pastor's wife, a resource article on MARRIAGE
authored by lyka
With drive-by weddings and next day divorces becoming a norm, many have started to just think about marriage lightly, if not jokingly. But for the serious minded person, here are some factors to consider:
1. THE LEGAL
Although one can insist on getting married in spite of their parents' disapproval, that would a wrong way to start it, don't you think? Your parents have cared for you your whole life, they deserve the respect, trust, and obedience that you could give while your still not of age.
2. THE EMOTIONAL
One must be stable enough or consistent enough in handling his/her emotions, especially when marriage comes in. Ability to rise above the emotional challenges marriage problems and complications might bring is the key to a lasting marriage.
3. THE MENTAL
One must know what marriage fully entails. It's not a fairy tale, it's not a happy ever after. Don't even think about getting married if you haven't sat down and really thought about all the changes that will take place, and all the new responsibilities it would bring.
4. THE SOCIAL
One must have been able to know enough people, and especially those of the opposite sex, for him or her to be able to really gauge and know that this other person is the right one to marry with. If you haven't had many acquaintances and friends, then don't jump into marriage yet. Find someone that will share most of your interests and goals.
5. THE SPIRITUAL
Much fight has been happening over which church to go to, and in which faith to raise the children in. Settle this issue now, before marriage. Find someone who has the same faith as you do.
6. THE PERSONAL
People who haven't achieved much of their dreams and goals yet, and have no sense of personal fulfillment yet, should postpone the thought of marriage. Marriage changes lots of things- among that would be the pursuit of one's own personal ambitions, pleasures, and others. Sacrifices are often needed in marriage, like the sacrifice of one's career, priorites, and personal plans for the sake of the marriage. So, make sure to raise your level of self-fulfillment first and seek to achieve most if not all of your own plans and dreams first, before settling down. It's best to enter marriage as a fulfilled and satisfied bachelor.
7. THE FINANCIAL
Make sure to have enough for the wedding and after the wedding. Financial problems can put much pressure and strain in any relationship, moreso marriage. Prepare for it first. And be ready for needed financial adjustments once you get married. A spendthrift must mend his ways, else there would be no financial security in the marriage.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Knowing If Your 'Mate' is the One
pastor's wife, a resource for marriage counseling
Some women feel that it's really a bad thing to remain single.
Some who reach the age of 30 get overly worried about this situation.
But you know, what's worse than being single is being involved with and
or being married to the wrong person.
The following guidelines will help-the single woman in search of the 'right one'
and,the 'involved' woman in determining if this relationship is the 'right one'.
1. open communication
If the lines are open, then any relationship is 'workable'.
Being able to say what you feel at the time you feel it is important.
This ensures honesty and assures acceptance in any relationship.
2. common interests
If there is common ground to work on then any relationship will thrive.
Being able to enjoy conversations, activities, and other passions that are
held important and worthwhile by both parties will certainly cause their
relationship to flourish throughout the years.
3. intellectual compatibility
If one can communicate on a level that the other will 'understand' then both
parties will never run out of things to talk about. Being able to relate to one's
partner is key to lifelong companionship.
4. sexual compatibility
Though sex is not the reason for any marriage, it plays a vital part. Being able
to satisfy one's partner and to be satisfied by one's partner in the area of
physical intimacy is key to an AFFAIR-PROOF marriage. Couples must
be able to openly and honestly discuss their preferences and or desires in
this area.
5. spirituality
Marriage IS an institution appointed by God. He blesses it, sanctifies it,
and guides it to success. Common faith in and dependence on the Bible
and its truths will cause any marriage to survive trials and testings that
will challenge the marriage. There is peace, satisfaction, and assurance
from seeking God and His will in your marital relationship.
--lyka
Some women feel that it's really a bad thing to remain single.
Some who reach the age of 30 get overly worried about this situation.
But you know, what's worse than being single is being involved with and
or being married to the wrong person.
The following guidelines will help-the single woman in search of the 'right one'
and,the 'involved' woman in determining if this relationship is the 'right one'.
1. open communication
If the lines are open, then any relationship is 'workable'.
Being able to say what you feel at the time you feel it is important.
This ensures honesty and assures acceptance in any relationship.
2. common interests
If there is common ground to work on then any relationship will thrive.
Being able to enjoy conversations, activities, and other passions that are
held important and worthwhile by both parties will certainly cause their
relationship to flourish throughout the years.
3. intellectual compatibility
If one can communicate on a level that the other will 'understand' then both
parties will never run out of things to talk about. Being able to relate to one's
partner is key to lifelong companionship.
4. sexual compatibility
Though sex is not the reason for any marriage, it plays a vital part. Being able
to satisfy one's partner and to be satisfied by one's partner in the area of
physical intimacy is key to an AFFAIR-PROOF marriage. Couples must
be able to openly and honestly discuss their preferences and or desires in
this area.
5. spirituality
Marriage IS an institution appointed by God. He blesses it, sanctifies it,
and guides it to success. Common faith in and dependence on the Bible
and its truths will cause any marriage to survive trials and testings that
will challenge the marriage. There is peace, satisfaction, and assurance
from seeking God and His will in your marital relationship.
--lyka
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
WHY MARRIAGES BREAK DOWN
authored by Lyka M
resource for the pastor's wife, married couples, marriage counselees,and singles
The rate of married couples separating is on a steady rise. In the Philippines, more and more are starting to join a movement pushing for legalization of divorce. Also, cases of annulment are increasing in number.
Why do couples marry and then separate? Listed are the more common factors:
1. MONEY.
Too much or too little of it. How to spend it, what to spend it on, who’s spending more? Who should keep charge of it? Couples seem to always have endless discussions and conflicts in this area.
2. CHILDREN.
Many couples fall into the error of focusing and building their marital relationship around their children. Soon they end up emotionally distant from one another.
Where couples fail to develop and cultivate friendship in their marriages, they would soon find themselves with their kids being the only thing they have in common.
3. MISCOMMUNICATION.
Failure to communicate often results to endless fights and finally, unresolved differences. When couples fight on the same issues over and over again, they start to tire, until finally they just stop talking.
There’s a difference between being heard and being understood, and there’s a difference between hearing and understanding. You don’t have to agree with your spouse all the time but you must strive to understand him/her.
4. INCOMPATIBILITIES.
Failing to deal with and accept incompatibilities will naturally erode the marriage relationship. Couples must strive to change what they can and accept what they can’t. Love and forgiveness is the key. Some incompatibilities are in the area of:
a. Intellectual incompatibility- where spouses just can’t seem to find a common ground for interesting or worthwhile conversation
b. Sexual incompatibility – where one or both spouses aren’t able to satisfy or be satisfied in the area of physical intimacy
5. TIME.
Time can be used for or against marriage. People will always give time for what is important to them. And if you really want something to work, you’ll keep on trying. That involves time!
6. IN-LAWS.
When too many heads rule a relationship, chaos abounds. And some spouses escape conflict by seeking refuge in their parents’ homes.
7. IGNORANCE.
Some people enter the marriage relationship not fully aware of what it fully entails. No marriage will ever be free from problems or disagreements. Some leave the relationship at the point of conflict or if not, settle to live together harboring resentment in their hearts. It’s a union of 2 persons who love each other, that’s all they know. They forget that, it is a union between 2 IMPERFECT persons who love each other.
Are you planning to marry? Be mindful of these things. Are you married? Don’t let these marriage killers creep into your marriage relationship. Commit yourself to unconditional love and continual forgiveness. Remember, whenever you say, ‘But I just can’t forget what my spouse has done!’ What you’re actually saying is, ‘I just don’t want to forgive him!’
---------------
“There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time. “
-Dr James C. Dobson, Ph.D.
resource for the pastor's wife, married couples, marriage counselees,and singles
The rate of married couples separating is on a steady rise. In the Philippines, more and more are starting to join a movement pushing for legalization of divorce. Also, cases of annulment are increasing in number.
Why do couples marry and then separate? Listed are the more common factors:
1. MONEY.
Too much or too little of it. How to spend it, what to spend it on, who’s spending more? Who should keep charge of it? Couples seem to always have endless discussions and conflicts in this area.
2. CHILDREN.
Many couples fall into the error of focusing and building their marital relationship around their children. Soon they end up emotionally distant from one another.
Where couples fail to develop and cultivate friendship in their marriages, they would soon find themselves with their kids being the only thing they have in common.
3. MISCOMMUNICATION.
Failure to communicate often results to endless fights and finally, unresolved differences. When couples fight on the same issues over and over again, they start to tire, until finally they just stop talking.
There’s a difference between being heard and being understood, and there’s a difference between hearing and understanding. You don’t have to agree with your spouse all the time but you must strive to understand him/her.
4. INCOMPATIBILITIES.
Failing to deal with and accept incompatibilities will naturally erode the marriage relationship. Couples must strive to change what they can and accept what they can’t. Love and forgiveness is the key. Some incompatibilities are in the area of:
a. Intellectual incompatibility- where spouses just can’t seem to find a common ground for interesting or worthwhile conversation
b. Sexual incompatibility – where one or both spouses aren’t able to satisfy or be satisfied in the area of physical intimacy
5. TIME.
Time can be used for or against marriage. People will always give time for what is important to them. And if you really want something to work, you’ll keep on trying. That involves time!
6. IN-LAWS.
When too many heads rule a relationship, chaos abounds. And some spouses escape conflict by seeking refuge in their parents’ homes.
7. IGNORANCE.
Some people enter the marriage relationship not fully aware of what it fully entails. No marriage will ever be free from problems or disagreements. Some leave the relationship at the point of conflict or if not, settle to live together harboring resentment in their hearts. It’s a union of 2 persons who love each other, that’s all they know. They forget that, it is a union between 2 IMPERFECT persons who love each other.
Are you planning to marry? Be mindful of these things. Are you married? Don’t let these marriage killers creep into your marriage relationship. Commit yourself to unconditional love and continual forgiveness. Remember, whenever you say, ‘But I just can’t forget what my spouse has done!’ What you’re actually saying is, ‘I just don’t want to forgive him!’
---------------
“There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time. “
-Dr James C. Dobson, Ph.D.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
DETOXIFY YOUR LIFE!
for all us busy minsitry wives, read on!
How do you often feel at the close of each day? Worn out? Frustrated? Feeling like nothing has really been accomplished throughout that day, like 24 hours is often never really enough?!
Think again, if we needed more than 24 hours, then GOD would surely have given us more than that!!!!
So, what do we do? We should UNclutter our lives! Here is the simple answer to that.
E V A L U A T E.
There are so many things in our lives and daily schedules that shouldn't be there! Let's categorize these things and focus on the topmosts on our list.
1. The MUST DO's. These are without question things that NEED to be done and are categorized in the same group as......BREATHING, EATING, SLEEPING. Get it?!
Attending to the basic needs of your spouse and kids is on this list. Time with God is on this list. Showing love and support to people you care about is on this list.
Things on this list are things that if left undone will ruin the day's outcome.
2. The SHOULD DO's. Items on this list come next. Finishing a house chore, a church project, running errands for self and loved ones are on this list.
3. The COULD DO's. Items on this list are the last to worry and fuss over. Watching your favorite program, playing your favorite game, buying that luxury item,etc belong to this list. THings on this list that are left undone MUST NEVER be such a BIG thing to frustrate or grieve over.
The problem with most people is that they get depressed or frustrated when the COULD DO's are not done.Why is it like that? We feel so very very bad for missing that favorite show, or not being able to buy that nice dress but we don't hurt a bit when we fail to spend bonding time with our spouse and kids.
Let's RE-evaluate our lives and let things that really matter MATTER from now on!
--authored by lyka m
How do you often feel at the close of each day? Worn out? Frustrated? Feeling like nothing has really been accomplished throughout that day, like 24 hours is often never really enough?!
Think again, if we needed more than 24 hours, then GOD would surely have given us more than that!!!!
So, what do we do? We should UNclutter our lives! Here is the simple answer to that.
E V A L U A T E.
There are so many things in our lives and daily schedules that shouldn't be there! Let's categorize these things and focus on the topmosts on our list.
1. The MUST DO's. These are without question things that NEED to be done and are categorized in the same group as......BREATHING, EATING, SLEEPING. Get it?!
Attending to the basic needs of your spouse and kids is on this list. Time with God is on this list. Showing love and support to people you care about is on this list.
Things on this list are things that if left undone will ruin the day's outcome.
2. The SHOULD DO's. Items on this list come next. Finishing a house chore, a church project, running errands for self and loved ones are on this list.
3. The COULD DO's. Items on this list are the last to worry and fuss over. Watching your favorite program, playing your favorite game, buying that luxury item,etc belong to this list. THings on this list that are left undone MUST NEVER be such a BIG thing to frustrate or grieve over.
The problem with most people is that they get depressed or frustrated when the COULD DO's are not done.Why is it like that? We feel so very very bad for missing that favorite show, or not being able to buy that nice dress but we don't hurt a bit when we fail to spend bonding time with our spouse and kids.
Let's RE-evaluate our lives and let things that really matter MATTER from now on!
--authored by lyka m
Thursday, April 13, 2006
KID'S HAVE FEELINGS TOO!
It's quite tempting to mistreat even our own children. We fail to keep their emotions and rights in mind at times. Many times, we forget that though they are much smaller than us, they are no different from us. They feel like we do.
Even mothers can fall into sin by ignoring the needs of their kids. I'm not talking about their physical needs. Im talking about their relational needs. Do you deal with a child on a regular basis? Here are some helpful reminders for you.
1. Answer their questions. Don't you just hate it when you're ignored, and your own questions go unanswered? When you are in the middle of something that shouldn't be interrupted, briefly request your child to wait. But be sure to get back to him later. Refrain from always saying, 'I don't know, honey.', just to ward off your child. He might just figure that you don't know anything at all!
2. Respond to their needs. When you are in the middle of something important and you feel that the child can wait, think; the child might feel that what he's requesting is important too. It's tempting to just shun a child away, especially if he just wants to look for a lost toy or a story book. But that's what's important for him. It's valuable to him. Show your love by valuing what he values as well.
3. Respect their TIME. Sometimes, we fall guilty into squeezing our children into our own schedule. We fail to remember that they have their own schedule too. Refrain from postponing activities your child has requested for you to do. And when spending a day in the mall, or unwinding somewhere, be sure to give them time to look at things they also want to look at and go to places they also want to go to.
ACID TEST: How would I feel if my child was me?
--authored by lyka m
Even mothers can fall into sin by ignoring the needs of their kids. I'm not talking about their physical needs. Im talking about their relational needs. Do you deal with a child on a regular basis? Here are some helpful reminders for you.
1. Answer their questions. Don't you just hate it when you're ignored, and your own questions go unanswered? When you are in the middle of something that shouldn't be interrupted, briefly request your child to wait. But be sure to get back to him later. Refrain from always saying, 'I don't know, honey.', just to ward off your child. He might just figure that you don't know anything at all!
2. Respond to their needs. When you are in the middle of something important and you feel that the child can wait, think; the child might feel that what he's requesting is important too. It's tempting to just shun a child away, especially if he just wants to look for a lost toy or a story book. But that's what's important for him. It's valuable to him. Show your love by valuing what he values as well.
3. Respect their TIME. Sometimes, we fall guilty into squeezing our children into our own schedule. We fail to remember that they have their own schedule too. Refrain from postponing activities your child has requested for you to do. And when spending a day in the mall, or unwinding somewhere, be sure to give them time to look at things they also want to look at and go to places they also want to go to.
ACID TEST: How would I feel if my child was me?
--authored by lyka m
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
BEING GOD-CONSCIOUS
Days are always filled with things to do, and each day usually ends with things still left undone. For many of us, Sunday is the only day when we could 'think about God and His Goodness'. And that's really sad, for God wants to fellowship with us on a daily basis.How do we keep God in the picture? How do we include HIM in our day to day lives? Here are some helpful ways:
1. Keep yourself 'online'. Always be consciuous of His presence, and maintain the communication lines open at ALL times. Pray each moment. Share each moment, each experience with Him.
2. Keep yourself 'thankful'. Be observant. Be sensitive to each blessing, each act of divine grace and thank Him promptly for those.
3. Keep yourself 'clean'. Seek the Holy Spirit's help. Keep yourself spiritually pure. Confess each sin, each fault promptly.
4. Keep youself 'dependent'. Know that you are never alone, and that you can never be on your own. Apart from God we are and we can do nothing. Draw upon God for strength and guidance with each task.
Let's pray that God will keep us close to Him at all times. May God help us keep this mindset all the time- that God is in control and that I need Him to take control of my life. Nothing could go wrong if we keep ourselves aware of that truth, always.
--authored by lyka m
1. Keep yourself 'online'. Always be consciuous of His presence, and maintain the communication lines open at ALL times. Pray each moment. Share each moment, each experience with Him.
2. Keep yourself 'thankful'. Be observant. Be sensitive to each blessing, each act of divine grace and thank Him promptly for those.
3. Keep yourself 'clean'. Seek the Holy Spirit's help. Keep yourself spiritually pure. Confess each sin, each fault promptly.
4. Keep youself 'dependent'. Know that you are never alone, and that you can never be on your own. Apart from God we are and we can do nothing. Draw upon God for strength and guidance with each task.
Let's pray that God will keep us close to Him at all times. May God help us keep this mindset all the time- that God is in control and that I need Him to take control of my life. Nothing could go wrong if we keep ourselves aware of that truth, always.
--authored by lyka m
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