run counter to what God is actually doing.

I love how Peter and John responded to the Pharisee's threats that
they stop proclaiming Jesus or face punishment. When they gathered
later with other believers to pray, they didn't pray for what would be
easiest. They could have prayed God would convert the Pharisees or
wipe them from the face of the earth. But they didn't see either of
those options as fitting God's design. Instead, they prayed for
boldness to continue to do what God asked, even when they knew they
might be beaten, imprisoned, or executed for it.

A primary step in prayer should include asking God to reveal what he
is doing in the situation and pausing long enough to let him answer.
One of the things I most appreciate about Henry Blackaby's
Experiencing God is that it invites us to trust God to show us what he
is doing in our lives. Prayer should be directed by talking together
to see if anyone has a specific insight about how to pray for the
people involved.

3. Let trust, and not fear, fuel your prayers. Fear is the death of
prayer because it is the opposite of trust. Most of my prayers, even
well into midlife, were driven by my anxieties and fears.

I remember praying through our finances, and though we had enough to
supply our needs for the present, I was concerned about the long term.
I trusted him enough for today, but kept praying that he would do
something to take my anxiety away for tomorrow. But God didn't want me
to trust in my IRA or the state lottery for security, he wanted me to
trust in him.

What most enhances my relationship with Jesus is my ability to trust
him, no matter what circumstance I'm in. He rarely answers prayers
that ask him to fix my circumstances so that I can trust him less. His
desire has always been that I would trust him more.

Prayers permeated with a faith-filled security in God's love and
confidence in his character will be more effective than petitions for
him to appease me.

When I'm fearful, I've learned to pray first for my fear and for a
fuller revelation of God's love before I pray for the specific outcome
I might want. When I'm praying for others, I do the same.

4. Pray in agreement. I learned this fascinating aspect of prayer from
a group of Christians in the Australian Bush.

The man leading the prayer meeting offered some unusual instructions:

"Tonight as we pray, we're only going to pray for what we agree upon.
If one of you feels led to pray over something, ask the group if
that's something we all sense. If it is, we can pray in agreement. If
not, we'll pass over it for now and move on to other requests." I
asked him later why he gave the unusual instructions. He said they had
learned that praying for someone can become a subtle form of
manipulation.

"If a man is depressed, then others pray for him to be happy. He's
pressured then to smile at the end of the prayer and say, 'Thanks. I
feel better,' whether he does or not. Maybe he doesn't need to 'feel
better' right now. Maybe he needs to learn to cling to God in the
midst of suffering. You don't know unless you ask."

If the person being prayed for didn't agree or understand the insight,
the prayer group would set it aside and see what others might have on
their hearts.

Often, they told me, two or three weeks after someone had declined to
be prayed for in a certain way, he or she would return convinced that
was just the prayer that was needed.

By asking permission of one another to pray in certain ways, these
Australians were able to maintain a more authentic and honest form of
prayer. They also had a chance to share insights and see what God
might be saying. It gave them the freedom to pray with boldness when
they knew that all were seeking the same thing.

5. Follow up. Nothing expresses our concern to someone in need more
than following up with a phone call a few days later to see how they
are doing and what might have happened after our prayer.

I'm convinced we do too little of this because we have so little hope
that our prayers will affect much. But if the goal is to zero in on
what God is doing and see him accomplish his will in our
circumstances, then our initial prayer only begins the process.

If nothing has happened since, we can ask God for wisdom. Is he doing
something else in this situation than we thought? Is he teaching us to
persevere in what we started?

Staying in the process until something is resolved will not only be a
blessing in that instance, but will train us for future opportunities
in prayer. This invites us to make any request of God, but it does not
tell us to expect him to answer them the way we want. God is not our
fairy godmother who waves a magic wand to conform every circumstance
to our whim. Real prayer is the process of getting involved with
someone's need, praying as best we understand God's work, and then
staying in the situation until we see God act.

It is a risk to pray in that expectant way, but it can lead to some
incredible prayers. One of Henri Nouwen's spiritual directors once
prayed over him:

"May all your expectations be frustrated. May all your plans be
thwarted. May all of your desires be withered into nothingness that
you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing
and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son, and the Spirit."

While I don't recommend praying that for someone you don't know well,
here is someone who understood God's heart in prayer. Teaching people
to move beyond their own agenda to touch the heart and passion of God
will be a challenge, but it will deepen and enliven your prayer life.

Copyright (c) 2001 by the author or Christianity Today, Inc./Leadership journal.

Five Things Every Son Needs from His Dad

2006-12-08T11:32:00.000+08:00

by Ken R. Canfield , Ph.D.

We used to be boys, so we have a natural companionship with our sons;
our natural interests tend to merge more easily with them than our
daughters. Unfortunately, although it's easier for us to be with our
sons, it's still too often a distant relationship. We need to be
intentional about building a close connection with our sons and giving
them a healthy model of what it means to be a boy, a man, and a
father.

Even more importantly, we need to be intentional about raising young
men of faith. Based on research I've done with about 2,000 fathers, I
have identified 5 key things that sons need from their dads:

A Plan

Sons need dads who are thinking about their futures and taking action
to prepare them — whether we're talking about tomorrow, next week,
next year, or ten years from now. Financial planning makes a good
comparison because our regular, consistent investments will pay rich
dividends for our sons' futures.

What specific things should we plan for? Well, first, we need a plan
for our son's vocational future — which includes much more than
targeting him as a doctor, computer technician or musician. You want
him to have a fulfilling career that pays the bills and contributes to
society, but even more importantly, pay attention to how he can
develop and express his talents in a way that pleases God. Then
encourage him to pursue those avenues.

Next, there's his relational future. Address what to look for in a
mate, discuss what it takes to make a marriage work, and pray for that
little girl or young lady who will someday be his wife.

Third, give some thought to rites of passage — benchmarks along the
way that help signal new levels of maturity and responsibility and
that affirm him and bless him as a beloved son. Plan ahead to give
special recognition to these rites of passage.

Also, I'd suggest listing some skills, attitudes, and values to
instill in your son by the time he leaves home. You might include
financial stewardship, the ability to delay gratification, prayer,
basic auto maintenance, thankfulness, perseverance, honesty, a work
ethic, modesty, or family togetherness. Make a list, and check it from
time to time as a reminder. You've heard the saying: if you fail to
plan, you have planned to fail.

An Example

I like to think of Jeremiah 35, where the prophet mentions Jonadab –
an exemplary leader who wasn't an Israelite. As a result of his
example, his sons followed his responsible lifestyle for generations.
That's the kind of power our example can have.

As Jonadab's story shows, a dad's example really encompasses all
aspects of life. But let me mention a few areas where we need to be
intentional about modeling:

First, we need to model godly emotions. We can help our sons regulate
their emotions and express them in responsible ways by regulating our
own emotions. Take note: regulating emotions is not the same as hiding
them. A lot of dads hide their emotions, like they are weaknesses. But
our sons need to see a healthy, balanced display of our "feelings
side."

Another key aspect of regulating our emotions is getting a hold of our
anger. James 1 urges us to be "slow to become angry. For man's anger
does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." If we want
our sons to enjoy the righteous life that God desires, we especially
need to learn to regulate our anger.

Our sons also need our examples as husbands — especially boys who have
experienced a family break-up. If you are not married, find ways to
model honor and respect to your son's mother even if it is difficult
for you.

Commit today to keeping your vows if you are married. When we do the
work to build a strong marriage -- the communication, the thoughtful
gestures and so on — that creates powerful pictures for our sons.

Remember, our sons need reference points in life, and usually actions
speak louder than words.

A Monitor

Boys need their father to keep track of them, hold them accountable,
and correct them when necessary. The headlines are filled with stories
of boys and young men who weren't monitored in a healthy way. We must
teach our sons that we're watching them, and we're not going to stand
by when they disregard what God's Word says is best for them.

I encourage dads to check in regularly with their sons — especially on
two issues:

Respect. Many young men have lost a sense of respect, and it
especially shows in their speech. We hear them trash-talking, cursing
and joking coarsely, or denigrating women. We need to monitor the way
they talk, and teach them to use their speech for positive ends — like
articulating thoughts and feelings, building relationships, and giving
encouragement. Passages like Ephesians 4:29 and 5:4 and Colossians 4:6
can help us set goals for our sons in their speech

Purity -- Given how easy it is to slip up in this area, we need to
check in regularly to see how our sons are doing. This also relates
back to the example we give our sons. We need to honestly ask
ourselves if we are living a life of purity — making a covenant with
our eyes and claiming the Holy Spirit's power to overcome temptation.

We know that alluring images assault us from all sides, and we need to
prepare our sons for battle. We can tell them exactly what to expect,
talk through scenarios where they'll be tempted, and read together
from passages like 1 Corinthians, about "fleeing from sexual
immorality." We can talk about channeling our energies in healthy
ways, like exercise, and encourage them to pray daily for strength —
and don't forget to pray for his purity as well.

Specific Spiritual Goals

These are events, experiences, or habits that help to activate your
son's faith and teach him what it means to live a life pleasing to
God. Hebrews 11:6 says that "without faith, it is impossible to please
God." We can focus on three areas that are important to a son's
spiritual development:

Respect for authority. Recently, I told a group of young women that as
they think about what they want in a husband, it's important to ask,
Does he respond to authority in a proper way? Does he respect those
who are over him? Teaching your son to submit to legitimate authority
-- and modeling submission in your own life -- will help teach your
son the humility and dependence he needs to walk by faith in the
unseen.

Worship. Dads, by your example, your son will learn to pray. By your
leadership, he will learn to study and memorize the scriptures.
Through you, he will gain an appreciation for worship, repentance,
confession of sins, and other acts of devotion to God.

Many fathers are absent from equipping their sons as worshipers with a
vibrant faith. And if boys grow up without a masculine model of
spiritual vitality, they may view faith as a feminine pursuit. As we
see in Jesus' example, a real man shows both compassion and strength,
humility and decisiveness. So while we strive to model submission,
humility and love, we also have a unique role in showing our sons that
walking by faith also requires masculine toughness, resourcefulness,
and courage.

Real-life experiences of faith in action. Give them many memorable,
life-changing experiences serving others — from the family broken down
on the side of the road ... to the inner-city project or homeless
shelter in your community ... to the mission trip in Brazil.

Love

Colossians 3:12-14: "Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive
whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the
Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds
them all together in perfect unity."

Those verses describe the love we need to give our sons and to
cultivate in our sons. In practical terms, that love is defined by
responsible actions toward others.

Good communication is vital. We fathers need to make communication a
high priority, so once again, we teach by example and practice. In a
nutshell, we listen first before making our opinions known, and we do
away with lectures in favor of two-way discussions. We're also open to
receiving feedback, even if it's negative. And most importantly — we
take the initiative in rebuilding relationships when fractures occur.
We have the courage to admit when we're wrong and seek forgiveness.
Those are all demonstrations of love that will have an impact on our
sons' development.

The other key factor we need to cultivate is closely related, but
worth mentioning separately: showing affection. Boys with affectionate
fathers develop positive self-esteem, they tend to thrive in
schoolwork, and have fewer gender identity issues. So, instead of a
pat on the back or a tousle of the hair, give your son a big,
old-fashioned bear hug — and do it often.

Verbal affection is important as well. Positive words give sons
confidence and belonging, and again provide a model of a man who can
express love in healthy ways. We need to tell our sons how much they
mean to us, point out their positive character traits, and just say,
"I love you, and I'm proud to be your dad."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 2nd grade:

"My dad is the best dad ever. He taught me how to make a wooden
airplane. It was the best plane ever. We are true pals. I would kiss a
pig for him."

Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 8th grade:

"One of the funnest times I have had with him was on a camping trip
with the boy scouts. We fished, hiked, and carved wood. At night, he
snored so loud we thought it was a bear. It was a great experience."

Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 2nd grade:

"My dad is a really good fisher. He works hard so that mom can stay
home with me and my sister and take care of us. My dad likes to play
with warrior toys. Even though he doesn't want anyone else to know. I
also like when we watch sports together and he jumps around and yells
at the TV. But I guess what my dad really means to me - he is my best
friend, my role model, and when I grow up, I want to be just like him.
Someone who loves his family so much that he sacrifices everything of
himself. I love my dad."

Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 7th grade

"He's the type of guy that you can talk to about school, other boys or
just plain girlfriends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The National Center for Fathering was founded in 1990 by Dr. Ken
Canfield because every child needs a dad they can count on -- someone
who loves them, knows them, guides them and helps them achieve their
destiny. Visit www.fathers.com for more articles and resources to
assist dads in nearly every fathering situation.

Communication: The salt principle

2006-12-08T11:27:00.000+08:00

Learning to Communicate...

The salt principle is a method of gaining and holding a person's
attention by arousing curiosity. It's a way to create a thirst for
constructive conversation in which both you and your spouse can learn
about each other's needs. First, identify the need or concern to be
discussed, and then identify areas of high interest to the other
person--areas you can tap into to pique interest.

source:
loving actions / it takes two to tango

"Relationships"

2006-12-08T11:24:00.000+08:00

source: Crosswalk

Melissa Taylor, Speaker Team Member, Proverbs 31 Board of Directors
Crosswalk

Key Verse:

Ecclesiastes 4:2, "A person standing alone can be attacked and
defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even
better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." (NLT)

Devotion:

Relationships are an important part of life. We begin a relationship
with someone from the moment we are born and most of us will continue
in relationships of some sort until the day we die. God encourages
relationships. The Bible is full of them. It is obvious that from the
beginning of time, people need people. Even God Himself said about
Adam in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make
a companion who will help him." Jesus, too, did not do life alone. He
had His family, friends, and disciples to love, help, and encourages
Him throughout His life here on earth.

Today, I want to take a look at the different relationships in our
lives. I also want to point out the importance of prioritizing them.
Friends, if you want to lead a balanced life with purpose, it is
crucial to order the relationships in your life God's way.

Number One: Your Relationship with God.
This should be the most important relationship in your life.
Don't say that you don't have time– you do.
We make the time for what is important to us, don't we?
The way to get to know God better is to spend time in His Word. Try
spending at least fifteen minutes of uninterrupted time with the Lord
every day. More would be better, but do what you can to develop the
habit. God's Word will teach, equip, cheer, encourage, and guide you.

Number Two: Your Relationship with your husband….if you are married,
of course.
Just like it's important to spend time with God, it's also
important to make time for your husband. I have found that this
relationship is the one that takes the most effort for me. I love my
husband dearly, but I also take him for granted the most. It's easy
for me to allow my children, friends, or just busyness to get in the
way of time with my husband. Set aside time each morning and evening
to communicate with your husband in some way. Hug and kiss often and
say "I love you" whenever you get the chance. Let your actions show
him and others that you respect and honor him. One thing that my
husband and I have started doing again is dating. Just like before we
were married, we go out on dates. It takes time, effort, and often
money, but it's worth the investment. If money is tight, create a date
at home or go to the park or for a walk together. Whatever it takes,
spend time alone together, and make it a weekly habit.

Number three: Your relationship with your children….if you are a mom.
When I became a mom, I did not know what I was in for. I had no idea
the extent of sacrifice it would take to raise my children. It's worth
every bit of it too. I once read that kids spell love - T I M E. I
believe that with all my heart. God's Word tells us that children are
a gift from Him. We are to treat them like that, a gift. Motherhood is
a high calling….possibly the highest we will ever have in our lives.
It requires time and special attention. They are only with us for a
short time, so let's make the most of it.

Number 4: Your relationship with others.
This includes everyone reading this.
Our relationships with other people could include
family, friends, business associates, mentors, neighbors and more.
These are important, and in order to develop, grow, and nurture these
relationships, time is needed. I happen to be blessed with many
friends and cherished family members. Although I don't have time to
spend with them each day, I always want them to know how important
they are in my life and how much I love them. That takes effort on my
part, but what I receive back is priceless. If you find yourself
lacking in this area, create special moments with these special people
in your life. Make a phone call. Mail a card. Send an email. Invite to
lunch. Have a party. Create a "girls' night out" event. Pray for them.

Ecclesiastes 4:2 tells us that alone we can be attacked and defeated.
This says to me, that we need people in our lives. We weren't meant to
go this life alone. It is often someone close to me who reminds me
that I'm special when I'm feeling defeated. When I am alone, I often
listen to the wrong voice if I'm not careful. The people in my life
offer me love, encouragement, and fulfillment that tell me otherwise.
I often refer to them as Jesus with skin on. This verse goes on to say
that "two can stand back to back and conquer". Then there is my
favorite part. It's when God is a part of our relationships. "Three
are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."

My Prayer for Today:

Dear Lord, Bless the relationships in my life and help me to
prioritize them according to Your perfect plan. Above all, I pray that
we would grow closer each day. Help me to know you better so I can
better give myself to others. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Application Steps:

Look at the relationships in your life. Take note as to how much time
you are spending on each of them.

Set a date with the people in your life who need your time. Schedule
your time with God daily and write it on your daily planner if you
have one. Plan a date with your husband and arrange for a sitter if
needed. Sit down and listen to your children one on one. Let them know
you are interested in them. Plan a fun girls' night out next month.
Maybe go to dinner or a movie or play tennis with a friend. Just
remember to keep God's perspective and balance when making your plans.

Reflection Points:

Do your relationships stress you out? Maybe it's because they are out
of order. Do a check to make sure you are filling up with God before
scheduling anything or anyone else into your day.

Does your marriage feel stale, dull, or empty? Think about what
attracted you to your husband in the first place. Pray first and then
plan some uninterrupted time for you and your spouse. Treat your
marriage like it's the most important relationship to you on this
earth. If it's not, it needs to be.

Do your children get your leftovers? Let them know just how important
they are to you and that you are thrilled to be their mom by spending
some time with them.

Are you lonely? Pray for relationships in your life, but go to God
first. Ask Him to fill you with His Word and to nurture and grow the
relationships in your life.

Power Verses:

Psalm 46:10, "Be silent, and know that I am God! I will be honored by
every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." (NLT)

Matthew 19:4-6, "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning
the Creator made them male and female and said, 'For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the
two will become one flesh?' So they are no longer two, but one.
Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (NIV)

Psalm 127:3, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward
from him." (NLT)

1 Thessalonians 5:11, "So encourage each other and build each other
up, just as you are already doing." (NLT)

Devotional: "Thanking God for Tests"

2006-12-08T11:22:00.000+08:00

source: crosswalk
Glynnis Whitwer, Senior Editor – "P31 Woman Magazine," Proverbs 31
Speaker Team Member

Key Verse:

James 1:2-3, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face
trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith
develops perseverance." (NIV)

Devotion:

My son sauntered from his room, proudly announcing he was ready for
his test the next day. "I've studied all my notes, and I'm gonna ace
that test," he proclaimed.

"Great!" I replied. "Grab your notes and let me give you a little quiz."

We settled down at the kitchen table and I proceeded to ask questions.
One question after another was met with a shaky answer, most of them
wrong. With his inadequate preparation revealed, he headed back to
his room, notes in hand. After another period of study, he did
indeed sail through the questions.

The pop quiz I gave made my son very uncomfortable. He was sad that
he wasn't ready, and sadder that he had to go back and study harder.
My intent was certainly not to hurt his feelings, but to reveal the
weak areas of his study so he could tighten the gaps and be ready for
the real test.

Just as I tested my son, God tests me. He often puts me in
uncomfortable positions to uncover weak areas. God doesn't point out
my weakness to take advantage of me. Instead, His testing is to
reveal areas that need work, so I will be strong enough to persevere
and eventually succeed in what He's called me to do.

God uses all kinds of life situations to test us. Testing can take
the form of difficult people in our lives, times of waiting, or a
challenge to step outside our comfort zone to be obedient. Will we
avoid the situation? Will we suffer through it and quit because it's
too hard? Or will we persevere and overcome?

We might think God gets frustrated with us when we "fail" a test. I
sometimes wonder if God wants to give up on me when I repeat the same
mistakes. But just because my son didn't know the answers on our
mini-quiz didn't mean I would give up on him. Just the opposite! I
wanted him to succeed and was willing to give him test after test to
make sure he was ready.

God's testing can be to prepare us for something more important, and
often more difficult. He wants to see if we can sustain the pressure
in preparation for something big. So, the next time your Heavenly
Father calls you up for a pop-quiz, consider His desire to see you
succeed. If a weakness is revealed, thank Him for helping you move to
the next level by strengthening you.

My Prayer for Today:

Precious Lord, thank You for caring enough about my character and life
to test me. Help me to see Your testing as a sign of Your love, and
to be thankful for it. I pray for strength through Your Holy Spirit
to walk in obedience and persevere. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Application Steps:

Identify one difficult situation in your life. Determine to see it as
a test of your faith. Ask God for strength to persevere.

Reflection Points:

Read Deuteronomy 8:1-5. What testing did the Lord put upon the Israelites?

According to the Scripture, what was God's purpose for this testing?

What life situations have you recently experienced that might have
been a time of testing?

Can you see God's purpose in this testing?

Was a personal weakness revealed? If so, how do you think God wants
you to address this weakness?

Power Verses:

Luke 8:13, "Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with
joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a
while, but in the time of testing they fall away." (NIV)

1 Corinthians 3:12-13, "If any man builds on this foundation using
gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be
shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will
be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each
man's work." (NIV)

Exodus 16:4, "Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread
from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather
enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they
will follow my instructions." (NIV)

Deuteronomy 8:2, "Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way
in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in
order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep
his commands." (NIV)

Devotional: "Taking Our Spiritual Vitamins"

2006-12-08T11:19:00.000+08:00

source: crosswalk
Tracie Miles, Speaker Team Member

Key Verse:

Proverbs 3:7-8, "Do not be wise in your eyes; fear the Lord and shun
evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your
bones." (NIV)

Devotion:

My life is busy. No, it's stressful. No, wait, I mean chaotic. Okay, I
mean it is chaotically, stressfully busy. Can you relate? The days
of June Cleaver moms putting on neatly pressed aprons to make cookies
in their perfectly tidy kitchens for their boys when they return home
from school is a mere black and white memory. The well known cliché
of "a woman's work is never done" is nothing less than the absolute
truth. So to assist me in my never-ending need for energy and zest,
I recently had the bright idea of taking vitamins.

Little did I realize how beneficial vitamins actually could be!
Within a matter of weeks, my nails and hair were longer and stronger,
my skin looked better, and I just felt better overall. Even though
doctors always tell us that taking vitamins leads to better health and
quality of life, I didn't expect such obvious or immediate results.
That experience prompted me to consider what other important things in
my life might be deficient and in need of some attention. The first
thing that came to mind was my walk with Christ.

I am hesitant to admit, as many of you may be as well, that I often
get so busy with "life" that I neglect the quality of life that God
intended for me by not being faithful in my commitment to Him every
day in every way. I realized I desperately needed some spiritual
vitamins. What are spiritual vitamins, you ask? They are anything
that nourishes the soul and your walk with Christ, such as prayer, a
church family, church involvement, devotions, Christian books, bible
studies, or women's ministry events. The most vital of these vitamins,
however, is God's word. Opportunities to study God's word and build
your relationship with Him are good medicine for our heart and soul,
just as vitamins are good medicine for our bodies and bones.

It is not uncommon for devoted Christians to sometimes find themselves
wandering through life without clear direction, without purpose,
without strength, and without joy. These are times when we are lost
in the wilderness. Although we believe in God's kingdom, we have
temporarily lost sight of it. But if we believe God, and not just
believe in Him, we can leave the wilderness and find our Canaan – a
place of victory and prosperity, a place with God.

Are you in the wilderness and in desperate need of some spiritual
vitamins to pump up your energy and zest for the Lord, and in turn
your life? Do you hunger for a renewed spirit, a refreshed heart and
a rekindled passion for Christ? Or are you basking in God's glory,
but need a spiritual vitamin to keep the spiritual energy flowing?
Whatever your situation is, the Lord wants your life to be filled with
the joy that only He can provide. You should be taking advantage of
the spiritual vitamins that are available to you on a daily basis.
There are many ways to stay washed in God's word, and these things
help to nourish our spiritual needs and keep us from entering the
wilderness accidentally. When we have a nourished soul and a cheerful
heart, we are sure to live a more Christ-like life!

Consider the abundant blessings you could be missing by not making the
small effort to take your spiritual vitamins every day! Just as
tangible vitamins will improve your physical health, spiritual
vitamins will improve your spiritual health. I am waiting in great
anticipation to see the changes in my heart and life as a result of
faithfully and consistently taking my spiritual vitamins.

My Prayer For Today:

Lord, help me to have eyes to recognize the spiritual vitamins that
You bring into my life, and give me the desire to take those vitamins
on a consistent basis so that I can become closer to You and insure
that I am never too far from Your protective hands. Help me to mature
in my knowledge of Your word. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Application Step:

Ask God to open doors for you to partake in new spiritual vitamins,
such as new bible study opportunities, fellowship opportunities, or
church events. Ask a friend to be your prayer partner so that you can
hold each other accountable for spending time in God's word.

Reflection Points:

Am I actively seeking God's will in all areas of my life?

Do I always find a reason to explain why I don't have time to read my
bible today, have quiet time, or go to church for a special worship
function?

Am I taking advantage of all of the opportunities that I am given to
worship God?

Power Verses:

Proverbs 13:14, "The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life,
turning a man from the snares of death." (NIV)

Proverbs 7:2, "Keep my commands and you will live, guard my teachings
as the apple of your eye." (NIV)

Psalm 19:9-10, "The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether
righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold,
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb." (NIV)

1 Corinthians 11:26, "For whenever you eat this bread and drink this
cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes." (NIV)

Proverbs 14:30, "A heart at peace gives life to the body…" (NIV)

Four Secrets of Great Team-Based Leadership

2006-12-08T11:16:00.000+08:00

Four Secrets of Great Team-Based Leadership
Leadership as a team makes ministry enjoyable and effective.
By Dave Ferguson

There are some things you would never say out loud; even though you
know they are true. The reason you don't say them out loud is (despite
the fact they are true) they just don't sound right. If you uttered
these secrets people will probably misunderstand you. In addition to
the risk of being misunderstood, you start to think that perhaps they
aren't right. So we keep our mouth shut and they remain secrets.

Fifteen years ago a childhood friend, a college roommate, a brother, a
friend-of-a-friend and I made up the team who pioneered the adventure
called Community Christian Church. We started as a team partly because
of shared dream and partly because it sounded like a lot more fun
doing it together than doing it on our own. And from the beginning
when it was just the five of us until today where there are more than
4000 of us at six locations, Community Christian Church has always
been led by teams. The leadership team I'm a part of today is the
finest team of which I've ever been a part. And during that fifteen
years there have been some things about these teams that I knew were
true (I have a hunch we all knew they were true), but we never said
them out loud. We might be misunderstood. We might be wrong. So we
kept these as secrets.

However, now I've either gained enough confidence that they are true
or I'm willing to risk being misunderstood so I've decided to tell
all! Here are four secrets of great team based leadership:

THE SECRET ABOUT THE CAUSE—"We are committed to the cause first and
each other second."

Great leadership teams are always clear about the cause. There is no
great team that is not clear about the cause. There is no good team
that is not clear about the cause. A lot of other stuff may get fuzzy,
but the cause is always very clear. At Community Christian Church
(CCC) you are hard pressed to find a job description for any staff
position. Most people don't really know how much vacation time they
are allotted. Most people don't know how many hours their job
requires. No one is told how they should dress. (This one is kind of
embarrassing) I don't even know the dollar amount on my twice-a-month
paycheck.

At CCC there may be a lack of structure and policy, but the one thing
that is clear is the cause. We are clear that our cause is to "help
people find their way back to God". Last week my assistant, Pat got an
e-mail requesting a staff policy manual from another pastor. I love
her answer: "our policy is not to make policy". I love that! Why?
Because policy is what happens when we can't get people to do what we
want them to do or when people are not championing a clear cause.
Policy occurs when the ethos of a church culture is weak and the cause
is not compelling.

Why all this talk about cause? Because I believe our leadership team
is committed to die for the cause of "helping people find their way
back to God". And when I say "die" I'm not using hyperbole. I mean
willing to let our hearts stop beating before we let them stop beating
for the cause. The five of us who lead Community Christian Church are
willing to die for the cause of "helping people find their way back to
God" whether it is one day at a time or all at once.

This is one of the secrets of great lead teams—we are committed to the
cause first and each other second. Doesn't it sound disloyal to put
the cause first? That's why it's scary to say out loud. That's why it
is a secret. But, the truth is that it's the cause that brings us
together and keeps us together. It is when we put other things or
other people before the cause that we compromise what God dreamed of
in the church and in the great commission. I believe that this is at
least 50% of what it takes to create great team based leadership - an
uncompromising loyalty to a clear cause. There is never a great lead
team when the cause is not clear!

In Jon R. Katzenbach and Douglas K. Smith's great book, Wisdom of
Teams, they make it very clear, "the primary objective of the team
must be performance results (cause), not becoming a team". One of the
great mistakes is forgetting that the cause is what creates community
or team. Ask yourself this, "Why do men always remember athletic teams
or army platoons as the place where they experienced the most genuine
community? Answer, because there was a clear cause that created
community. The cause of winning a game or a tournament created a team.
The cause of defeating a common enemy created a team. Why it is so
hard for athletes to retire? Listen to their stories and it's not the
money they miss as much as the team.

The Acts 2 church was also brought together by a clear cause. It was
the cause called the Great Commission that brought about koinonia or
community. That first great leadership team of apostles had a clear
cause and a clear cause for which they were willing to die.

THE SECRET ABOUT COMMUNITY—"We don't know when we are working and when
we are playing."

I love the way Eric Bramlett describes working at CCC; "working here
feels like recess". I feel the same way. Sure, there are times we
fight about who gets to go down the slide first; sure there are times
when fights break out; but, it's still a playground and it feels a lot
more like recess than school. In the 15 years as a part of the
leadership team at CCC I don't remember one day (literally) that I
looked at my watch thinking, "when is it going to be 5 o'clock so I
can leave work. It sounds trivial, but being a part of the leadership
team at CCC is just plain fun! Consequently, I can't tell the
difference between working and playing; they feel the same!

When we are looking for new staff, my team mates have been coached to
consider the three C's of character, competency and chemistry. For us,
chemistry is always the first priority. I'm not saying chemistry
should be the first priority, but it is because that's what draws
someone into our church culture and draws us to them. Since we hire so
many of our staff from within the church we have a chemistry test that
someone must pass called the "parking lot test". The "parking lot
test" is comprised of one question we ask ourselves before we put
someone on our staff team. The question is, "When we drive up are we
glad when we see their car in the parking lot?" If we are excited
about seeing their car and knowing we will see them inside, they pass
the parking lot test—there is chemistry! If we feel our stomach sink,
knowing they are inside, they fail—no chemistry! All this is to say
that there is a great chemistry with each of the people on our
leadership team. I love playing basketball, traveling, going to
Starbucks, and working with every person on our team.

What contributes to the chemistry of a great lead team? First,
complimentary gifts help create the chemistry. When I look at the gift
mix of our lead team I see people with creative gifts, administrative
gifts, leadership gifts and apostolic gifts. Secondly, a common
strategy that we all buy into creates chemistry. And thirdly all four
of us can't imagine doing anything else. We have all had offers to do
other things in other places for more money, but we just can't imagine
doing anything else.

Bottom line: working as a part of our lead team is a lot like recess!

THE SECRET CHARACTERISTICS – "We may look crazy or chaotic to you, but
there is a method to our madness."

When other churches visit and see the open office concept we use,
where almost all of our 35 staff are in the same room with one
another, they will often say, "How do you get anything done in the
middle of this chaos?" When other teaching pastors find out that we
write all our messages as a team of people from not only multiple
campuses, but multiple churches using video conferencing they say,
"Oh, my style would never work in that environment." I used to be
concerned that outsiders may think we are crazy, chaotic or even out
of control, but now I understand that as one of our secrets.

One of the secrets of a great leadership team is that in their
relentless pursuit of the cause they become a community with
characteristics that are exactly how God made them. This may appear
crazy or chaotic to the outsider, but there is a unique method to
their madness. These characteristics are often paradoxical. Here are
some of the paradoxes you would see in our lead team …

Highly Collaborative AND Very Competitive

Every person in our lead team is very competitive. We want to win in
basketball, we want to win the argument, and we just want to win. But,
at the same time we know if we are going to win our part of the world
for Christ (back to the cause that creates community) we know it will
take collaboration. So, we collaborate on everything. I started to
make a list of things that we collaborate on, then it hit me that the
much shorter list would be those things on which we don't collaborate.

Very Compassionate AND Comfortable with Conflict

Lencioni, in his book, Five Dysfunctions Of A Team tells us that
healthy teams are comfortable with conflict. We are definitely
comfortable with conflict—confronting, challenging, debating and
sometimes yelling (and later apologizing). We are totally comfortable
with conflict. But, I also know that when I need a group to rally
around me, they will be there for me. There is not doubt about it—my
team loves me!

Loves Spontaneity AND Wants Accountability

"Lead with a 'yes' is a saying you hear from our leadership team. We
love being flexible and spontaneous enough that we lead with a 'yes'
to new ideas. The new idea could be anything from going to
Steak-N-Shake for shakes during our lead team meeting to starting a
new service in a few weeks … we love leading with the 'yes' and
spontaneity. That spontaneity however is balanced by our desire (that
might be a stretch … I think we just know we need it) for
accountability. We want accountability for how we are doing versus the
goals we set for ourselves a year ago. We want and expect
accountability for the ministries we oversee. We want accountability
for our budget areas.

To the outsider we may look like an overly competitive team who is
constantly fighting about our goals, but come back next week and we
may look like this highly collaborative group in love with one
another. To the outsider it may look crazy but, it's just how God made
us and it works!

THE SECRET FOR CREATING CULTURE—"We REALLY are going to change the world."

It is the lead team more than any other team that will create the
culture and the ethos for a church. When you have a lead team that is
clear about the cause; willing to die for the cause; and where serving
feels like recess you have created a church culture where people start
to believe that we REALLY are going to change the world!

When people get wind of that kind of opportunity, tremendous
sacrifices become normal. Tim, a leader in our church came to us and
told us that he would like to take early retirement and work for the
church without a salary for one year. After that year was over he
wanted us to evaluate him and if we felt he added enough value to our
church then we would hire him, if not, then he would find another job
and continue as a leader in the church. We said, "Sure!" (Talk about a
deal you can't refuse!) One year later, Tim proved himself so
invaluable that we brought him on staff and now he oversees hundreds
of unpaid servants and all of our ministry teams. I could also tell
you about Tammy or about John or Tim or … tremendous sacrifice is
normal.

Why do people make such tremendous sacrifices over and over and over
again? Because of a belief (that starts with the lead team) that this
might just be the church that actually does change the world! There is
a vibe in our church that they are up to something big and something
special. This is not something that is talked about in a prideful
manner; in fact we are very careful to make sure that God gets all the
credit.

It starts with a lead team that is the micro-culture of the rest of
the church. They are very clear about the cause; willing to die for
the cause; when they serve it feels like recess, and together they
believe that they REALLY are going to change the world! Ok, there I've
said the secrets out loud. What do you think? Do you understand what
I'm saying or am I just plain wrong?

Dave Ferguson serves as a resource for other churches and leaders
seeking to expand through multiple church sites and provides visionary
leadership for the NewThing Network (www.newthing.org).