source:Beyond Prayer Requests
buildingsmallgroups.com
article outlines 6 prayer snares and 5 prayer pointers
Groups should consider whether their requests line up with what God is doing.
By Wayne Jacobsen
You'd have thought I'd just cussed by the way the mouths around the
table soundlessly fell open. And all I'd said was "I don't think I can
pray that for you."
The woman who had just asked us to pray was perhaps the most shocked of all.
My home group had just finished eating dinner, and we were sharing
prayer requests. With obvious distress, Kris had told of her
daughter's plan to move in with a boyfriend that weekend, and asked us
to pray that God wouldn't allow it.
I usually try not to take exception to people's prayer requests, but I
have a low tolerance for requests I think God clearly will not answer.
On this occasion, I didn't keep quiet.
Once they all caught their breath, I explained. "I think all of us
here can understand why you want God to stop her from doing that. If
anyone here feels that's what God wants, you're free to pray that way.
I'm wondering, however, whether asking God to override someone's
ability to make moral choices isn't akin to witchcraft."
I could see Kris was near seething at my bluntness, so I hurried on.
"What I suggest we pray for is that God would reveal himself to your
daughter. That he would let her see clearly the choice she is making.
And that God will show you how to trust him and love your daughter,
even if she makes the stupidest mistake of her young life."
I had hardly finished before Kris blurted out through tears, "That's
exactly what I need."
We gathered around her to pray. Instead of praying for the situation
not to take a distressing turn, we prayed for Kris. What could have
been a sympathetic but shallow exercise in prayer became a marvelous
discovery of how God works in difficult situations.
Prayer Snares
At most prayer meetings a host of requests are made, then a handful of
people offer quick prayers until the list is covered. Rarely do we
stop to ask if a particular prayer request is in line with what God is
doing. Rarely do we follow up to find out if God answered.
We are often left praying a list of wishes, as though if we throw
enough darts at the balloons on the wall, we're bound to hit one of
them.
My young son awakened me to the folly of this. We were reading John 15
one morning for a family devotion when he suddenly blurted out,
"That's not true!" I had just read the verse about God giving us
whatever we ask of him. But my five-year-old was already aware that
most of what we prayed for as a family didn't happen. I wondered if
our prayer practices were teaching him, whether we liked it or not,
that prayer is only wishful thinking.
While the exercise of prayer itself offers comfort for the moment, I'm
afraid many prayer requests teach us to use God like a genie in a
bottle. I don't want my son, or my brothers and sisters, to get that
impression. I'm no longer comfortable praying for things that I'm not
convinced are in sync with God's heart.
Here are certain types of prayer requests that reflect more our human
desires than the desires of God. Do these sound familiar?
The trivial: "Let's pray I can get over this cold" or "Give us a
rain-free day for the church picnic." Our comfort and our plans seem
important to us, but might God have something larger in mind? Might
the farmers around us desperately need the rain? Our requests need to
reflect things we truly expect God to do, not just our thoughtless
hopes and whims. I don't want my requests to trivialize the awesome
gift of prayer.
The self-motivated: "My brother's unit just got called up to go to
Iraq. Let's pray he won't have to go." While I can understand the
emotion behind the request, it is still misplaced. If he's in the
military, why shouldn't he go? God's purposes frequently include
hardship and risk. Should we ask him to trump his purposes for our
convenience?
The controlling: As with Kris' request, I think we're spitting into
the wind if we ask God to make other people act according to our will.
He doesn't even force people to adhere to his will. Why should he make
them act according to ours?
The manipulative: Not all prayer requests are directed at God. We're
usually more diplomatic about it than Charissa, who was only four
years old, but knew what she wanted. "Jesus, would you help Bob and
Laurie learn how to spank their children, so their kids won't hit me
when I come over?" I'll admit it worked for Charissa, but I don't
think prayer was intended to send subtle (or not so subtle) messages
to the faithful.
The blaming: A group in my former church was praying for an infertile
woman. They thought she wasn't getting pregnant because her husband
wasn't godly enough be a good father. So they asked God to change him.
She blamed him and tried to manipulate him to change, and by the time
she came to see me, she was incredibly frustrated. I told her I
thought they'd missed the point. None of us qualify for God's gifts.
If God waited until everyone was ready to have a baby, no one would
ever give birth.
The mass-produced: I don't know why we think we have a better chance
of getting prayers answered if more people are in on it. Like many of
you, I receive prayer requests on the Internet begging me to pray for
people I don't know, about needs I'm not involved in. God's answers to
prayer are not based on a tally sheet. Prayer was designed for two or
three faithful believers to focus on, agree, and fervently intercede,
rather than enlisting large numbers of uninvolved people.
Prayer Pointers
Prayer enables us to discover what God is doing, to trace his hand in
the circumstances of our lives. Through the vital communication of
prayer, he transforms us in the process. Prayer, therefore, is not so
much a means of manipulating the master plan, but of being shaped by
the master's hand.
Not all prayer groups are conducive to that kind of prayer. Not all
requests follow that understanding. Consider five guidelines to direct
your prayer times to foster a transformational, ongoing walk with God.
1. Focus prayer on the people involved. The temptation at
"prayer-request time" is to narrow the request to action points we
want God to undertake or gifts we want him to give. That misses what
God considers most important.
When the news arises of a brother sent to war, the opportunity for
prayer is not to ask God to keep him home. That limits the scope of
prayer to events, when it should be focused on people. It also limits
the other pray-ers to a specific request, without offering an
opportunity to discern God's heart in the matter.
Instead, address the fears of his sister, the worry of his mother, and
the faith of the soldier himself. We can pray that God will mold our
courage and our ability to trust, that he will help us overcome fears,
and that the brother will recognize God's presence. These are the
evidences of God's work and the kinds of prayers he answers.
I've discovered that smaller groups give us time to process someone's
struggle and help identify God's work. Even home-sized groups can be
too big for this kind of prayer. I have always found it more effective
to break down in groups of two or three where people really know each
other and give them the time to explore the situation together.
2. Seek God's perspective. Most prayer requests fit what we think is
best, and often run counter to what God is actually doing.
I love how Peter and John responded to the Pharisee's threats that
they stop proclaiming Jesus or face punishment. When they gathered
later with other believers to pray, they didn't pray for what would be
easiest. They could have prayed God would convert the Pharisees or
wipe them from the face of the earth. But they didn't see either of
those options as fitting God's design. Instead, they prayed for
boldness to continue to do what God asked, even when they knew they
might be beaten, imprisoned, or executed for it.
A primary step in prayer should include asking God to reveal what he
is doing in the situation and pausing long enough to let him answer.
One of the things I most appreciate about Henry Blackaby's
Experiencing God is that it invites us to trust God to show us what he
is doing in our lives. Prayer should be directed by talking together
to see if anyone has a specific insight about how to pray for the
people involved.
3. Let trust, and not fear, fuel your prayers. Fear is the death of
prayer because it is the opposite of trust. Most of my prayers, even
well into midlife, were driven by my anxieties and fears.
I remember praying through our finances, and though we had enough to
supply our needs for the present, I was concerned about the long term.
I trusted him enough for today, but kept praying that he would do
something to take my anxiety away for tomorrow. But God didn't want me
to trust in my IRA or the state lottery for security, he wanted me to
trust in him.
What most enhances my relationship with Jesus is my ability to trust
him, no matter what circumstance I'm in. He rarely answers prayers
that ask him to fix my circumstances so that I can trust him less. His
desire has always been that I would trust him more.
Prayers permeated with a faith-filled security in God's love and
confidence in his character will be more effective than petitions for
him to appease me.
When I'm fearful, I've learned to pray first for my fear and for a
fuller revelation of God's love before I pray for the specific outcome
I might want. When I'm praying for others, I do the same.
4. Pray in agreement. I learned this fascinating aspect of prayer from
a group of Christians in the Australian Bush.
The man leading the prayer meeting offered some unusual instructions:
"Tonight as we pray, we're only going to pray for what we agree upon.
If one of you feels led to pray over something, ask the group if
that's something we all sense. If it is, we can pray in agreement. If
not, we'll pass over it for now and move on to other requests." I
asked him later why he gave the unusual instructions. He said they had
learned that praying for someone can become a subtle form of
manipulation.
"If a man is depressed, then others pray for him to be happy. He's
pressured then to smile at the end of the prayer and say, 'Thanks. I
feel better,' whether he does or not. Maybe he doesn't need to 'feel
better' right now. Maybe he needs to learn to cling to God in the
midst of suffering. You don't know unless you ask."
If the person being prayed for didn't agree or understand the insight,
the prayer group would set it aside and see what others might have on
their hearts.
Often, they told me, two or three weeks after someone had declined to
be prayed for in a certain way, he or she would return convinced that
was just the prayer that was needed.
By asking permission of one another to pray in certain ways, these
Australians were able to maintain a more authentic and honest form of
prayer. They also had a chance to share insights and see what God
might be saying. It gave them the freedom to pray with boldness when
they knew that all were seeking the same thing.
5. Follow up. Nothing expresses our concern to someone in need more
than following up with a phone call a few days later to see how they
are doing and what might have happened after our prayer.
I'm convinced we do too little of this because we have so little hope
that our prayers will affect much. But if the goal is to zero in on
what God is doing and see him accomplish his will in our
circumstances, then our initial prayer only begins the process.
If nothing has happened since, we can ask God for wisdom. Is he doing
something else in this situation than we thought? Is he teaching us to
persevere in what we started?
Staying in the process until something is resolved will not only be a
blessing in that instance, but will train us for future opportunities
in prayer. This invites us to make any request of God, but it does not
tell us to expect him to answer them the way we want. God is not our
fairy godmother who waves a magic wand to conform every circumstance
to our whim. Real prayer is the process of getting involved with
someone's need, praying as best we understand God's work, and then
staying in the situation until we see God act.
It is a risk to pray in that expectant way, but it can lead to some
incredible prayers. One of Henri Nouwen's spiritual directors once
prayed over him:
"May all your expectations be frustrated. May all your plans be
thwarted. May all of your desires be withered into nothingness that
you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing
and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son, and the Spirit."
While I don't recommend praying that for someone you don't know well,
here is someone who understood God's heart in prayer. Teaching people
to move beyond their own agenda to touch the heart and passion of God
will be a challenge, but it will deepen and enliven your prayer life.
Copyright (c) 2001 by the author or Christianity Today, Inc./Leadership journal.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Five Things Every Son Needs from His Dad
by Ken R. Canfield , Ph.D.
We used to be boys, so we have a natural companionship with our sons;
our natural interests tend to merge more easily with them than our
daughters. Unfortunately, although it's easier for us to be with our
sons, it's still too often a distant relationship. We need to be
intentional about building a close connection with our sons and giving
them a healthy model of what it means to be a boy, a man, and a
father.
Even more importantly, we need to be intentional about raising young
men of faith. Based on research I've done with about 2,000 fathers, I
have identified 5 key things that sons need from their dads:
A Plan
Sons need dads who are thinking about their futures and taking action
to prepare them — whether we're talking about tomorrow, next week,
next year, or ten years from now. Financial planning makes a good
comparison because our regular, consistent investments will pay rich
dividends for our sons' futures.
What specific things should we plan for? Well, first, we need a plan
for our son's vocational future — which includes much more than
targeting him as a doctor, computer technician or musician. You want
him to have a fulfilling career that pays the bills and contributes to
society, but even more importantly, pay attention to how he can
develop and express his talents in a way that pleases God. Then
encourage him to pursue those avenues.
Next, there's his relational future. Address what to look for in a
mate, discuss what it takes to make a marriage work, and pray for that
little girl or young lady who will someday be his wife.
Third, give some thought to rites of passage — benchmarks along the
way that help signal new levels of maturity and responsibility and
that affirm him and bless him as a beloved son. Plan ahead to give
special recognition to these rites of passage.
Also, I'd suggest listing some skills, attitudes, and values to
instill in your son by the time he leaves home. You might include
financial stewardship, the ability to delay gratification, prayer,
basic auto maintenance, thankfulness, perseverance, honesty, a work
ethic, modesty, or family togetherness. Make a list, and check it from
time to time as a reminder. You've heard the saying: if you fail to
plan, you have planned to fail.
An Example
I like to think of Jeremiah 35, where the prophet mentions Jonadab –
an exemplary leader who wasn't an Israelite. As a result of his
example, his sons followed his responsible lifestyle for generations.
That's the kind of power our example can have.
As Jonadab's story shows, a dad's example really encompasses all
aspects of life. But let me mention a few areas where we need to be
intentional about modeling:
First, we need to model godly emotions. We can help our sons regulate
their emotions and express them in responsible ways by regulating our
own emotions. Take note: regulating emotions is not the same as hiding
them. A lot of dads hide their emotions, like they are weaknesses. But
our sons need to see a healthy, balanced display of our "feelings
side."
Another key aspect of regulating our emotions is getting a hold of our
anger. James 1 urges us to be "slow to become angry. For man's anger
does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." If we want
our sons to enjoy the righteous life that God desires, we especially
need to learn to regulate our anger.
Our sons also need our examples as husbands — especially boys who have
experienced a family break-up. If you are not married, find ways to
model honor and respect to your son's mother even if it is difficult
for you.
Commit today to keeping your vows if you are married. When we do the
work to build a strong marriage -- the communication, the thoughtful
gestures and so on — that creates powerful pictures for our sons.
Remember, our sons need reference points in life, and usually actions
speak louder than words.
A Monitor
Boys need their father to keep track of them, hold them accountable,
and correct them when necessary. The headlines are filled with stories
of boys and young men who weren't monitored in a healthy way. We must
teach our sons that we're watching them, and we're not going to stand
by when they disregard what God's Word says is best for them.
I encourage dads to check in regularly with their sons — especially on
two issues:
Respect. Many young men have lost a sense of respect, and it
especially shows in their speech. We hear them trash-talking, cursing
and joking coarsely, or denigrating women. We need to monitor the way
they talk, and teach them to use their speech for positive ends — like
articulating thoughts and feelings, building relationships, and giving
encouragement. Passages like Ephesians 4:29 and 5:4 and Colossians 4:6
can help us set goals for our sons in their speech
Purity -- Given how easy it is to slip up in this area, we need to
check in regularly to see how our sons are doing. This also relates
back to the example we give our sons. We need to honestly ask
ourselves if we are living a life of purity — making a covenant with
our eyes and claiming the Holy Spirit's power to overcome temptation.
We know that alluring images assault us from all sides, and we need to
prepare our sons for battle. We can tell them exactly what to expect,
talk through scenarios where they'll be tempted, and read together
from passages like 1 Corinthians, about "fleeing from sexual
immorality." We can talk about channeling our energies in healthy
ways, like exercise, and encourage them to pray daily for strength —
and don't forget to pray for his purity as well.
Specific Spiritual Goals
These are events, experiences, or habits that help to activate your
son's faith and teach him what it means to live a life pleasing to
God. Hebrews 11:6 says that "without faith, it is impossible to please
God." We can focus on three areas that are important to a son's
spiritual development:
Respect for authority. Recently, I told a group of young women that as
they think about what they want in a husband, it's important to ask,
Does he respond to authority in a proper way? Does he respect those
who are over him? Teaching your son to submit to legitimate authority
-- and modeling submission in your own life -- will help teach your
son the humility and dependence he needs to walk by faith in the
unseen.
Worship. Dads, by your example, your son will learn to pray. By your
leadership, he will learn to study and memorize the scriptures.
Through you, he will gain an appreciation for worship, repentance,
confession of sins, and other acts of devotion to God.
Many fathers are absent from equipping their sons as worshipers with a
vibrant faith. And if boys grow up without a masculine model of
spiritual vitality, they may view faith as a feminine pursuit. As we
see in Jesus' example, a real man shows both compassion and strength,
humility and decisiveness. So while we strive to model submission,
humility and love, we also have a unique role in showing our sons that
walking by faith also requires masculine toughness, resourcefulness,
and courage.
Real-life experiences of faith in action. Give them many memorable,
life-changing experiences serving others — from the family broken down
on the side of the road ... to the inner-city project or homeless
shelter in your community ... to the mission trip in Brazil.
Love
Colossians 3:12-14: "Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive
whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the
Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds
them all together in perfect unity."
Those verses describe the love we need to give our sons and to
cultivate in our sons. In practical terms, that love is defined by
responsible actions toward others.
Good communication is vital. We fathers need to make communication a
high priority, so once again, we teach by example and practice. In a
nutshell, we listen first before making our opinions known, and we do
away with lectures in favor of two-way discussions. We're also open to
receiving feedback, even if it's negative. And most importantly — we
take the initiative in rebuilding relationships when fractures occur.
We have the courage to admit when we're wrong and seek forgiveness.
Those are all demonstrations of love that will have an impact on our
sons' development.
The other key factor we need to cultivate is closely related, but
worth mentioning separately: showing affection. Boys with affectionate
fathers develop positive self-esteem, they tend to thrive in
schoolwork, and have fewer gender identity issues. So, instead of a
pat on the back or a tousle of the hair, give your son a big,
old-fashioned bear hug — and do it often.
Verbal affection is important as well. Positive words give sons
confidence and belonging, and again provide a model of a man who can
express love in healthy ways. We need to tell our sons how much they
mean to us, point out their positive character traits, and just say,
"I love you, and I'm proud to be your dad."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 2nd grade:
"My dad is the best dad ever. He taught me how to make a wooden
airplane. It was the best plane ever. We are true pals. I would kiss a
pig for him."
Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 8th grade:
"One of the funnest times I have had with him was on a camping trip
with the boy scouts. We fished, hiked, and carved wood. At night, he
snored so loud we thought it was a bear. It was a great experience."
Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 2nd grade:
"My dad is a really good fisher. He works hard so that mom can stay
home with me and my sister and take care of us. My dad likes to play
with warrior toys. Even though he doesn't want anyone else to know. I
also like when we watch sports together and he jumps around and yells
at the TV. But I guess what my dad really means to me - he is my best
friend, my role model, and when I grow up, I want to be just like him.
Someone who loves his family so much that he sacrifices everything of
himself. I love my dad."
Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 7th grade
"He's the type of guy that you can talk to about school, other boys or
just plain girlfriends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The National Center for Fathering was founded in 1990 by Dr. Ken
Canfield because every child needs a dad they can count on -- someone
who loves them, knows them, guides them and helps them achieve their
destiny. Visit www.fathers.com for more articles and resources to
assist dads in nearly every fathering situation.
We used to be boys, so we have a natural companionship with our sons;
our natural interests tend to merge more easily with them than our
daughters. Unfortunately, although it's easier for us to be with our
sons, it's still too often a distant relationship. We need to be
intentional about building a close connection with our sons and giving
them a healthy model of what it means to be a boy, a man, and a
father.
Even more importantly, we need to be intentional about raising young
men of faith. Based on research I've done with about 2,000 fathers, I
have identified 5 key things that sons need from their dads:
A Plan
Sons need dads who are thinking about their futures and taking action
to prepare them — whether we're talking about tomorrow, next week,
next year, or ten years from now. Financial planning makes a good
comparison because our regular, consistent investments will pay rich
dividends for our sons' futures.
What specific things should we plan for? Well, first, we need a plan
for our son's vocational future — which includes much more than
targeting him as a doctor, computer technician or musician. You want
him to have a fulfilling career that pays the bills and contributes to
society, but even more importantly, pay attention to how he can
develop and express his talents in a way that pleases God. Then
encourage him to pursue those avenues.
Next, there's his relational future. Address what to look for in a
mate, discuss what it takes to make a marriage work, and pray for that
little girl or young lady who will someday be his wife.
Third, give some thought to rites of passage — benchmarks along the
way that help signal new levels of maturity and responsibility and
that affirm him and bless him as a beloved son. Plan ahead to give
special recognition to these rites of passage.
Also, I'd suggest listing some skills, attitudes, and values to
instill in your son by the time he leaves home. You might include
financial stewardship, the ability to delay gratification, prayer,
basic auto maintenance, thankfulness, perseverance, honesty, a work
ethic, modesty, or family togetherness. Make a list, and check it from
time to time as a reminder. You've heard the saying: if you fail to
plan, you have planned to fail.
An Example
I like to think of Jeremiah 35, where the prophet mentions Jonadab –
an exemplary leader who wasn't an Israelite. As a result of his
example, his sons followed his responsible lifestyle for generations.
That's the kind of power our example can have.
As Jonadab's story shows, a dad's example really encompasses all
aspects of life. But let me mention a few areas where we need to be
intentional about modeling:
First, we need to model godly emotions. We can help our sons regulate
their emotions and express them in responsible ways by regulating our
own emotions. Take note: regulating emotions is not the same as hiding
them. A lot of dads hide their emotions, like they are weaknesses. But
our sons need to see a healthy, balanced display of our "feelings
side."
Another key aspect of regulating our emotions is getting a hold of our
anger. James 1 urges us to be "slow to become angry. For man's anger
does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." If we want
our sons to enjoy the righteous life that God desires, we especially
need to learn to regulate our anger.
Our sons also need our examples as husbands — especially boys who have
experienced a family break-up. If you are not married, find ways to
model honor and respect to your son's mother even if it is difficult
for you.
Commit today to keeping your vows if you are married. When we do the
work to build a strong marriage -- the communication, the thoughtful
gestures and so on — that creates powerful pictures for our sons.
Remember, our sons need reference points in life, and usually actions
speak louder than words.
A Monitor
Boys need their father to keep track of them, hold them accountable,
and correct them when necessary. The headlines are filled with stories
of boys and young men who weren't monitored in a healthy way. We must
teach our sons that we're watching them, and we're not going to stand
by when they disregard what God's Word says is best for them.
I encourage dads to check in regularly with their sons — especially on
two issues:
Respect. Many young men have lost a sense of respect, and it
especially shows in their speech. We hear them trash-talking, cursing
and joking coarsely, or denigrating women. We need to monitor the way
they talk, and teach them to use their speech for positive ends — like
articulating thoughts and feelings, building relationships, and giving
encouragement. Passages like Ephesians 4:29 and 5:4 and Colossians 4:6
can help us set goals for our sons in their speech
Purity -- Given how easy it is to slip up in this area, we need to
check in regularly to see how our sons are doing. This also relates
back to the example we give our sons. We need to honestly ask
ourselves if we are living a life of purity — making a covenant with
our eyes and claiming the Holy Spirit's power to overcome temptation.
We know that alluring images assault us from all sides, and we need to
prepare our sons for battle. We can tell them exactly what to expect,
talk through scenarios where they'll be tempted, and read together
from passages like 1 Corinthians, about "fleeing from sexual
immorality." We can talk about channeling our energies in healthy
ways, like exercise, and encourage them to pray daily for strength —
and don't forget to pray for his purity as well.
Specific Spiritual Goals
These are events, experiences, or habits that help to activate your
son's faith and teach him what it means to live a life pleasing to
God. Hebrews 11:6 says that "without faith, it is impossible to please
God." We can focus on three areas that are important to a son's
spiritual development:
Respect for authority. Recently, I told a group of young women that as
they think about what they want in a husband, it's important to ask,
Does he respond to authority in a proper way? Does he respect those
who are over him? Teaching your son to submit to legitimate authority
-- and modeling submission in your own life -- will help teach your
son the humility and dependence he needs to walk by faith in the
unseen.
Worship. Dads, by your example, your son will learn to pray. By your
leadership, he will learn to study and memorize the scriptures.
Through you, he will gain an appreciation for worship, repentance,
confession of sins, and other acts of devotion to God.
Many fathers are absent from equipping their sons as worshipers with a
vibrant faith. And if boys grow up without a masculine model of
spiritual vitality, they may view faith as a feminine pursuit. As we
see in Jesus' example, a real man shows both compassion and strength,
humility and decisiveness. So while we strive to model submission,
humility and love, we also have a unique role in showing our sons that
walking by faith also requires masculine toughness, resourcefulness,
and courage.
Real-life experiences of faith in action. Give them many memorable,
life-changing experiences serving others — from the family broken down
on the side of the road ... to the inner-city project or homeless
shelter in your community ... to the mission trip in Brazil.
Love
Colossians 3:12-14: "Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive
whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the
Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds
them all together in perfect unity."
Those verses describe the love we need to give our sons and to
cultivate in our sons. In practical terms, that love is defined by
responsible actions toward others.
Good communication is vital. We fathers need to make communication a
high priority, so once again, we teach by example and practice. In a
nutshell, we listen first before making our opinions known, and we do
away with lectures in favor of two-way discussions. We're also open to
receiving feedback, even if it's negative. And most importantly — we
take the initiative in rebuilding relationships when fractures occur.
We have the courage to admit when we're wrong and seek forgiveness.
Those are all demonstrations of love that will have an impact on our
sons' development.
The other key factor we need to cultivate is closely related, but
worth mentioning separately: showing affection. Boys with affectionate
fathers develop positive self-esteem, they tend to thrive in
schoolwork, and have fewer gender identity issues. So, instead of a
pat on the back or a tousle of the hair, give your son a big,
old-fashioned bear hug — and do it often.
Verbal affection is important as well. Positive words give sons
confidence and belonging, and again provide a model of a man who can
express love in healthy ways. We need to tell our sons how much they
mean to us, point out their positive character traits, and just say,
"I love you, and I'm proud to be your dad."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 2nd grade:
"My dad is the best dad ever. He taught me how to make a wooden
airplane. It was the best plane ever. We are true pals. I would kiss a
pig for him."
Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 8th grade:
"One of the funnest times I have had with him was on a camping trip
with the boy scouts. We fished, hiked, and carved wood. At night, he
snored so loud we thought it was a bear. It was a great experience."
Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 2nd grade:
"My dad is a really good fisher. He works hard so that mom can stay
home with me and my sister and take care of us. My dad likes to play
with warrior toys. Even though he doesn't want anyone else to know. I
also like when we watch sports together and he jumps around and yells
at the TV. But I guess what my dad really means to me - he is my best
friend, my role model, and when I grow up, I want to be just like him.
Someone who loves his family so much that he sacrifices everything of
himself. I love my dad."
Excerpt from an essay by a boy in 7th grade
"He's the type of guy that you can talk to about school, other boys or
just plain girlfriends."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The National Center for Fathering was founded in 1990 by Dr. Ken
Canfield because every child needs a dad they can count on -- someone
who loves them, knows them, guides them and helps them achieve their
destiny. Visit www.fathers.com for more articles and resources to
assist dads in nearly every fathering situation.
Communication: The salt principle
Learning to Communicate...
The salt principle is a method of gaining and holding a person's
attention by arousing curiosity. It's a way to create a thirst for
constructive conversation in which both you and your spouse can learn
about each other's needs. First, identify the need or concern to be
discussed, and then identify areas of high interest to the other
person--areas you can tap into to pique interest.
source:
loving actions / it takes two to tango
The salt principle is a method of gaining and holding a person's
attention by arousing curiosity. It's a way to create a thirst for
constructive conversation in which both you and your spouse can learn
about each other's needs. First, identify the need or concern to be
discussed, and then identify areas of high interest to the other
person--areas you can tap into to pique interest.
source:
loving actions / it takes two to tango
"Relationships"
source: Crosswalk
Melissa Taylor, Speaker Team Member, Proverbs 31 Board of Directors
Crosswalk
Key Verse:
Ecclesiastes 4:2, "A person standing alone can be attacked and
defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even
better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." (NLT)
Devotion:
Relationships are an important part of life. We begin a relationship
with someone from the moment we are born and most of us will continue
in relationships of some sort until the day we die. God encourages
relationships. The Bible is full of them. It is obvious that from the
beginning of time, people need people. Even God Himself said about
Adam in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make
a companion who will help him." Jesus, too, did not do life alone. He
had His family, friends, and disciples to love, help, and encourages
Him throughout His life here on earth.
Today, I want to take a look at the different relationships in our
lives. I also want to point out the importance of prioritizing them.
Friends, if you want to lead a balanced life with purpose, it is
crucial to order the relationships in your life God's way.
Number One: Your Relationship with God.
This should be the most important relationship in your life.
Don't say that you don't have time– you do.
We make the time for what is important to us, don't we?
The way to get to know God better is to spend time in His Word. Try
spending at least fifteen minutes of uninterrupted time with the Lord
every day. More would be better, but do what you can to develop the
habit. God's Word will teach, equip, cheer, encourage, and guide you.
Number Two: Your Relationship with your husband….if you are married,
of course.
Just like it's important to spend time with God, it's also
important to make time for your husband. I have found that this
relationship is the one that takes the most effort for me. I love my
husband dearly, but I also take him for granted the most. It's easy
for me to allow my children, friends, or just busyness to get in the
way of time with my husband. Set aside time each morning and evening
to communicate with your husband in some way. Hug and kiss often and
say "I love you" whenever you get the chance. Let your actions show
him and others that you respect and honor him. One thing that my
husband and I have started doing again is dating. Just like before we
were married, we go out on dates. It takes time, effort, and often
money, but it's worth the investment. If money is tight, create a date
at home or go to the park or for a walk together. Whatever it takes,
spend time alone together, and make it a weekly habit.
Number three: Your relationship with your children….if you are a mom.
When I became a mom, I did not know what I was in for. I had no idea
the extent of sacrifice it would take to raise my children. It's worth
every bit of it too. I once read that kids spell love - T I M E. I
believe that with all my heart. God's Word tells us that children are
a gift from Him. We are to treat them like that, a gift. Motherhood is
a high calling….possibly the highest we will ever have in our lives.
It requires time and special attention. They are only with us for a
short time, so let's make the most of it.
Number 4: Your relationship with others.
This includes everyone reading this.
Our relationships with other people could include
family, friends, business associates, mentors, neighbors and more.
These are important, and in order to develop, grow, and nurture these
relationships, time is needed. I happen to be blessed with many
friends and cherished family members. Although I don't have time to
spend with them each day, I always want them to know how important
they are in my life and how much I love them. That takes effort on my
part, but what I receive back is priceless. If you find yourself
lacking in this area, create special moments with these special people
in your life. Make a phone call. Mail a card. Send an email. Invite to
lunch. Have a party. Create a "girls' night out" event. Pray for them.
Ecclesiastes 4:2 tells us that alone we can be attacked and defeated.
This says to me, that we need people in our lives. We weren't meant to
go this life alone. It is often someone close to me who reminds me
that I'm special when I'm feeling defeated. When I am alone, I often
listen to the wrong voice if I'm not careful. The people in my life
offer me love, encouragement, and fulfillment that tell me otherwise.
I often refer to them as Jesus with skin on. This verse goes on to say
that "two can stand back to back and conquer". Then there is my
favorite part. It's when God is a part of our relationships. "Three
are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."
My Prayer for Today:
Dear Lord, Bless the relationships in my life and help me to
prioritize them according to Your perfect plan. Above all, I pray that
we would grow closer each day. Help me to know you better so I can
better give myself to others. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Look at the relationships in your life. Take note as to how much time
you are spending on each of them.
Set a date with the people in your life who need your time. Schedule
your time with God daily and write it on your daily planner if you
have one. Plan a date with your husband and arrange for a sitter if
needed. Sit down and listen to your children one on one. Let them know
you are interested in them. Plan a fun girls' night out next month.
Maybe go to dinner or a movie or play tennis with a friend. Just
remember to keep God's perspective and balance when making your plans.
Reflection Points:
Do your relationships stress you out? Maybe it's because they are out
of order. Do a check to make sure you are filling up with God before
scheduling anything or anyone else into your day.
Does your marriage feel stale, dull, or empty? Think about what
attracted you to your husband in the first place. Pray first and then
plan some uninterrupted time for you and your spouse. Treat your
marriage like it's the most important relationship to you on this
earth. If it's not, it needs to be.
Do your children get your leftovers? Let them know just how important
they are to you and that you are thrilled to be their mom by spending
some time with them.
Are you lonely? Pray for relationships in your life, but go to God
first. Ask Him to fill you with His Word and to nurture and grow the
relationships in your life.
Power Verses:
Psalm 46:10, "Be silent, and know that I am God! I will be honored by
every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." (NLT)
Matthew 19:4-6, "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning
the Creator made them male and female and said, 'For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the
two will become one flesh?' So they are no longer two, but one.
Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (NIV)
Psalm 127:3, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward
from him." (NLT)
1 Thessalonians 5:11, "So encourage each other and build each other
up, just as you are already doing." (NLT)
Melissa Taylor, Speaker Team Member, Proverbs 31 Board of Directors
Crosswalk
Key Verse:
Ecclesiastes 4:2, "A person standing alone can be attacked and
defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even
better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." (NLT)
Devotion:
Relationships are an important part of life. We begin a relationship
with someone from the moment we are born and most of us will continue
in relationships of some sort until the day we die. God encourages
relationships. The Bible is full of them. It is obvious that from the
beginning of time, people need people. Even God Himself said about
Adam in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make
a companion who will help him." Jesus, too, did not do life alone. He
had His family, friends, and disciples to love, help, and encourages
Him throughout His life here on earth.
Today, I want to take a look at the different relationships in our
lives. I also want to point out the importance of prioritizing them.
Friends, if you want to lead a balanced life with purpose, it is
crucial to order the relationships in your life God's way.
Number One: Your Relationship with God.
This should be the most important relationship in your life.
Don't say that you don't have time– you do.
We make the time for what is important to us, don't we?
The way to get to know God better is to spend time in His Word. Try
spending at least fifteen minutes of uninterrupted time with the Lord
every day. More would be better, but do what you can to develop the
habit. God's Word will teach, equip, cheer, encourage, and guide you.
Number Two: Your Relationship with your husband….if you are married,
of course.
Just like it's important to spend time with God, it's also
important to make time for your husband. I have found that this
relationship is the one that takes the most effort for me. I love my
husband dearly, but I also take him for granted the most. It's easy
for me to allow my children, friends, or just busyness to get in the
way of time with my husband. Set aside time each morning and evening
to communicate with your husband in some way. Hug and kiss often and
say "I love you" whenever you get the chance. Let your actions show
him and others that you respect and honor him. One thing that my
husband and I have started doing again is dating. Just like before we
were married, we go out on dates. It takes time, effort, and often
money, but it's worth the investment. If money is tight, create a date
at home or go to the park or for a walk together. Whatever it takes,
spend time alone together, and make it a weekly habit.
Number three: Your relationship with your children….if you are a mom.
When I became a mom, I did not know what I was in for. I had no idea
the extent of sacrifice it would take to raise my children. It's worth
every bit of it too. I once read that kids spell love - T I M E. I
believe that with all my heart. God's Word tells us that children are
a gift from Him. We are to treat them like that, a gift. Motherhood is
a high calling….possibly the highest we will ever have in our lives.
It requires time and special attention. They are only with us for a
short time, so let's make the most of it.
Number 4: Your relationship with others.
This includes everyone reading this.
Our relationships with other people could include
family, friends, business associates, mentors, neighbors and more.
These are important, and in order to develop, grow, and nurture these
relationships, time is needed. I happen to be blessed with many
friends and cherished family members. Although I don't have time to
spend with them each day, I always want them to know how important
they are in my life and how much I love them. That takes effort on my
part, but what I receive back is priceless. If you find yourself
lacking in this area, create special moments with these special people
in your life. Make a phone call. Mail a card. Send an email. Invite to
lunch. Have a party. Create a "girls' night out" event. Pray for them.
Ecclesiastes 4:2 tells us that alone we can be attacked and defeated.
This says to me, that we need people in our lives. We weren't meant to
go this life alone. It is often someone close to me who reminds me
that I'm special when I'm feeling defeated. When I am alone, I often
listen to the wrong voice if I'm not careful. The people in my life
offer me love, encouragement, and fulfillment that tell me otherwise.
I often refer to them as Jesus with skin on. This verse goes on to say
that "two can stand back to back and conquer". Then there is my
favorite part. It's when God is a part of our relationships. "Three
are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."
My Prayer for Today:
Dear Lord, Bless the relationships in my life and help me to
prioritize them according to Your perfect plan. Above all, I pray that
we would grow closer each day. Help me to know you better so I can
better give myself to others. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Look at the relationships in your life. Take note as to how much time
you are spending on each of them.
Set a date with the people in your life who need your time. Schedule
your time with God daily and write it on your daily planner if you
have one. Plan a date with your husband and arrange for a sitter if
needed. Sit down and listen to your children one on one. Let them know
you are interested in them. Plan a fun girls' night out next month.
Maybe go to dinner or a movie or play tennis with a friend. Just
remember to keep God's perspective and balance when making your plans.
Reflection Points:
Do your relationships stress you out? Maybe it's because they are out
of order. Do a check to make sure you are filling up with God before
scheduling anything or anyone else into your day.
Does your marriage feel stale, dull, or empty? Think about what
attracted you to your husband in the first place. Pray first and then
plan some uninterrupted time for you and your spouse. Treat your
marriage like it's the most important relationship to you on this
earth. If it's not, it needs to be.
Do your children get your leftovers? Let them know just how important
they are to you and that you are thrilled to be their mom by spending
some time with them.
Are you lonely? Pray for relationships in your life, but go to God
first. Ask Him to fill you with His Word and to nurture and grow the
relationships in your life.
Power Verses:
Psalm 46:10, "Be silent, and know that I am God! I will be honored by
every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." (NLT)
Matthew 19:4-6, "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning
the Creator made them male and female and said, 'For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the
two will become one flesh?' So they are no longer two, but one.
Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (NIV)
Psalm 127:3, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward
from him." (NLT)
1 Thessalonians 5:11, "So encourage each other and build each other
up, just as you are already doing." (NLT)
Devotional: "Thanking God for Tests"
source: crosswalk
Glynnis Whitwer, Senior Editor – "P31 Woman Magazine," Proverbs 31
Speaker Team Member
Key Verse:
James 1:2-3, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face
trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith
develops perseverance." (NIV)
Devotion:
My son sauntered from his room, proudly announcing he was ready for
his test the next day. "I've studied all my notes, and I'm gonna ace
that test," he proclaimed.
"Great!" I replied. "Grab your notes and let me give you a little quiz."
We settled down at the kitchen table and I proceeded to ask questions.
One question after another was met with a shaky answer, most of them
wrong. With his inadequate preparation revealed, he headed back to
his room, notes in hand. After another period of study, he did
indeed sail through the questions.
The pop quiz I gave made my son very uncomfortable. He was sad that
he wasn't ready, and sadder that he had to go back and study harder.
My intent was certainly not to hurt his feelings, but to reveal the
weak areas of his study so he could tighten the gaps and be ready for
the real test.
Just as I tested my son, God tests me. He often puts me in
uncomfortable positions to uncover weak areas. God doesn't point out
my weakness to take advantage of me. Instead, His testing is to
reveal areas that need work, so I will be strong enough to persevere
and eventually succeed in what He's called me to do.
God uses all kinds of life situations to test us. Testing can take
the form of difficult people in our lives, times of waiting, or a
challenge to step outside our comfort zone to be obedient. Will we
avoid the situation? Will we suffer through it and quit because it's
too hard? Or will we persevere and overcome?
We might think God gets frustrated with us when we "fail" a test. I
sometimes wonder if God wants to give up on me when I repeat the same
mistakes. But just because my son didn't know the answers on our
mini-quiz didn't mean I would give up on him. Just the opposite! I
wanted him to succeed and was willing to give him test after test to
make sure he was ready.
God's testing can be to prepare us for something more important, and
often more difficult. He wants to see if we can sustain the pressure
in preparation for something big. So, the next time your Heavenly
Father calls you up for a pop-quiz, consider His desire to see you
succeed. If a weakness is revealed, thank Him for helping you move to
the next level by strengthening you.
My Prayer for Today:
Precious Lord, thank You for caring enough about my character and life
to test me. Help me to see Your testing as a sign of Your love, and
to be thankful for it. I pray for strength through Your Holy Spirit
to walk in obedience and persevere. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Identify one difficult situation in your life. Determine to see it as
a test of your faith. Ask God for strength to persevere.
Reflection Points:
Read Deuteronomy 8:1-5. What testing did the Lord put upon the Israelites?
According to the Scripture, what was God's purpose for this testing?
What life situations have you recently experienced that might have
been a time of testing?
Can you see God's purpose in this testing?
Was a personal weakness revealed? If so, how do you think God wants
you to address this weakness?
Power Verses:
Luke 8:13, "Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with
joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a
while, but in the time of testing they fall away." (NIV)
1 Corinthians 3:12-13, "If any man builds on this foundation using
gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be
shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will
be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each
man's work." (NIV)
Exodus 16:4, "Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread
from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather
enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they
will follow my instructions." (NIV)
Deuteronomy 8:2, "Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way
in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in
order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep
his commands." (NIV)
Glynnis Whitwer, Senior Editor – "P31 Woman Magazine," Proverbs 31
Speaker Team Member
Key Verse:
James 1:2-3, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face
trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith
develops perseverance." (NIV)
Devotion:
My son sauntered from his room, proudly announcing he was ready for
his test the next day. "I've studied all my notes, and I'm gonna ace
that test," he proclaimed.
"Great!" I replied. "Grab your notes and let me give you a little quiz."
We settled down at the kitchen table and I proceeded to ask questions.
One question after another was met with a shaky answer, most of them
wrong. With his inadequate preparation revealed, he headed back to
his room, notes in hand. After another period of study, he did
indeed sail through the questions.
The pop quiz I gave made my son very uncomfortable. He was sad that
he wasn't ready, and sadder that he had to go back and study harder.
My intent was certainly not to hurt his feelings, but to reveal the
weak areas of his study so he could tighten the gaps and be ready for
the real test.
Just as I tested my son, God tests me. He often puts me in
uncomfortable positions to uncover weak areas. God doesn't point out
my weakness to take advantage of me. Instead, His testing is to
reveal areas that need work, so I will be strong enough to persevere
and eventually succeed in what He's called me to do.
God uses all kinds of life situations to test us. Testing can take
the form of difficult people in our lives, times of waiting, or a
challenge to step outside our comfort zone to be obedient. Will we
avoid the situation? Will we suffer through it and quit because it's
too hard? Or will we persevere and overcome?
We might think God gets frustrated with us when we "fail" a test. I
sometimes wonder if God wants to give up on me when I repeat the same
mistakes. But just because my son didn't know the answers on our
mini-quiz didn't mean I would give up on him. Just the opposite! I
wanted him to succeed and was willing to give him test after test to
make sure he was ready.
God's testing can be to prepare us for something more important, and
often more difficult. He wants to see if we can sustain the pressure
in preparation for something big. So, the next time your Heavenly
Father calls you up for a pop-quiz, consider His desire to see you
succeed. If a weakness is revealed, thank Him for helping you move to
the next level by strengthening you.
My Prayer for Today:
Precious Lord, thank You for caring enough about my character and life
to test me. Help me to see Your testing as a sign of Your love, and
to be thankful for it. I pray for strength through Your Holy Spirit
to walk in obedience and persevere. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Identify one difficult situation in your life. Determine to see it as
a test of your faith. Ask God for strength to persevere.
Reflection Points:
Read Deuteronomy 8:1-5. What testing did the Lord put upon the Israelites?
According to the Scripture, what was God's purpose for this testing?
What life situations have you recently experienced that might have
been a time of testing?
Can you see God's purpose in this testing?
Was a personal weakness revealed? If so, how do you think God wants
you to address this weakness?
Power Verses:
Luke 8:13, "Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with
joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a
while, but in the time of testing they fall away." (NIV)
1 Corinthians 3:12-13, "If any man builds on this foundation using
gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be
shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will
be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each
man's work." (NIV)
Exodus 16:4, "Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread
from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather
enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they
will follow my instructions." (NIV)
Deuteronomy 8:2, "Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way
in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in
order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep
his commands." (NIV)
Devotional: "Taking Our Spiritual Vitamins"
source: crosswalk
Tracie Miles, Speaker Team Member
Key Verse:
Proverbs 3:7-8, "Do not be wise in your eyes; fear the Lord and shun
evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your
bones." (NIV)
Devotion:
My life is busy. No, it's stressful. No, wait, I mean chaotic. Okay, I
mean it is chaotically, stressfully busy. Can you relate? The days
of June Cleaver moms putting on neatly pressed aprons to make cookies
in their perfectly tidy kitchens for their boys when they return home
from school is a mere black and white memory. The well known cliché
of "a woman's work is never done" is nothing less than the absolute
truth. So to assist me in my never-ending need for energy and zest,
I recently had the bright idea of taking vitamins.
Little did I realize how beneficial vitamins actually could be!
Within a matter of weeks, my nails and hair were longer and stronger,
my skin looked better, and I just felt better overall. Even though
doctors always tell us that taking vitamins leads to better health and
quality of life, I didn't expect such obvious or immediate results.
That experience prompted me to consider what other important things in
my life might be deficient and in need of some attention. The first
thing that came to mind was my walk with Christ.
I am hesitant to admit, as many of you may be as well, that I often
get so busy with "life" that I neglect the quality of life that God
intended for me by not being faithful in my commitment to Him every
day in every way. I realized I desperately needed some spiritual
vitamins. What are spiritual vitamins, you ask? They are anything
that nourishes the soul and your walk with Christ, such as prayer, a
church family, church involvement, devotions, Christian books, bible
studies, or women's ministry events. The most vital of these vitamins,
however, is God's word. Opportunities to study God's word and build
your relationship with Him are good medicine for our heart and soul,
just as vitamins are good medicine for our bodies and bones.
It is not uncommon for devoted Christians to sometimes find themselves
wandering through life without clear direction, without purpose,
without strength, and without joy. These are times when we are lost
in the wilderness. Although we believe in God's kingdom, we have
temporarily lost sight of it. But if we believe God, and not just
believe in Him, we can leave the wilderness and find our Canaan – a
place of victory and prosperity, a place with God.
Are you in the wilderness and in desperate need of some spiritual
vitamins to pump up your energy and zest for the Lord, and in turn
your life? Do you hunger for a renewed spirit, a refreshed heart and
a rekindled passion for Christ? Or are you basking in God's glory,
but need a spiritual vitamin to keep the spiritual energy flowing?
Whatever your situation is, the Lord wants your life to be filled with
the joy that only He can provide. You should be taking advantage of
the spiritual vitamins that are available to you on a daily basis.
There are many ways to stay washed in God's word, and these things
help to nourish our spiritual needs and keep us from entering the
wilderness accidentally. When we have a nourished soul and a cheerful
heart, we are sure to live a more Christ-like life!
Consider the abundant blessings you could be missing by not making the
small effort to take your spiritual vitamins every day! Just as
tangible vitamins will improve your physical health, spiritual
vitamins will improve your spiritual health. I am waiting in great
anticipation to see the changes in my heart and life as a result of
faithfully and consistently taking my spiritual vitamins.
My Prayer For Today:
Lord, help me to have eyes to recognize the spiritual vitamins that
You bring into my life, and give me the desire to take those vitamins
on a consistent basis so that I can become closer to You and insure
that I am never too far from Your protective hands. Help me to mature
in my knowledge of Your word. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Step:
Ask God to open doors for you to partake in new spiritual vitamins,
such as new bible study opportunities, fellowship opportunities, or
church events. Ask a friend to be your prayer partner so that you can
hold each other accountable for spending time in God's word.
Reflection Points:
Am I actively seeking God's will in all areas of my life?
Do I always find a reason to explain why I don't have time to read my
bible today, have quiet time, or go to church for a special worship
function?
Am I taking advantage of all of the opportunities that I am given to
worship God?
Power Verses:
Proverbs 13:14, "The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life,
turning a man from the snares of death." (NIV)
Proverbs 7:2, "Keep my commands and you will live, guard my teachings
as the apple of your eye." (NIV)
Psalm 19:9-10, "The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether
righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold,
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb." (NIV)
1 Corinthians 11:26, "For whenever you eat this bread and drink this
cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes." (NIV)
Proverbs 14:30, "A heart at peace gives life to the body…" (NIV)
Tracie Miles, Speaker Team Member
Key Verse:
Proverbs 3:7-8, "Do not be wise in your eyes; fear the Lord and shun
evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your
bones." (NIV)
Devotion:
My life is busy. No, it's stressful. No, wait, I mean chaotic. Okay, I
mean it is chaotically, stressfully busy. Can you relate? The days
of June Cleaver moms putting on neatly pressed aprons to make cookies
in their perfectly tidy kitchens for their boys when they return home
from school is a mere black and white memory. The well known cliché
of "a woman's work is never done" is nothing less than the absolute
truth. So to assist me in my never-ending need for energy and zest,
I recently had the bright idea of taking vitamins.
Little did I realize how beneficial vitamins actually could be!
Within a matter of weeks, my nails and hair were longer and stronger,
my skin looked better, and I just felt better overall. Even though
doctors always tell us that taking vitamins leads to better health and
quality of life, I didn't expect such obvious or immediate results.
That experience prompted me to consider what other important things in
my life might be deficient and in need of some attention. The first
thing that came to mind was my walk with Christ.
I am hesitant to admit, as many of you may be as well, that I often
get so busy with "life" that I neglect the quality of life that God
intended for me by not being faithful in my commitment to Him every
day in every way. I realized I desperately needed some spiritual
vitamins. What are spiritual vitamins, you ask? They are anything
that nourishes the soul and your walk with Christ, such as prayer, a
church family, church involvement, devotions, Christian books, bible
studies, or women's ministry events. The most vital of these vitamins,
however, is God's word. Opportunities to study God's word and build
your relationship with Him are good medicine for our heart and soul,
just as vitamins are good medicine for our bodies and bones.
It is not uncommon for devoted Christians to sometimes find themselves
wandering through life without clear direction, without purpose,
without strength, and without joy. These are times when we are lost
in the wilderness. Although we believe in God's kingdom, we have
temporarily lost sight of it. But if we believe God, and not just
believe in Him, we can leave the wilderness and find our Canaan – a
place of victory and prosperity, a place with God.
Are you in the wilderness and in desperate need of some spiritual
vitamins to pump up your energy and zest for the Lord, and in turn
your life? Do you hunger for a renewed spirit, a refreshed heart and
a rekindled passion for Christ? Or are you basking in God's glory,
but need a spiritual vitamin to keep the spiritual energy flowing?
Whatever your situation is, the Lord wants your life to be filled with
the joy that only He can provide. You should be taking advantage of
the spiritual vitamins that are available to you on a daily basis.
There are many ways to stay washed in God's word, and these things
help to nourish our spiritual needs and keep us from entering the
wilderness accidentally. When we have a nourished soul and a cheerful
heart, we are sure to live a more Christ-like life!
Consider the abundant blessings you could be missing by not making the
small effort to take your spiritual vitamins every day! Just as
tangible vitamins will improve your physical health, spiritual
vitamins will improve your spiritual health. I am waiting in great
anticipation to see the changes in my heart and life as a result of
faithfully and consistently taking my spiritual vitamins.
My Prayer For Today:
Lord, help me to have eyes to recognize the spiritual vitamins that
You bring into my life, and give me the desire to take those vitamins
on a consistent basis so that I can become closer to You and insure
that I am never too far from Your protective hands. Help me to mature
in my knowledge of Your word. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Step:
Ask God to open doors for you to partake in new spiritual vitamins,
such as new bible study opportunities, fellowship opportunities, or
church events. Ask a friend to be your prayer partner so that you can
hold each other accountable for spending time in God's word.
Reflection Points:
Am I actively seeking God's will in all areas of my life?
Do I always find a reason to explain why I don't have time to read my
bible today, have quiet time, or go to church for a special worship
function?
Am I taking advantage of all of the opportunities that I am given to
worship God?
Power Verses:
Proverbs 13:14, "The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life,
turning a man from the snares of death." (NIV)
Proverbs 7:2, "Keep my commands and you will live, guard my teachings
as the apple of your eye." (NIV)
Psalm 19:9-10, "The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether
righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold,
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb." (NIV)
1 Corinthians 11:26, "For whenever you eat this bread and drink this
cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes." (NIV)
Proverbs 14:30, "A heart at peace gives life to the body…" (NIV)
Four Secrets of Great Team-Based Leadership
Four Secrets of Great Team-Based Leadership
Leadership as a team makes ministry enjoyable and effective.
By Dave Ferguson
There are some things you would never say out loud; even though you
know they are true. The reason you don't say them out loud is (despite
the fact they are true) they just don't sound right. If you uttered
these secrets people will probably misunderstand you. In addition to
the risk of being misunderstood, you start to think that perhaps they
aren't right. So we keep our mouth shut and they remain secrets.
Fifteen years ago a childhood friend, a college roommate, a brother, a
friend-of-a-friend and I made up the team who pioneered the adventure
called Community Christian Church. We started as a team partly because
of shared dream and partly because it sounded like a lot more fun
doing it together than doing it on our own. And from the beginning
when it was just the five of us until today where there are more than
4000 of us at six locations, Community Christian Church has always
been led by teams. The leadership team I'm a part of today is the
finest team of which I've ever been a part. And during that fifteen
years there have been some things about these teams that I knew were
true (I have a hunch we all knew they were true), but we never said
them out loud. We might be misunderstood. We might be wrong. So we
kept these as secrets.
However, now I've either gained enough confidence that they are true
or I'm willing to risk being misunderstood so I've decided to tell
all! Here are four secrets of great team based leadership:
THE SECRET ABOUT THE CAUSE—"We are committed to the cause first and
each other second."
Great leadership teams are always clear about the cause. There is no
great team that is not clear about the cause. There is no good team
that is not clear about the cause. A lot of other stuff may get fuzzy,
but the cause is always very clear. At Community Christian Church
(CCC) you are hard pressed to find a job description for any staff
position. Most people don't really know how much vacation time they
are allotted. Most people don't know how many hours their job
requires. No one is told how they should dress. (This one is kind of
embarrassing) I don't even know the dollar amount on my twice-a-month
paycheck.
At CCC there may be a lack of structure and policy, but the one thing
that is clear is the cause. We are clear that our cause is to "help
people find their way back to God". Last week my assistant, Pat got an
e-mail requesting a staff policy manual from another pastor. I love
her answer: "our policy is not to make policy". I love that! Why?
Because policy is what happens when we can't get people to do what we
want them to do or when people are not championing a clear cause.
Policy occurs when the ethos of a church culture is weak and the cause
is not compelling.
Why all this talk about cause? Because I believe our leadership team
is committed to die for the cause of "helping people find their way
back to God". And when I say "die" I'm not using hyperbole. I mean
willing to let our hearts stop beating before we let them stop beating
for the cause. The five of us who lead Community Christian Church are
willing to die for the cause of "helping people find their way back to
God" whether it is one day at a time or all at once.
This is one of the secrets of great lead teams—we are committed to the
cause first and each other second. Doesn't it sound disloyal to put
the cause first? That's why it's scary to say out loud. That's why it
is a secret. But, the truth is that it's the cause that brings us
together and keeps us together. It is when we put other things or
other people before the cause that we compromise what God dreamed of
in the church and in the great commission. I believe that this is at
least 50% of what it takes to create great team based leadership - an
uncompromising loyalty to a clear cause. There is never a great lead
team when the cause is not clear!
In Jon R. Katzenbach and Douglas K. Smith's great book, Wisdom of
Teams, they make it very clear, "the primary objective of the team
must be performance results (cause), not becoming a team". One of the
great mistakes is forgetting that the cause is what creates community
or team. Ask yourself this, "Why do men always remember athletic teams
or army platoons as the place where they experienced the most genuine
community? Answer, because there was a clear cause that created
community. The cause of winning a game or a tournament created a team.
The cause of defeating a common enemy created a team. Why it is so
hard for athletes to retire? Listen to their stories and it's not the
money they miss as much as the team.
The Acts 2 church was also brought together by a clear cause. It was
the cause called the Great Commission that brought about koinonia or
community. That first great leadership team of apostles had a clear
cause and a clear cause for which they were willing to die.
THE SECRET ABOUT COMMUNITY—"We don't know when we are working and when
we are playing."
I love the way Eric Bramlett describes working at CCC; "working here
feels like recess". I feel the same way. Sure, there are times we
fight about who gets to go down the slide first; sure there are times
when fights break out; but, it's still a playground and it feels a lot
more like recess than school. In the 15 years as a part of the
leadership team at CCC I don't remember one day (literally) that I
looked at my watch thinking, "when is it going to be 5 o'clock so I
can leave work. It sounds trivial, but being a part of the leadership
team at CCC is just plain fun! Consequently, I can't tell the
difference between working and playing; they feel the same!
When we are looking for new staff, my team mates have been coached to
consider the three C's of character, competency and chemistry. For us,
chemistry is always the first priority. I'm not saying chemistry
should be the first priority, but it is because that's what draws
someone into our church culture and draws us to them. Since we hire so
many of our staff from within the church we have a chemistry test that
someone must pass called the "parking lot test". The "parking lot
test" is comprised of one question we ask ourselves before we put
someone on our staff team. The question is, "When we drive up are we
glad when we see their car in the parking lot?" If we are excited
about seeing their car and knowing we will see them inside, they pass
the parking lot test—there is chemistry! If we feel our stomach sink,
knowing they are inside, they fail—no chemistry! All this is to say
that there is a great chemistry with each of the people on our
leadership team. I love playing basketball, traveling, going to
Starbucks, and working with every person on our team.
What contributes to the chemistry of a great lead team? First,
complimentary gifts help create the chemistry. When I look at the gift
mix of our lead team I see people with creative gifts, administrative
gifts, leadership gifts and apostolic gifts. Secondly, a common
strategy that we all buy into creates chemistry. And thirdly all four
of us can't imagine doing anything else. We have all had offers to do
other things in other places for more money, but we just can't imagine
doing anything else.
Bottom line: working as a part of our lead team is a lot like recess!
THE SECRET CHARACTERISTICS – "We may look crazy or chaotic to you, but
there is a method to our madness."
When other churches visit and see the open office concept we use,
where almost all of our 35 staff are in the same room with one
another, they will often say, "How do you get anything done in the
middle of this chaos?" When other teaching pastors find out that we
write all our messages as a team of people from not only multiple
campuses, but multiple churches using video conferencing they say,
"Oh, my style would never work in that environment." I used to be
concerned that outsiders may think we are crazy, chaotic or even out
of control, but now I understand that as one of our secrets.
One of the secrets of a great leadership team is that in their
relentless pursuit of the cause they become a community with
characteristics that are exactly how God made them. This may appear
crazy or chaotic to the outsider, but there is a unique method to
their madness. These characteristics are often paradoxical. Here are
some of the paradoxes you would see in our lead team …
Highly Collaborative AND Very Competitive
Every person in our lead team is very competitive. We want to win in
basketball, we want to win the argument, and we just want to win. But,
at the same time we know if we are going to win our part of the world
for Christ (back to the cause that creates community) we know it will
take collaboration. So, we collaborate on everything. I started to
make a list of things that we collaborate on, then it hit me that the
much shorter list would be those things on which we don't collaborate.
Very Compassionate AND Comfortable with Conflict
Lencioni, in his book, Five Dysfunctions Of A Team tells us that
healthy teams are comfortable with conflict. We are definitely
comfortable with conflict—confronting, challenging, debating and
sometimes yelling (and later apologizing). We are totally comfortable
with conflict. But, I also know that when I need a group to rally
around me, they will be there for me. There is not doubt about it—my
team loves me!
Loves Spontaneity AND Wants Accountability
"Lead with a 'yes' is a saying you hear from our leadership team. We
love being flexible and spontaneous enough that we lead with a 'yes'
to new ideas. The new idea could be anything from going to
Steak-N-Shake for shakes during our lead team meeting to starting a
new service in a few weeks … we love leading with the 'yes' and
spontaneity. That spontaneity however is balanced by our desire (that
might be a stretch … I think we just know we need it) for
accountability. We want accountability for how we are doing versus the
goals we set for ourselves a year ago. We want and expect
accountability for the ministries we oversee. We want accountability
for our budget areas.
To the outsider we may look like an overly competitive team who is
constantly fighting about our goals, but come back next week and we
may look like this highly collaborative group in love with one
another. To the outsider it may look crazy but, it's just how God made
us and it works!
THE SECRET FOR CREATING CULTURE—"We REALLY are going to change the world."
It is the lead team more than any other team that will create the
culture and the ethos for a church. When you have a lead team that is
clear about the cause; willing to die for the cause; and where serving
feels like recess you have created a church culture where people start
to believe that we REALLY are going to change the world!
When people get wind of that kind of opportunity, tremendous
sacrifices become normal. Tim, a leader in our church came to us and
told us that he would like to take early retirement and work for the
church without a salary for one year. After that year was over he
wanted us to evaluate him and if we felt he added enough value to our
church then we would hire him, if not, then he would find another job
and continue as a leader in the church. We said, "Sure!" (Talk about a
deal you can't refuse!) One year later, Tim proved himself so
invaluable that we brought him on staff and now he oversees hundreds
of unpaid servants and all of our ministry teams. I could also tell
you about Tammy or about John or Tim or … tremendous sacrifice is
normal.
Why do people make such tremendous sacrifices over and over and over
again? Because of a belief (that starts with the lead team) that this
might just be the church that actually does change the world! There is
a vibe in our church that they are up to something big and something
special. This is not something that is talked about in a prideful
manner; in fact we are very careful to make sure that God gets all the
credit.
It starts with a lead team that is the micro-culture of the rest of
the church. They are very clear about the cause; willing to die for
the cause; when they serve it feels like recess, and together they
believe that they REALLY are going to change the world! Ok, there I've
said the secrets out loud. What do you think? Do you understand what
I'm saying or am I just plain wrong?
Dave Ferguson serves as a resource for other churches and leaders
seeking to expand through multiple church sites and provides visionary
leadership for the NewThing Network (www.newthing.org).
Leadership as a team makes ministry enjoyable and effective.
By Dave Ferguson
There are some things you would never say out loud; even though you
know they are true. The reason you don't say them out loud is (despite
the fact they are true) they just don't sound right. If you uttered
these secrets people will probably misunderstand you. In addition to
the risk of being misunderstood, you start to think that perhaps they
aren't right. So we keep our mouth shut and they remain secrets.
Fifteen years ago a childhood friend, a college roommate, a brother, a
friend-of-a-friend and I made up the team who pioneered the adventure
called Community Christian Church. We started as a team partly because
of shared dream and partly because it sounded like a lot more fun
doing it together than doing it on our own. And from the beginning
when it was just the five of us until today where there are more than
4000 of us at six locations, Community Christian Church has always
been led by teams. The leadership team I'm a part of today is the
finest team of which I've ever been a part. And during that fifteen
years there have been some things about these teams that I knew were
true (I have a hunch we all knew they were true), but we never said
them out loud. We might be misunderstood. We might be wrong. So we
kept these as secrets.
However, now I've either gained enough confidence that they are true
or I'm willing to risk being misunderstood so I've decided to tell
all! Here are four secrets of great team based leadership:
THE SECRET ABOUT THE CAUSE—"We are committed to the cause first and
each other second."
Great leadership teams are always clear about the cause. There is no
great team that is not clear about the cause. There is no good team
that is not clear about the cause. A lot of other stuff may get fuzzy,
but the cause is always very clear. At Community Christian Church
(CCC) you are hard pressed to find a job description for any staff
position. Most people don't really know how much vacation time they
are allotted. Most people don't know how many hours their job
requires. No one is told how they should dress. (This one is kind of
embarrassing) I don't even know the dollar amount on my twice-a-month
paycheck.
At CCC there may be a lack of structure and policy, but the one thing
that is clear is the cause. We are clear that our cause is to "help
people find their way back to God". Last week my assistant, Pat got an
e-mail requesting a staff policy manual from another pastor. I love
her answer: "our policy is not to make policy". I love that! Why?
Because policy is what happens when we can't get people to do what we
want them to do or when people are not championing a clear cause.
Policy occurs when the ethos of a church culture is weak and the cause
is not compelling.
Why all this talk about cause? Because I believe our leadership team
is committed to die for the cause of "helping people find their way
back to God". And when I say "die" I'm not using hyperbole. I mean
willing to let our hearts stop beating before we let them stop beating
for the cause. The five of us who lead Community Christian Church are
willing to die for the cause of "helping people find their way back to
God" whether it is one day at a time or all at once.
This is one of the secrets of great lead teams—we are committed to the
cause first and each other second. Doesn't it sound disloyal to put
the cause first? That's why it's scary to say out loud. That's why it
is a secret. But, the truth is that it's the cause that brings us
together and keeps us together. It is when we put other things or
other people before the cause that we compromise what God dreamed of
in the church and in the great commission. I believe that this is at
least 50% of what it takes to create great team based leadership - an
uncompromising loyalty to a clear cause. There is never a great lead
team when the cause is not clear!
In Jon R. Katzenbach and Douglas K. Smith's great book, Wisdom of
Teams, they make it very clear, "the primary objective of the team
must be performance results (cause), not becoming a team". One of the
great mistakes is forgetting that the cause is what creates community
or team. Ask yourself this, "Why do men always remember athletic teams
or army platoons as the place where they experienced the most genuine
community? Answer, because there was a clear cause that created
community. The cause of winning a game or a tournament created a team.
The cause of defeating a common enemy created a team. Why it is so
hard for athletes to retire? Listen to their stories and it's not the
money they miss as much as the team.
The Acts 2 church was also brought together by a clear cause. It was
the cause called the Great Commission that brought about koinonia or
community. That first great leadership team of apostles had a clear
cause and a clear cause for which they were willing to die.
THE SECRET ABOUT COMMUNITY—"We don't know when we are working and when
we are playing."
I love the way Eric Bramlett describes working at CCC; "working here
feels like recess". I feel the same way. Sure, there are times we
fight about who gets to go down the slide first; sure there are times
when fights break out; but, it's still a playground and it feels a lot
more like recess than school. In the 15 years as a part of the
leadership team at CCC I don't remember one day (literally) that I
looked at my watch thinking, "when is it going to be 5 o'clock so I
can leave work. It sounds trivial, but being a part of the leadership
team at CCC is just plain fun! Consequently, I can't tell the
difference between working and playing; they feel the same!
When we are looking for new staff, my team mates have been coached to
consider the three C's of character, competency and chemistry. For us,
chemistry is always the first priority. I'm not saying chemistry
should be the first priority, but it is because that's what draws
someone into our church culture and draws us to them. Since we hire so
many of our staff from within the church we have a chemistry test that
someone must pass called the "parking lot test". The "parking lot
test" is comprised of one question we ask ourselves before we put
someone on our staff team. The question is, "When we drive up are we
glad when we see their car in the parking lot?" If we are excited
about seeing their car and knowing we will see them inside, they pass
the parking lot test—there is chemistry! If we feel our stomach sink,
knowing they are inside, they fail—no chemistry! All this is to say
that there is a great chemistry with each of the people on our
leadership team. I love playing basketball, traveling, going to
Starbucks, and working with every person on our team.
What contributes to the chemistry of a great lead team? First,
complimentary gifts help create the chemistry. When I look at the gift
mix of our lead team I see people with creative gifts, administrative
gifts, leadership gifts and apostolic gifts. Secondly, a common
strategy that we all buy into creates chemistry. And thirdly all four
of us can't imagine doing anything else. We have all had offers to do
other things in other places for more money, but we just can't imagine
doing anything else.
Bottom line: working as a part of our lead team is a lot like recess!
THE SECRET CHARACTERISTICS – "We may look crazy or chaotic to you, but
there is a method to our madness."
When other churches visit and see the open office concept we use,
where almost all of our 35 staff are in the same room with one
another, they will often say, "How do you get anything done in the
middle of this chaos?" When other teaching pastors find out that we
write all our messages as a team of people from not only multiple
campuses, but multiple churches using video conferencing they say,
"Oh, my style would never work in that environment." I used to be
concerned that outsiders may think we are crazy, chaotic or even out
of control, but now I understand that as one of our secrets.
One of the secrets of a great leadership team is that in their
relentless pursuit of the cause they become a community with
characteristics that are exactly how God made them. This may appear
crazy or chaotic to the outsider, but there is a unique method to
their madness. These characteristics are often paradoxical. Here are
some of the paradoxes you would see in our lead team …
Highly Collaborative AND Very Competitive
Every person in our lead team is very competitive. We want to win in
basketball, we want to win the argument, and we just want to win. But,
at the same time we know if we are going to win our part of the world
for Christ (back to the cause that creates community) we know it will
take collaboration. So, we collaborate on everything. I started to
make a list of things that we collaborate on, then it hit me that the
much shorter list would be those things on which we don't collaborate.
Very Compassionate AND Comfortable with Conflict
Lencioni, in his book, Five Dysfunctions Of A Team tells us that
healthy teams are comfortable with conflict. We are definitely
comfortable with conflict—confronting, challenging, debating and
sometimes yelling (and later apologizing). We are totally comfortable
with conflict. But, I also know that when I need a group to rally
around me, they will be there for me. There is not doubt about it—my
team loves me!
Loves Spontaneity AND Wants Accountability
"Lead with a 'yes' is a saying you hear from our leadership team. We
love being flexible and spontaneous enough that we lead with a 'yes'
to new ideas. The new idea could be anything from going to
Steak-N-Shake for shakes during our lead team meeting to starting a
new service in a few weeks … we love leading with the 'yes' and
spontaneity. That spontaneity however is balanced by our desire (that
might be a stretch … I think we just know we need it) for
accountability. We want accountability for how we are doing versus the
goals we set for ourselves a year ago. We want and expect
accountability for the ministries we oversee. We want accountability
for our budget areas.
To the outsider we may look like an overly competitive team who is
constantly fighting about our goals, but come back next week and we
may look like this highly collaborative group in love with one
another. To the outsider it may look crazy but, it's just how God made
us and it works!
THE SECRET FOR CREATING CULTURE—"We REALLY are going to change the world."
It is the lead team more than any other team that will create the
culture and the ethos for a church. When you have a lead team that is
clear about the cause; willing to die for the cause; and where serving
feels like recess you have created a church culture where people start
to believe that we REALLY are going to change the world!
When people get wind of that kind of opportunity, tremendous
sacrifices become normal. Tim, a leader in our church came to us and
told us that he would like to take early retirement and work for the
church without a salary for one year. After that year was over he
wanted us to evaluate him and if we felt he added enough value to our
church then we would hire him, if not, then he would find another job
and continue as a leader in the church. We said, "Sure!" (Talk about a
deal you can't refuse!) One year later, Tim proved himself so
invaluable that we brought him on staff and now he oversees hundreds
of unpaid servants and all of our ministry teams. I could also tell
you about Tammy or about John or Tim or … tremendous sacrifice is
normal.
Why do people make such tremendous sacrifices over and over and over
again? Because of a belief (that starts with the lead team) that this
might just be the church that actually does change the world! There is
a vibe in our church that they are up to something big and something
special. This is not something that is talked about in a prideful
manner; in fact we are very careful to make sure that God gets all the
credit.
It starts with a lead team that is the micro-culture of the rest of
the church. They are very clear about the cause; willing to die for
the cause; when they serve it feels like recess, and together they
believe that they REALLY are going to change the world! Ok, there I've
said the secrets out loud. What do you think? Do you understand what
I'm saying or am I just plain wrong?
Dave Ferguson serves as a resource for other churches and leaders
seeking to expand through multiple church sites and provides visionary
leadership for the NewThing Network (www.newthing.org).
The Intangible Side of Worship
The Intangible Side of Worship
Prayer sensitizes us to the true meaning of worship.
By John Killinger
I was preaching in a small Tennessee church. From the minute I entered
the sanctuary, I felt a spirit there I hadn't felt in many
sanctuaries. The prayers, the music, and even the silences were
extraordinary. I feel sure that I preached over my head—that my own
spirit was measurably quickened and deepened by the unusual sense of
worship prevailing in the minister and the congregation.
Later, I commented about this to two laymen.
"I hope you know," I said, "what a rare and exhilarating kind of
worship you enjoy in this church."
They smiled knowingly at one another. "Have you seen The Cloisters?"
one asked. I wasn't sure what they were referring to—surely not the
assemblage of monastery remains brought to New York by John D.
Rockefeller, Jr.
"The shed up in the woods behind the preacher's house," one of them
added when he saw my perplexity.
I had seen the building, but I didn't know it by the name they used.
"That's what the preacher calls it," they said. "It's where he goes to
pray. And sometimes he takes some of us there, too. He goes up there
every Saturday evening to pray for our services on Sunday. His wife
says sometimes he stays two or three hours."
The mystery of the great worship services suddenly evaporated.
It was not a large congregation. They had no dynamic, colorful song
leader. None of the cues were evident that usually indicate an
exciting, impressive service of worship. But the most important
ingredient of all was present: the minister and his people were
prepared spiritually to come before God.
Catered Worship
Unfortunately, too much worship is constructed and performed with
little such spiritual preparation.
How easily I can begin to process worship like a caterer who's served
a thousand meals and now can do it blindfolded, who knows precisely
how many gallons of anchovies and olives he needs for the salad trays
and how many mousses and strawberry parfaits for the desserts. I can
begin to approach worship with the nonchalance and casualness born of
years in the ministry, no longer stopping to wonder if what I'm doing
is pleasing to God, or if God is going to work mightily in the souls
of the people as they worship.
Isn't that true for any of us? We begin to concern ourselves
principally with whether the service will be well attended ("Had a
great service today—chairs in the aisles!") and if it will proceed
without snags or glitches ("It went beautifully this morning, without
a bobble!").
As we well know but sometimes forget, our greater care ought to be
about how God regards our worship. It matters not how many attend or
how glitch-free our performance is if, when we are done, the Almighty
says, as he did in the days of Amos, "Come to Bethel (or church), and
transgress; to Gilgal (or church), and multiply transgression … for so
you love to do, O people of Israel!".
Many church attenders don't necessarily miss the spiritual dimension.
They tend to leave that sort of thing to "the experts." But they do
know if they're getting anything out of the time they spend in the
sanctuary.
Suppose they finally make the connection between their boredom and the
absence of God. That's a sobering thought, isn't it? It would mean
they know I've failed in my role as a spiritual leader, that I'm
fulfilling only the technical side of my responsibilities, that I'm
not measuring up on the truly important matters.
Our Job First
Worship preparation is basically my responsibility as pastor. Oh,
congregations are responsible too. They make an enormous difference
with their prayers and enthusiasm and healthy participation. But they
aren't the leaders and can hardly be expected to provide the thrust
toward more spiritual services. According to biblical warrant, that is
my venue—and yours.
If we don't prepare spiritually for worship, it's highly unlikely that
the Spirit will be felt in the service, or that the individual parts
of the liturgy will rise and converge into an exciting whole.
Let's admit we are busy people—pastoral CEOs—and we're prone to try to
"work up" the sense of worship from our side, without pausing to think
what we are doing when we gather to invoke the presence of the Great
Mystery. A tribe of African fishermen, I've been told, padded the oars
of their canoes when they entered certain lakes. Impressed by the
sacredness of their environs, they took care to muffle their strokes.
What happens when we feel that way about approaching the Almighty in
worship? It transforms our understanding of how worship occurs. We see
technique as much less important than an awareness of God's presence.
Sensitized to Worship
What helps sensitize us to true worship?
Certainly prayer. The person who spends time within the circle of
divine companionship becomes acutely aware of the way all of life is
transmuted by that experience and never enters the hour of worship
without being sensitive to what can occur there. Like writer John
Updike, who says he never can pass a bookstore without thinking.
There's a book in there that can change my life, the prayerful
worshiper knows that he or she stands at the threshold of a
potentially new and radically different existence.
Music is another avenue—especially the great choral and instrumental
music of our faith. For a long time it has been the habit in our
household, early on Sunday morning when I am grooming to leave for
church, for my wife to sit at the piano and evoke the marvelously
compelling melodies of our religious past—the choruses that charmed
us, the beautiful hymns that helped to set our theology, the glorious
anthems that transported us. Whatever my mood when she begins, the
music overpowers me, and I'm caught up in a spirit of excitement and
enthusiasm for worship.
I thoroughly approve of the practice I have found in some churches to
have a hymn- or chorus-sing for twenty or thirty minutes prior to the
appointed time for the service. It warms people's souls for worship as
few things can.
Apt words sometimes help remind us of the true enchantment of
worshiping God. We may prepare ourselves by spending a few minutes
with a book by Carlo Caretto or another great devotionalist. We can
help the congregation by reading aloud a few prefatory statements
about worship, or by printing them on the worship bulletin.
Here is a "poem" I found framed at the entrance to the village church
in Hawkshead, England, where William Wordsworth worshiped as a
schoolboy:
No man entering a house
ignores him who dwells there
This is the house of God
and he is here
Pray then to him who loves you
and bids you welcome
Give thanks
for those who in years past
built this place to his glory
Rejoice
in his gifts of beauty
in art and music
architecture and handicrafts
And worship him
the one God Father of us all
through our Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ.
Amen.
I've used this in my own worship bulletin to inspire my people to know
what they do when they worship.
It comes down to our sense of expectancy as we approach worship, and
how we can create similar expectancy in our congregations. Perhaps a
simple ritual, such as removing our shoes for a moment before entering
the sanctuary on Sunday morning, would maintain a proper sense in
ourselves. But what else can we do for our people?
A Heritage of Worship
I've found study of the history and theology of worship provides an
enormous thrust to most people's sense of what is occurring—or
supposed to occur—when they worship. It deepens their understanding
and sharpens their feeling of participation, and hence creates a
greater mood of excitement and mystery.
When I was pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Lynchburg,
Virginia, I talked with the worship committee about conducting a
course of study for them. They were pleased with the idea but
suggested that if it was good for them, it also would be good for
others. So we opened the course to the congregation and were surprised
when nearly one hundred persons signed up for a ten-week
Sunday-evening series on the history and meaning of worship.
We began with a study of Jewish worship as it existed in the time of
Jesus, and showed how, with the addition of the Lord's Supper, it
became the basis for early Christian worship. Then we saw how the
legalization of worship and the building of Christian sanctuaries led
to more involved and formalized liturgies, eventually issuing in the
complicated form of the Mass in the later Middle Ages. Naturally,
excitement rose about the revision of worship under the
sixteenth-century Reformers, and subsequent developments as the
various liturgical traditions encountered the American frontier. (Two
textbooks complemented our study: W. D. Maxwell's An Outline of
Christian Worship and Brad Thompson's Liturgies of the Western
Church.)
An enthusiastic study group can analyze the way its congregation
worships and propose alterations or additions that might enhance the
spirit of true worship. Some congregations even begin producing
worship and devotional aids created by their more artistic and poetic
members.
Out of this ferment, prayer groups may develop to pray specifically
for the success of worship. Imagine what this alone can do to heighten
the sense of expectancy as the congregation enters the sanctuary on
Sunday morning! Anyone who has taken part in an all-night prayer vigil
for a series of special services well remembers the high state of
devotion and excitement with which he or she then attended the
meetings. The same is true for people seriously engaged in prayer for
the regular Sunday morning services. They come into the services
standing on tiptoe for the miracles of God.
Whole Parts
A truly memorable worship service is one in which the particular
prayers, hymns, anthems, responses, readings, sermon, and Communion
all serve as points of entry for the overall experience. That is, the
whole experience of worship is greater than the sum of the parts—so
much greater, in fact, that there can be no comparison.
The parts contribute to the order of the service, but they never
should restrict the spirit of the service. Because they are only
ingredients, they never should disallow room for spontaneity or the
coming of the Spirit.
Worship errs, on the one hand, when it lacks the proper ingredients,
depending entirely on the movement of the Spirit. It also errs,
however, when it's too rigid, foreclosing the hope that the Spirit
will transform the situation into something unplanned and unexpected.
We see the former problem illustrated in many loose-knit services,
whose lack of liturgical integrity or forethought repels persons of
disciplined understanding and intellect, while the latter problem is
all too familiar among churches with a tradition of highly liturgical
orders.
I conceive of the discrete parts of the liturgy as building blocks
whose purpose is to point us not to themselves, but to God, the One
for whom all worship is conceived. When I remember this, I'm far less
prone to idolize the liturgical parts themselves.
As ministers, we work diligently at preparing the parts of the service
for which we have primary responsibility. We want the choice of hymns
and anthems to be sensitive and informed, the prayers to be carefully
framed and articulated, the sermon to be well conceived and artfully
produced, and the Communion to be thoughtfully and appealingly
offered.
But, even more, we want each part to be infused with prayer and
surrendered to God as an oblation fitting for his service.
Years ago I heard Elam Davies, the former pastor of Fourth
Presbyterian Church in Chicago, say that he always spread on his desk
or sofa the pages of a new sermon and prayed, "Here they are, O God,
the best that I can give you." He made a deep impression on me.
Everything we do—the preparation of worship as well as its
execution—should be an offering to God.
If this is true for both pastor and people in worship, the separate
items of the liturgy become a holy dance in which we whirl round and
round with the Spirit. Something truly miraculous happens—a theophany.
The Dream of Substance
A television executive confided to me the substance of a dream he had
had about our worship.
It was the time of the offering, he said. But when I called for it,
instead of a sober moment in which ushers passed among the pews
extending the offering bags, there was an electric happening in which
the people themselves poured into the aisles, crowding into our
capacious chancel.
"They were everywhere," exclaimed the man, "all around the pulpit, up
by the altar, filling the chancel, crowding around the steps, and
choking the aisles! And they were kneeling! They were the offering.
They themselves were the holy oblation. You were passing among them,
touching them in love and blessing. And the sense of majesty filling
our building was awesome, simply awesome."
I called this "the substance of a dream."
It is also the dream of substance—worship as worship ought to be,
when, filled with a sense of the Holy One, we're all brought to our
knees in humility and devotion.
From the book Mastering Worship. Copyright 1990 by Christianity Today
International.
Prayer sensitizes us to the true meaning of worship.
By John Killinger
I was preaching in a small Tennessee church. From the minute I entered
the sanctuary, I felt a spirit there I hadn't felt in many
sanctuaries. The prayers, the music, and even the silences were
extraordinary. I feel sure that I preached over my head—that my own
spirit was measurably quickened and deepened by the unusual sense of
worship prevailing in the minister and the congregation.
Later, I commented about this to two laymen.
"I hope you know," I said, "what a rare and exhilarating kind of
worship you enjoy in this church."
They smiled knowingly at one another. "Have you seen The Cloisters?"
one asked. I wasn't sure what they were referring to—surely not the
assemblage of monastery remains brought to New York by John D.
Rockefeller, Jr.
"The shed up in the woods behind the preacher's house," one of them
added when he saw my perplexity.
I had seen the building, but I didn't know it by the name they used.
"That's what the preacher calls it," they said. "It's where he goes to
pray. And sometimes he takes some of us there, too. He goes up there
every Saturday evening to pray for our services on Sunday. His wife
says sometimes he stays two or three hours."
The mystery of the great worship services suddenly evaporated.
It was not a large congregation. They had no dynamic, colorful song
leader. None of the cues were evident that usually indicate an
exciting, impressive service of worship. But the most important
ingredient of all was present: the minister and his people were
prepared spiritually to come before God.
Catered Worship
Unfortunately, too much worship is constructed and performed with
little such spiritual preparation.
How easily I can begin to process worship like a caterer who's served
a thousand meals and now can do it blindfolded, who knows precisely
how many gallons of anchovies and olives he needs for the salad trays
and how many mousses and strawberry parfaits for the desserts. I can
begin to approach worship with the nonchalance and casualness born of
years in the ministry, no longer stopping to wonder if what I'm doing
is pleasing to God, or if God is going to work mightily in the souls
of the people as they worship.
Isn't that true for any of us? We begin to concern ourselves
principally with whether the service will be well attended ("Had a
great service today—chairs in the aisles!") and if it will proceed
without snags or glitches ("It went beautifully this morning, without
a bobble!").
As we well know but sometimes forget, our greater care ought to be
about how God regards our worship. It matters not how many attend or
how glitch-free our performance is if, when we are done, the Almighty
says, as he did in the days of Amos, "Come to Bethel (or church), and
transgress; to Gilgal (or church), and multiply transgression … for so
you love to do, O people of Israel!".
Many church attenders don't necessarily miss the spiritual dimension.
They tend to leave that sort of thing to "the experts." But they do
know if they're getting anything out of the time they spend in the
sanctuary.
Suppose they finally make the connection between their boredom and the
absence of God. That's a sobering thought, isn't it? It would mean
they know I've failed in my role as a spiritual leader, that I'm
fulfilling only the technical side of my responsibilities, that I'm
not measuring up on the truly important matters.
Our Job First
Worship preparation is basically my responsibility as pastor. Oh,
congregations are responsible too. They make an enormous difference
with their prayers and enthusiasm and healthy participation. But they
aren't the leaders and can hardly be expected to provide the thrust
toward more spiritual services. According to biblical warrant, that is
my venue—and yours.
If we don't prepare spiritually for worship, it's highly unlikely that
the Spirit will be felt in the service, or that the individual parts
of the liturgy will rise and converge into an exciting whole.
Let's admit we are busy people—pastoral CEOs—and we're prone to try to
"work up" the sense of worship from our side, without pausing to think
what we are doing when we gather to invoke the presence of the Great
Mystery. A tribe of African fishermen, I've been told, padded the oars
of their canoes when they entered certain lakes. Impressed by the
sacredness of their environs, they took care to muffle their strokes.
What happens when we feel that way about approaching the Almighty in
worship? It transforms our understanding of how worship occurs. We see
technique as much less important than an awareness of God's presence.
Sensitized to Worship
What helps sensitize us to true worship?
Certainly prayer. The person who spends time within the circle of
divine companionship becomes acutely aware of the way all of life is
transmuted by that experience and never enters the hour of worship
without being sensitive to what can occur there. Like writer John
Updike, who says he never can pass a bookstore without thinking.
There's a book in there that can change my life, the prayerful
worshiper knows that he or she stands at the threshold of a
potentially new and radically different existence.
Music is another avenue—especially the great choral and instrumental
music of our faith. For a long time it has been the habit in our
household, early on Sunday morning when I am grooming to leave for
church, for my wife to sit at the piano and evoke the marvelously
compelling melodies of our religious past—the choruses that charmed
us, the beautiful hymns that helped to set our theology, the glorious
anthems that transported us. Whatever my mood when she begins, the
music overpowers me, and I'm caught up in a spirit of excitement and
enthusiasm for worship.
I thoroughly approve of the practice I have found in some churches to
have a hymn- or chorus-sing for twenty or thirty minutes prior to the
appointed time for the service. It warms people's souls for worship as
few things can.
Apt words sometimes help remind us of the true enchantment of
worshiping God. We may prepare ourselves by spending a few minutes
with a book by Carlo Caretto or another great devotionalist. We can
help the congregation by reading aloud a few prefatory statements
about worship, or by printing them on the worship bulletin.
Here is a "poem" I found framed at the entrance to the village church
in Hawkshead, England, where William Wordsworth worshiped as a
schoolboy:
No man entering a house
ignores him who dwells there
This is the house of God
and he is here
Pray then to him who loves you
and bids you welcome
Give thanks
for those who in years past
built this place to his glory
Rejoice
in his gifts of beauty
in art and music
architecture and handicrafts
And worship him
the one God Father of us all
through our Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ.
Amen.
I've used this in my own worship bulletin to inspire my people to know
what they do when they worship.
It comes down to our sense of expectancy as we approach worship, and
how we can create similar expectancy in our congregations. Perhaps a
simple ritual, such as removing our shoes for a moment before entering
the sanctuary on Sunday morning, would maintain a proper sense in
ourselves. But what else can we do for our people?
A Heritage of Worship
I've found study of the history and theology of worship provides an
enormous thrust to most people's sense of what is occurring—or
supposed to occur—when they worship. It deepens their understanding
and sharpens their feeling of participation, and hence creates a
greater mood of excitement and mystery.
When I was pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Lynchburg,
Virginia, I talked with the worship committee about conducting a
course of study for them. They were pleased with the idea but
suggested that if it was good for them, it also would be good for
others. So we opened the course to the congregation and were surprised
when nearly one hundred persons signed up for a ten-week
Sunday-evening series on the history and meaning of worship.
We began with a study of Jewish worship as it existed in the time of
Jesus, and showed how, with the addition of the Lord's Supper, it
became the basis for early Christian worship. Then we saw how the
legalization of worship and the building of Christian sanctuaries led
to more involved and formalized liturgies, eventually issuing in the
complicated form of the Mass in the later Middle Ages. Naturally,
excitement rose about the revision of worship under the
sixteenth-century Reformers, and subsequent developments as the
various liturgical traditions encountered the American frontier. (Two
textbooks complemented our study: W. D. Maxwell's An Outline of
Christian Worship and Brad Thompson's Liturgies of the Western
Church.)
An enthusiastic study group can analyze the way its congregation
worships and propose alterations or additions that might enhance the
spirit of true worship. Some congregations even begin producing
worship and devotional aids created by their more artistic and poetic
members.
Out of this ferment, prayer groups may develop to pray specifically
for the success of worship. Imagine what this alone can do to heighten
the sense of expectancy as the congregation enters the sanctuary on
Sunday morning! Anyone who has taken part in an all-night prayer vigil
for a series of special services well remembers the high state of
devotion and excitement with which he or she then attended the
meetings. The same is true for people seriously engaged in prayer for
the regular Sunday morning services. They come into the services
standing on tiptoe for the miracles of God.
Whole Parts
A truly memorable worship service is one in which the particular
prayers, hymns, anthems, responses, readings, sermon, and Communion
all serve as points of entry for the overall experience. That is, the
whole experience of worship is greater than the sum of the parts—so
much greater, in fact, that there can be no comparison.
The parts contribute to the order of the service, but they never
should restrict the spirit of the service. Because they are only
ingredients, they never should disallow room for spontaneity or the
coming of the Spirit.
Worship errs, on the one hand, when it lacks the proper ingredients,
depending entirely on the movement of the Spirit. It also errs,
however, when it's too rigid, foreclosing the hope that the Spirit
will transform the situation into something unplanned and unexpected.
We see the former problem illustrated in many loose-knit services,
whose lack of liturgical integrity or forethought repels persons of
disciplined understanding and intellect, while the latter problem is
all too familiar among churches with a tradition of highly liturgical
orders.
I conceive of the discrete parts of the liturgy as building blocks
whose purpose is to point us not to themselves, but to God, the One
for whom all worship is conceived. When I remember this, I'm far less
prone to idolize the liturgical parts themselves.
As ministers, we work diligently at preparing the parts of the service
for which we have primary responsibility. We want the choice of hymns
and anthems to be sensitive and informed, the prayers to be carefully
framed and articulated, the sermon to be well conceived and artfully
produced, and the Communion to be thoughtfully and appealingly
offered.
But, even more, we want each part to be infused with prayer and
surrendered to God as an oblation fitting for his service.
Years ago I heard Elam Davies, the former pastor of Fourth
Presbyterian Church in Chicago, say that he always spread on his desk
or sofa the pages of a new sermon and prayed, "Here they are, O God,
the best that I can give you." He made a deep impression on me.
Everything we do—the preparation of worship as well as its
execution—should be an offering to God.
If this is true for both pastor and people in worship, the separate
items of the liturgy become a holy dance in which we whirl round and
round with the Spirit. Something truly miraculous happens—a theophany.
The Dream of Substance
A television executive confided to me the substance of a dream he had
had about our worship.
It was the time of the offering, he said. But when I called for it,
instead of a sober moment in which ushers passed among the pews
extending the offering bags, there was an electric happening in which
the people themselves poured into the aisles, crowding into our
capacious chancel.
"They were everywhere," exclaimed the man, "all around the pulpit, up
by the altar, filling the chancel, crowding around the steps, and
choking the aisles! And they were kneeling! They were the offering.
They themselves were the holy oblation. You were passing among them,
touching them in love and blessing. And the sense of majesty filling
our building was awesome, simply awesome."
I called this "the substance of a dream."
It is also the dream of substance—worship as worship ought to be,
when, filled with a sense of the Holy One, we're all brought to our
knees in humility and devotion.
From the book Mastering Worship. Copyright 1990 by Christianity Today
International.
Devotional: "Do You Have a Plan For This?"
"Do You Have a Plan For This?"
Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Ministries
source: Crosswalk
Key Verse:
2 Corinthians 1:16-17, "I planned to visit you on my way to Macedonia
and to come back to you from Macedonia, and then to have you send me
on my way to Judea. When I planned this, did I do it lightly? Or do
I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say,
'Yes, yes' and 'No, no?'" (NIV)
Devotion:
When people find out I have five kids, write books, and run a
ministry, their first question is always how in the world do I do all
that? First, let me assure you, there are always plenty of things that
I don't get done. My to-do list rarely sees an end and I usually
underestimate the amount of time it takes to accomplish something.
But, I do like having a plan to make as much of it happen as possible.
Planning out a daily agenda can often seem like a joke. The Bible
tells us that we can have as many plans as we want, but God's ultimate
plans for us will always preside over ours. You may be asking, "Why
even bother making a plan if this is the case?" Well planning is
much more than penciling in every minute of your day. It's a
discipline that helps us become intentional about making our real
priorities, priorities.
In today's Key Verse, Paul reminds the Corinthians that he did not
come to visit without a plan. He put a lot of thought and purpose
into what it would take to make the trip possible and what would be a
priority when he got there. He made his "yes" a definite "yes" and
his "no" a definite "no."
The first part of a plan is to decide what to say "yes" to and what to
say "no" to. One of the best ways to decide which activities fall into
the "yes" category is to pray about them. In 2 Chronicles 28:12, King
David gave his son Solomon the plans that the Spirit had put in his
mind about the building of the Lord's temple. Which activities do you
believe God has called you to make a priority?
For example, I can only work at my office one day a week. While the
ideal would be to go to the office everyday, this is not a season for
it to be my main hub. There are other places that my energies need to
be put right now, such as with my children.
Next, you can schedule in the things you've said "yes" to. In our
home, each kid can pick one outside activity to participate in. With
five kids, this still equals a lot of scheduling, driving, and
watching, but this is what we've decided is realistic and fair for our
family. Now we can pencil in the upcoming activities those
commitments require.
Finally, you can write in your individual appointments and
obligations. This is the white space where ministry works, doctor and
orthodontist appointments, volunteer obligations, and special projects
fit in. Now I feel the freedom to plan time for me in my schedule.
This all takes place once a quarter with my husband on board planning
our master family calendar. Then once a week, we sit down and go over
who is responsible for each of the balls being juggled. We also plan
a time for us to connect, whether it's a date night, coffee, or a
movie at home together. Without proper planning beforehand, we can
easily become angered and frustrated with one another since last
minute debates as to who is running what carpool are likely to arise.
Getting my schedule out of my brain and on to a calendar drastically
reduces my stress, and alleviates the feeling that my schedule is
running me rather than the other way around. Planning has disciplined
me to say "no" to things that aren't a priority, "yes" to the things
that are, and puts me and my husband back on the same page so the
lines of communication are not tangled in a frustrating mess.
So what happens when God decides to throw a wrench in your plans, so
He can have His way? Take comfort in knowing and accepting that—for
whatever reason—He has allowed this as part of His purposes for you.
And RELAX!
My Prayer for Today:
Dear Heavenly Father, I feel so tired today. My schedule seems
never-ending and I need the discipline to create a system to alleviate
this stress. Give me wisdom to say "no" to some things and make the
"yes" things a real priority. I want to be able to give 100% to the
few things that really matter rather than giving 30% to everything. In
Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Here is a quick breakdown of the method my husband and I use to plan
our daily, weekly, and monthly schedules as described in today's
devotion:
Pray about those things you need to say "yes" to and "no" to.
Sit down with your spouse and kids once a quarter to make a master
calendar so every person's activities is considered.
Once each person has weeded out their "no's", pencil in your "yes" commitments.
Look for white space to schedule individual appointments and obligations.
Now you can plan time for yourself and other people.
Don't forget those date nights with your husband!!!
Reflection Points:
Read Psalm 121:3-8. These verses are here to encourage you today.
God knows you intimately.
He knows what you are facing.
He knows the details of your life.
He watches your coming and going. (Wow! That means God sees all those
trips to soccer practice and runs to the grocery store!)
Even when you sleep, God is taking care of things because He does not sleep.
Power Verses:
1 Chronicles 28:12a, "He gave him the plans of all that the Spirit had
put in his mind for the courts of the temple of the Lord and all its
surrounding rooms." (NIV)
Proverbs 15:22, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many
advisers they succeed." (NIV)
Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of
those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
(NIV)
Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Ministries
source: Crosswalk
Key Verse:
2 Corinthians 1:16-17, "I planned to visit you on my way to Macedonia
and to come back to you from Macedonia, and then to have you send me
on my way to Judea. When I planned this, did I do it lightly? Or do
I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say,
'Yes, yes' and 'No, no?'" (NIV)
Devotion:
When people find out I have five kids, write books, and run a
ministry, their first question is always how in the world do I do all
that? First, let me assure you, there are always plenty of things that
I don't get done. My to-do list rarely sees an end and I usually
underestimate the amount of time it takes to accomplish something.
But, I do like having a plan to make as much of it happen as possible.
Planning out a daily agenda can often seem like a joke. The Bible
tells us that we can have as many plans as we want, but God's ultimate
plans for us will always preside over ours. You may be asking, "Why
even bother making a plan if this is the case?" Well planning is
much more than penciling in every minute of your day. It's a
discipline that helps us become intentional about making our real
priorities, priorities.
In today's Key Verse, Paul reminds the Corinthians that he did not
come to visit without a plan. He put a lot of thought and purpose
into what it would take to make the trip possible and what would be a
priority when he got there. He made his "yes" a definite "yes" and
his "no" a definite "no."
The first part of a plan is to decide what to say "yes" to and what to
say "no" to. One of the best ways to decide which activities fall into
the "yes" category is to pray about them. In 2 Chronicles 28:12, King
David gave his son Solomon the plans that the Spirit had put in his
mind about the building of the Lord's temple. Which activities do you
believe God has called you to make a priority?
For example, I can only work at my office one day a week. While the
ideal would be to go to the office everyday, this is not a season for
it to be my main hub. There are other places that my energies need to
be put right now, such as with my children.
Next, you can schedule in the things you've said "yes" to. In our
home, each kid can pick one outside activity to participate in. With
five kids, this still equals a lot of scheduling, driving, and
watching, but this is what we've decided is realistic and fair for our
family. Now we can pencil in the upcoming activities those
commitments require.
Finally, you can write in your individual appointments and
obligations. This is the white space where ministry works, doctor and
orthodontist appointments, volunteer obligations, and special projects
fit in. Now I feel the freedom to plan time for me in my schedule.
This all takes place once a quarter with my husband on board planning
our master family calendar. Then once a week, we sit down and go over
who is responsible for each of the balls being juggled. We also plan
a time for us to connect, whether it's a date night, coffee, or a
movie at home together. Without proper planning beforehand, we can
easily become angered and frustrated with one another since last
minute debates as to who is running what carpool are likely to arise.
Getting my schedule out of my brain and on to a calendar drastically
reduces my stress, and alleviates the feeling that my schedule is
running me rather than the other way around. Planning has disciplined
me to say "no" to things that aren't a priority, "yes" to the things
that are, and puts me and my husband back on the same page so the
lines of communication are not tangled in a frustrating mess.
So what happens when God decides to throw a wrench in your plans, so
He can have His way? Take comfort in knowing and accepting that—for
whatever reason—He has allowed this as part of His purposes for you.
And RELAX!
My Prayer for Today:
Dear Heavenly Father, I feel so tired today. My schedule seems
never-ending and I need the discipline to create a system to alleviate
this stress. Give me wisdom to say "no" to some things and make the
"yes" things a real priority. I want to be able to give 100% to the
few things that really matter rather than giving 30% to everything. In
Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Here is a quick breakdown of the method my husband and I use to plan
our daily, weekly, and monthly schedules as described in today's
devotion:
Pray about those things you need to say "yes" to and "no" to.
Sit down with your spouse and kids once a quarter to make a master
calendar so every person's activities is considered.
Once each person has weeded out their "no's", pencil in your "yes" commitments.
Look for white space to schedule individual appointments and obligations.
Now you can plan time for yourself and other people.
Don't forget those date nights with your husband!!!
Reflection Points:
Read Psalm 121:3-8. These verses are here to encourage you today.
God knows you intimately.
He knows what you are facing.
He knows the details of your life.
He watches your coming and going. (Wow! That means God sees all those
trips to soccer practice and runs to the grocery store!)
Even when you sleep, God is taking care of things because He does not sleep.
Power Verses:
1 Chronicles 28:12a, "He gave him the plans of all that the Spirit had
put in his mind for the courts of the temple of the Lord and all its
surrounding rooms." (NIV)
Proverbs 15:22, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many
advisers they succeed." (NIV)
Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of
those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
(NIV)
Help Your Daughter (child) Develop a Healthy Sexual Identity
It seems that not many Christian families can really talk about this
issue with their kids. however, a child's source for sex education
should mainly be his/her parents. If christian parents won't talk
about how kids should approach and view sexual stuff, and form godly
sexual principles, then who else will?
Let's seek God for wisdom, grace, and discernment, for us to sense the
proper time and approach for teaching our kids about this very
important issue and part of their lives.
------------------------------
source:crosswalk
Help Your Daughter (child) Develop a Healthy Sexual Identity
Whitney Hopler
The following is a report on the practical applications of Sharon A.
Hersh's new book, Mom, Sex is NO Big Deal! (Shaw Books, 2006).
As a mom, you naturally want what's best for your teenage daughter,
and the thought of her experimenting with sex breaks your heart. But
in our sex-saturated culture, the majority of teens end up doing so,
anyway – even Christians who had planned and tried to stay sexually
pure.
It's a tough battle to fight. But if you help your daughter develop a
healthy sexual identity, you can help her win it. Here's how:
Build a close relationship with her. Realize that educating your
daughter about sex and asking her to sign an abstinence pledge is only
a start, and not all you need to do to help her stay pure. Understand
that, while "head" knowledge is good, "heart" knowledge is even
better. Seek to build a close emotional bond with your daughter so she
comes to truly respect you, trust you, and enjoy being with you. Know
that sharing a relationship like that with you will motivate her to
genuinely listen to you and give her the confidence she needs to risk
hard decisions when confronting temptation and pressure.
Make it a priority to spend as much time as possible with her on a
regular basis. Have fun together doing some activities she likes to
do. Let her know that she can talk to you about anything without fear
of criticism or punishment. Encourage her to share her experiences
with you openly and honestly; react with a positive attitude. Ask her
questions about her life to demonstrate interest and get to know her
well, but don't pry or try to manipulate her. Help her know that she's
safe with you and doesn't have to try to hide anything.
Make it clear to your daughter how valuable she is to you, so she'll
come to value herself and be more likely to protect her body and guard
her heart. Give her the love she needs, so she'll be less likely to
seek it through unhealthy relationships with guys.
Don't be afraid. Ask God to give you the courage you need to talk
openly and honestly with your daughter about sex. Remember that your
daughter needs to you be her ally as she navigates through some of the
most crucial decisions of her life. Don't shy away from discussing
topics like these on an ongoing basis: romance and dating, faith and
dating, married sex, sexual limits, media and sex, God and sex, sexual
harassment, abortion, sexual intercourse, alcohol and drugs and sex,
date rape, your sexual history, abstinence, oral sex, HIV/AIDS, STDs,
condoms, other forms of contraception, kissing, sexual pleasure,
making out, sexual orientation, and pregnancy.
Affirm her longings. Don't diminish the importance of your daughter's
natural longings for relationships and romance. Acknowledge that those
yearnings are an important part of growing up into a woman, and that
it's good to have them. Let her know that God gave her those longings
for a good purpose, and that it's worthwhile to wait to fulfill that
purpose in the right way – through a loving, committed marriage.
Examine your own views about sex. Consider your beliefs about sex. Do
you dread it or enjoy it, and why? Think and pray about your own
sexual experiences, and seek healing for whatever you need to achieve
a healthy perspective on sex. Realize that you need to present a
healthy example to your daughter to help her understand why sex is
valuable and worth saving herself for. Write what you have learned as
a result of your sexual experiences, and make time to discuss that
with your daughter so she can see how God has been working in your
life. Ask God to help you connect your story with her story in
redemptive ways. When you share your story with her, be direct, focus
on what God has taught you through it, and invite your daughter to
follow up by telling you her own story so far.
Explore the media's messages together. Watch TV, surf the Internet,
read magazines, and listen to music with your daughter. Then discuss
the messages presented about sex. Talk about what you each agree or
disagree with – and why.
Teach her that sex is much more than just "hooking up." Help your
daughter understand that, contrary to what our culture tells her, sex
is a big deal. Contrast God's view of sex as a sacred act that deeply
bonds two people with the culture's view that sex should be a casual
act engaged in by people in uncommitted, loveless relationships.
Point out that not everyone is "doing it." Confront messages from your
daughter's peers that she's a "freak" for choosing to remain sexually
pure. Let her know that she's not alone in her choice, and give her
the support she needs to encourage her.
Help her count the cost of sex. Explain the heavy price she'll pay if
she has sex outside of marriage – physically, spiritually, and
emotionally.
Let her know that there are rewards for waiting. Give your daughter
some real reasons for waiting by explaining the joys of sex in a
healthy marriage.
Remember that there is grace for sexual sin and foolishness. As much
as you wish your daughter will never make a mistake, know that God's
grace will redeem any mistakes she makes. Don't communicate that
sexual sin is the end of the world for her. Be willing to rely on
God's strength to forgive and help her learn from it.
Be a haven for her. Make sure your daughter knows that she can ask you
anything, tell you anything, and count on your support no matter what.
Do all you can to be there for her.
Learn about how the world has changed since you were a teen.
Understand that types of sexual pressures your daughter currently
faces. Know that today's teens are engaging in more sex and different
types of sex at earlier ages than previous generations. Realize that
sexually explicit material is more readily available than ever before,
thanks to the Internet. Keep all this information in mind as you work
to support your daughter.
Teach her that what she does with her body matters. Let your daughter
know that she should respect her body because God made it and wants
her to use it for good. Help her recognize her body's cues of arousal
and know how to respond to them to avoid going too far with her
boyfriend.
Teach her that what she does with others matters. Help her realize
that her choices about sex don't affect only her, but also other
people – her boyfriend, family, friends, and even the larger society
in which she lives. Emphasize that she needs to keep her
responsibility to others in mind when making decisions about sex.
Teach her that what she does with God matters. Tell your daughter that
God desires a close relationship with her and wants the best for her.
Encourage her to let her love for God motivate her to follow His
design for sex. Help her see how her sexual longings can lead her to
intimacy with God, who invites her to be one with Him.
Show her that waiting is actually a gift. Guide your daughter to
wisely use the time she must spend waiting to find the right person to
marry. Help her understand that waiting doesn't have to be a
frustrating experience; it can be a joyful time of discovering more
about who she is as a person and how God wants her to grow. Be sure to
notice positive qualities about her and affirm them as she waits.
Encourage her to pursue a love affair with Jesus.
Give her plenty of opportunities to make choices. Don't try to control
every aspect of your daughter's life; allow her to make her own
choices as much as possible so she can develop critical thinking
skills, grow in wisdom, and become more independent. Realize that
allowing her to make decisions about things such as what music to
listen to or how to wear her hair will give her the confidence she
needs to learn how to make choices about far greater issues – like
sex. Understand that teens often rebel by becoming sexually active;
let your daughter know that she has the power to live her life without
fear of being overly controlled by you. Show her that you respect her
enough to let her grow.
Help her recognize and avoid abusive or addictive dating
relationships. Talk with your daughter about what constitutes
emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. Get to know her boyfriend well
and discourage any secretive, isolating behavior. Never hesitate to
intervene when you suspect trouble. Be your daughter's advocate,
helping to protect her from unhealthy dating relationships. Help her
make a complete break from any unhealthy relationship she may be
involved in now. Give her new, healthy activities to focus on to
replace the time and energy she had been spending on the relationship.
Evaluate any new potential boyfriends carefully.
Offer hope if your daughter thinks she's gay. Try not to react in fear
or anger. Instead, pray for the wisdom and strength to talk with your
daughter openly about the issue without driving her away. Reassure her
that you want a close relationship with her no matter what. Be humble
and compassionate as she struggles. Provide counseling for her to talk
about her sexuality with a professional who can help her deal with her
concerns.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adapted from Mom, Sex is NO Big Deal!: Becoming Your Daughter's Ally
in Developing a Healthy Sexual Identity, copyright 2006 by Sharon A.
Hersh. Published by Shaw Books, an imprint of WaterBrook Press,
Colorado Springs, Co., www.shawbooks.com.
Sharon A. Hersh is a licensed professional counselor and the mother of
two teenagers. Author of the acclaimed Bravehearts and three previous
books in the Hand-in-Hand line for mothers of adolescent girls, Sharon
is a sought-after speaker for retreats and conferences. She lives with
her family in Lone Tree, Co.
issue with their kids. however, a child's source for sex education
should mainly be his/her parents. If christian parents won't talk
about how kids should approach and view sexual stuff, and form godly
sexual principles, then who else will?
Let's seek God for wisdom, grace, and discernment, for us to sense the
proper time and approach for teaching our kids about this very
important issue and part of their lives.
------------------------------
source:crosswalk
Help Your Daughter (child) Develop a Healthy Sexual Identity
Whitney Hopler
The following is a report on the practical applications of Sharon A.
Hersh's new book, Mom, Sex is NO Big Deal! (Shaw Books, 2006).
As a mom, you naturally want what's best for your teenage daughter,
and the thought of her experimenting with sex breaks your heart. But
in our sex-saturated culture, the majority of teens end up doing so,
anyway – even Christians who had planned and tried to stay sexually
pure.
It's a tough battle to fight. But if you help your daughter develop a
healthy sexual identity, you can help her win it. Here's how:
Build a close relationship with her. Realize that educating your
daughter about sex and asking her to sign an abstinence pledge is only
a start, and not all you need to do to help her stay pure. Understand
that, while "head" knowledge is good, "heart" knowledge is even
better. Seek to build a close emotional bond with your daughter so she
comes to truly respect you, trust you, and enjoy being with you. Know
that sharing a relationship like that with you will motivate her to
genuinely listen to you and give her the confidence she needs to risk
hard decisions when confronting temptation and pressure.
Make it a priority to spend as much time as possible with her on a
regular basis. Have fun together doing some activities she likes to
do. Let her know that she can talk to you about anything without fear
of criticism or punishment. Encourage her to share her experiences
with you openly and honestly; react with a positive attitude. Ask her
questions about her life to demonstrate interest and get to know her
well, but don't pry or try to manipulate her. Help her know that she's
safe with you and doesn't have to try to hide anything.
Make it clear to your daughter how valuable she is to you, so she'll
come to value herself and be more likely to protect her body and guard
her heart. Give her the love she needs, so she'll be less likely to
seek it through unhealthy relationships with guys.
Don't be afraid. Ask God to give you the courage you need to talk
openly and honestly with your daughter about sex. Remember that your
daughter needs to you be her ally as she navigates through some of the
most crucial decisions of her life. Don't shy away from discussing
topics like these on an ongoing basis: romance and dating, faith and
dating, married sex, sexual limits, media and sex, God and sex, sexual
harassment, abortion, sexual intercourse, alcohol and drugs and sex,
date rape, your sexual history, abstinence, oral sex, HIV/AIDS, STDs,
condoms, other forms of contraception, kissing, sexual pleasure,
making out, sexual orientation, and pregnancy.
Affirm her longings. Don't diminish the importance of your daughter's
natural longings for relationships and romance. Acknowledge that those
yearnings are an important part of growing up into a woman, and that
it's good to have them. Let her know that God gave her those longings
for a good purpose, and that it's worthwhile to wait to fulfill that
purpose in the right way – through a loving, committed marriage.
Examine your own views about sex. Consider your beliefs about sex. Do
you dread it or enjoy it, and why? Think and pray about your own
sexual experiences, and seek healing for whatever you need to achieve
a healthy perspective on sex. Realize that you need to present a
healthy example to your daughter to help her understand why sex is
valuable and worth saving herself for. Write what you have learned as
a result of your sexual experiences, and make time to discuss that
with your daughter so she can see how God has been working in your
life. Ask God to help you connect your story with her story in
redemptive ways. When you share your story with her, be direct, focus
on what God has taught you through it, and invite your daughter to
follow up by telling you her own story so far.
Explore the media's messages together. Watch TV, surf the Internet,
read magazines, and listen to music with your daughter. Then discuss
the messages presented about sex. Talk about what you each agree or
disagree with – and why.
Teach her that sex is much more than just "hooking up." Help your
daughter understand that, contrary to what our culture tells her, sex
is a big deal. Contrast God's view of sex as a sacred act that deeply
bonds two people with the culture's view that sex should be a casual
act engaged in by people in uncommitted, loveless relationships.
Point out that not everyone is "doing it." Confront messages from your
daughter's peers that she's a "freak" for choosing to remain sexually
pure. Let her know that she's not alone in her choice, and give her
the support she needs to encourage her.
Help her count the cost of sex. Explain the heavy price she'll pay if
she has sex outside of marriage – physically, spiritually, and
emotionally.
Let her know that there are rewards for waiting. Give your daughter
some real reasons for waiting by explaining the joys of sex in a
healthy marriage.
Remember that there is grace for sexual sin and foolishness. As much
as you wish your daughter will never make a mistake, know that God's
grace will redeem any mistakes she makes. Don't communicate that
sexual sin is the end of the world for her. Be willing to rely on
God's strength to forgive and help her learn from it.
Be a haven for her. Make sure your daughter knows that she can ask you
anything, tell you anything, and count on your support no matter what.
Do all you can to be there for her.
Learn about how the world has changed since you were a teen.
Understand that types of sexual pressures your daughter currently
faces. Know that today's teens are engaging in more sex and different
types of sex at earlier ages than previous generations. Realize that
sexually explicit material is more readily available than ever before,
thanks to the Internet. Keep all this information in mind as you work
to support your daughter.
Teach her that what she does with her body matters. Let your daughter
know that she should respect her body because God made it and wants
her to use it for good. Help her recognize her body's cues of arousal
and know how to respond to them to avoid going too far with her
boyfriend.
Teach her that what she does with others matters. Help her realize
that her choices about sex don't affect only her, but also other
people – her boyfriend, family, friends, and even the larger society
in which she lives. Emphasize that she needs to keep her
responsibility to others in mind when making decisions about sex.
Teach her that what she does with God matters. Tell your daughter that
God desires a close relationship with her and wants the best for her.
Encourage her to let her love for God motivate her to follow His
design for sex. Help her see how her sexual longings can lead her to
intimacy with God, who invites her to be one with Him.
Show her that waiting is actually a gift. Guide your daughter to
wisely use the time she must spend waiting to find the right person to
marry. Help her understand that waiting doesn't have to be a
frustrating experience; it can be a joyful time of discovering more
about who she is as a person and how God wants her to grow. Be sure to
notice positive qualities about her and affirm them as she waits.
Encourage her to pursue a love affair with Jesus.
Give her plenty of opportunities to make choices. Don't try to control
every aspect of your daughter's life; allow her to make her own
choices as much as possible so she can develop critical thinking
skills, grow in wisdom, and become more independent. Realize that
allowing her to make decisions about things such as what music to
listen to or how to wear her hair will give her the confidence she
needs to learn how to make choices about far greater issues – like
sex. Understand that teens often rebel by becoming sexually active;
let your daughter know that she has the power to live her life without
fear of being overly controlled by you. Show her that you respect her
enough to let her grow.
Help her recognize and avoid abusive or addictive dating
relationships. Talk with your daughter about what constitutes
emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. Get to know her boyfriend well
and discourage any secretive, isolating behavior. Never hesitate to
intervene when you suspect trouble. Be your daughter's advocate,
helping to protect her from unhealthy dating relationships. Help her
make a complete break from any unhealthy relationship she may be
involved in now. Give her new, healthy activities to focus on to
replace the time and energy she had been spending on the relationship.
Evaluate any new potential boyfriends carefully.
Offer hope if your daughter thinks she's gay. Try not to react in fear
or anger. Instead, pray for the wisdom and strength to talk with your
daughter openly about the issue without driving her away. Reassure her
that you want a close relationship with her no matter what. Be humble
and compassionate as she struggles. Provide counseling for her to talk
about her sexuality with a professional who can help her deal with her
concerns.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adapted from Mom, Sex is NO Big Deal!: Becoming Your Daughter's Ally
in Developing a Healthy Sexual Identity, copyright 2006 by Sharon A.
Hersh. Published by Shaw Books, an imprint of WaterBrook Press,
Colorado Springs, Co., www.shawbooks.com.
Sharon A. Hersh is a licensed professional counselor and the mother of
two teenagers. Author of the acclaimed Bravehearts and three previous
books in the Hand-in-Hand line for mothers of adolescent girls, Sharon
is a sought-after speaker for retreats and conferences. She lives with
her family in Lone Tree, Co.
Pay it Forward
Pay it Forward
From: Janet B.
thanks for sharing helpmeet!
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his
way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was
hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost
his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked
hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly,
and then asked, How much do I owe you?"
You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never
to accept pay for a kindness."
He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically,
but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to
give up and quit.
Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The
local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city,
where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the
name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.
He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to
save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him
for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and
the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure
it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she
looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill.
She read these words ...
"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You,
God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands."
There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the
waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you
or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the
deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And,
after all, isn't that what life is all about?
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which
-- To burn ..
From: Janet B.
thanks for sharing helpmeet!
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his
way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was
hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost
his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked
hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly,
and then asked, How much do I owe you?"
You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never
to accept pay for a kindness."
He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically,
but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to
give up and quit.
Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The
local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city,
where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the
name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.
He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to
save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him
for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and
the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure
it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she
looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill.
She read these words ...
"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You,
God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands."
There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the
waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you
or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the
deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And,
after all, isn't that what life is all about?
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which
-- To burn ..
Next time you feel like GOD can't use you
source: Elizabeth
thanks helpmeet for sharing!
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer... AND
Lazarus was dead!
Now! No more excuses!
God can use you to your full potential..
Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.
And one more thing...
Share this with a friend or two...
In the Circle of God's love, God's waiting to use your
full potential.
1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's Me.
3. Growing old is inevitable .. growing UP is optional.
4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
6. Do the math ... count your blessings.
7. Faith is the ability to not panic.
8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
12. The most important things in your house are the people.
13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still.
God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15 He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
Have a great day!!! The SON is shining and he
can certainly use you!
thanks helpmeet for sharing!
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer... AND
Lazarus was dead!
Now! No more excuses!
God can use you to your full potential..
Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.
And one more thing...
Share this with a friend or two...
In the Circle of God's love, God's waiting to use your
full potential.
1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's Me.
3. Growing old is inevitable .. growing UP is optional.
4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
6. Do the math ... count your blessings.
7. Faith is the ability to not panic.
8. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
12. The most important things in your house are the people.
13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still.
God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15 He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
Have a great day!!! The SON is shining and he
can certainly use you!
Difficult prayer meeting questions
personal/ministry resource
Difficult prayer meeting questions
by Cheryl Sacks
Unfortunately, no matter how gentle or gracious you are, not everyone
will take your correction well. Don't let that stop you from giving
necessary corrective guidance, but let it remind you to be sensitive
on the few occasions when you administer it.
Cheryl Sacks, author of
The Prayer Saturated Church
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pastors who lead prayer meetings occasionally face dilemmas that are
difficult to handle because of the possibility to alienate or offend
church members. Often these circumstances arise in the middle of the
prayer meeting, requiring quick discernment and tactful handling on
the part of the leader. Here are a few questions I've been asked from
pastors and prayer coordinators regarding handling sticky problems in
corporate prayer gatherings:
1. What if someone starts praying theologically unsound prayers?
("Lord, have my angel give me a sign") As the prayer leader, you
should address this kind of problem head-on. Otherwise, your group
could mistake your silence as assent. Turn this obstacle into a brief
teaching. Say, "I think it's important we talk about this. While
angels do exist and this request was prayed sincerely, it's important
for us to understand more clearly how the Lord gives us direction. He
guides us through the Word, witness of the Spirit, and witness of
elders in the church." Keep your explanation to the point and then
swiftly move back to the business of prayer.
2. How do you redirect a misguided prayer without embarrassing the
person? ("Lord, please stop Bill and Sandi's wedding so he can marry
me.") Say something affirming first. Let the person know she is loved
and that you appreciate her fervency and her willingness to share her
prayer. To avoid embarrassment on the spot, you could say, "While that
issue is important, I feel at this time we need to focus on ..." For
an awkward social situation, you could say, "We thank you, God, that
you care about all aspects of our lives. We ask that your will be done
in this matter." If the person seems unbalanced or distressed, offer
to minister to her personally later. It's important to realize that if
a person has a negative or misguided prayer behavior, the loving thing
to do is help her get past that.
If a sincere person is still learning the ways of the Lord, the best
way to handle it is to speak with her personally later. Most people in
the group will understand your graciousness. A good biblical example
is Apollos in the book of Acts. This eloquent Jew was an articulate
teacher and fervent servant of the Lord who hadn't yet heard the full
message of the Gospel. Rather than being singled out publicly, he was
taken aside privately to be taught more accurately the ways of God
(Acts 18:26). Had this man been put down publicly, the Body of Christ
might have lost an excellent spokesperson.
3. What if there is a large interdenominational prayer gathering where
not everyone agrees on the same theological issues? Most participants
will realize this is the case and be more tolerant. As the prayer
leader, your role will not be to nit-pick, but to find the common
points of faith in Jesus Christ that you can pray about. (Check out my
book, The Prayer Saturated Church, for more guidance on this.)
4. How do you handle normal distractions such as loud babies or
children? If it's a minor or short-lived situation, it's better to
overlook it. Often, sensitive parents deal with problems quickly. But
if a baby's soft cries become uncontrollable piercing screams and
nothing is being done, direct intervention is necessary. Jack Hayford
handles these potentially awkward situations with a statement such as,
"Gee, if I were 6 months old I'd be bored with Pastor Jack's praying,
too. We do have a child ministry location where your baby would be
much more comfortable."
5. What if someone starts wailing, weeping, groaning, or laughing?
Sometimes these are genuine responses to a deep move of the Holy
Spirit upon a person. At other times, these responses are indicative
of a person having difficulty handling his emotions. It's important
that you discern what the Lord is doing and be sensitive to its effect
on newcomers. Is God calling people to deep repentance, and is this
person leading the way? Is this an appropriate time in the meeting to
do this? If so, then you can assure the people that this is OK and
encourage them to seek the Lord for what he's doing in each of them.
If you sense this is a misplaced but sincere display of emotion, then
you can say something like, "This person is being touched by the Lord,
so let's rejoice with him that the Lord is moving so powerfully in his
life." In some cases it may be necessary to ask a team member to
accompany the person to another room (the prayer room if you have one)
where his expression will not hinder the group. Then encourage a vocal
time of praise or worship to shift the focus.
6. If I must give corrective guidance, will I always be able to avoid
offending people? No. Unfortunately, no matter how gentle or gracious
you are, not everyone will take your correction well. Don't let that
stop you from giving necessary corrective guidance, but let it remind
you to be sensitive on the few occasions when you administer it.
If you find giving correction difficult (and most of us do) consider
this: When a person is derailing a prayer focus, other people's
prayers will be hindered if you don't take action and administer the
needed correction.
This article is adapted from Cheryl Sacks' book, The Prayer Saturated Church.
Difficult prayer meeting questions
by Cheryl Sacks
Unfortunately, no matter how gentle or gracious you are, not everyone
will take your correction well. Don't let that stop you from giving
necessary corrective guidance, but let it remind you to be sensitive
on the few occasions when you administer it.
Cheryl Sacks, author of
The Prayer Saturated Church
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pastors who lead prayer meetings occasionally face dilemmas that are
difficult to handle because of the possibility to alienate or offend
church members. Often these circumstances arise in the middle of the
prayer meeting, requiring quick discernment and tactful handling on
the part of the leader. Here are a few questions I've been asked from
pastors and prayer coordinators regarding handling sticky problems in
corporate prayer gatherings:
1. What if someone starts praying theologically unsound prayers?
("Lord, have my angel give me a sign") As the prayer leader, you
should address this kind of problem head-on. Otherwise, your group
could mistake your silence as assent. Turn this obstacle into a brief
teaching. Say, "I think it's important we talk about this. While
angels do exist and this request was prayed sincerely, it's important
for us to understand more clearly how the Lord gives us direction. He
guides us through the Word, witness of the Spirit, and witness of
elders in the church." Keep your explanation to the point and then
swiftly move back to the business of prayer.
2. How do you redirect a misguided prayer without embarrassing the
person? ("Lord, please stop Bill and Sandi's wedding so he can marry
me.") Say something affirming first. Let the person know she is loved
and that you appreciate her fervency and her willingness to share her
prayer. To avoid embarrassment on the spot, you could say, "While that
issue is important, I feel at this time we need to focus on ..." For
an awkward social situation, you could say, "We thank you, God, that
you care about all aspects of our lives. We ask that your will be done
in this matter." If the person seems unbalanced or distressed, offer
to minister to her personally later. It's important to realize that if
a person has a negative or misguided prayer behavior, the loving thing
to do is help her get past that.
If a sincere person is still learning the ways of the Lord, the best
way to handle it is to speak with her personally later. Most people in
the group will understand your graciousness. A good biblical example
is Apollos in the book of Acts. This eloquent Jew was an articulate
teacher and fervent servant of the Lord who hadn't yet heard the full
message of the Gospel. Rather than being singled out publicly, he was
taken aside privately to be taught more accurately the ways of God
(Acts 18:26). Had this man been put down publicly, the Body of Christ
might have lost an excellent spokesperson.
3. What if there is a large interdenominational prayer gathering where
not everyone agrees on the same theological issues? Most participants
will realize this is the case and be more tolerant. As the prayer
leader, your role will not be to nit-pick, but to find the common
points of faith in Jesus Christ that you can pray about. (Check out my
book, The Prayer Saturated Church, for more guidance on this.)
4. How do you handle normal distractions such as loud babies or
children? If it's a minor or short-lived situation, it's better to
overlook it. Often, sensitive parents deal with problems quickly. But
if a baby's soft cries become uncontrollable piercing screams and
nothing is being done, direct intervention is necessary. Jack Hayford
handles these potentially awkward situations with a statement such as,
"Gee, if I were 6 months old I'd be bored with Pastor Jack's praying,
too. We do have a child ministry location where your baby would be
much more comfortable."
5. What if someone starts wailing, weeping, groaning, or laughing?
Sometimes these are genuine responses to a deep move of the Holy
Spirit upon a person. At other times, these responses are indicative
of a person having difficulty handling his emotions. It's important
that you discern what the Lord is doing and be sensitive to its effect
on newcomers. Is God calling people to deep repentance, and is this
person leading the way? Is this an appropriate time in the meeting to
do this? If so, then you can assure the people that this is OK and
encourage them to seek the Lord for what he's doing in each of them.
If you sense this is a misplaced but sincere display of emotion, then
you can say something like, "This person is being touched by the Lord,
so let's rejoice with him that the Lord is moving so powerfully in his
life." In some cases it may be necessary to ask a team member to
accompany the person to another room (the prayer room if you have one)
where his expression will not hinder the group. Then encourage a vocal
time of praise or worship to shift the focus.
6. If I must give corrective guidance, will I always be able to avoid
offending people? No. Unfortunately, no matter how gentle or gracious
you are, not everyone will take your correction well. Don't let that
stop you from giving necessary corrective guidance, but let it remind
you to be sensitive on the few occasions when you administer it.
If you find giving correction difficult (and most of us do) consider
this: When a person is derailing a prayer focus, other people's
prayers will be hindered if you don't take action and administer the
needed correction.
This article is adapted from Cheryl Sacks' book, The Prayer Saturated Church.
Devotional: "Pardon Me?"
"Pardon Me?"
Wendy Pope, Director of Development, Proverbs 31 Speaker Team Member
source: crosswalk
Key Verse:
Matthew 18:21, "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many
times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven
times?" (NIV)
Devotion:
I have to confess I have never believed that forgiving others is an
issue with which I have difficulty. I get upset and angry like most
people do when I am wronged; however, I tend to ignore the problem or
the person until I "feel" better. Thus, I never really deal with the
offense at hand. God has brought me face to face with my naiveté. His
desire is to work in and through me to surrender a part of myself that
has been displeasing to Him: self-righteousness and an unforgiving
spirit. Oh, the lessons I have learned. Oh, the lessons I am still
learning.
A circumstance arose between my family and other families on my
cul-de-sac. It is a situation I would like to have forgotten but the
problem and the persons are not likely to go away. They are all there
each time I turn down my street. God has been teaching me about
forgiving other, and making me deal with my self-righteousness by
having me living right in the middle of my offenders.
I have learned that forgiving others is a choice. There are days when
the accusations hurled against me make me burn with anger, and the
last thing I want to do is bless those who persecute me. The power of
the Holy Spirit living in me enables me to live beyond the anger and
bitterness to extend forgiveness. When anger and attitude raise their
ugly head, I make the choice to say out loud, "Now Lord, I forgave
them already. Help me to live in the forgiveness I have extended." The
choice to live in bitterness is mine. The power to make the choice not
to live in bitterness comes from God. I am unable to do this apart
from Him. The voice of the liar cleverly tries to lure me with
memories of the hurt and betrayal I felt. Then I remember his
objective for my life is not peace, but pandemonium.
Today's key verse is taken from the parable of the unmerciful servant.
Peter wanted to know how many times forgiveness should be offered.
Jesus, in true teacher fashion, gave His answer in story form. He goes
on tell of a master who forgives a debt that a servant owed him. This
same servant refuses to forgive a debt owed him by a fellow servant.
Upon learning of this, the master rebukes the servant and turns him
over to the jailers to be tortured. Jesus concludes the story by
telling Peter, "This is how My Heavenly Father will treat each of you
unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (V35) Frightening
isn't?
Are you being tortured by the power of an unforgiving spirit? The good
news is forgiveness and freedom is only a prayer away.
My Prayer for Today:
Lord, search my heart today. Bring to my attention anyone I need to
forgive. Give me the courage and power to pardon them. I can't wait to
live in the freedom forgiveness offers, In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Continue today's prayer until God brings someone to your heart. Write
the person's name on a piece of paper with the offense. Call the
person, forgive him or her, and throw the paper away.
Reflection Points:
Am I living in a state of torment because of unforgiveness?
Have I completely accepted God's gift of forgiveness for my sins?
Do I need to seek forgiveness from someone I have offended?
Power Verses:
Psalm 78:38, "Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did
not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not
stir up his full wrath." (NIV)
Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving
each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (NIV)
Colossians 3:13, " Bear with each other and forgive whatever
grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord
forgave you." (NIV)
Wendy Pope, Director of Development, Proverbs 31 Speaker Team Member
source: crosswalk
Key Verse:
Matthew 18:21, "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many
times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven
times?" (NIV)
Devotion:
I have to confess I have never believed that forgiving others is an
issue with which I have difficulty. I get upset and angry like most
people do when I am wronged; however, I tend to ignore the problem or
the person until I "feel" better. Thus, I never really deal with the
offense at hand. God has brought me face to face with my naiveté. His
desire is to work in and through me to surrender a part of myself that
has been displeasing to Him: self-righteousness and an unforgiving
spirit. Oh, the lessons I have learned. Oh, the lessons I am still
learning.
A circumstance arose between my family and other families on my
cul-de-sac. It is a situation I would like to have forgotten but the
problem and the persons are not likely to go away. They are all there
each time I turn down my street. God has been teaching me about
forgiving other, and making me deal with my self-righteousness by
having me living right in the middle of my offenders.
I have learned that forgiving others is a choice. There are days when
the accusations hurled against me make me burn with anger, and the
last thing I want to do is bless those who persecute me. The power of
the Holy Spirit living in me enables me to live beyond the anger and
bitterness to extend forgiveness. When anger and attitude raise their
ugly head, I make the choice to say out loud, "Now Lord, I forgave
them already. Help me to live in the forgiveness I have extended." The
choice to live in bitterness is mine. The power to make the choice not
to live in bitterness comes from God. I am unable to do this apart
from Him. The voice of the liar cleverly tries to lure me with
memories of the hurt and betrayal I felt. Then I remember his
objective for my life is not peace, but pandemonium.
Today's key verse is taken from the parable of the unmerciful servant.
Peter wanted to know how many times forgiveness should be offered.
Jesus, in true teacher fashion, gave His answer in story form. He goes
on tell of a master who forgives a debt that a servant owed him. This
same servant refuses to forgive a debt owed him by a fellow servant.
Upon learning of this, the master rebukes the servant and turns him
over to the jailers to be tortured. Jesus concludes the story by
telling Peter, "This is how My Heavenly Father will treat each of you
unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (V35) Frightening
isn't?
Are you being tortured by the power of an unforgiving spirit? The good
news is forgiveness and freedom is only a prayer away.
My Prayer for Today:
Lord, search my heart today. Bring to my attention anyone I need to
forgive. Give me the courage and power to pardon them. I can't wait to
live in the freedom forgiveness offers, In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Application Steps:
Continue today's prayer until God brings someone to your heart. Write
the person's name on a piece of paper with the offense. Call the
person, forgive him or her, and throw the paper away.
Reflection Points:
Am I living in a state of torment because of unforgiveness?
Have I completely accepted God's gift of forgiveness for my sins?
Do I need to seek forgiveness from someone I have offended?
Power Verses:
Psalm 78:38, "Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did
not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not
stir up his full wrath." (NIV)
Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving
each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (NIV)
Colossians 3:13, " Bear with each other and forgive whatever
grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord
forgave you." (NIV)
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