Running on Empty?
A ministry workaholic discovers a secret that turns burnout into joy.
By Becky Tirabassi
I arrived at the opening session of the youth workers' convention when the evening speaker boomed out his first words: "If you think it's time to quit, it's too soon."
"No," I groaned to myself, "he didn't say that. That's not what I came to hear."
I had planned to attend the convention in order to wish my cohorts in ministry a wistful bon voyage. After six years of a life packed with appointments, meetings, physical and spiritual responsibilities for teens, and fundraising, I was simply burned out.
Sensing that the speaker's comments were not a coincidence, I quietly asked God to speak to me, change me, and get me back on track. Somewhere I had lost my voracious hunger for the Word, infectious joy, and eagerness to pray for others. I began to get the feeling that whatever was lacking in my life prior to this convention would be replenished by the time I departed.
Parking-Space Prayers
One thread wove itself through each speaker's message. Though they hadn't been urged by the convention's organizers to speak on prayer, each keynote speaker did just that, using Scripture and illustrations and tears to convince and convict us of prayer's immeasurable power. One man of God told how India was opened to the gospel only after an all-night prayer meeting reversed the Indian authorities' decision to prohibit the gospel. I could hardly imagine staying up and praying for that many hours!
Another evangelist tearfully shared how many miraculous conversions to Christ were the result of daily, persevering prayer. He urged us to take Jas. 4:2 literally: "You do not have, because you do not ask God." I was taken aback by the simplicity of the powerful promise to me in just that one Scripture on prayer. I was challenged to take an honest look at my personal spiritual disciplines.
What had appeared to be merely external fatigue and burnout was now coming into a new light. My dissatisfaction and restlessness might just be prayerlessness.
I already had a daily quiet time. I read my Bible every day. I led two to three Bible studies a week. But a painful look at the past few years exposed a prayer life that consisted of bedtime prayers, miracle prayers, and parking-space prayers. No longer was it a natural habit to whisper, "God, what would You like me to do right now? How would You have me deal with this?"
Getting Radical
As each convention session unraveled, my convictions deepened and my inside cried out for direction. So, I did something totally out of character for someone with my outgoing, "Type A" personality: I attended an optional seminar on prayer. Even a close friend joked about my attending a "prayer meeting" as we parted ways outside the room.
As the session passed, I was humbly reminded that a closer walk with God meant spending time with Him – and not just casually chatting when I needed help or approval for my ideas, not making a bunch of decisions first and then asking for His blessing during my evening prayer. I caught a number of verses and principles about prayer that the speaker was explaining. Not a single verse was new to me. Yet for the first time, it seemed, they were alive and fresh and inviting. As I toyed with actually believing them, they stunned me with their power.
"So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?' or ‘What shall we drink?' Or ‘What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matt. 6:31-34).
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus…And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:6-7, 19).
The seminar room emptied. I stayed glued to my seat, not wanting to lose the insight or spiritual momentum I had gained. After a few minutes of silence and sorting my thoughts, I understood where I had been and where I needed to go. Convinced that I needed to take a radical step, the simple prayer that deliberately passed through my lips was that I would be granted the discipline of prayer, coupled with the time commitment of one hour a day for the rest of my life.
I reasoned that all other appointments were a minimum of an hour – why not this one? After flailing around on the fringes for too long, it seemed the only action to take if I really wanted to increase my knowledge of God, hear His voice more consistently, and be in tune with His daily plan.
I had to take the plunge. If I allowed myself a trial period and if it got tough, I'd drop it. I needed a non-negotiable, no-turning-back decision to have a daily, meaningful appointment with God.
Repentant, refreshed, and refueled, I left the "prayer room" with the irrepressible urge of an evangelist to tell others about my life-changing prayers and miracles. I knew deep inside that I had made a decision to give God my time so that He could counsel, convict, control, and challenge me daily – and that I would stick to my decision.
A Healthy Addiction
I chose to write out my prayers for that hour each day. Writing kept me focused and helped me concentrate on my conversation with the Lord.
My hours of prayer must come in the earliest part of my day, or else I am inevitably interrupted or distracted. That meant no more sleeping in. Since I had an appointment to keep,
I had to plan for it on my calendar. And on those inevitable days when things just didn't go by the book, my decision kept me accountable – I either stayed up late or holed away during midday. I was determined!
Results surfaced immediately. This hour of prayer transformed my days and produced such positive differences in my character and lifestyle that even my family noticed. Not only did I crack the dawn, but I could hold my temper in check, especially with my toddler. And there were the undeniable answers to specific requests that concerted prayer produces. Prayer was no longer a discipline that I considered boring or for the elderly. It was becoming attainable, an addicting spiritual discipline I had never taken time to pursue.
But the most surprising manifestations of my hour in prayer were the personality flaws it uncovered in me, flaws that had been swept under the rug, weaknesses that had remained untouched by correction or conviction. What once seemed too painful or personal to deal with was now approachable. And when I exposed them to a loving Father and disposed of them with His help, my friendships blossomed, my unhealthy inclination to compete and compare diminished, and my self-image vastly improved.
Staying Hungry, Getting Holy
Those busiest in ministry fight the hardest to salvage their own personal time with God. Urgent needs and constant demands easily push aside our own relationship with God. What more than three years ago seemed contrary to my nature – sitting still, reading, meditating, praying diligently – has resulted in a renewed hunger for the Word, a deep desire to be holy, and a quest for integrity in my personal, family, and ministry decisions.
It's still hard to believe that this beach-going, fun-loving socialite, this numbers-counting youth worker, still prays an hour every day. I don't believe one hour is a magic number, but I'm convinced that a commitment of specific time to a daily appointment with God can become a stress-reducing, joy-producing hour in anyone's life. What could it mean for yours?
Friday, August 04, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Secrets of a fruitful ministry
pastor's wife, thought i'd share part of this resource i read on FRUITFULNESS
Secrets of a fruitful ministry
by Rick Warren
Most people are interested in productivity. But the Bible doesn’t use the word "productivity;" instead, you’ll find the word "fruitfulness.”
God wants us to have fruitful ministrie. I want to show you some principles that will produce a godly fruitfulness in your life. I believe there are four conditions that are essential for a fruitful ministry.
First, you must cultivate roots.
God says there’s no fruit without roots. You need roots particularly when your resources are limited, for when times of drought come along.
A drought in your life is whenever you must do without something you need, such as time, energy, money, or support. There will be times of drought in your ministry. Perhaps you’re even in one now.
Second, you must eliminate the weeds in your life and ministry.
The weeds in your ministry, and in your life, are anything that hinder or limit your spiritual growth. Weeds are the things that choke your relationship to Christ or that prevent you from further growth.
Weeds are a sign of neglect. I’ve found that when I neglect my quiet time, when I neglect my personal maintenance, like walking and staying physically fit, and when I neglect key relationships in my life, the weeds start to grow and begin choking my productivity.
Third, you must cooperate with God’s pruning in your life.
What is pruning? Pruning involves cutting off not only dead branches but also living ones as well in order to improve the shape of the plant and stimulate growth. Pruning is essential for increased productivity. It’s not optional. If you’re going to be productive in ministry, God will put you through times of pruning.
God prunes you for fruitfulness. In your life it’s not only the dead wood that God cuts off; he also cuts back areas of success, even areas that are bearing wonderful fruit.
When he does this you might struggle to understand why, but the reason is he is preparing you for even greater ministry.
Fourth, you must wait for the harvest.
Growing fruit takes time. It doesn’t come automatically. You don’t plant a seed in the ground and harvest it the next day.
Just as a seed creates new life out of death, for you to be more effective in your ministry there’s a dying to your old nature, a dying to your own desires and ambitions in the waiting process. Growth takes time but don’t give up. Stay plugged into Jesus Christ.
Maybe you’ve been dormant in your ministry for some time. My prayer is that you’ll give yourself to Christ, saying, "Lord, I want to work on these four things: cultivating my roots, eliminating the weeds, cooperating with your pruning, and waiting for the harvest. God, I trust you with what I’ve planted, and I trust that what I have sown I will inevitably reap a harvest for you.”
That is the law of the harvest.
Rick Warren
Secrets of a fruitful ministry
by Rick Warren
Most people are interested in productivity. But the Bible doesn’t use the word "productivity;" instead, you’ll find the word "fruitfulness.”
God wants us to have fruitful ministrie. I want to show you some principles that will produce a godly fruitfulness in your life. I believe there are four conditions that are essential for a fruitful ministry.
First, you must cultivate roots.
God says there’s no fruit without roots. You need roots particularly when your resources are limited, for when times of drought come along.
A drought in your life is whenever you must do without something you need, such as time, energy, money, or support. There will be times of drought in your ministry. Perhaps you’re even in one now.
Second, you must eliminate the weeds in your life and ministry.
The weeds in your ministry, and in your life, are anything that hinder or limit your spiritual growth. Weeds are the things that choke your relationship to Christ or that prevent you from further growth.
Weeds are a sign of neglect. I’ve found that when I neglect my quiet time, when I neglect my personal maintenance, like walking and staying physically fit, and when I neglect key relationships in my life, the weeds start to grow and begin choking my productivity.
Third, you must cooperate with God’s pruning in your life.
What is pruning? Pruning involves cutting off not only dead branches but also living ones as well in order to improve the shape of the plant and stimulate growth. Pruning is essential for increased productivity. It’s not optional. If you’re going to be productive in ministry, God will put you through times of pruning.
God prunes you for fruitfulness. In your life it’s not only the dead wood that God cuts off; he also cuts back areas of success, even areas that are bearing wonderful fruit.
When he does this you might struggle to understand why, but the reason is he is preparing you for even greater ministry.
Fourth, you must wait for the harvest.
Growing fruit takes time. It doesn’t come automatically. You don’t plant a seed in the ground and harvest it the next day.
Just as a seed creates new life out of death, for you to be more effective in your ministry there’s a dying to your old nature, a dying to your own desires and ambitions in the waiting process. Growth takes time but don’t give up. Stay plugged into Jesus Christ.
Maybe you’ve been dormant in your ministry for some time. My prayer is that you’ll give yourself to Christ, saying, "Lord, I want to work on these four things: cultivating my roots, eliminating the weeds, cooperating with your pruning, and waiting for the harvest. God, I trust you with what I’ve planted, and I trust that what I have sown I will inevitably reap a harvest for you.”
That is the law of the harvest.
Rick Warren
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Simple Ways to Pray
pastor's wife, here's a resource article for personal or ministry use
Simple Ways to Pray
Written by Jewly Hight
In the book How to Listen to God, Charles Stanley writes, "Nothing is
more urgent, nothing is more necessary, nothing more rewarding than
hearing what God has to say." The key is finding the pause button in
our noisy lives so we can focus on those words from God.
Though 1 Thessalonians 5:17 exhorts us to pray without ceasing, life's
pace exhorts us to cease praying and focus on everything else. How do
we turn our minds to God, who longs to draw us to Him? First we have
to be intentional about it. Here are a few simple ways you can pray
throughout the day:
1. Get alone. "Through spiritual discipline," Henry Nouwen wrote, "we
prevent the world from filling our lives to such an extent that there
is no place left to listen." Finding solitude is one discipline that
allows us to listen for God's voice. Jesus "often withdrew to deserted
places and prayed" (Luke 5:16). If Christ, who "was God" and "was with
God" (John 1:1) needed time alone to connect with the Father, you can
be sure that we do too.
If your home is a beehive of activity, snag quiet moments by waking up
earlier or staying up later than everyone else. Use alone time in the
car or shower to turn your thoughts to Him. Create silence by turning
off your radio, television, and cell phone.
2. Embrace simple prayer. When our minds are full of earthly details,
sometimes less is more. When you just don't have the words for a
lengthy prayer, embrace simplicity. Try praying the Lord's Prayer
(Luke 11:2-4), or pray the words of a Scripture verse that's central
to your situation. Worried? Focus on Jesus' words from John 14:27 —
"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you" — and pray, "Jesus, I
receive Your peace" until the truth of it sinks in.
3. Use the news. The Psalms speak of God's heart for broken people.
Psalm 140:12 says, "I know that the Lord upholds the just cause of the
poor, justice for the needy." Read the newspaper or watch the news to
see which situations might tug at God's heart, and pray for the people
who are involved.
4. Skip a meal. Deuteronomy 8:3 says that "man does not live on bread
alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." Why
not forgo lunch one day, and find a quiet place to pray and feed on
God's Word instead? Fasting helps us confess our desperate dependence
on God.
5. Do chores. Brother Lawrence is famed for practicing the presence of
God, learned while cleaning pots and pans for a monastery in the
1600s. He trained his mind on God while going about his kitchen
chores, addressing all his thoughts to God, doing work to please Him.
Eventually, he found it's possible to "think often on God, by day, and
by night, in your business, and even in your diversions." Practice
keeping your thoughts on things above as you clean and do yard work
below.
6. Get visual. Focus on God's presence by placing visual reminders in
your home, office, or car. Write a concern, praise, an attribute of
God, or the name of someone who needs prayer on a sticky note; then
put it on your fridge, dashboard, computer, or bathroom mirror to
trigger your thoughts to seek Him.
7. Open your address book. "When I sit down to pray, I can get
distracted by other things I feel like I should be doing, like calling
to check in on people and sending e-mails," says Kim Thomas, author of
Simplicity and Even God Rested. "I've got to learn to turn those into
quotidian offerings. They're an everyday part of my life, and they
should become a part of my prayers."
When people come to mind while you're praying, intercede for them. Or
open your address book and pray for those people you haven't seen or
spoken to in a while.
8. Carry a journal. Find a small journal you can take with you. When
you find yourself waiting — in the pickup line at your child's school,
at the doctor's office, or while waiting for a delayed flight — pull
out the journal, and write your prayers to God. Make them
conversational, and record what you hear God saying to you.
9. Turn frustrations into prayer. Unexpected events will inevitably
challenge your resolve to keep an attitude of prayer. Voice your
frustrations to God rather than harboring anger or calling someone to
complain. By turning to prayer, you'll gain God's perspective on
things and be reminded of what's important.
"When things don't go according to plan, I get exasperated, but the
Holy Spirit lets me know that there are divine delays that don't look
like they're divine," says Leza Krzywicki, a wife and working mom
living in Titusville, Fla. "I can surrender my day back to God and ask
Him to orchestrate it."
Jewly Hight is a writer and musician living in Nashville, Tenn., with
her husband, Bob. Together, they're looking for ways to simplify and
pray throughout their days.
Simple Ways to Pray
Written by Jewly Hight
In the book How to Listen to God, Charles Stanley writes, "Nothing is
more urgent, nothing is more necessary, nothing more rewarding than
hearing what God has to say." The key is finding the pause button in
our noisy lives so we can focus on those words from God.
Though 1 Thessalonians 5:17 exhorts us to pray without ceasing, life's
pace exhorts us to cease praying and focus on everything else. How do
we turn our minds to God, who longs to draw us to Him? First we have
to be intentional about it. Here are a few simple ways you can pray
throughout the day:
1. Get alone. "Through spiritual discipline," Henry Nouwen wrote, "we
prevent the world from filling our lives to such an extent that there
is no place left to listen." Finding solitude is one discipline that
allows us to listen for God's voice. Jesus "often withdrew to deserted
places and prayed" (Luke 5:16). If Christ, who "was God" and "was with
God" (John 1:1) needed time alone to connect with the Father, you can
be sure that we do too.
If your home is a beehive of activity, snag quiet moments by waking up
earlier or staying up later than everyone else. Use alone time in the
car or shower to turn your thoughts to Him. Create silence by turning
off your radio, television, and cell phone.
2. Embrace simple prayer. When our minds are full of earthly details,
sometimes less is more. When you just don't have the words for a
lengthy prayer, embrace simplicity. Try praying the Lord's Prayer
(Luke 11:2-4), or pray the words of a Scripture verse that's central
to your situation. Worried? Focus on Jesus' words from John 14:27 —
"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you" — and pray, "Jesus, I
receive Your peace" until the truth of it sinks in.
3. Use the news. The Psalms speak of God's heart for broken people.
Psalm 140:12 says, "I know that the Lord upholds the just cause of the
poor, justice for the needy." Read the newspaper or watch the news to
see which situations might tug at God's heart, and pray for the people
who are involved.
4. Skip a meal. Deuteronomy 8:3 says that "man does not live on bread
alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." Why
not forgo lunch one day, and find a quiet place to pray and feed on
God's Word instead? Fasting helps us confess our desperate dependence
on God.
5. Do chores. Brother Lawrence is famed for practicing the presence of
God, learned while cleaning pots and pans for a monastery in the
1600s. He trained his mind on God while going about his kitchen
chores, addressing all his thoughts to God, doing work to please Him.
Eventually, he found it's possible to "think often on God, by day, and
by night, in your business, and even in your diversions." Practice
keeping your thoughts on things above as you clean and do yard work
below.
6. Get visual. Focus on God's presence by placing visual reminders in
your home, office, or car. Write a concern, praise, an attribute of
God, or the name of someone who needs prayer on a sticky note; then
put it on your fridge, dashboard, computer, or bathroom mirror to
trigger your thoughts to seek Him.
7. Open your address book. "When I sit down to pray, I can get
distracted by other things I feel like I should be doing, like calling
to check in on people and sending e-mails," says Kim Thomas, author of
Simplicity and Even God Rested. "I've got to learn to turn those into
quotidian offerings. They're an everyday part of my life, and they
should become a part of my prayers."
When people come to mind while you're praying, intercede for them. Or
open your address book and pray for those people you haven't seen or
spoken to in a while.
8. Carry a journal. Find a small journal you can take with you. When
you find yourself waiting — in the pickup line at your child's school,
at the doctor's office, or while waiting for a delayed flight — pull
out the journal, and write your prayers to God. Make them
conversational, and record what you hear God saying to you.
9. Turn frustrations into prayer. Unexpected events will inevitably
challenge your resolve to keep an attitude of prayer. Voice your
frustrations to God rather than harboring anger or calling someone to
complain. By turning to prayer, you'll gain God's perspective on
things and be reminded of what's important.
"When things don't go according to plan, I get exasperated, but the
Holy Spirit lets me know that there are divine delays that don't look
like they're divine," says Leza Krzywicki, a wife and working mom
living in Titusville, Fla. "I can surrender my day back to God and ask
Him to orchestrate it."
Jewly Hight is a writer and musician living in Nashville, Tenn., with
her husband, Bob. Together, they're looking for ways to simplify and
pray throughout their days.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Avoiding Dangerous Distractions
pastor's wife, a resource article on marriage by JB and Shugie Collingsworth
In every marriage, at all times, in all seasons of life, it is important to keep your relationship top priority. It is easy at times and harder at other times, but you must commit that your spouse is the most important human being in the world to you. And you have to follow up that commitment with choices supporting your decision, when you feel like it and when you don't!
Be forewarned – Satan does not want your marriage to succeed and he will bait your life with many temptations and distractions to bring havoc to your marriage relationship. God knows this and that is why His Word is filled with warnings and instructions for keeping your marriage safe and strong.
Below are five distractions that may damage your marriage. While some may seem harmless, be assured that the potential exists for any of these to create divisions and pull a couple apart. For example, when something makes you angry with your spouse, you both become vulnerable. God's Word instructs and warns us, "Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and don't give the devil an opportunity." (Ephesians 4:26-27, HCSB)
I pray God will show you which of these you may need to work on so that your marriage has the best chance of survival and godly success.
Dangerous Distractions
1. Children - Children are a blessing, but it is easy to put the children and their needs and demands ahead of your marriage relationship. It is imperative that you preserve time for the two of you and keep your marriage #1.
2. Work – Your work may be overwhelming at times. You may feel pressure to keep up or to climb the ladder of success in your career. If you both work, there are more challenges and roller coasters of good and bad times at work that impact your personal life. As a couple, you must decide that your work will not jump in front of your commitment to each other. You may need to set up accountability and boundaries to keep things in perspective. When you are not at work or are on family vacation you can choose to refuse business calls and e-mails. It is possible to give adequate commitment to work while still maintaining your marriage as a higher priority.
3. Individual hobbies – Many couples have different interests and you will do some things by yourself or with friends who enjoy the same things. However, it is important that you intentionally choose to do some mutually enjoyable activities together. Too much social time apart is potentially dangerous. Be creative and find some old or new hobbies you can enjoy together!
4. Friends – Hanging out with one or more of your own friends is good, but at times these relationships can become a distraction. Your friends must not take priority over your marriage! Watch out especially for easy friendships with someone of the opposite sex. Guard your heart and your marriage. Treat your spouse like your best friend and you will probably be reminded that he or she really is your best friend!
5. Activities - Too many activities is a killer of marriages. You have so many choices and opportunities. It is easy to over-commit and then suffer the consequences. Discuss this subject and come up with a plan for protecting your couple time and family time. Guard your calendar. Set dates and getaways as a couple and decline other things that might override your commitment to each other. It is easier to be considerate of each other and support one another when commitments are accepted or declined together.
These are just a few possible distractions. In our next newsletter, we will address five more. Keep in mind that Satan does not want your marriage to flourish, but God's Word says, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate." (Matthew 19:6, HCSB)
"Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil." (Ephesians 6:10-11, HCSB)
J.B. and Shugie
The Collingsworths travel around the country, coaching churches and couples on how to build strong marriages. Their ministry is based in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. If you are interested in having them speak at your church, contact them at 1(800)404-MAFM (6361).
In every marriage, at all times, in all seasons of life, it is important to keep your relationship top priority. It is easy at times and harder at other times, but you must commit that your spouse is the most important human being in the world to you. And you have to follow up that commitment with choices supporting your decision, when you feel like it and when you don't!
Be forewarned – Satan does not want your marriage to succeed and he will bait your life with many temptations and distractions to bring havoc to your marriage relationship. God knows this and that is why His Word is filled with warnings and instructions for keeping your marriage safe and strong.
Below are five distractions that may damage your marriage. While some may seem harmless, be assured that the potential exists for any of these to create divisions and pull a couple apart. For example, when something makes you angry with your spouse, you both become vulnerable. God's Word instructs and warns us, "Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and don't give the devil an opportunity." (Ephesians 4:26-27, HCSB)
I pray God will show you which of these you may need to work on so that your marriage has the best chance of survival and godly success.
Dangerous Distractions
1. Children - Children are a blessing, but it is easy to put the children and their needs and demands ahead of your marriage relationship. It is imperative that you preserve time for the two of you and keep your marriage #1.
2. Work – Your work may be overwhelming at times. You may feel pressure to keep up or to climb the ladder of success in your career. If you both work, there are more challenges and roller coasters of good and bad times at work that impact your personal life. As a couple, you must decide that your work will not jump in front of your commitment to each other. You may need to set up accountability and boundaries to keep things in perspective. When you are not at work or are on family vacation you can choose to refuse business calls and e-mails. It is possible to give adequate commitment to work while still maintaining your marriage as a higher priority.
3. Individual hobbies – Many couples have different interests and you will do some things by yourself or with friends who enjoy the same things. However, it is important that you intentionally choose to do some mutually enjoyable activities together. Too much social time apart is potentially dangerous. Be creative and find some old or new hobbies you can enjoy together!
4. Friends – Hanging out with one or more of your own friends is good, but at times these relationships can become a distraction. Your friends must not take priority over your marriage! Watch out especially for easy friendships with someone of the opposite sex. Guard your heart and your marriage. Treat your spouse like your best friend and you will probably be reminded that he or she really is your best friend!
5. Activities - Too many activities is a killer of marriages. You have so many choices and opportunities. It is easy to over-commit and then suffer the consequences. Discuss this subject and come up with a plan for protecting your couple time and family time. Guard your calendar. Set dates and getaways as a couple and decline other things that might override your commitment to each other. It is easier to be considerate of each other and support one another when commitments are accepted or declined together.
These are just a few possible distractions. In our next newsletter, we will address five more. Keep in mind that Satan does not want your marriage to flourish, but God's Word says, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate." (Matthew 19:6, HCSB)
"Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil." (Ephesians 6:10-11, HCSB)
J.B. and Shugie
The Collingsworths travel around the country, coaching churches and couples on how to build strong marriages. Their ministry is based in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. If you are interested in having them speak at your church, contact them at 1(800)404-MAFM (6361).
Seminar: How To Be Joyful No Matter What
hi pastor's wife, thought i'd share these treasures i've gathered from a women's seminar held here
How to Be Joyful No Matter What
Kay Warren
July 27, 200
6GCF,Ortigas, Philippines
Joy..
.a. an unshakeable assurance or total confidence that God is in contral in every detail of our lives.
b. a determined purpose to praise Him no matter what.
c. has to do with the choices we make and not with the circumstances we are in
d. not related to what happens in our lives
5 Ways to Choose Joy as a daily basis
1. See the humor in life.
Laugh at the absurdities of life. Life is hard and God has given us funny situations to help us cope.
2. Practice gratitude.
a. We're often blind to the goodness of God in our lives:comparing ourselves with others, thinking God favors somebody else more than us, that He is shows more goodness of His with others...
b. Have 'stones of remembrance' (altar of remembrance) of God's faithfulness.
3. Become a giver.( give of yourself in every situation)
Gal 6:10
a. Don't wait till you have time or resources before you become a giver."out of their deep poverty, they gave...."
b. When u withhold yourself from others, you withhold God from them.
I'm just busy. ?
4. Live IN the moment. (not live for the moment)
a. Understand that every moment that comes your way is a God-given moment, and have joy in that.
b. Experience joy in the moment.
c. Don't wait for perfection before u experience joy and before u "love this moment". Don't wait for your marriage, your work, ministry, family, situation to be perfect before you experience joy.
d. Sometimes, moments are all we have.
5. Find the "blessing" in the mess.Phil 4:8a.
Life is like a multiple tracks that run parallel together, where the good and the bad, the joy and the sorrow, exist and run together .
b. God can ressurect a dead marriage.
c. Become someone who trusts God through the tears.
Choose Joy...
IN SPITE OF
IN THE MIDDLE OF (some circumstances may never seem to change)EVEN IF
He who sees the end from the beginning, knows what He is doing."
Joy and Peace: not a denial of the circumstances I am in but a confident acceptance of them.
Forgiveness is precursor to joy.
Lesosns from the unforgiving servant in Matthew
a. We love poorly...as a result we hurt others.
b. God is the only person who can love you to ALL YOUR INMOST BEING
c. He loved me to the deepeest level of who I am!
d. God sees u at your deepest level and has forgiven you. That should allow you to respond to others in the same way.
e. The unforgiving becomes the unforgiven....The quality of forgiveness I exhibit to others is the same quality I will get.
Matthew: forgive to be forgivenJames: show mercy to get mercy
f. Unforgiveness is like a bed sore that eats its way through flesh and bones.
g. stories you rehearse and retell are sign of unforgiveness
"God is always faithful"
How to Be Joyful No Matter What
Kay Warren
July 27, 200
6GCF,Ortigas, Philippines
Joy..
.a. an unshakeable assurance or total confidence that God is in contral in every detail of our lives.
b. a determined purpose to praise Him no matter what.
c. has to do with the choices we make and not with the circumstances we are in
d. not related to what happens in our lives
5 Ways to Choose Joy as a daily basis
1. See the humor in life.
Laugh at the absurdities of life. Life is hard and God has given us funny situations to help us cope.
2. Practice gratitude.
a. We're often blind to the goodness of God in our lives:comparing ourselves with others, thinking God favors somebody else more than us, that He is shows more goodness of His with others...
b. Have 'stones of remembrance' (altar of remembrance) of God's faithfulness.
3. Become a giver.( give of yourself in every situation)
Gal 6:10
a. Don't wait till you have time or resources before you become a giver."out of their deep poverty, they gave...."
b. When u withhold yourself from others, you withhold God from them.
I'm just busy. ?
4. Live IN the moment. (not live for the moment)
a. Understand that every moment that comes your way is a God-given moment, and have joy in that.
b. Experience joy in the moment.
c. Don't wait for perfection before u experience joy and before u "love this moment". Don't wait for your marriage, your work, ministry, family, situation to be perfect before you experience joy.
d. Sometimes, moments are all we have.
5. Find the "blessing" in the mess.Phil 4:8a.
Life is like a multiple tracks that run parallel together, where the good and the bad, the joy and the sorrow, exist and run together .
b. God can ressurect a dead marriage.
c. Become someone who trusts God through the tears.
Choose Joy...
IN SPITE OF
IN THE MIDDLE OF (some circumstances may never seem to change)EVEN IF
He who sees the end from the beginning, knows what He is doing."
Joy and Peace: not a denial of the circumstances I am in but a confident acceptance of them.
Forgiveness is precursor to joy.
Lesosns from the unforgiving servant in Matthew
a. We love poorly...as a result we hurt others.
b. God is the only person who can love you to ALL YOUR INMOST BEING
c. He loved me to the deepeest level of who I am!
d. God sees u at your deepest level and has forgiven you. That should allow you to respond to others in the same way.
e. The unforgiving becomes the unforgiven....The quality of forgiveness I exhibit to others is the same quality I will get.
Matthew: forgive to be forgivenJames: show mercy to get mercy
f. Unforgiveness is like a bed sore that eats its way through flesh and bones.
g. stories you rehearse and retell are sign of unforgiveness
"God is always faithful"
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
What Does Love Mean
What Does Love Mean?
Author Unknown
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
1. "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got 14.arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8
2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
3.Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Karl - age 5
4."Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6
5."Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4
6.Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7
7."Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8
8."Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen," Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
9.If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka, age 6
10."There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them." Jenny - age 8
11."Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7
12."Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6
13. "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore,"
Cindy - age 8
14."My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
15."Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5
16."Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7
17."Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
18."I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4
19."When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7
20."Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6
21.You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica - age 8
22.And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."
Author Unknown
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
1. "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got 14.arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8
2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4
3.Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Karl - age 5
4."Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6
5."Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4
6.Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7
7."Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8
8."Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen," Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
9.If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka, age 6
10."There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them." Jenny - age 8
11."Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7
12."Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6
13. "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore,"
Cindy - age 8
14."My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
15."Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5
16."Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7
17."Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4
18."I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4
19."When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7
20."Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6
21.You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica - age 8
22.And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."
Thursday, July 06, 2006
15 Things God Won't Ask
15 things God Won't Ask
Written by: Unknown
Source: CCN
God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but will ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.
God won't ask the square footage of your house, but will ask how many people you welcomed into your house.
God won't ask about the fancy clothes you had in your closet, but will ask how many of those clothes helped the needy.
God won't ask about your social status, but will ask what kind of class you displayed.
God won't ask how many material possessions you had, but will ask if they dictated your life.
God won't ask what your highest salary was, but will ask if you compromised your character to obtain that salary.
God won't ask how much overtime you worked, but will ask if you worked overtime for your family and loved ones.
God won't ask how many promotions you received, but will ask how you promoted others.
God won't ask what your job title was, but will ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.
God won't ask what you did to help yourself, but will ask what you did to help others.
God won't ask how many friends you had, but will ask how many people to whom you were a true friend.
God won't ask what you did to protect your rights, but will ask what you did to protect the rights of others.
God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, but will ask how you treated your neighbors.
God won't ask about the color of your skin, but will ask about the content of your character.
And God won't ask how many times your deeds matched your words, but will ask how many times they didn't
Written by: Unknown
Source: CCN
God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but will ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.
God won't ask the square footage of your house, but will ask how many people you welcomed into your house.
God won't ask about the fancy clothes you had in your closet, but will ask how many of those clothes helped the needy.
God won't ask about your social status, but will ask what kind of class you displayed.
God won't ask how many material possessions you had, but will ask if they dictated your life.
God won't ask what your highest salary was, but will ask if you compromised your character to obtain that salary.
God won't ask how much overtime you worked, but will ask if you worked overtime for your family and loved ones.
God won't ask how many promotions you received, but will ask how you promoted others.
God won't ask what your job title was, but will ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.
God won't ask what you did to help yourself, but will ask what you did to help others.
God won't ask how many friends you had, but will ask how many people to whom you were a true friend.
God won't ask what you did to protect your rights, but will ask what you did to protect the rights of others.
God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, but will ask how you treated your neighbors.
God won't ask about the color of your skin, but will ask about the content of your character.
And God won't ask how many times your deeds matched your words, but will ask how many times they didn't
Saturday, July 01, 2006
NEWS: Religious Switching in America Today
[Religion Trends]
A Look at Religious Switching in America Today
The Gallup Poll, USA
June 23, 2006
Frank Newport
poll.gallup.com
Princeton, USA - Seventy-two percent of Americans claim to have maintained the same religious preference during their entire lifetime. Fifteen percent say they have changed from one religious preference to another. Ten percent say they had moved away from religion altogether. These data were obtained in response to the following question asked in a recent June 9-11 Gallup Poll:
Which of the following best describes you:
Always the same religious preference - 72%
Switched from one religious preference to another - 15%
Moved away from any religion whatsoever - 10%
No opinion - 3%
HERE ARE THE RESPONSES
You disagreed with the teachings of your original religion
Major reason - 40%
Minor reason - 24%
Not a reason at all - 34%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 2%
No opinion - 1%
You found a new religion that is more fulfilling
Major reason - 38%
Minor reason - 14%
Not a reason at all - 46%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 1%
No opinion - 1%
You grew dissatisfied with your local church and as a result changed religions
Major reason - 26%
Minor reason - 18%
Not a reason at all - 52%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 4%
No opinion - 1%
You disliked the fact that the leaders were struggling with each other to control the direction of your religion
Major reason - 25%
Minor reason - 18%
Not a reason at all - 54%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 2%
No opinion - 1%
You married someone from another religion
Major reason - 12%
Minor reason - 10%
Not a reason at all - 74%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 3%
No opinion - --
You moved and could not find a church of your religion that you liked
Major reason - 9%
Minor reason - 14%
Not a reason at all - 75%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 2%
No opinion - *
(vol.) Volunteered Response
* Less than 0.5%
Previous research has suggested that individuals sometimes switch religions for quite practical reasons: marriage to a spouse of a different faith, the desire to worship with individuals of one's social class after undergoing upward social mobility, and moving to an area in which there are no churches of one's original faith.
These data, however, suggest that religious switchers are most likely to do so because of a disconnect between their beliefs and goals and what their former religion was teaching or providing. At the top of the list of reasons for switching are the statements "You disagreed with the teachings of your original religion" and "You found a new religion that is more fulfilling." Of those who changed religions, 40% and 38% respectively cited these as major reasons for their switch. Switchers are much less likely to agree that the practical reasons of moving and marriage were reasons for the change.
Although the sample sizes involved are small, it is instructive to look at the importance of these reasons for leaving one's religious preference among those who have switched from one religion to another and those who switched away from religion altogether:
Reasons for Religious Switching
You disagreed with the teachings of your original religion
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 37%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 44%
You found a new religion that is more fulfilling
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 63%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 2%
You grew dissatisfied with your local church and as a result changed religions
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 31%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 18%
You disliked the fact that the leaders were struggling with each other to control the direction of your religion
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 23%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 29%
You married someone from another religion
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 20%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 1%
You moved and could not find a church of your religion that you liked
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 12%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 4%
These data show the same basic pattern discussed earlier. Those who switched from one religion to another are by far most likely to agree that having found a "new religion that is more fulfilling" is of major importance as a reason why they switched. That's followed by disagreement with the teachings of the original religion, and dissatisfaction with one's local church. The practical reasons of moving and marriage are still at the bottom of the list among these inter-religious switchers.
Not surprisingly, those who switched away from religion altogether are most likely to agree that a disagreement with the teachings of the original religion was of major importance as a reason behind this switch.
News reports are full of stories of squabbles within religions and Protestant denominations over various doctrinal issues (e.g., the Episcopalians, the Presbyterians, Southern Baptists). Of some interest is the fact that those who switched out of religion altogether are as likely to cite these types of internecine fights as a reason of major importance than are those who switched between religions, and that at least one out of five of those in both groups say leader disagreement has major importance. This suggests that struggles among church leaders in many religions today could be having a harmful effect on the viability of the religious group.
There is an interesting correlation between church attendance and inter-religious switching.
Twenty-one percent of those who currently report attending church on a weekly basis say that they have shifted religious preference at some point in their lifetime, compared to 11% of those who seldom or never attend.
It is impossible to determine causality here. It may be that less-active church members become more active once they have switched and found a more compatible church. It is also likely that active church members are those most likely to take the time and effort to explore the possibility of switching to a new religion if they do not find their current religion to be fulfilling. At any rate, this correlation suggests that active, involved church members may also be the most mobile. This is not surprising, but could stand as a wake-up call for church leaders.
Some differences exist by age in those who report having switched out of religion altogether.
The percentages decrease from 19% of those aged 18 to 29 to just 6% of those aged 65 and older.
Of course, we do not know what has happened during the course of these individuals' lives. In other words, older Americans may have shifted out of religion when they were young, and then back into a religious identity at a subsequent point in their lives. This "drop out in college and return to religion when the kids are born" pattern is the conventional wisdom about lifestyle changes in religiosity, but cannot be verified with these data. We can simply confirm the fact that young people are the least likely to claim a religious preference (based on data reviewed elsewhere), and are also the most likely to say they have shifted away from religion altogether. Of great concern to church leaders, of course, is the question of whether or not these young people will come back to religion as they age and as their life and familial circumstances change.
Survey Methods
These results are based on telephone interviews with a randomly selected national sample of 1,002 adults, 18 years and older, conducted June 9-11, 2006. For results based on these samples, one can say with 95% confidence that the maximum error attributable to sampling and other random effects is ±3 percentage points. In addition to sampling error, question wording and practical difficulties in conducting surveys can introduce error or bias into the findings of public opinion polls.
A Look at Religious Switching in America Today
The Gallup Poll, USA
June 23, 2006
Frank Newport
poll.gallup.com
Princeton, USA - Seventy-two percent of Americans claim to have maintained the same religious preference during their entire lifetime. Fifteen percent say they have changed from one religious preference to another. Ten percent say they had moved away from religion altogether. These data were obtained in response to the following question asked in a recent June 9-11 Gallup Poll:
Which of the following best describes you:
Always the same religious preference - 72%
Switched from one religious preference to another - 15%
Moved away from any religion whatsoever - 10%
No opinion - 3%
HERE ARE THE RESPONSES
You disagreed with the teachings of your original religion
Major reason - 40%
Minor reason - 24%
Not a reason at all - 34%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 2%
No opinion - 1%
You found a new religion that is more fulfilling
Major reason - 38%
Minor reason - 14%
Not a reason at all - 46%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 1%
No opinion - 1%
You grew dissatisfied with your local church and as a result changed religions
Major reason - 26%
Minor reason - 18%
Not a reason at all - 52%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 4%
No opinion - 1%
You disliked the fact that the leaders were struggling with each other to control the direction of your religion
Major reason - 25%
Minor reason - 18%
Not a reason at all - 54%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 2%
No opinion - 1%
You married someone from another religion
Major reason - 12%
Minor reason - 10%
Not a reason at all - 74%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 3%
No opinion - --
You moved and could not find a church of your religion that you liked
Major reason - 9%
Minor reason - 14%
Not a reason at all - 75%
DOESN'T APPLY (vol.) - 2%
No opinion - *
(vol.) Volunteered Response
* Less than 0.5%
Previous research has suggested that individuals sometimes switch religions for quite practical reasons: marriage to a spouse of a different faith, the desire to worship with individuals of one's social class after undergoing upward social mobility, and moving to an area in which there are no churches of one's original faith.
These data, however, suggest that religious switchers are most likely to do so because of a disconnect between their beliefs and goals and what their former religion was teaching or providing. At the top of the list of reasons for switching are the statements "You disagreed with the teachings of your original religion" and "You found a new religion that is more fulfilling." Of those who changed religions, 40% and 38% respectively cited these as major reasons for their switch. Switchers are much less likely to agree that the practical reasons of moving and marriage were reasons for the change.
Although the sample sizes involved are small, it is instructive to look at the importance of these reasons for leaving one's religious preference among those who have switched from one religion to another and those who switched away from religion altogether:
Reasons for Religious Switching
You disagreed with the teachings of your original religion
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 37%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 44%
You found a new religion that is more fulfilling
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 63%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 2%
You grew dissatisfied with your local church and as a result changed religions
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 31%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 18%
You disliked the fact that the leaders were struggling with each other to control the direction of your religion
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 23%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 29%
You married someone from another religion
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 20%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 1%
You moved and could not find a church of your religion that you liked
Those Who Switched From One Religion to Another - 12%
Those Who Switched Away From Religion Altogether - 4%
These data show the same basic pattern discussed earlier. Those who switched from one religion to another are by far most likely to agree that having found a "new religion that is more fulfilling" is of major importance as a reason why they switched. That's followed by disagreement with the teachings of the original religion, and dissatisfaction with one's local church. The practical reasons of moving and marriage are still at the bottom of the list among these inter-religious switchers.
Not surprisingly, those who switched away from religion altogether are most likely to agree that a disagreement with the teachings of the original religion was of major importance as a reason behind this switch.
News reports are full of stories of squabbles within religions and Protestant denominations over various doctrinal issues (e.g., the Episcopalians, the Presbyterians, Southern Baptists). Of some interest is the fact that those who switched out of religion altogether are as likely to cite these types of internecine fights as a reason of major importance than are those who switched between religions, and that at least one out of five of those in both groups say leader disagreement has major importance. This suggests that struggles among church leaders in many religions today could be having a harmful effect on the viability of the religious group.
There is an interesting correlation between church attendance and inter-religious switching.
Twenty-one percent of those who currently report attending church on a weekly basis say that they have shifted religious preference at some point in their lifetime, compared to 11% of those who seldom or never attend.
It is impossible to determine causality here. It may be that less-active church members become more active once they have switched and found a more compatible church. It is also likely that active church members are those most likely to take the time and effort to explore the possibility of switching to a new religion if they do not find their current religion to be fulfilling. At any rate, this correlation suggests that active, involved church members may also be the most mobile. This is not surprising, but could stand as a wake-up call for church leaders.
Some differences exist by age in those who report having switched out of religion altogether.
The percentages decrease from 19% of those aged 18 to 29 to just 6% of those aged 65 and older.
Of course, we do not know what has happened during the course of these individuals' lives. In other words, older Americans may have shifted out of religion when they were young, and then back into a religious identity at a subsequent point in their lives. This "drop out in college and return to religion when the kids are born" pattern is the conventional wisdom about lifestyle changes in religiosity, but cannot be verified with these data. We can simply confirm the fact that young people are the least likely to claim a religious preference (based on data reviewed elsewhere), and are also the most likely to say they have shifted away from religion altogether. Of great concern to church leaders, of course, is the question of whether or not these young people will come back to religion as they age and as their life and familial circumstances change.
Survey Methods
These results are based on telephone interviews with a randomly selected national sample of 1,002 adults, 18 years and older, conducted June 9-11, 2006. For results based on these samples, one can say with 95% confidence that the maximum error attributable to sampling and other random effects is ±3 percentage points. In addition to sampling error, question wording and practical difficulties in conducting surveys can introduce error or bias into the findings of public opinion polls.
4 New Expectations for Mentors
pastor's wife, we found this resource article on MENTORING...
Rebekah Montgomery, Editor
Mentors are important to everyone, but especially to women. In Titus 2, Paul tells women to mentor one another.
Right to the Heart of Women editor Rebekah Montgomery gives us 4 New Expectations for Mentors.
-------
When I entered the ministry, I thought I knew it all - until I grew up a little. Then I was desperate for another woman who could show me the ropes so I wouldn't accidentally hang myself.
I needed a mentor. Actually, what I discovered was that I needed several mentors in different areas.
I still do. But experience has taught me to have new expectations of ministry mentors.
Old Expectation:
My mentors and I should have a lot - gifts, callings, goals, doctrines, experiences, etc. - in common.
New Expectation:
Mentors can be mismatches.
Women tend to be comfortable with other women with which they have a lot in common. But that doesn't leave much room for challenge or personnel growth. And it limits ministry potential. If a certain Carpenter hadn't reached out to include fishermen, a tax collector, and a political extremist in His sphere of influence, where would we all be? We should do the same.
Old Expectation: I look for my mentor higher-up on the "food chain."
New Expectation: A good mentor is anyone I can learn from.
A prominent writer/speaker related how a wannabe followed her around at an event with puppy dog eyes wanting to be mentored. "She didn't seem to care that I was in the middle of a family crisis. She wanted only to tell me about herself and her ministry. She saw me only as a stepping stone instead of a friend."
There are literally millions of Godly anointed women the world over. Be open to learn what you can from every one God puts in your path. But be sensitive. It's more important to build relationships than to build your ministry.
Old Expectation: Mentors pick their protégés.
New Expectation: Protégés pick their mentors.
Women often ask me how I became involved with Right to the Heart ministries. Initially, it was recommended to me by Gene Kent, husband of Carol Kent. Believe me: I studied the ministry and Linda Evans Shepherd very carefully. Then I volunteered to help.
I suggest that you do the same if you are seeking a ministry mentor. Study the ministry and its leaders. Ask questions. If you have something to contribute, volunteer. Don't expect to be paid. Come to serve.
Old Expectation: You're a mentor or a "mentee".
New Expectation: Everyone needs mentors.
Be quick to learn. Women can be very judgmental of one another, slicing and dicing another woman down to size. Learn from the woman whose ministry God is blessing rather than harbor jealousy or speak against it.
And be quick to be a shoulder others can lean on. You'll learn a lot. You give as much as you get when you are a mentor to others.
Rebekah Montgomery is the editor of Right to the Heart of Women e-zine, a publisher at Jubilant Press, and the author of numerous books on spiritual growth. She can be contacted for comments or speaking engagements at rebekahmontgomery.com
Rebekah Montgomery, Editor
Mentors are important to everyone, but especially to women. In Titus 2, Paul tells women to mentor one another.
Right to the Heart of Women editor Rebekah Montgomery gives us 4 New Expectations for Mentors.
-------
When I entered the ministry, I thought I knew it all - until I grew up a little. Then I was desperate for another woman who could show me the ropes so I wouldn't accidentally hang myself.
I needed a mentor. Actually, what I discovered was that I needed several mentors in different areas.
I still do. But experience has taught me to have new expectations of ministry mentors.
Old Expectation:
My mentors and I should have a lot - gifts, callings, goals, doctrines, experiences, etc. - in common.
New Expectation:
Mentors can be mismatches.
Women tend to be comfortable with other women with which they have a lot in common. But that doesn't leave much room for challenge or personnel growth. And it limits ministry potential. If a certain Carpenter hadn't reached out to include fishermen, a tax collector, and a political extremist in His sphere of influence, where would we all be? We should do the same.
Old Expectation: I look for my mentor higher-up on the "food chain."
New Expectation: A good mentor is anyone I can learn from.
A prominent writer/speaker related how a wannabe followed her around at an event with puppy dog eyes wanting to be mentored. "She didn't seem to care that I was in the middle of a family crisis. She wanted only to tell me about herself and her ministry. She saw me only as a stepping stone instead of a friend."
There are literally millions of Godly anointed women the world over. Be open to learn what you can from every one God puts in your path. But be sensitive. It's more important to build relationships than to build your ministry.
Old Expectation: Mentors pick their protégés.
New Expectation: Protégés pick their mentors.
Women often ask me how I became involved with Right to the Heart ministries. Initially, it was recommended to me by Gene Kent, husband of Carol Kent. Believe me: I studied the ministry and Linda Evans Shepherd very carefully. Then I volunteered to help.
I suggest that you do the same if you are seeking a ministry mentor. Study the ministry and its leaders. Ask questions. If you have something to contribute, volunteer. Don't expect to be paid. Come to serve.
Old Expectation: You're a mentor or a "mentee".
New Expectation: Everyone needs mentors.
Be quick to learn. Women can be very judgmental of one another, slicing and dicing another woman down to size. Learn from the woman whose ministry God is blessing rather than harbor jealousy or speak against it.
And be quick to be a shoulder others can lean on. You'll learn a lot. You give as much as you get when you are a mentor to others.
Rebekah Montgomery is the editor of Right to the Heart of Women e-zine, a publisher at Jubilant Press, and the author of numerous books on spiritual growth. She can be contacted for comments or speaking engagements at rebekahmontgomery.com
The Effects Of Complacency in Marriage
pastor's wife, a resource article on marriage
Written by JB & Shugie Collingsworth
Early marriage bliss! Nothing could compare to it, and nothing could change how you felt. The warmth of a smile, a touch, or a short embrace would leave you feeling as if you had just flown…without a plane! You would look at him or her with awe and wonder how you could be so fortunate. Life was good!
What happens many times to that wonder and awe when we marry? What is it that can lead to the disintegration of marriage? Volumes of books could be written and there would not be enough paper to underscore all the problems couples face. Galatians 6:9 encourages us to “not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up.” (HCSB) That verse probably should be etched on the hearts of every married couple who faces trials.
Five Ways to Combat Complacency
1. Prevent Minor Problems from Becoming Major Ones
Problems start snowballing unless we do something to stop them. I remember the call. It was from a newlywed couple—struggling with new issues, things that didn’t crop up before marriage. The husband said, “J.B. we want to get some minor things we see cropping up resolved before they turn into bigger issues—nothing major is going on, just minor things, but we need help.” Wow! I call that maximum efficiency—preventing minor problems from becoming major ones.
Why is it that many people settle for minimum efficiency marriages? God wants us to follow His plan, and often we choose the one of least resistance. Why? Because there are things that need to be changed that aren’t being changed, and things that need to take place that aren’t taking place.
2. Change Your Attitude
Ask your spouse, children, or even co-workers, “How is my attitude these days?” They will tell you the truth. If we are honest, we all struggle with this issue from time to time. I have always told my children,”The one thing I will not put up with is a bad attitude.” But if we struggle with negativity and ill will, unresolved hurts become bigger and bigger each day.
3. Get Motivated
Motivation plays a huge part in our lives. We must have a desire for things to get better. Have you ever given a woman a book and said, “This will really help you?” She will usually devour that book in no time. Give the average man a book and say that same thing, and many times it will sit and gather dust. Why is this? Some people are more motivated by change than others. I am not a “rut person,” I don’t even like driving the same way to work each day.
4. Be Willing to Do What it Takes
“Oh, I want to change and do better—I promise.” So many individuals struggle with this issue. One spouse wants one thing and the other spouse another. It is so important that we do what the other spouse needs us to do in order to be servants to one another. We are not to put one person over the other, but in loving-kindness we are to care for one another. When change needs to take place we must be mature enough to do what it takes.
5. Use Word Pictures to Communicate
I was talking to a man one time who just could not grasp what I was telling him he needed to do for his wife. He was clueless! Finally, to communicate that he was taking his wife for granted, I used a golf illustration. Being a golfer, he got it!
I simply said, “Pretend someone gave you some great clubs—your dream set. You took such good care of them when you got them, always cleaning them and the bag after each round. One day you stopped doing that each time you played. One night, you even left them outside in the rain. You began leaving them in the trunk of your car. Then one day you couldn’t find them only to remember you let someone borrow them and they broke your driver..."
The same is true of marriage…we may nurture it in the beginning but unless we cultivate it all along the way it will never be all God intended for it to be.
JB & Shugie Collingsworth travel around the country, coaching churches and couples on how to build strong marriages. Their ministry is based in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex.
Written by JB & Shugie Collingsworth
Early marriage bliss! Nothing could compare to it, and nothing could change how you felt. The warmth of a smile, a touch, or a short embrace would leave you feeling as if you had just flown…without a plane! You would look at him or her with awe and wonder how you could be so fortunate. Life was good!
What happens many times to that wonder and awe when we marry? What is it that can lead to the disintegration of marriage? Volumes of books could be written and there would not be enough paper to underscore all the problems couples face. Galatians 6:9 encourages us to “not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up.” (HCSB) That verse probably should be etched on the hearts of every married couple who faces trials.
Five Ways to Combat Complacency
1. Prevent Minor Problems from Becoming Major Ones
Problems start snowballing unless we do something to stop them. I remember the call. It was from a newlywed couple—struggling with new issues, things that didn’t crop up before marriage. The husband said, “J.B. we want to get some minor things we see cropping up resolved before they turn into bigger issues—nothing major is going on, just minor things, but we need help.” Wow! I call that maximum efficiency—preventing minor problems from becoming major ones.
Why is it that many people settle for minimum efficiency marriages? God wants us to follow His plan, and often we choose the one of least resistance. Why? Because there are things that need to be changed that aren’t being changed, and things that need to take place that aren’t taking place.
2. Change Your Attitude
Ask your spouse, children, or even co-workers, “How is my attitude these days?” They will tell you the truth. If we are honest, we all struggle with this issue from time to time. I have always told my children,”The one thing I will not put up with is a bad attitude.” But if we struggle with negativity and ill will, unresolved hurts become bigger and bigger each day.
3. Get Motivated
Motivation plays a huge part in our lives. We must have a desire for things to get better. Have you ever given a woman a book and said, “This will really help you?” She will usually devour that book in no time. Give the average man a book and say that same thing, and many times it will sit and gather dust. Why is this? Some people are more motivated by change than others. I am not a “rut person,” I don’t even like driving the same way to work each day.
4. Be Willing to Do What it Takes
“Oh, I want to change and do better—I promise.” So many individuals struggle with this issue. One spouse wants one thing and the other spouse another. It is so important that we do what the other spouse needs us to do in order to be servants to one another. We are not to put one person over the other, but in loving-kindness we are to care for one another. When change needs to take place we must be mature enough to do what it takes.
5. Use Word Pictures to Communicate
I was talking to a man one time who just could not grasp what I was telling him he needed to do for his wife. He was clueless! Finally, to communicate that he was taking his wife for granted, I used a golf illustration. Being a golfer, he got it!
I simply said, “Pretend someone gave you some great clubs—your dream set. You took such good care of them when you got them, always cleaning them and the bag after each round. One day you stopped doing that each time you played. One night, you even left them outside in the rain. You began leaving them in the trunk of your car. Then one day you couldn’t find them only to remember you let someone borrow them and they broke your driver..."
The same is true of marriage…we may nurture it in the beginning but unless we cultivate it all along the way it will never be all God intended for it to be.
JB & Shugie Collingsworth travel around the country, coaching churches and couples on how to build strong marriages. Their ministry is based in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Being Content in Your Marriage
pastor`s wife, a resource article on MARRIAGE,
from lifeway
Written by Rodney A. Wilson
Way back in the 20th century, a rich man was asked, “How much
money would it take to satisfy you?”
He replied, “Just a little more.”
That’s a sad story because it reveals that this man would never be
satisfied even though he was extremely wealthy.
Contrast that man’s attitude with Paul’s, as expressed in Philippians
4:12: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every
situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in
want.”
How did these two men end up on opposite ends of the fulfillment
spectrum? Did Paul have a corner on the contentment market? No.
And you may be wondering if genuine contentment really is possible
for marriages in today’s fast-paced, “give me more, more, more”
world.
Let’s look at what contentment is and is not.
Contentment Is ...
Having peace in your marriage; knowing that although the two of
you aren’t perfect, you’re making progress.
Christ-centered. Being aware that even though you still have “room
to grow” as a couple, God is in your marriage, and He is enough
regardless of what you do and do not possess.
Contentment Is Not ...
A lack of ambition. Indeed, couples need to pursue new areas of
growth in their relationship and celebrate when those goals are
reached. The success of one’s marriage, however, should not be
measured by meeting or missing goals.
I
t’s a good idea to check your motives when setting goals and
balance your ambition with wisdom. Ask each other, “Why are we
setting this goal?” or “Will the Lord be pleased when we achieve
this goal?”
A lack of conflict. Can peace and anger co-exist in the same home?
Remember that peace is based on a relationship with the Lord, not
on the absence or presence of disagreement. God is the true source
of any contentment we have.
Such peace, however, does not guarantee a 100-percent,
argument-free marriage. However, with the foundation of God’s
presence and the peace He brings, you can face conflict with
confidence.
Perhaps that sounds like a paradox, but it works. Practice being
content – even when your honey is steamed at you.
A destination. You never “arrive” at contentment. You practice it. It is
a tributary that flows out of your relationship with God. See it as a
work in progress rather than a state of being. Seek growth, not
perfection, and seek to be journey-oriented rather than
achievement-driven.
Benefits to Your Marriage
How does being content help your marriage?
1. Contentment provides stability. When you and your spouse are
content in your marriage, you are aware that you love and accept
each other based on who you are, not on what one spouse has done
for the other lately.
2. Contentment keeps you from panicking during a crisis. I remember
one of those dues-paying, character-building chapters of our early
marriage. We had moved and were trying to sell a house in another
city. Mortgage rates were approaching 20 percent. Selma, my wife,
was seven months pregnant. At the same time we received word that
the house we were currently renting had been sold out from under
us! Selma then made a memorable observation: “We’re making two
monthly payments for housing, and still don’t have anywhere to
live!”
We laugh about that crisis now, but only the security of Christ in our
lives throughout that struggle kept us from falling apart. One by one
the issues were resolved as God’s presence and provision never
failed us.
3. Contentment keeps things in perspective. Sometimes it appears as
if everyone is screaming at you, more is better, and the busier you
are the more impressive you will be. You don’t have to buy into the
world’s values when you and your partner are experiencing
contentment that comes from the Prince of Peace.
As a couple, pursue all God has in store for you. He has some great
things He wants to do in and through your marriage in 2004. As you
press on toward the goal(s) for this year, be grateful – and content –
that He has provided you a Helper for the journey.
from lifeway
Written by Rodney A. Wilson
Way back in the 20th century, a rich man was asked, “How much
money would it take to satisfy you?”
He replied, “Just a little more.”
That’s a sad story because it reveals that this man would never be
satisfied even though he was extremely wealthy.
Contrast that man’s attitude with Paul’s, as expressed in Philippians
4:12: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every
situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in
want.”
How did these two men end up on opposite ends of the fulfillment
spectrum? Did Paul have a corner on the contentment market? No.
And you may be wondering if genuine contentment really is possible
for marriages in today’s fast-paced, “give me more, more, more”
world.
Let’s look at what contentment is and is not.
Contentment Is ...
Having peace in your marriage; knowing that although the two of
you aren’t perfect, you’re making progress.
Christ-centered. Being aware that even though you still have “room
to grow” as a couple, God is in your marriage, and He is enough
regardless of what you do and do not possess.
Contentment Is Not ...
A lack of ambition. Indeed, couples need to pursue new areas of
growth in their relationship and celebrate when those goals are
reached. The success of one’s marriage, however, should not be
measured by meeting or missing goals.
I
t’s a good idea to check your motives when setting goals and
balance your ambition with wisdom. Ask each other, “Why are we
setting this goal?” or “Will the Lord be pleased when we achieve
this goal?”
A lack of conflict. Can peace and anger co-exist in the same home?
Remember that peace is based on a relationship with the Lord, not
on the absence or presence of disagreement. God is the true source
of any contentment we have.
Such peace, however, does not guarantee a 100-percent,
argument-free marriage. However, with the foundation of God’s
presence and the peace He brings, you can face conflict with
confidence.
Perhaps that sounds like a paradox, but it works. Practice being
content – even when your honey is steamed at you.
A destination. You never “arrive” at contentment. You practice it. It is
a tributary that flows out of your relationship with God. See it as a
work in progress rather than a state of being. Seek growth, not
perfection, and seek to be journey-oriented rather than
achievement-driven.
Benefits to Your Marriage
How does being content help your marriage?
1. Contentment provides stability. When you and your spouse are
content in your marriage, you are aware that you love and accept
each other based on who you are, not on what one spouse has done
for the other lately.
2. Contentment keeps you from panicking during a crisis. I remember
one of those dues-paying, character-building chapters of our early
marriage. We had moved and were trying to sell a house in another
city. Mortgage rates were approaching 20 percent. Selma, my wife,
was seven months pregnant. At the same time we received word that
the house we were currently renting had been sold out from under
us! Selma then made a memorable observation: “We’re making two
monthly payments for housing, and still don’t have anywhere to
live!”
We laugh about that crisis now, but only the security of Christ in our
lives throughout that struggle kept us from falling apart. One by one
the issues were resolved as God’s presence and provision never
failed us.
3. Contentment keeps things in perspective. Sometimes it appears as
if everyone is screaming at you, more is better, and the busier you
are the more impressive you will be. You don’t have to buy into the
world’s values when you and your partner are experiencing
contentment that comes from the Prince of Peace.
As a couple, pursue all God has in store for you. He has some great
things He wants to do in and through your marriage in 2004. As you
press on toward the goal(s) for this year, be grateful – and content –
that He has provided you a Helper for the journey.
4 Christians Arrested for Praying
[Religious Persecution]
Saudi Arabia: Four Christians found praying at home arrested
AsiaNews, Italy
June 19, 2006
www.asianews.it
Jeddah (AsiaNews) – The notorious Muttawa (religious police) have
struck Christians in Saudi Arabia once again. According to the
Compass Direct agency, on 9 June, 10 police armed with wooden
clubs broke into a private residence in Jeddah, arresting four
Christians of African origin who were conducting a prayer service.
The two Ethiopians and two Eritreans are reportedly still detained in
a prison for immigrants in Jeddah.
When the raid of the muttawa took place, more than 100 Eritrean,
Ethiopian and Filipino Christians were gathered in the house in
Al-Rowaise district in Jeddah. The worshippers invited the police to
sit down; the latter waited for three hours until the service was over
and then they arrested the four group leaders: Mekbeb Telahun,
Fekre Gebremedhin, Dawit Uqbay and Masai Wendewesen. All four
except the last are married. Local sources said “some police had
already come two weeks earlier but they did nothing then.”
A Christian who spoke with the detainees by telephone reported they
were “doing fine, with okay morale.” But he said he did not know
how they were being treated, or whether they were undergoing
interrogation. According to local sources, the incident has been
reported to consular officials of the Philippines and the United
States.
The government of Saudi Arabia forbids the practice of any religious
other than the fundamentalist Wahhabite version of Islam. Mission
and any public manifestation like carrying a Bible, a crucifix, a
rosary beads and praying in public, are forbidden. The muttawa,
known for their ruthlessness and violent torture practices, monitor
respect for the ban.
In recent years, thanks to international pressure, the Saudi kingdom
has allowed the practice of other faiths, but only in private. However
the religious police continue to arrest, imprison and torture people
who practice their religion, even if they do so in private.
In the Saudi kingdom, which has a totally Muslim population, it is not
permitted to build places of worship, churches or chapels. There are
no exact statistics about the Christian presence, composed largely of
migrant workers.
Saudi Arabia: Four Christians found praying at home arrested
AsiaNews, Italy
June 19, 2006
www.asianews.it
Jeddah (AsiaNews) – The notorious Muttawa (religious police) have
struck Christians in Saudi Arabia once again. According to the
Compass Direct agency, on 9 June, 10 police armed with wooden
clubs broke into a private residence in Jeddah, arresting four
Christians of African origin who were conducting a prayer service.
The two Ethiopians and two Eritreans are reportedly still detained in
a prison for immigrants in Jeddah.
When the raid of the muttawa took place, more than 100 Eritrean,
Ethiopian and Filipino Christians were gathered in the house in
Al-Rowaise district in Jeddah. The worshippers invited the police to
sit down; the latter waited for three hours until the service was over
and then they arrested the four group leaders: Mekbeb Telahun,
Fekre Gebremedhin, Dawit Uqbay and Masai Wendewesen. All four
except the last are married. Local sources said “some police had
already come two weeks earlier but they did nothing then.”
A Christian who spoke with the detainees by telephone reported they
were “doing fine, with okay morale.” But he said he did not know
how they were being treated, or whether they were undergoing
interrogation. According to local sources, the incident has been
reported to consular officials of the Philippines and the United
States.
The government of Saudi Arabia forbids the practice of any religious
other than the fundamentalist Wahhabite version of Islam. Mission
and any public manifestation like carrying a Bible, a crucifix, a
rosary beads and praying in public, are forbidden. The muttawa,
known for their ruthlessness and violent torture practices, monitor
respect for the ban.
In recent years, thanks to international pressure, the Saudi kingdom
has allowed the practice of other faiths, but only in private. However
the religious police continue to arrest, imprison and torture people
who practice their religion, even if they do so in private.
In the Saudi kingdom, which has a totally Muslim population, it is not
permitted to build places of worship, churches or chapels. There are
no exact statistics about the Christian presence, composed largely of
migrant workers.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Five Common Christian Counseling Errors I
pastor`s wife, a resource article on counseling
Five Common Christian Counseling Errors
Evaluate Your Biblical Counseling Techniques
(c) 2005 Doug Britton
Note: This online Bible study borrows from some of the points in the seminar,
"How to Counsel from Scripture."
When you give advice—as a friend, counselor or pastor—it's easy to harm your effectiveness by making one (or more) of the following mistakes.
As you study, score yourself from 0 to 10 on each point.
"0" means, "I really need to improve in this area."
"10" means, "I'm doing great in this area."
Mistake #1: Giving advice without listeningOne of the biggest mistakes Christians (and others) make is giving quick counsel or advice without carefully listening. When we listen, people trust us more and we are able to give better advice.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him (Proverbs 18:17).
Make it your goal to deeply understand the other person. This is more than just being able to repeat back someone’s words. This is understanding emotions and thoughts. Ask lots of questions. "Listen" to emotions and body language, not just words.
My "listening" score (0-10): ____
Mistake #2: Showing a judgmental or condemning spirit
The person with whom you are speaking (or counseling) may have sinned in almost unthinkable ways or made serious mistakes. However, if you give the message that you are disgusted, he or she is unlikely to benefit from your advice.
Show concern for people who have sinned. They should sense that you care, not that you condemn.
Identify sin as sin, but replace anger, disgust and condemnation with sorrow and concern. Remember that your goal is to restore the other person, to help him or her change.
For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted (Hebrews 2:18).
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin (Hebrews 4:15). Stay humble. Remember that although you may not have committed the same sin, you have committed lots of other serious sins.
My "judgmental attitude" score (0-10): ____
Mistake #3: Talking too much
Has someone ever given you a long speech about your mistakes? If so, you probably tuned out part way through. Speeches rarely work!
When you get people involved in a discussion, they are more likely to change. Remember to ask questions. It’s often effective to ask people if they would like to make changes. If they say "yes," ask what they would like to change. When you help people work on something they identify, they are more likely to get involved.
My "talking too much score" (0-10): ____
to be continued...
Five Common Christian Counseling Errors
Evaluate Your Biblical Counseling Techniques
(c) 2005 Doug Britton
Note: This online Bible study borrows from some of the points in the seminar,
"How to Counsel from Scripture."
When you give advice—as a friend, counselor or pastor—it's easy to harm your effectiveness by making one (or more) of the following mistakes.
As you study, score yourself from 0 to 10 on each point.
"0" means, "I really need to improve in this area."
"10" means, "I'm doing great in this area."
Mistake #1: Giving advice without listeningOne of the biggest mistakes Christians (and others) make is giving quick counsel or advice without carefully listening. When we listen, people trust us more and we are able to give better advice.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him (Proverbs 18:17).
Make it your goal to deeply understand the other person. This is more than just being able to repeat back someone’s words. This is understanding emotions and thoughts. Ask lots of questions. "Listen" to emotions and body language, not just words.
My "listening" score (0-10): ____
Mistake #2: Showing a judgmental or condemning spirit
The person with whom you are speaking (or counseling) may have sinned in almost unthinkable ways or made serious mistakes. However, if you give the message that you are disgusted, he or she is unlikely to benefit from your advice.
Show concern for people who have sinned. They should sense that you care, not that you condemn.
Identify sin as sin, but replace anger, disgust and condemnation with sorrow and concern. Remember that your goal is to restore the other person, to help him or her change.
For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted (Hebrews 2:18).
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin (Hebrews 4:15). Stay humble. Remember that although you may not have committed the same sin, you have committed lots of other serious sins.
My "judgmental attitude" score (0-10): ____
Mistake #3: Talking too much
Has someone ever given you a long speech about your mistakes? If so, you probably tuned out part way through. Speeches rarely work!
When you get people involved in a discussion, they are more likely to change. Remember to ask questions. It’s often effective to ask people if they would like to make changes. If they say "yes," ask what they would like to change. When you help people work on something they identify, they are more likely to get involved.
My "talking too much score" (0-10): ____
to be continued...
THE MOMMY TEST
an illustration, study or message opener for Mother`s day /Father`s day
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't k now where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?""Uh,"...I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes , but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't k now where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?""Uh,"...I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes , but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."
Sunday, June 04, 2006
How to Help Energize Your Wife in Ministry
pastor's wife, a resource article for your husbands. why not share it with them :)
by Jill Briscoe
Free your wife. Make it possible for her to serve one day a week in a place of her choosing, not where "duty calls." Stay home and watch the kids so she can do this.
Pray for your wife and with your wife. The shepherd can be so busy praying for the flock he can forget the needs of his shepherdess!
Respect her opinion. Ask for her input for important matters, such as what she thinks about a prospective ministry move. Be willing to take her advice and come to a consensus before a major change.
Encourage her to continue her spiritual and intellectual education. When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat and talk like them. Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things.
Delight in your wife regularly, creatively and tenderly. Plan a picnic, revisit some favorite place or activity you enjoyed when courting her or carve out a special day in the middle of the week for her. You will discover that, if you delight in her, she will delight you!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Taken from Pastor's Family magazine, Dec 1996/Jan 1997.Jill Briscoe and her husband, Stuart, have served Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wis., since 1970. They have three grown children and nine grandchildren.Jill is executive editor of Just Between Us, a magazine for ministry wives and women in ministry. (For more information, contact Just Between Us at 800-260-3342.) She is also the author of Renewal on the Run (Shaw).
by Jill Briscoe
Free your wife. Make it possible for her to serve one day a week in a place of her choosing, not where "duty calls." Stay home and watch the kids so she can do this.
Pray for your wife and with your wife. The shepherd can be so busy praying for the flock he can forget the needs of his shepherdess!
Respect her opinion. Ask for her input for important matters, such as what she thinks about a prospective ministry move. Be willing to take her advice and come to a consensus before a major change.
Encourage her to continue her spiritual and intellectual education. When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat and talk like them. Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things.
Delight in your wife regularly, creatively and tenderly. Plan a picnic, revisit some favorite place or activity you enjoyed when courting her or carve out a special day in the middle of the week for her. You will discover that, if you delight in her, she will delight you!
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Taken from Pastor's Family magazine, Dec 1996/Jan 1997.Jill Briscoe and her husband, Stuart, have served Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wis., since 1970. They have three grown children and nine grandchildren.Jill is executive editor of Just Between Us, a magazine for ministry wives and women in ministry. (For more information, contact Just Between Us at 800-260-3342.) She is also the author of Renewal on the Run (Shaw).
Monday, May 15, 2006
Are You Ready For Marriage?
pastor's wife, a resource article on MARRIAGE
authored by lyka
With drive-by weddings and next day divorces becoming a norm, many have started to just think about marriage lightly, if not jokingly. But for the serious minded person, here are some factors to consider:
1. THE LEGAL
Although one can insist on getting married in spite of their parents' disapproval, that would a wrong way to start it, don't you think? Your parents have cared for you your whole life, they deserve the respect, trust, and obedience that you could give while your still not of age.
2. THE EMOTIONAL
One must be stable enough or consistent enough in handling his/her emotions, especially when marriage comes in. Ability to rise above the emotional challenges marriage problems and complications might bring is the key to a lasting marriage.
3. THE MENTAL
One must know what marriage fully entails. It's not a fairy tale, it's not a happy ever after. Don't even think about getting married if you haven't sat down and really thought about all the changes that will take place, and all the new responsibilities it would bring.
4. THE SOCIAL
One must have been able to know enough people, and especially those of the opposite sex, for him or her to be able to really gauge and know that this other person is the right one to marry with. If you haven't had many acquaintances and friends, then don't jump into marriage yet. Find someone that will share most of your interests and goals.
5. THE SPIRITUAL
Much fight has been happening over which church to go to, and in which faith to raise the children in. Settle this issue now, before marriage. Find someone who has the same faith as you do.
6. THE PERSONAL
People who haven't achieved much of their dreams and goals yet, and have no sense of personal fulfillment yet, should postpone the thought of marriage. Marriage changes lots of things- among that would be the pursuit of one's own personal ambitions, pleasures, and others. Sacrifices are often needed in marriage, like the sacrifice of one's career, priorites, and personal plans for the sake of the marriage. So, make sure to raise your level of self-fulfillment first and seek to achieve most if not all of your own plans and dreams first, before settling down. It's best to enter marriage as a fulfilled and satisfied bachelor.
7. THE FINANCIAL
Make sure to have enough for the wedding and after the wedding. Financial problems can put much pressure and strain in any relationship, moreso marriage. Prepare for it first. And be ready for needed financial adjustments once you get married. A spendthrift must mend his ways, else there would be no financial security in the marriage.
authored by lyka
With drive-by weddings and next day divorces becoming a norm, many have started to just think about marriage lightly, if not jokingly. But for the serious minded person, here are some factors to consider:
1. THE LEGAL
Although one can insist on getting married in spite of their parents' disapproval, that would a wrong way to start it, don't you think? Your parents have cared for you your whole life, they deserve the respect, trust, and obedience that you could give while your still not of age.
2. THE EMOTIONAL
One must be stable enough or consistent enough in handling his/her emotions, especially when marriage comes in. Ability to rise above the emotional challenges marriage problems and complications might bring is the key to a lasting marriage.
3. THE MENTAL
One must know what marriage fully entails. It's not a fairy tale, it's not a happy ever after. Don't even think about getting married if you haven't sat down and really thought about all the changes that will take place, and all the new responsibilities it would bring.
4. THE SOCIAL
One must have been able to know enough people, and especially those of the opposite sex, for him or her to be able to really gauge and know that this other person is the right one to marry with. If you haven't had many acquaintances and friends, then don't jump into marriage yet. Find someone that will share most of your interests and goals.
5. THE SPIRITUAL
Much fight has been happening over which church to go to, and in which faith to raise the children in. Settle this issue now, before marriage. Find someone who has the same faith as you do.
6. THE PERSONAL
People who haven't achieved much of their dreams and goals yet, and have no sense of personal fulfillment yet, should postpone the thought of marriage. Marriage changes lots of things- among that would be the pursuit of one's own personal ambitions, pleasures, and others. Sacrifices are often needed in marriage, like the sacrifice of one's career, priorites, and personal plans for the sake of the marriage. So, make sure to raise your level of self-fulfillment first and seek to achieve most if not all of your own plans and dreams first, before settling down. It's best to enter marriage as a fulfilled and satisfied bachelor.
7. THE FINANCIAL
Make sure to have enough for the wedding and after the wedding. Financial problems can put much pressure and strain in any relationship, moreso marriage. Prepare for it first. And be ready for needed financial adjustments once you get married. A spendthrift must mend his ways, else there would be no financial security in the marriage.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Knowing If Your 'Mate' is the One
pastor's wife, a resource for marriage counseling
Some women feel that it's really a bad thing to remain single.
Some who reach the age of 30 get overly worried about this situation.
But you know, what's worse than being single is being involved with and
or being married to the wrong person.
The following guidelines will help-the single woman in search of the 'right one'
and,the 'involved' woman in determining if this relationship is the 'right one'.
1. open communication
If the lines are open, then any relationship is 'workable'.
Being able to say what you feel at the time you feel it is important.
This ensures honesty and assures acceptance in any relationship.
2. common interests
If there is common ground to work on then any relationship will thrive.
Being able to enjoy conversations, activities, and other passions that are
held important and worthwhile by both parties will certainly cause their
relationship to flourish throughout the years.
3. intellectual compatibility
If one can communicate on a level that the other will 'understand' then both
parties will never run out of things to talk about. Being able to relate to one's
partner is key to lifelong companionship.
4. sexual compatibility
Though sex is not the reason for any marriage, it plays a vital part. Being able
to satisfy one's partner and to be satisfied by one's partner in the area of
physical intimacy is key to an AFFAIR-PROOF marriage. Couples must
be able to openly and honestly discuss their preferences and or desires in
this area.
5. spirituality
Marriage IS an institution appointed by God. He blesses it, sanctifies it,
and guides it to success. Common faith in and dependence on the Bible
and its truths will cause any marriage to survive trials and testings that
will challenge the marriage. There is peace, satisfaction, and assurance
from seeking God and His will in your marital relationship.
--lyka
Some women feel that it's really a bad thing to remain single.
Some who reach the age of 30 get overly worried about this situation.
But you know, what's worse than being single is being involved with and
or being married to the wrong person.
The following guidelines will help-the single woman in search of the 'right one'
and,the 'involved' woman in determining if this relationship is the 'right one'.
1. open communication
If the lines are open, then any relationship is 'workable'.
Being able to say what you feel at the time you feel it is important.
This ensures honesty and assures acceptance in any relationship.
2. common interests
If there is common ground to work on then any relationship will thrive.
Being able to enjoy conversations, activities, and other passions that are
held important and worthwhile by both parties will certainly cause their
relationship to flourish throughout the years.
3. intellectual compatibility
If one can communicate on a level that the other will 'understand' then both
parties will never run out of things to talk about. Being able to relate to one's
partner is key to lifelong companionship.
4. sexual compatibility
Though sex is not the reason for any marriage, it plays a vital part. Being able
to satisfy one's partner and to be satisfied by one's partner in the area of
physical intimacy is key to an AFFAIR-PROOF marriage. Couples must
be able to openly and honestly discuss their preferences and or desires in
this area.
5. spirituality
Marriage IS an institution appointed by God. He blesses it, sanctifies it,
and guides it to success. Common faith in and dependence on the Bible
and its truths will cause any marriage to survive trials and testings that
will challenge the marriage. There is peace, satisfaction, and assurance
from seeking God and His will in your marital relationship.
--lyka
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