pastor`s wife, a resource article on MARRIAGE,
from lifeway
Written by Rodney A. Wilson
Way back in the 20th century, a rich man was asked, “How much
money would it take to satisfy you?”
He replied, “Just a little more.”
That’s a sad story because it reveals that this man would never be
satisfied even though he was extremely wealthy.
Contrast that man’s attitude with Paul’s, as expressed in Philippians
4:12: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every
situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in
want.”
How did these two men end up on opposite ends of the fulfillment
spectrum? Did Paul have a corner on the contentment market? No.
And you may be wondering if genuine contentment really is possible
for marriages in today’s fast-paced, “give me more, more, more”
world.
Let’s look at what contentment is and is not.
Contentment Is ...
Having peace in your marriage; knowing that although the two of
you aren’t perfect, you’re making progress.
Christ-centered. Being aware that even though you still have “room
to grow” as a couple, God is in your marriage, and He is enough
regardless of what you do and do not possess.
Contentment Is Not ...
A lack of ambition. Indeed, couples need to pursue new areas of
growth in their relationship and celebrate when those goals are
reached. The success of one’s marriage, however, should not be
measured by meeting or missing goals.
I
t’s a good idea to check your motives when setting goals and
balance your ambition with wisdom. Ask each other, “Why are we
setting this goal?” or “Will the Lord be pleased when we achieve
this goal?”
A lack of conflict. Can peace and anger co-exist in the same home?
Remember that peace is based on a relationship with the Lord, not
on the absence or presence of disagreement. God is the true source
of any contentment we have.
Such peace, however, does not guarantee a 100-percent,
argument-free marriage. However, with the foundation of God’s
presence and the peace He brings, you can face conflict with
confidence.
Perhaps that sounds like a paradox, but it works. Practice being
content – even when your honey is steamed at you.
A destination. You never “arrive” at contentment. You practice it. It is
a tributary that flows out of your relationship with God. See it as a
work in progress rather than a state of being. Seek growth, not
perfection, and seek to be journey-oriented rather than
achievement-driven.
Benefits to Your Marriage
How does being content help your marriage?
1. Contentment provides stability. When you and your spouse are
content in your marriage, you are aware that you love and accept
each other based on who you are, not on what one spouse has done
for the other lately.
2. Contentment keeps you from panicking during a crisis. I remember
one of those dues-paying, character-building chapters of our early
marriage. We had moved and were trying to sell a house in another
city. Mortgage rates were approaching 20 percent. Selma, my wife,
was seven months pregnant. At the same time we received word that
the house we were currently renting had been sold out from under
us! Selma then made a memorable observation: “We’re making two
monthly payments for housing, and still don’t have anywhere to
live!”
We laugh about that crisis now, but only the security of Christ in our
lives throughout that struggle kept us from falling apart. One by one
the issues were resolved as God’s presence and provision never
failed us.
3. Contentment keeps things in perspective. Sometimes it appears as
if everyone is screaming at you, more is better, and the busier you
are the more impressive you will be. You don’t have to buy into the
world’s values when you and your partner are experiencing
contentment that comes from the Prince of Peace.
As a couple, pursue all God has in store for you. He has some great
things He wants to do in and through your marriage in 2004. As you
press on toward the goal(s) for this year, be grateful – and content –
that He has provided you a Helper for the journey.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
4 Christians Arrested for Praying
[Religious Persecution]
Saudi Arabia: Four Christians found praying at home arrested
AsiaNews, Italy
June 19, 2006
www.asianews.it
Jeddah (AsiaNews) – The notorious Muttawa (religious police) have
struck Christians in Saudi Arabia once again. According to the
Compass Direct agency, on 9 June, 10 police armed with wooden
clubs broke into a private residence in Jeddah, arresting four
Christians of African origin who were conducting a prayer service.
The two Ethiopians and two Eritreans are reportedly still detained in
a prison for immigrants in Jeddah.
When the raid of the muttawa took place, more than 100 Eritrean,
Ethiopian and Filipino Christians were gathered in the house in
Al-Rowaise district in Jeddah. The worshippers invited the police to
sit down; the latter waited for three hours until the service was over
and then they arrested the four group leaders: Mekbeb Telahun,
Fekre Gebremedhin, Dawit Uqbay and Masai Wendewesen. All four
except the last are married. Local sources said “some police had
already come two weeks earlier but they did nothing then.”
A Christian who spoke with the detainees by telephone reported they
were “doing fine, with okay morale.” But he said he did not know
how they were being treated, or whether they were undergoing
interrogation. According to local sources, the incident has been
reported to consular officials of the Philippines and the United
States.
The government of Saudi Arabia forbids the practice of any religious
other than the fundamentalist Wahhabite version of Islam. Mission
and any public manifestation like carrying a Bible, a crucifix, a
rosary beads and praying in public, are forbidden. The muttawa,
known for their ruthlessness and violent torture practices, monitor
respect for the ban.
In recent years, thanks to international pressure, the Saudi kingdom
has allowed the practice of other faiths, but only in private. However
the religious police continue to arrest, imprison and torture people
who practice their religion, even if they do so in private.
In the Saudi kingdom, which has a totally Muslim population, it is not
permitted to build places of worship, churches or chapels. There are
no exact statistics about the Christian presence, composed largely of
migrant workers.
Saudi Arabia: Four Christians found praying at home arrested
AsiaNews, Italy
June 19, 2006
www.asianews.it
Jeddah (AsiaNews) – The notorious Muttawa (religious police) have
struck Christians in Saudi Arabia once again. According to the
Compass Direct agency, on 9 June, 10 police armed with wooden
clubs broke into a private residence in Jeddah, arresting four
Christians of African origin who were conducting a prayer service.
The two Ethiopians and two Eritreans are reportedly still detained in
a prison for immigrants in Jeddah.
When the raid of the muttawa took place, more than 100 Eritrean,
Ethiopian and Filipino Christians were gathered in the house in
Al-Rowaise district in Jeddah. The worshippers invited the police to
sit down; the latter waited for three hours until the service was over
and then they arrested the four group leaders: Mekbeb Telahun,
Fekre Gebremedhin, Dawit Uqbay and Masai Wendewesen. All four
except the last are married. Local sources said “some police had
already come two weeks earlier but they did nothing then.”
A Christian who spoke with the detainees by telephone reported they
were “doing fine, with okay morale.” But he said he did not know
how they were being treated, or whether they were undergoing
interrogation. According to local sources, the incident has been
reported to consular officials of the Philippines and the United
States.
The government of Saudi Arabia forbids the practice of any religious
other than the fundamentalist Wahhabite version of Islam. Mission
and any public manifestation like carrying a Bible, a crucifix, a
rosary beads and praying in public, are forbidden. The muttawa,
known for their ruthlessness and violent torture practices, monitor
respect for the ban.
In recent years, thanks to international pressure, the Saudi kingdom
has allowed the practice of other faiths, but only in private. However
the religious police continue to arrest, imprison and torture people
who practice their religion, even if they do so in private.
In the Saudi kingdom, which has a totally Muslim population, it is not
permitted to build places of worship, churches or chapels. There are
no exact statistics about the Christian presence, composed largely of
migrant workers.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Five Common Christian Counseling Errors I
pastor`s wife, a resource article on counseling
Five Common Christian Counseling Errors
Evaluate Your Biblical Counseling Techniques
(c) 2005 Doug Britton
Note: This online Bible study borrows from some of the points in the seminar,
"How to Counsel from Scripture."
When you give advice—as a friend, counselor or pastor—it's easy to harm your effectiveness by making one (or more) of the following mistakes.
As you study, score yourself from 0 to 10 on each point.
"0" means, "I really need to improve in this area."
"10" means, "I'm doing great in this area."
Mistake #1: Giving advice without listeningOne of the biggest mistakes Christians (and others) make is giving quick counsel or advice without carefully listening. When we listen, people trust us more and we are able to give better advice.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him (Proverbs 18:17).
Make it your goal to deeply understand the other person. This is more than just being able to repeat back someone’s words. This is understanding emotions and thoughts. Ask lots of questions. "Listen" to emotions and body language, not just words.
My "listening" score (0-10): ____
Mistake #2: Showing a judgmental or condemning spirit
The person with whom you are speaking (or counseling) may have sinned in almost unthinkable ways or made serious mistakes. However, if you give the message that you are disgusted, he or she is unlikely to benefit from your advice.
Show concern for people who have sinned. They should sense that you care, not that you condemn.
Identify sin as sin, but replace anger, disgust and condemnation with sorrow and concern. Remember that your goal is to restore the other person, to help him or her change.
For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted (Hebrews 2:18).
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin (Hebrews 4:15). Stay humble. Remember that although you may not have committed the same sin, you have committed lots of other serious sins.
My "judgmental attitude" score (0-10): ____
Mistake #3: Talking too much
Has someone ever given you a long speech about your mistakes? If so, you probably tuned out part way through. Speeches rarely work!
When you get people involved in a discussion, they are more likely to change. Remember to ask questions. It’s often effective to ask people if they would like to make changes. If they say "yes," ask what they would like to change. When you help people work on something they identify, they are more likely to get involved.
My "talking too much score" (0-10): ____
to be continued...
Five Common Christian Counseling Errors
Evaluate Your Biblical Counseling Techniques
(c) 2005 Doug Britton
Note: This online Bible study borrows from some of the points in the seminar,
"How to Counsel from Scripture."
When you give advice—as a friend, counselor or pastor—it's easy to harm your effectiveness by making one (or more) of the following mistakes.
As you study, score yourself from 0 to 10 on each point.
"0" means, "I really need to improve in this area."
"10" means, "I'm doing great in this area."
Mistake #1: Giving advice without listeningOne of the biggest mistakes Christians (and others) make is giving quick counsel or advice without carefully listening. When we listen, people trust us more and we are able to give better advice.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19).
The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him (Proverbs 18:17).
Make it your goal to deeply understand the other person. This is more than just being able to repeat back someone’s words. This is understanding emotions and thoughts. Ask lots of questions. "Listen" to emotions and body language, not just words.
My "listening" score (0-10): ____
Mistake #2: Showing a judgmental or condemning spirit
The person with whom you are speaking (or counseling) may have sinned in almost unthinkable ways or made serious mistakes. However, if you give the message that you are disgusted, he or she is unlikely to benefit from your advice.
Show concern for people who have sinned. They should sense that you care, not that you condemn.
Identify sin as sin, but replace anger, disgust and condemnation with sorrow and concern. Remember that your goal is to restore the other person, to help him or her change.
For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted (Hebrews 2:18).
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin (Hebrews 4:15). Stay humble. Remember that although you may not have committed the same sin, you have committed lots of other serious sins.
My "judgmental attitude" score (0-10): ____
Mistake #3: Talking too much
Has someone ever given you a long speech about your mistakes? If so, you probably tuned out part way through. Speeches rarely work!
When you get people involved in a discussion, they are more likely to change. Remember to ask questions. It’s often effective to ask people if they would like to make changes. If they say "yes," ask what they would like to change. When you help people work on something they identify, they are more likely to get involved.
My "talking too much score" (0-10): ____
to be continued...
THE MOMMY TEST
an illustration, study or message opener for Mother`s day /Father`s day
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't k now where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?""Uh,"...I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes , but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't k now where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?""Uh,"...I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes , but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."
Sunday, June 04, 2006
How to Help Energize Your Wife in Ministry
pastor's wife, a resource article for your husbands. why not share it with them :)
by Jill Briscoe
Free your wife. Make it possible for her to serve one day a week in a place of her choosing, not where "duty calls." Stay home and watch the kids so she can do this.
Pray for your wife and with your wife. The shepherd can be so busy praying for the flock he can forget the needs of his shepherdess!
Respect her opinion. Ask for her input for important matters, such as what she thinks about a prospective ministry move. Be willing to take her advice and come to a consensus before a major change.
Encourage her to continue her spiritual and intellectual education. When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat and talk like them. Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things.
Delight in your wife regularly, creatively and tenderly. Plan a picnic, revisit some favorite place or activity you enjoyed when courting her or carve out a special day in the middle of the week for her. You will discover that, if you delight in her, she will delight you!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Taken from Pastor's Family magazine, Dec 1996/Jan 1997.Jill Briscoe and her husband, Stuart, have served Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wis., since 1970. They have three grown children and nine grandchildren.Jill is executive editor of Just Between Us, a magazine for ministry wives and women in ministry. (For more information, contact Just Between Us at 800-260-3342.) She is also the author of Renewal on the Run (Shaw).
by Jill Briscoe
Free your wife. Make it possible for her to serve one day a week in a place of her choosing, not where "duty calls." Stay home and watch the kids so she can do this.
Pray for your wife and with your wife. The shepherd can be so busy praying for the flock he can forget the needs of his shepherdess!
Respect her opinion. Ask for her input for important matters, such as what she thinks about a prospective ministry move. Be willing to take her advice and come to a consensus before a major change.
Encourage her to continue her spiritual and intellectual education. When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat and talk like them. Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things.
Delight in your wife regularly, creatively and tenderly. Plan a picnic, revisit some favorite place or activity you enjoyed when courting her or carve out a special day in the middle of the week for her. You will discover that, if you delight in her, she will delight you!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Taken from Pastor's Family magazine, Dec 1996/Jan 1997.Jill Briscoe and her husband, Stuart, have served Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wis., since 1970. They have three grown children and nine grandchildren.Jill is executive editor of Just Between Us, a magazine for ministry wives and women in ministry. (For more information, contact Just Between Us at 800-260-3342.) She is also the author of Renewal on the Run (Shaw).
Monday, May 15, 2006
Are You Ready For Marriage?
pastor's wife, a resource article on MARRIAGE
authored by lyka
With drive-by weddings and next day divorces becoming a norm, many have started to just think about marriage lightly, if not jokingly. But for the serious minded person, here are some factors to consider:
1. THE LEGAL
Although one can insist on getting married in spite of their parents' disapproval, that would a wrong way to start it, don't you think? Your parents have cared for you your whole life, they deserve the respect, trust, and obedience that you could give while your still not of age.
2. THE EMOTIONAL
One must be stable enough or consistent enough in handling his/her emotions, especially when marriage comes in. Ability to rise above the emotional challenges marriage problems and complications might bring is the key to a lasting marriage.
3. THE MENTAL
One must know what marriage fully entails. It's not a fairy tale, it's not a happy ever after. Don't even think about getting married if you haven't sat down and really thought about all the changes that will take place, and all the new responsibilities it would bring.
4. THE SOCIAL
One must have been able to know enough people, and especially those of the opposite sex, for him or her to be able to really gauge and know that this other person is the right one to marry with. If you haven't had many acquaintances and friends, then don't jump into marriage yet. Find someone that will share most of your interests and goals.
5. THE SPIRITUAL
Much fight has been happening over which church to go to, and in which faith to raise the children in. Settle this issue now, before marriage. Find someone who has the same faith as you do.
6. THE PERSONAL
People who haven't achieved much of their dreams and goals yet, and have no sense of personal fulfillment yet, should postpone the thought of marriage. Marriage changes lots of things- among that would be the pursuit of one's own personal ambitions, pleasures, and others. Sacrifices are often needed in marriage, like the sacrifice of one's career, priorites, and personal plans for the sake of the marriage. So, make sure to raise your level of self-fulfillment first and seek to achieve most if not all of your own plans and dreams first, before settling down. It's best to enter marriage as a fulfilled and satisfied bachelor.
7. THE FINANCIAL
Make sure to have enough for the wedding and after the wedding. Financial problems can put much pressure and strain in any relationship, moreso marriage. Prepare for it first. And be ready for needed financial adjustments once you get married. A spendthrift must mend his ways, else there would be no financial security in the marriage.
authored by lyka
With drive-by weddings and next day divorces becoming a norm, many have started to just think about marriage lightly, if not jokingly. But for the serious minded person, here are some factors to consider:
1. THE LEGAL
Although one can insist on getting married in spite of their parents' disapproval, that would a wrong way to start it, don't you think? Your parents have cared for you your whole life, they deserve the respect, trust, and obedience that you could give while your still not of age.
2. THE EMOTIONAL
One must be stable enough or consistent enough in handling his/her emotions, especially when marriage comes in. Ability to rise above the emotional challenges marriage problems and complications might bring is the key to a lasting marriage.
3. THE MENTAL
One must know what marriage fully entails. It's not a fairy tale, it's not a happy ever after. Don't even think about getting married if you haven't sat down and really thought about all the changes that will take place, and all the new responsibilities it would bring.
4. THE SOCIAL
One must have been able to know enough people, and especially those of the opposite sex, for him or her to be able to really gauge and know that this other person is the right one to marry with. If you haven't had many acquaintances and friends, then don't jump into marriage yet. Find someone that will share most of your interests and goals.
5. THE SPIRITUAL
Much fight has been happening over which church to go to, and in which faith to raise the children in. Settle this issue now, before marriage. Find someone who has the same faith as you do.
6. THE PERSONAL
People who haven't achieved much of their dreams and goals yet, and have no sense of personal fulfillment yet, should postpone the thought of marriage. Marriage changes lots of things- among that would be the pursuit of one's own personal ambitions, pleasures, and others. Sacrifices are often needed in marriage, like the sacrifice of one's career, priorites, and personal plans for the sake of the marriage. So, make sure to raise your level of self-fulfillment first and seek to achieve most if not all of your own plans and dreams first, before settling down. It's best to enter marriage as a fulfilled and satisfied bachelor.
7. THE FINANCIAL
Make sure to have enough for the wedding and after the wedding. Financial problems can put much pressure and strain in any relationship, moreso marriage. Prepare for it first. And be ready for needed financial adjustments once you get married. A spendthrift must mend his ways, else there would be no financial security in the marriage.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Knowing If Your 'Mate' is the One
pastor's wife, a resource for marriage counseling
Some women feel that it's really a bad thing to remain single.
Some who reach the age of 30 get overly worried about this situation.
But you know, what's worse than being single is being involved with and
or being married to the wrong person.
The following guidelines will help-the single woman in search of the 'right one'
and,the 'involved' woman in determining if this relationship is the 'right one'.
1. open communication
If the lines are open, then any relationship is 'workable'.
Being able to say what you feel at the time you feel it is important.
This ensures honesty and assures acceptance in any relationship.
2. common interests
If there is common ground to work on then any relationship will thrive.
Being able to enjoy conversations, activities, and other passions that are
held important and worthwhile by both parties will certainly cause their
relationship to flourish throughout the years.
3. intellectual compatibility
If one can communicate on a level that the other will 'understand' then both
parties will never run out of things to talk about. Being able to relate to one's
partner is key to lifelong companionship.
4. sexual compatibility
Though sex is not the reason for any marriage, it plays a vital part. Being able
to satisfy one's partner and to be satisfied by one's partner in the area of
physical intimacy is key to an AFFAIR-PROOF marriage. Couples must
be able to openly and honestly discuss their preferences and or desires in
this area.
5. spirituality
Marriage IS an institution appointed by God. He blesses it, sanctifies it,
and guides it to success. Common faith in and dependence on the Bible
and its truths will cause any marriage to survive trials and testings that
will challenge the marriage. There is peace, satisfaction, and assurance
from seeking God and His will in your marital relationship.
--lyka
Some women feel that it's really a bad thing to remain single.
Some who reach the age of 30 get overly worried about this situation.
But you know, what's worse than being single is being involved with and
or being married to the wrong person.
The following guidelines will help-the single woman in search of the 'right one'
and,the 'involved' woman in determining if this relationship is the 'right one'.
1. open communication
If the lines are open, then any relationship is 'workable'.
Being able to say what you feel at the time you feel it is important.
This ensures honesty and assures acceptance in any relationship.
2. common interests
If there is common ground to work on then any relationship will thrive.
Being able to enjoy conversations, activities, and other passions that are
held important and worthwhile by both parties will certainly cause their
relationship to flourish throughout the years.
3. intellectual compatibility
If one can communicate on a level that the other will 'understand' then both
parties will never run out of things to talk about. Being able to relate to one's
partner is key to lifelong companionship.
4. sexual compatibility
Though sex is not the reason for any marriage, it plays a vital part. Being able
to satisfy one's partner and to be satisfied by one's partner in the area of
physical intimacy is key to an AFFAIR-PROOF marriage. Couples must
be able to openly and honestly discuss their preferences and or desires in
this area.
5. spirituality
Marriage IS an institution appointed by God. He blesses it, sanctifies it,
and guides it to success. Common faith in and dependence on the Bible
and its truths will cause any marriage to survive trials and testings that
will challenge the marriage. There is peace, satisfaction, and assurance
from seeking God and His will in your marital relationship.
--lyka
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
WHY MARRIAGES BREAK DOWN
authored by Lyka M
resource for the pastor's wife, married couples, marriage counselees,and singles
The rate of married couples separating is on a steady rise. In the Philippines, more and more are starting to join a movement pushing for legalization of divorce. Also, cases of annulment are increasing in number.
Why do couples marry and then separate? Listed are the more common factors:
1. MONEY.
Too much or too little of it. How to spend it, what to spend it on, who’s spending more? Who should keep charge of it? Couples seem to always have endless discussions and conflicts in this area.
2. CHILDREN.
Many couples fall into the error of focusing and building their marital relationship around their children. Soon they end up emotionally distant from one another.
Where couples fail to develop and cultivate friendship in their marriages, they would soon find themselves with their kids being the only thing they have in common.
3. MISCOMMUNICATION.
Failure to communicate often results to endless fights and finally, unresolved differences. When couples fight on the same issues over and over again, they start to tire, until finally they just stop talking.
There’s a difference between being heard and being understood, and there’s a difference between hearing and understanding. You don’t have to agree with your spouse all the time but you must strive to understand him/her.
4. INCOMPATIBILITIES.
Failing to deal with and accept incompatibilities will naturally erode the marriage relationship. Couples must strive to change what they can and accept what they can’t. Love and forgiveness is the key. Some incompatibilities are in the area of:
a. Intellectual incompatibility- where spouses just can’t seem to find a common ground for interesting or worthwhile conversation
b. Sexual incompatibility – where one or both spouses aren’t able to satisfy or be satisfied in the area of physical intimacy
5. TIME.
Time can be used for or against marriage. People will always give time for what is important to them. And if you really want something to work, you’ll keep on trying. That involves time!
6. IN-LAWS.
When too many heads rule a relationship, chaos abounds. And some spouses escape conflict by seeking refuge in their parents’ homes.
7. IGNORANCE.
Some people enter the marriage relationship not fully aware of what it fully entails. No marriage will ever be free from problems or disagreements. Some leave the relationship at the point of conflict or if not, settle to live together harboring resentment in their hearts. It’s a union of 2 persons who love each other, that’s all they know. They forget that, it is a union between 2 IMPERFECT persons who love each other.
Are you planning to marry? Be mindful of these things. Are you married? Don’t let these marriage killers creep into your marriage relationship. Commit yourself to unconditional love and continual forgiveness. Remember, whenever you say, ‘But I just can’t forget what my spouse has done!’ What you’re actually saying is, ‘I just don’t want to forgive him!’
---------------
“There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time. “
-Dr James C. Dobson, Ph.D.
resource for the pastor's wife, married couples, marriage counselees,and singles
The rate of married couples separating is on a steady rise. In the Philippines, more and more are starting to join a movement pushing for legalization of divorce. Also, cases of annulment are increasing in number.
Why do couples marry and then separate? Listed are the more common factors:
1. MONEY.
Too much or too little of it. How to spend it, what to spend it on, who’s spending more? Who should keep charge of it? Couples seem to always have endless discussions and conflicts in this area.
2. CHILDREN.
Many couples fall into the error of focusing and building their marital relationship around their children. Soon they end up emotionally distant from one another.
Where couples fail to develop and cultivate friendship in their marriages, they would soon find themselves with their kids being the only thing they have in common.
3. MISCOMMUNICATION.
Failure to communicate often results to endless fights and finally, unresolved differences. When couples fight on the same issues over and over again, they start to tire, until finally they just stop talking.
There’s a difference between being heard and being understood, and there’s a difference between hearing and understanding. You don’t have to agree with your spouse all the time but you must strive to understand him/her.
4. INCOMPATIBILITIES.
Failing to deal with and accept incompatibilities will naturally erode the marriage relationship. Couples must strive to change what they can and accept what they can’t. Love and forgiveness is the key. Some incompatibilities are in the area of:
a. Intellectual incompatibility- where spouses just can’t seem to find a common ground for interesting or worthwhile conversation
b. Sexual incompatibility – where one or both spouses aren’t able to satisfy or be satisfied in the area of physical intimacy
5. TIME.
Time can be used for or against marriage. People will always give time for what is important to them. And if you really want something to work, you’ll keep on trying. That involves time!
6. IN-LAWS.
When too many heads rule a relationship, chaos abounds. And some spouses escape conflict by seeking refuge in their parents’ homes.
7. IGNORANCE.
Some people enter the marriage relationship not fully aware of what it fully entails. No marriage will ever be free from problems or disagreements. Some leave the relationship at the point of conflict or if not, settle to live together harboring resentment in their hearts. It’s a union of 2 persons who love each other, that’s all they know. They forget that, it is a union between 2 IMPERFECT persons who love each other.
Are you planning to marry? Be mindful of these things. Are you married? Don’t let these marriage killers creep into your marriage relationship. Commit yourself to unconditional love and continual forgiveness. Remember, whenever you say, ‘But I just can’t forget what my spouse has done!’ What you’re actually saying is, ‘I just don’t want to forgive him!’
---------------
“There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time. “
-Dr James C. Dobson, Ph.D.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
DETOXIFY YOUR LIFE!
for all us busy minsitry wives, read on!
How do you often feel at the close of each day? Worn out? Frustrated? Feeling like nothing has really been accomplished throughout that day, like 24 hours is often never really enough?!
Think again, if we needed more than 24 hours, then GOD would surely have given us more than that!!!!
So, what do we do? We should UNclutter our lives! Here is the simple answer to that.
E V A L U A T E.
There are so many things in our lives and daily schedules that shouldn't be there! Let's categorize these things and focus on the topmosts on our list.
1. The MUST DO's. These are without question things that NEED to be done and are categorized in the same group as......BREATHING, EATING, SLEEPING. Get it?!
Attending to the basic needs of your spouse and kids is on this list. Time with God is on this list. Showing love and support to people you care about is on this list.
Things on this list are things that if left undone will ruin the day's outcome.
2. The SHOULD DO's. Items on this list come next. Finishing a house chore, a church project, running errands for self and loved ones are on this list.
3. The COULD DO's. Items on this list are the last to worry and fuss over. Watching your favorite program, playing your favorite game, buying that luxury item,etc belong to this list. THings on this list that are left undone MUST NEVER be such a BIG thing to frustrate or grieve over.
The problem with most people is that they get depressed or frustrated when the COULD DO's are not done.Why is it like that? We feel so very very bad for missing that favorite show, or not being able to buy that nice dress but we don't hurt a bit when we fail to spend bonding time with our spouse and kids.
Let's RE-evaluate our lives and let things that really matter MATTER from now on!
--authored by lyka m
How do you often feel at the close of each day? Worn out? Frustrated? Feeling like nothing has really been accomplished throughout that day, like 24 hours is often never really enough?!
Think again, if we needed more than 24 hours, then GOD would surely have given us more than that!!!!
So, what do we do? We should UNclutter our lives! Here is the simple answer to that.
E V A L U A T E.
There are so many things in our lives and daily schedules that shouldn't be there! Let's categorize these things and focus on the topmosts on our list.
1. The MUST DO's. These are without question things that NEED to be done and are categorized in the same group as......BREATHING, EATING, SLEEPING. Get it?!
Attending to the basic needs of your spouse and kids is on this list. Time with God is on this list. Showing love and support to people you care about is on this list.
Things on this list are things that if left undone will ruin the day's outcome.
2. The SHOULD DO's. Items on this list come next. Finishing a house chore, a church project, running errands for self and loved ones are on this list.
3. The COULD DO's. Items on this list are the last to worry and fuss over. Watching your favorite program, playing your favorite game, buying that luxury item,etc belong to this list. THings on this list that are left undone MUST NEVER be such a BIG thing to frustrate or grieve over.
The problem with most people is that they get depressed or frustrated when the COULD DO's are not done.Why is it like that? We feel so very very bad for missing that favorite show, or not being able to buy that nice dress but we don't hurt a bit when we fail to spend bonding time with our spouse and kids.
Let's RE-evaluate our lives and let things that really matter MATTER from now on!
--authored by lyka m
Thursday, April 13, 2006
KID'S HAVE FEELINGS TOO!
It's quite tempting to mistreat even our own children. We fail to keep their emotions and rights in mind at times. Many times, we forget that though they are much smaller than us, they are no different from us. They feel like we do.
Even mothers can fall into sin by ignoring the needs of their kids. I'm not talking about their physical needs. Im talking about their relational needs. Do you deal with a child on a regular basis? Here are some helpful reminders for you.
1. Answer their questions. Don't you just hate it when you're ignored, and your own questions go unanswered? When you are in the middle of something that shouldn't be interrupted, briefly request your child to wait. But be sure to get back to him later. Refrain from always saying, 'I don't know, honey.', just to ward off your child. He might just figure that you don't know anything at all!
2. Respond to their needs. When you are in the middle of something important and you feel that the child can wait, think; the child might feel that what he's requesting is important too. It's tempting to just shun a child away, especially if he just wants to look for a lost toy or a story book. But that's what's important for him. It's valuable to him. Show your love by valuing what he values as well.
3. Respect their TIME. Sometimes, we fall guilty into squeezing our children into our own schedule. We fail to remember that they have their own schedule too. Refrain from postponing activities your child has requested for you to do. And when spending a day in the mall, or unwinding somewhere, be sure to give them time to look at things they also want to look at and go to places they also want to go to.
ACID TEST: How would I feel if my child was me?
--authored by lyka m
Even mothers can fall into sin by ignoring the needs of their kids. I'm not talking about their physical needs. Im talking about their relational needs. Do you deal with a child on a regular basis? Here are some helpful reminders for you.
1. Answer their questions. Don't you just hate it when you're ignored, and your own questions go unanswered? When you are in the middle of something that shouldn't be interrupted, briefly request your child to wait. But be sure to get back to him later. Refrain from always saying, 'I don't know, honey.', just to ward off your child. He might just figure that you don't know anything at all!
2. Respond to their needs. When you are in the middle of something important and you feel that the child can wait, think; the child might feel that what he's requesting is important too. It's tempting to just shun a child away, especially if he just wants to look for a lost toy or a story book. But that's what's important for him. It's valuable to him. Show your love by valuing what he values as well.
3. Respect their TIME. Sometimes, we fall guilty into squeezing our children into our own schedule. We fail to remember that they have their own schedule too. Refrain from postponing activities your child has requested for you to do. And when spending a day in the mall, or unwinding somewhere, be sure to give them time to look at things they also want to look at and go to places they also want to go to.
ACID TEST: How would I feel if my child was me?
--authored by lyka m
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
BEING GOD-CONSCIOUS
Days are always filled with things to do, and each day usually ends with things still left undone. For many of us, Sunday is the only day when we could 'think about God and His Goodness'. And that's really sad, for God wants to fellowship with us on a daily basis.How do we keep God in the picture? How do we include HIM in our day to day lives? Here are some helpful ways:
1. Keep yourself 'online'. Always be consciuous of His presence, and maintain the communication lines open at ALL times. Pray each moment. Share each moment, each experience with Him.
2. Keep yourself 'thankful'. Be observant. Be sensitive to each blessing, each act of divine grace and thank Him promptly for those.
3. Keep yourself 'clean'. Seek the Holy Spirit's help. Keep yourself spiritually pure. Confess each sin, each fault promptly.
4. Keep youself 'dependent'. Know that you are never alone, and that you can never be on your own. Apart from God we are and we can do nothing. Draw upon God for strength and guidance with each task.
Let's pray that God will keep us close to Him at all times. May God help us keep this mindset all the time- that God is in control and that I need Him to take control of my life. Nothing could go wrong if we keep ourselves aware of that truth, always.
--authored by lyka m
1. Keep yourself 'online'. Always be consciuous of His presence, and maintain the communication lines open at ALL times. Pray each moment. Share each moment, each experience with Him.
2. Keep yourself 'thankful'. Be observant. Be sensitive to each blessing, each act of divine grace and thank Him promptly for those.
3. Keep yourself 'clean'. Seek the Holy Spirit's help. Keep yourself spiritually pure. Confess each sin, each fault promptly.
4. Keep youself 'dependent'. Know that you are never alone, and that you can never be on your own. Apart from God we are and we can do nothing. Draw upon God for strength and guidance with each task.
Let's pray that God will keep us close to Him at all times. May God help us keep this mindset all the time- that God is in control and that I need Him to take control of my life. Nothing could go wrong if we keep ourselves aware of that truth, always.
--authored by lyka m
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