WHY MARRIAGES BREAK DOWN

authored by Lyka M
resource for the pastor's wife, married couples, marriage counselees,and singles

The rate of married couples separating is on a steady rise. In the Philippines, more and more are starting to join a movement pushing for legalization of divorce. Also, cases of annulment are increasing in number.

Why do couples marry and then separate? Listed are the more common factors:

1. MONEY.
Too much or too little of it. How to spend it, what to spend it on, who’s spending more? Who should keep charge of it? Couples seem to always have endless discussions and conflicts in this area.

2. CHILDREN.
Many couples fall into the error of focusing and building their marital relationship around their children. Soon they end up emotionally distant from one another.
Where couples fail to develop and cultivate friendship in their marriages, they would soon find themselves with their kids being the only thing they have in common.

3. MISCOMMUNICATION.
Failure to communicate often results to endless fights and finally, unresolved differences. When couples fight on the same issues over and over again, they start to tire, until finally they just stop talking.
There’s a difference between being heard and being understood, and there’s a difference between hearing and understanding. You don’t have to agree with your spouse all the time but you must strive to understand him/her.

4. INCOMPATIBILITIES.
Failing to deal with and accept incompatibilities will naturally erode the marriage relationship. Couples must strive to change what they can and accept what they can’t. Love and forgiveness is the key. Some incompatibilities are in the area of:
a. Intellectual incompatibility- where spouses just can’t seem to find a common ground for interesting or worthwhile conversation
b. Sexual incompatibility – where one or both spouses aren’t able to satisfy or be satisfied in the area of physical intimacy

5. TIME.
Time can be used for or against marriage. People will always give time for what is important to them. And if you really want something to work, you’ll keep on trying. That involves time!

6. IN-LAWS.
When too many heads rule a relationship, chaos abounds. And some spouses escape conflict by seeking refuge in their parents’ homes.

7. IGNORANCE.
Some people enter the marriage relationship not fully aware of what it fully entails. No marriage will ever be free from problems or disagreements. Some leave the relationship at the point of conflict or if not, settle to live together harboring resentment in their hearts. It’s a union of 2 persons who love each other, that’s all they know. They forget that, it is a union between 2 IMPERFECT persons who love each other.

Are you planning to marry? Be mindful of these things. Are you married? Don’t let these marriage killers creep into your marriage relationship. Commit yourself to unconditional love and continual forgiveness. Remember, whenever you say, ‘But I just can’t forget what my spouse has done!’ What you’re actually saying is, ‘I just don’t want to forgive him!’
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“There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time. “
-Dr James C. Dobson, Ph.D.

DETOXIFY YOUR LIFE!

for all us busy minsitry wives, read on!

How do you often feel at the close of each day? Worn out? Frustrated? Feeling like nothing has really been accomplished throughout that day, like 24 hours is often never really enough?!
Think again, if we needed more than 24 hours, then GOD would surely have given us more than that!!!!

So, what do we do? We should UNclutter our lives! Here is the simple answer to that.

E V A L U A T E.

There are so many things in our lives and daily schedules that shouldn't be there! Let's categorize these things and focus on the topmosts on our list.

1. The MUST DO's. These are without question things that NEED to be done and are categorized in the same group as......BREATHING, EATING, SLEEPING. Get it?!
Attending to the basic needs of your spouse and kids is on this list. Time with God is on this list. Showing love and support to people you care about is on this list.
Things on this list are things that if left undone will ruin the day's outcome.

2. The SHOULD DO's. Items on this list come next. Finishing a house chore, a church project, running errands for self and loved ones are on this list.

3. The COULD DO's. Items on this list are the last to worry and fuss over. Watching your favorite program, playing your favorite game, buying that luxury item,etc belong to this list. THings on this list that are left undone MUST NEVER be such a BIG thing to frustrate or grieve over.

The problem with most people is that they get depressed or frustrated when the COULD DO's are not done.Why is it like that? We feel so very very bad for missing that favorite show, or not being able to buy that nice dress but we don't hurt a bit when we fail to spend bonding time with our spouse and kids.

Let's RE-evaluate our lives and let things that really matter MATTER from now on!

--authored by lyka m

KID'S HAVE FEELINGS TOO!

It's quite tempting to mistreat even our own children. We fail to keep their emotions and rights in mind at times. Many times, we forget that though they are much smaller than us, they are no different from us. They feel like we do.

Even mothers can fall into sin by ignoring the needs of their kids. I'm not talking about their physical needs. Im talking about their relational needs. Do you deal with a child on a regular basis? Here are some helpful reminders for you.

1. Answer their questions. Don't you just hate it when you're ignored, and your own questions go unanswered? When you are in the middle of something that shouldn't be interrupted, briefly request your child to wait. But be sure to get back to him later. Refrain from always saying, 'I don't know, honey.', just to ward off your child. He might just figure that you don't know anything at all!

2. Respond to their needs. When you are in the middle of something important and you feel that the child can wait, think; the child might feel that what he's requesting is important too. It's tempting to just shun a child away, especially if he just wants to look for a lost toy or a story book. But that's what's important for him. It's valuable to him. Show your love by valuing what he values as well.

3. Respect their TIME. Sometimes, we fall guilty into squeezing our children into our own schedule. We fail to remember that they have their own schedule too. Refrain from postponing activities your child has requested for you to do. And when spending a day in the mall, or unwinding somewhere, be sure to give them time to look at things they also want to look at and go to places they also want to go to.

ACID TEST: How would I feel if my child was me?

--authored by lyka m

BEING GOD-CONSCIOUS

Days are always filled with things to do, and each day usually ends with things still left undone. For many of us, Sunday is the only day when we could 'think about God and His Goodness'. And that's really sad, for God wants to fellowship with us on a daily basis.How do we keep God in the picture? How do we include HIM in our day to day lives? Here are some helpful ways:

1. Keep yourself 'online'. Always be consciuous of His presence, and maintain the communication lines open at ALL times. Pray each moment. Share each moment, each experience with Him.

2. Keep yourself 'thankful'. Be observant. Be sensitive to each blessing, each act of divine grace and thank Him promptly for those.

3. Keep yourself 'clean'. Seek the Holy Spirit's help. Keep yourself spiritually pure. Confess each sin, each fault promptly.

4. Keep youself 'dependent'. Know that you are never alone, and that you can never be on your own. Apart from God we are and we can do nothing. Draw upon God for strength and guidance with each task.

Let's pray that God will keep us close to Him at all times. May God help us keep this mindset all the time- that God is in control and that I need Him to take control of my life. Nothing could go wrong if we keep ourselves aware of that truth, always.

--authored by lyka m