6 Principles for Boundaries in a Pastor's Ministry

Written by Barney Self
source: LifeWay

Ministers often struggle in setting God-honoring boundaries. This struggle may stem from a misunderstanding of the appropriate place ministry has in the life of the minister. When persons experience the sense of call to ministry it is easy to confuse or combine the personal relationship with God and ministry for God.

Ministry and Relationship with God are two very different elements in life and need to be handled in a way that will fulfill our commitments in the most God-honoring fashion.


1. Our first covenant relationship is with God. Our second covenant relationship is with our mate.The combining of those covenants leads to the healthy and solid triangular relationship with God at the pinnacle and the Husband and Wife at the other two corners. It is from this pattern that we can both minister inside our homes to our spouse’s and children’s needs as well as minister outside our homes to our congregation’s needs.

The healthy minister’s priority list is God first, spouse second, family third, and ministry fourth.


2. Crises arise within church life that demand the minister’s attention.Illnesses, deaths, births, weddings and traumatic moments all demand the minister’s attention and presence. However, outside of these major “musts”, the remainder of the ministry applications needs to be called into question. In the questioning process, it is essential to determine whether the health of the
minister or the well-being of the minister’s family are potentially going to be harmed by fulfilling a ministry request.

There must be a healthy balance between meeting the needs of the congregation and the needs of the family.


3. Scheduling is a vital battleground.Time should be set aside weekly for yourself, your spouse, and your children. The real key is to determine what amounts of time are necessary for
generating personal spiritual renewal, couple relationship growth and family connection. This determination will need to be made by the ministry couple and will vary from time to time especially as the children age. Weekly time slots need to be allocated to personal, marital and family needs. These can then be treated just the same as other appointments.

Training of the church staff and congregation regarding both the need and the reality of this commitment will also occur over time. In so doing the minister models healthy priorities for the staff and for the church as a whole.


4. Beware of the drain of Counseling.Ministers need to determine whether this activity is within their gifting. If so, the setting of boundaries is critical for the minister, the counselee and the
church’s benefit. Another factor that has to be considered is that of dual relationships. Often ministers who counsel others find both their role as counselor and their role of minister to be compromised. It is not always so, but may be.

If counseling an individual is perceived to be a problem then it would be appropriate to refer the counselee to a qualified Christian therapist in the area.


5. Keep a list of pastoral counselors that function as a referral base.Referral sources allow the minister to focus on other ministry issues and can also potentially allow the counselee to obtain more effective therapy. Another factor that would require the counselee to be referred is when the minister discovers serious emotional or psychological struggles or other major trauma in
the life of the counselee. When that discovery takes place, the question that needs to be asked is “Will I be the best person to help the counselee?”. If the answer is “no” referral is both a good idea and an ethical mandate.

Editors note: For more help, read 7 Steps to Building Your Network of Professional Counselors also by Barney Self.


6. The church can assist in good boundary settingIt would be helpful for each church to develop a plan for the assistance for congregation members needing counseling. Such a plan would likely stipulate the assistance to be provided, the timing, the duration and the financial arrangements as well. This takes the pressure off of the minister and helps the counselee understand clearly where the boundaries lie.

The ultimate goal of boundary setting is to protect the minister, the minister’s wife and family and the church body from the traumas of blurred boundaries. If the boundaries are clear, each of their needs will be met, and ministry will happen in the most efficient manner. The church will also have the best opportunity for growth.

Healthy boundaries promote the "Abundant Life" for the minister, the minister’s family and the church family as well.


Barney Self , Ed. D., is a licensed marriage and family therapist and works in LifeWay's pastoral ministries as LeaderCare counselor.