Sunday, April 30, 2006

6 Common Marriage Mistakes

pastor's wife, a resource article on MARRIAGE
by Tapan Sarkar



NOTE: "published articles of authors in this blogsite does not warrant FULL endorsement of the author's values and that of his website"

Every marriage starts with a lot of hope and dream about life long association filled with love and togetherness. But very few marriages fulfill the hopesof the participants in totality.There are various reasons for this but here we single out 6 of those. Every young person who is planning marriage should be aware of these most common pitfalls.


1. Marrying for the sake of love without first checking the depth of love.
No denying that all relationships start with a sense oflove and mutual liking. Committing to a long termr elationship like marriage solely on the basis of that feeling of love is a mistake. Because most of the time this kind of feeling is superficial and can not pass the test of time. Romantic feeling dies as time passes and far more important issues like 'family background','values', 'religious faith', 'financial stability'raise their head, and these issues are of real importance which almost every body with feeling of mutual love ignore.


2. Marrying someone who does not share an interest or hobby.
While marriage with a person who does not share an interest or hobby does not itself make the marriage unstable, presence of such an interest or hobby can make life more enjoyable for both the partners. And this can make a real difference so while selecting life partners this aspect must be taken into account.But for some reason or other this aspect is often overlooked before marriage. And efforts start after marriage to adapt the partner to one's own interest ordevelop a new common interest. While that is not an impossible task, the process of adapting may become un-palatable and may lead to unstable marriage.


3. Not knowing what questions to ask for checking compatibility.
As discussed earlier that marriage decision based on initial sense of love may be counter productive. To make a marriage successful one should do some simple homework. Knowledge of future partner's background and certain other things can play a crucial role here. Butmany young persons either do not try to know all these important facts or do not know what are important aspects s/he must know to make their marriage successful.


4. Thinking proper and careful quarries may offendher/him.One may think that too much investigation about futurepartner's back ground may not be a good idea. As the other partner may find it distasteful. This kind ofthought process keeps many young man and woman fromasking the right questions before marriage.


5. Depending too much on a friend or relatives recommendation.
A sizable number of young mean and women often get married on the recommendation of relatives or friends.While generally relatives and friends are regarded as well wishers, marrying on their recommendation is not a good idea. As their knowledge of a person can never equal to the knowledge the person has about herself or himself. So the person to be married is in a much better position to select a compatible life partner. Best way out is acting on their recommendation only after successful completion of compatibility check.


6. Getting married to make somebody else happy.Sometimes people get married to make someone else happy. It may be parents or it may be relatives. There is no problem in making someone happy if that does not jeopardize one's own marriage. But most of time in such cases marriages occur without exercising enough caution. As a result one may end up marrying someone not compatible.If you are really serious to make your marriage an exciting, loving and enriching experience you need to be careful about the above things before your marriage.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Transformed Lives: Taking Women's Ministry to the Next Level

pastor's wife, a resurce article on MOTHERHOOD...very true! (posted at lifeway.com)

This article was adapted from a chapter in Transformed Lives:
Taking Women's Ministry to the Next Level, an essential women's ministry resource.
Author:Chris Adams

Mothers have basic needs unique to their stage of life. Help mothers in your women's ministry recognize their needs and see that each one can be ultimately satisfied by Christ:

1. Significance: "Sometimes I wonder if mothering matters."Moms need to know their role has value and makes a difference in the lives of their children. But ultimately, they need to realize that their work as a mom will never be enough to earn the consistent significance they're looking for - God alone provides true purpose and significance.

2. Identity: "Sometimes I'm not sure who I am."Because mothers' attention is focused primarily on their children, they may feel they've lost touch with who they are. But when they see themselves as God sees them, they can drop the burden of feeling they aren't good enough and focus on being all God created them to be.

3. Growth: "Sometimes I long to develop who I am."Mothers often convince themselves that now is the time for them to nurture their children and they must put their own lives on hold. But they are better moms when they find time and energy to keep themselves as well as their kids growing.

4. Intimacy: "Sometimes I long to be understood."Intimacy in relationships can't be put on hold while kids grow, even though relationships must adapt. Moms need to pursue intimacy in their marriages, friendships, and with God.

5. Instruction: "Sometimes I don't know what to do."Mothers aren't born knowing everything about mothering! They need information and practical wisdom regarding parenting, relationships, finances, personal development, and appropriate choices. As a women's leader, you can be a trustworthy provider of this help by pointing to Scripture for the truth and guidance they'll need.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read more...These are only five of the nine needs of mothers outlined in Transformed Lives. For the complete list of the basic needs of moms - along with administrative help for women's ministry, leadership tips, and more - purchase Transformed Lives today.
The list of these needs is a result of MOPS International's 20-plus years of research, interviews and experience in working with mothers of preschoolers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elisa Morgan is president and CEO of MOPS International, Inc., a Christian organization designed to nurture mothers of preschoolers. Carol Kuykendall is vice president of educational resources of MOPS. They are co-authors of the study What Every Mom Needs.

Friday, April 28, 2006

A Salute To The Pastor's Wife

pastor's wife, a good site (forgot site address, sorry) posted this resource article with some advice for U!

What can make being a minister's mate more of a joy than a burden?
by H.B. London Jr.

At each pastors gathering sponsored by our Pastoral Ministries department, we ask ministers and their spouses to fill out a brief survey. One question is, "What is the greatest frustration you face in church ministry?"

At a recent gathering, one minister's wife wrote, "Loneliness, lack of spiritual kinship with other women, 'single' parenting, powerful women in the church bossing my husband around, lack of finances, and identity crisis. I am a nonperson, not my husband's partner in ministry, not a full-fledged member. I'd like to get a lot of stuff going in the church, but I have to defer."

A few weeks after that gathering, I received a letter from another minister's wife. She wrote, "In three months time, my husband has had only two full days off. I know this is wrong, and half our battle is weariness. We've found ourselves wanting to quit or run. We fight a lot lately. His escape from reality is the computer; then I feel even more left out. I nag, which makes him want
to escape more."

As I reread this letter and thought about the heartbroken woman at the pastors gathering, I wondered how many ministers' wives feel the same way.

Conversations, letters and surveys tell us the concerns you wives in ministry have. About 45 percent of you fear physical, emotional and spiritual burnout. Nearly 60 percent of you work outside the home. Some 45 percent of you tell us you have no close friends. And more than half of you worry about raising your children.

I don't have quick answers. However, let me offer four basic principles many pastors' wives find essential in their roles.

Stay strong spiritually."Sometimes I'm afraid that I became a Christian as an insurance policy against hell," a pastor's wife wrote to me. There's so much more to the faith than that. Deepen your relationship with our Lord; it is especially vital during trying times.

Guard your marriage and family.If you do not build in some protection, your congregation will consume nearly every moment of your day. Your husband will lose himself in his assignment if you do not intentionally carve out time to be together.

Use your best gifts most often.Find an area of ministry that brings you purpose and joy.
Find a friend.I know doing so takes time and energy, but make a friend who can share your journey in confidence and sincerity. You will find she is a gift from God.

P.S. Our Pastoral Ministries staff can help you with counsel, information, prayer or a listening ear. Please call our new toll-free number in the United States or Canada: (877) 233-4455. We may not have all the answers, but we will do all we can to help you find them.

Taken from Pastor's Family magazine, Oct/Nov 1998.H.B. London Jr., a 31-year veteran of pastoral ministry, is vice president of Pastoral Ministries at Focus on the Family.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

What Do Your Kids Need?

pastor's wife, a resource article on CHILDREN / PARENTING,
...a good article!


Kids need to see you choose what's best for the whole family over what you want for yourself. Sacrifice is expected in marriage and family life. Maybe you are the one trying to keep it together. Don't give up! Keep your eyes and heart on God and obey Him and His Word. Don't react to your spouse's actions; rather, act according to God's instructions.

Kids need to see you admit mistakes and start over to make better choices and renew trust. Nobody is perfect; we all make mistakes. Kids need to see how you react after you have really messed up.

Kids need to see you show mercy and forgiveness. This is easier for some and harder for others, but you need to do it, regardless. You are setting an example, and your kids are watching. They will model your behavior.

Kids need a home with mom and dad both there. Don't fool yourself; going back and forth between parents is not easy and creates additional pressure for your kids.

Kids need to learn how to handle conflict and grow through it. I spoke with a friend who has three young adult children. She and her husband went through a very rough passage years ago. Recently her son experienced a tough break-up with a girlfriend. He shared that having watched his parents survive their crisis by leaning on God, that helped him more than anything else. This young man is walking close with the Lord now, benefiting from the example set by his parents. His mom says that when Satan was working to destroy their marriage years ago, she realizes he was also trying to get to their kids.

Kids need to see their parents together at ball games, honors night, recitals. This gives kids a tremendous sense of security.

Kids need to wake up on Christmas morning with their family together. Can you at least do your part to make this happen?

Perhaps you are victim of circumstances that forced you to divorce and thus have to make the best of it for your kids. May God bless you and may your children see Christ-like behavior exhibited by you.

This article was written for those who are unhappy and looking for a way out. Don't fool yourself regarding the impact divorce will have on your children. Look up! Seek help from God and from others to repair and restore your relationship. This will be the best gift for your kids.

J.B. and Shugie
The Collingsworths travel around the country, coaching churches and couples on how to build strong marriages. Their ministry is based in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. If you are interested in having them speak at your church, contact them at 1(800)404-MAFM (6361).

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

4 Reasons Why You Should Read the Bible

pastor's wife, a resource article on BIBLE READING

How easy is it for you to let dust collect on your Bible?

There was a time when I was first searching out the truth about Jesus Christ that I was embarrassed to let friends see the bible I had purchased sitting in my living room.

Then there was a season during which I was so proud to have my study bible laying open with a bookmark, highlighter and note paper nearby.

Then my bible started to just feel like an extension of my own body... always there, always ready.

Then the bible collection began... I wanted different versions, different purposes, different looks and different styles. A bible for my bedroom, a bible for the car and a bible just in case someone needs one.

And sadly... there has been a season in my life where my bible collected dust. How can that be?

Why read the Bible?

A. It shows you the right path.
B. It alerts you when you are getting off the right path.
C. It teaches you how to get back on the right path.
D. It empowers you to stay on the right path.

Isn't that what life is all about? Finding and staying on the right path? And isn't life always trying to get us off of the right path? The Bible is our Path Guide. We dare not let it collect dust - or worse yet, be left behind completely.

Joel Osteen and his father before him begin every service at Lakewood Church by leading the entire congregation in a simple prayer of confession and it starts like this:

"This is my Bible:
I am what it says I am;
I have what it says I have;
I can do what it says I can do."

When you open your Bible to spend some quiet time with your God -
Do you believe that you are what the Bible says you are?
Do you believe that you have what it says you have?
Do you really believe that you can do what it says you can do?

How will you approach your Bible today?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
About the Authors: Kelly McCausey and Sandra Jensen lead the Me Skills Discipleship Community, a private membership website for Christians who wish to enjoy a deeper relationship with Christ. Subscribe for free daily email devotionals at
http://www.meskills.com

"published articles of authors in this blogsite does not warrant FULL endorsement of the author's values and that of his website"

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Troubling Secrets Behind Parsonage Doors: Pastors and Wives at the Breaking Point

pastor's wife, here's something to think about..
By Rebekah Montgomery

Your pastor and his wife may seem to be the "perfect Christian couple." He's a charismatic servant-leader. She plays the organ and makes casseroles like Betty Crocker. Their kids are little angels. But as tragic events with Matthew and Mary Winkler bear out, who really knows what goes on behind closed parsonage doors?

Larry and Lorrie Russell know. Through Shepherd's Heart Ministry, a crisis intervention and prevention outreach for ministry leaders, the Russells hear the secrets pastors and their wives can't tell anyone else. Both Russells, who have ministry experience and hold master's degrees in counseling, say pastors and their families clearly need help.

Focus on the Family reports a whopping 1,500 pastors will leave their churches this month due to moral failure, burnout or contention within the congregation. Other reports say 80 percent of pastors and 84 percent of their spouses are discouraged or dealing with depression. A report on the state of the pastorate in America claims 80 percent of adult children of the pastors surveyed sought professional help for depression.

Is it impossible for a pastor to effectively serve his congregation, maintain a good marriage, and rear a healthy family today?

It's possible, say the Russells. But there are clear warning signs to pastors and their spouses that their marriage is in jeopardy. They also say that there are warning signs for churches that their pastor needs help.

Where Are Reverend & Mrs. Superman and Their Superhero Family?

You may be surprised: The Russells say technology adds to the stress today's pastors feel by fueling unrealistic expectations from their congregations.

Said Larry: "By the time a congregation comes to church on Sunday morning, they've already seen the finest preaching and music on television. Whether they want to or not, they have expectations of their pastor's ability based on seeing those preachers. Disappointment is inevitable by comparison."

And if the congregation's expectations that pastor should be a Billy Graham-Andy Stanley-Bill Gaither hybrid don't exert enough pressure on a pastor, his own inflated expectation of what and who he should be can be crushing.

"Young ministers are woefully unprepared for the realities of ministry life," said Larry. "Their concept of ministry is distorted. They are theologically educated but not educated for what ministry brings."

The result: Larry says that 50 percent of pastors believe they are not up to the job.
"Although expectations for pastor's wives are changing," said Lorrie, "in some areas of the country, she is still expected to do it all - teach Sunday school, lead the choir -even if she has 13 kids at home."

Lorrie says that unrealistically high expectations are sometimes put on preacher's kids, too, from both inside and outside the parsonage walls. "Preacher's kids are expected to be the best of everybody. Many times, their parents are harder on them than they would be on someone else's' child.

"We're seeing more pastors' children in deep depression and becoming prodigal with no resources for intensive counseling," said Lorrie.

Warning Signs on the Parsonage Door

Larry credits the easy accessible of Internet pornography with seducing pastors and church leaders. "Pornography use has reached epidemic proportions. It is incredibly nurturing and it can be done with very little risk of discovery."

Larry said that it is only a short jump from pornography to acting on the illicit suggestions.
According to statistics accessing the state of the pastorate in America, 37 percent of pastors confessed to inappropriate sexual behavior with someone in the church while 12 percent admitted sexual intercourse with a church member.

Said Larry: "The denial that takes place when pastors or leaders get involved in sexual infidelity is unbelievable. They don't feel guilt, remorse, or pain. They can actually sleep with a person on Saturday night and preach a wonderful message Sunday morning. It's like the two parts of the personality never meet."

Through Shepherd's Heart Ministry, Larry and Lorrie do pastoral crisis intervention as well as preventive workshops.

"It is our hope and aim is to keep pastors and their families out of a crisis situation," said Larry.

Shepherd's Heart Ministry under the auspices of Larry and Lorrie Russell has two facilities: Black Forest Retreat Center, Denver, Colorado, and Shepherd's Sanctuary Ontario, Canada. For more information see www.shepherdsheartministry.com

Rebekah Montgomery is the editor of Right to the Heart of Women e-zine, a publisher at Jubilant Press, and the author of numerous books on spiritual growth. She can be contacted for comments or speaking engagements at rebekahmontgomery.com
www.FindRebekah.com

"published articles of authors in this blogsite does not warrant FULL endorsement of the author's values and that of his website"

Appreciating Your Husband as YOUR Pastor

pastor's wife, something to think about...

"published articles of authors in this blogsite does not warrant FULL endorsement of the author's values and that of his website"

authored by Georgia Sawhook

Being a pastor's wife is a wonderful adventure, isn't it? I've been one now for over 26 years and continue to be blessed by the position and the responsibility that the Lord has given me in His plan.

This past Clergy Appreciation Month gave me pause to look at MY pastor ... my HUSBAND! Do I really give him the respect and honor that he deserves? Do I take the time to thank him for every message he prepares? Do I thank him for all those extra hours he has to work at the church to counsel and help a wayward member or a newly engaged couple about their upcoming marriage or the times he's had to leave the house because of someone's illness and/or death?
Or ... do I gripe about it?

"Do I have to be with the kids alone again tonight?" "When ARE you coming home??? Dinner's getting cold!" "It's your mother and dad that are visiting and I'm not going to entertain them all myself AGAIN!"Sound familiar? If you've gotten into that type of rut, maybe you just need to reacquaint yourself with your dear hubby. Remember, he's got an awesome responsibility before the Lord to keep a charge over these sheep that the Lord has entrusted to him and he doesn't need to have any more added pressure than he already has.

Let your home be the haven that he needs and deserves. Welcome him with a big hug and kiss. Tell him you're praying for him (and make sure you do). Make his favorite meal and dessert for him at least once a week. Find someone to watch the children and have a night all alone. Pop popcorn, watch a movie together and look deep into his eyes and remember that wonderful young man you fell in love with.

It will jump start your 'starter,' that's for sure. And if it doesn't, ask your precious Savior to "jump start" your engine in that direction and start all over again.

Enjoy that wonderful gift that the Lord has given you and praise His name that He has chosen you both together to serve Him and minister for His glory!!

In addition to her responsibilities as a pastor's wife at Fellowship Bible Church in Fairfield, Ohio, Georgia Sawhook hosts an outreach to other wives in ministry through her Web sites. Visit them at:The Pastor's Wife's Home Page (www.geocities.com/Heartland/Pointe/5892)Georgia's Fall Garden Page (www.geocities.com/Heartland/Pointe/5892/Gardentips.html)Georgia's Kitchen (www.geocities.com/Heartland/Pointe/5892/Georgiakitchen.html)

Monday, April 24, 2006

What Is Your Hobby?

pastor's wife, here's something to think about...
By: Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT http://www.christianworkingmom.com

"published articles of authors in this blogsite does not warrant FULL endorsement of the author's values and that of his website"

When you saw the title of this article, what was your reaction? Did you groan? Did you get excited? Did you say, “Who has time for a hobby”? I use to hate when people asked me that question, especially when my children were infants to preschoolers. I remember saying, “I don’t have a hobby, I have children.”

I think God wants us to play and relax. Even though hobby is not specifically listed in the Bible. Remember Ecclesiastes 3:1; “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…” Does a time for everything include hobbies? The Bible did say everything, which sounds pretty inclusive to me.

As a little girl, what did you enjoy doing with your free time? What did you do to relax or just to have fun? As adults we often forget how to have fun or somehow feel like we are goofing off. I still remember my Dad liked to color and sometimes after a hard day of work would sit down and color. We kind of thought that was funny, but he enjoyed it. I used to enjoy playing piano. Recently, we were given a piano for our home. I have started playing maybe 15 minutes a day and trying to improve on my rusty skills. Playing the piano has been truly relaxing for me. It calms me down and I feel I have some mastery over something. The piano does not talk back, even though I make a mistake. I’m amazed what 15 minutes can do for me and my mood.

Moms, I know you are incredibly busy and sometimes you just want to crawl in bed at night and sleep. I would encourage you to find maybe only 15 minutes a week to start to do something you enjoy doing. Maybe it is a hobby from childhood or a new hobby. Take the time to “goof off” and do something for yourself. Maybe it is getting a massage or manicure once a month. You deserve it. Taking a little time for yourself will make a big difference in your mood.

About the author: © 2005 Kimberly Chastain About the Author Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of “Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!” To purchase a copy of this e-book please visit www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to free@kimberlychastain.com

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Moms Need To Have More Fun

pastor's wife, a resource article on MOTHERHOOD

NOTE: "published articles of authors in this blogsite does not warrant FULL endorsement of the author's values and that of his website"

By: Dionna Sanchez
http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com


Moms need to have more fun.

A mother has a lot of responsibility. We want to do our jobs right and take care of our families right. But somehow we lost our sense of laughter along the way.

I realized this a few weeks ago. Let's take a little quiz.... see how you rate.

1) Do you get upset with your children when they've had a massive pillow fight in their bedroom and left a huge mess? Or do you jump in and join them - thankful that they are getting along and laughing together as siblings?

2) Do you send your children outside on the quest to "find someone to play with?" -- or do you go in the backyard and swing with them?

3) Do you sigh in exasperation as you find your child has not done something you've asked them to do for the umpteenth time instead of telling them you will tickle the stuffing’s out of them if they don't take care of it within 5 minutes??

Our children love it when we find the time to abandon our agenda and spend time laughing and enjoying life with them. It shows them that we value them above our projects and "to-do's."

Finding the fun in life is also very good for us. It reminds us to "lighten up." And face it - we need to do that sometimes! Laughter and joy inject a much-needed air of freshness in our homes.

I am not saying that we should never follow through on discipline issues or fail to teach our children to be responsible. I AM saying that we need to enjoy the moments that we have with our families because the time is moving by so swiftly! And learning to laugh will relieve us of all of that stress and burden that can so heavily weigh on our shoulders.

Valuable lessons can be taught in the fun moments as well as the serious moments in life. Remind yourself what it feels like to embrace the fun of having a marshmallow fight in a kitchen that is usually always fighting to be kept clean. Remind yourself what it feels like to look at the positive side of life and let that permeate and help you balance the "musts" and "have to's."

We need to have more fun. Let that be your challenge for this week. :)

About the author: ~ Dionna Sanchez is the Founder of Emphasis On Moms at http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com/

Saturday, April 22, 2006

12 Commandments for Parents

pastor's wife, a resource article on dealing with CHILDREN
By: Annette Lucas
http://urltracker.biz/58163/740


NOTE:"published articles of authors in this blogsite does not warrant FULL endorsement of the author's values and that of his website"

An important factor in a child's education is the parents' expertise for this "job". No one is born holding all the knowledge, but we can learn and understand some things from books or advice from qualified persons.

Among the commandments a parent should strictly follow are the following:

1. Do not underestimate your child - he can understand more than you think he does and if you make him believe you think poorly of him this might affect his development.

2. Don't use threat - a child loves a challenge and once threatened he might probably go on and do what he wasn't suppose to just to see if he can escape the punishment.

3. Do not bribe your child - if you are trying to get him to learn (work, be quiet, etc.) for money (candy, tv time, etc.) he will fail to understand the importance of learning, all he will get from this is the importance of money.

4. Do not make a small child promise something - small children can't understand the concept of promises so don't force them to lie and then punish them because they did.

5. Do not keep them on a short leash - to grow up normally children need some space, some freedom and room to make mistakes. Some of the biggest lessons we learn are from the mistakes we've made in the past.

6. Do not use big words or too many words when you are talking to your child - keep your ideas simple and concise so he can understand every thing you have to say.

7. Do not expect immediate and blind obedience - it is not recommended, a child needs to learn to think on his own not to follow orders.

8. Do not indulge him too much - he needs to experience the feelings of self-confidence and self-respect the rewards of a "job well done" offer.

9. Do not compromise when it comes to the rules of a game - the trick for a game to become educational is to have its initial rules respected.

10. Don't impose rules that don't go with the age of your child.

11. Do not try to inflict guilt - guilt is not an appropriate feeling for children, especially if they are little.

12. Don't give your child orders that you don't take seriously - your child will try to please you and giving him an order is drastic, and it becomes cruel if that order is a joke.

All these "commandments" are addressed first to the parent. But they are to be referred to by teachers and educators as well. Along with the parents, they will instill an attitude and strategy for the education and growth of the child, so that they can give him all the things he needs to properly develop emotional and physically.



About the author: Annette Lucas is a stay at home mom who has quit her factory job and will never look back. She believes we are given one chance to watch our children grow up. For most of us, the only choice is work from home. Annette is an independent broker with AmeriPlanUSA. For more information on her, please visit http://urltracker.biz/58163/740 or email her at wahm411@aol.com.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Judge Says Ten Commandments Can Stay

pastor's wife, isn't it saddening to read news like this?

news item from:
AP, via SFGate.com, USAApr. 19, 2006 sfgate.com
ReligionNewsBlog.com • Item 14385 • Posted: 2006-04-20 09:22:57



Toledo, Ohio (AP) -- A Ten Commandments monument that has stood on the courthouse lawn for almost 50 years does not promote religion and can remain in place, a federal judge ruled.U.S. District Judge James Carr said Tuesday that the monument can stay because the motives for placing it outside the Lucas County courthouse were secular and not an endorsement of a specific belief.The American Civil Liberties Union of Ohio sued Lucas County in 2002 to have the display removed, saying it was unconstitutional and promoted religion.Carr's decision followed a ruling last year by the U.S. Supreme Court that addressed displays of the Ten Commandments.The Supreme Court in June allowed a 6-foot granite monument to remain at the Texas Capitol. Justices said Ten Commandments exhibits would be upheld if their main purpose was to honor the nation's legal, rather than religious, traditions, and if they didn't promote one religious sect over another.The Lucas County marker was given to the county by the Fraternal Order of the Eagles as part of an effort to combat juvenile delinquency.Jeffrey Gamso, a legal director for the ACLU in Ohio, said the group had not decided whether to appeal.

Energy Revival

pastor's wife, are you often TIRED?
here's a a resource article from lifeway.com
Written by Branda Polk

According to the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, most Americans only feel energetic about 19 days a month. This means we spend about one-third of every month feeling sluggish, run-down, frazzled, or fatigued. With this staggering truth, manufacturers of caffeinated products are making a huge profit on temporary quick fixes to help us through the day. While the effect may be temporarily helpful in getting us going, the long term results of continuous and high dose amounts of caffeine are not healthful. So, whether you are feeling sluggish in the morning or need a boost for that mid-afternoon slump, try one of these healthful ways to revive your energy and see the benefits far beyond the cola and candy bar break.

Revive with movement.
All too often many people spend most of the day sitting with
little physical movement. Without physical movement, the blood flow through the body is slow and doesn't carry the needed oxygen to the brain to maintain adequate energy levels. Without sufficient oxygen, the brain rests and sends signals to the body to slow down. Any physical movement of the major muscles will increase the heart rate and the oxygen-rich blood going to the brain, stimulating an increase in energy. To keep your energy level up throughout the day, get up and move around at least once every hour. Stand up, walk around, stretch your arms over head, twist side to side at the waist, circle arms, wrists, and ankles, and bend to touch your toes. All of these actions and anything else you can do to get moving will wake up your body and your brain, improving thought, creativity, and energy levels.

Revive with deep breathing.
Shallow breathing and poor posture are an energy zapping combination. Shallow breathing prevents enough oxygen from entering the lungs. Poor posture compresses the lung capacity, preventing full expansion and limiting the ability to breathe deeply. To get the full benefit of reviving breathing, sit or stand up tall, lifting the ribs away from the pelvis, lengthening the spine, relaxing the neck, and pressing the shoulders down. Then, inhale deeply through the nose allowing, the ribs to expand. Avoid lifting the chest and shoulders with the breath. Inhale for a slow count of four. Exhale slowly through the mouth while maintaining the tall posture. Exhale for a slow count of four. Keep breathing slow and deep for five to ten breaths.

Revive with water.
Dehydration is a prime energy drainer. Even if you don't necessarily feel thirsty, drink a glass or two of cool or even cold water to re-hydrate the body and boost the energy level.

Revive with nature.
To break up the monotony of the same old environment of the office or home, get outside and soak up the sunshine to rejuvenate. Sunlight provides a natural energy booster for the mind, body, and emotions. Breathing fresh air can also provide a brief "vacation" from your current surroundings and stimulate both body and brain. If your schedule doesn't provide time for a 15 to 20 minute walk outside, simply stepping out the door for three to five minutes will give you a much needed boost. Combine deep breathing and movement with a brief trip outside to propel you through the afternoon slump.

Branda Polk is a certified Fitness Instructor, personal trainer, and wellness coach in Memphis, Tennessee.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Gay Man Wins Internet Fight vs. Falwell

posted at ReligionNewsBlog.com 4/19/06
New York Daily News, USAApr. 18, 2006 Adam Lisberg, Daily News Staff Writerwww.nydailynews.com

A gay New Yorker won a big Supreme Court victory yesterday in his Internet battle against Moral Majority founder the Rev. Jerry Falwell.Christopher Lamparello, 36, won the right to keep his fallwell.com site, which criticizes Falwell's views on homosexuality - and often snares Web surfers looking for the reverend's online ministry at falwell.com."Rev. Falwell is completely wrong about people who are gay or lesbian," Lamparello's site says - under a red disclaimer that offers a link to Falwell's site.Falwell believes homosexuality is a sin that gays and lesbians must repent of and resist. The Supreme Court - without comment - said it would not hear his appeal of a lower-court ruling that went against him.

The appeals court ruled last year that Lamparello was not violating Falwell's trademark because he was not running the Web site to make a profit.Lamparello, who lives in Greenwich Village and has not spoken publicly about the case, has the free-speech right to run the "gripe site," said his lawyer, Paul Levy.

A domain name is not just the source of a Web site, but the substance of a Web site," said Levy, whose group Public Citizen took the case for free. "You can say the name of the person you're criticizing, and you can put their name in the domain name of your Web site."Falwell's lawyer had argued it was a simple case of trademark infringement - which disturbed many of the reverend's supporters, who went to the site by mistake - and that it opens the door to more abuses.

Three-Word Phrases to Enrich Your Relationships

pastor's wife, a resource article on RELATIONSHIPS
Written by Will Jones

Some of the most significant messages come in “three word” packages. These loving statements contain the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones, and restore broken ones.

Use these “three-word phrases” to enrich your relationships with spouse, parent, child, or colleague:

“I’ll be there.”
When you are stranded and call a friend or family member, it is wonderful to hear, “I’ll be there.”If a late night illness means taking a child to a hospital emergency room and you call on a friend to come and sit with other children, how wonderful to hear that friend respond, “I’ll be there.”When there is a death in the family and you phone an old friend, the blow of grief is softened by the words, “I’ll be there.”

“I miss you.”
Paul expressed to Timothy, “Remembering your tears, I long to see you so that I may be filled with joy.” 2 Tim 1:4 (HCSB)This phrase can express love to husbands, wives, children, parents, and colleagues.It is a powerful affirmation that expresses, “you are needed, you are wanted, you are loved.”

“I appreciate you.”
“I thank God ... when I constantly remember you in my prayers night and day.” 2 Tim 1:3 (HCSB)Paul regularly expressed appreciation for those he served with.“Maybe you’re right.”
“One who hardens his heart falls into trouble.” Proverbs 28:14 (HCSB)This phrase is effective in defusing arguments and restoring frayed emotions.

“Please forgive me.”
We all fail. God can heal broken relationships when we ask for forgiveness.Alexander Pope, said, “A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.”

“I thank you.”
“Give thanks in everything, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thess 5:18 (HCSB)Gratitude is a wonderful form of courtesy.People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness.

“Count on me.”
“Loyalty and faithfulness deliver a king; through loyalty he maintains his throne.” Prov 20:28 (HCSB)Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship. It is the emotional glue that bonds people together.

“Let me help.”
“Comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” 1 Thess 5:14 (HCSB)The best friends see a need and try to fill it, they spot a hurt and do what they can to heal it, without being asked, they pitch in and help.

“I understand you.”
“Who is wise and understanding among you? He should show his works by good conduct with wisdom’s gentleness.” James 3:13 (HCSB)People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person is accepting and understanding of them.

“Go for it.”
Support friends who pursue unique projects and unusual hobbies.“Rather than urging your loved ones to conform, encourage their uniqueness. Everyone has dreams, dreams that no one else has, and you can make yourself loved by encouraging those aspirations,” says Dr. Alan Loy McGinnis, author of The Friendship Factor. (Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, 1979).


These loving statements can reduce and erase conflict and tension between friends. They will result in closer, warmer, and more intimate relationships.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Will Jones is a freelance writer, living in Claremont, California.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Parents: Got Defiance? 9 Ways to Get More Compliance

pastor's wife, here's a resource article on Handling Difficult Children
By: Toni Schutta http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com

note:"published resource articles of authors in this blogsite does not warrant FULL endorsement of the author's values and that of his website"

Dealing with a defiant child can be exasperating! Children who are defiant will readily enter a power struggle and wear a parent down. The key is not to enter the power struggle with an oppositional child. Listed below are 9 options you can use to gain more cooperation from your child.

1. Use positive communication.
Try phrasing your parenting command in a positive way versus a negative way. For example, if your child says “Can I watch TV now?” instead of just saying, “No. You can’t.” you could say “You can watch TV after dinner.” Or “I can tape this show for you to watch after dinner.”

2. Give the child two choices.
As a parent you can pick two choices that are equally acceptable to you and offer them to your child. The child is less likely to be oppositional if they feel they have some control over the situation. For example, you could say, “Would you like to do your chore before school or after school today?”

3. Reflect the feeling back to the child.
S ometimes showing compassion for the child by reflecting back what they’re feeling can be helpful. You could say, “You’re irritated right now because you can’t finish building the Lego tower. It’s hard to leave a project before you’re done, isn’t it?”

4. Tell them what you’re seeing and state what you’d like to see.
“Wow! You really like to say “no.” I love it when I hear kids say, “YES! YES! YES!” You could tickle the child or use humor to see if you can get them to say “YES!”

5. State your command as a statement, not as a question.
Parents often say “Would you like to do your homework now?” or other commands that should be stated in a firm voice. Instead, just say, “It’s time to do homework now.”

6. Make it fun to get to the next place.
If your child has trouble with transitions and becomes oppositional, ask them to hop like a frog to the door, or have their favorite CD waiting in the car that they can listen to.

7. Establish house rules.
If the house rule is that bedtime is at 8 p.m., then simply state the rule. If the child argues, just repeat the rule over and over, rather than entering into a debate with the child.

8. Use Rewards.
Focus on your child’s positive behavior, rather than the negative. Put a marble in a jar every time that your child does something the first time that you ask. Brainstorm with your child on what the reward will be after they’ve complied a set number of times.

9. Think Preventatively- Many children develop patterns of negativity. Specific triggers set a child off. Look for what triggers your child’s defiance and try to alter the pattern so your child can be successful.

About the author: Byline: Toni Schutta, Parent Coach, M.A., L.P., has 11 years experience helping parents find solutions that work.

WHY MARRIAGES BREAK DOWN

authored by Lyka M
resource for the pastor's wife, married couples, marriage counselees,and singles

The rate of married couples separating is on a steady rise. In the Philippines, more and more are starting to join a movement pushing for legalization of divorce. Also, cases of annulment are increasing in number.

Why do couples marry and then separate? Listed are the more common factors:

1. MONEY.
Too much or too little of it. How to spend it, what to spend it on, who’s spending more? Who should keep charge of it? Couples seem to always have endless discussions and conflicts in this area.

2. CHILDREN.
Many couples fall into the error of focusing and building their marital relationship around their children. Soon they end up emotionally distant from one another.
Where couples fail to develop and cultivate friendship in their marriages, they would soon find themselves with their kids being the only thing they have in common.

3. MISCOMMUNICATION.
Failure to communicate often results to endless fights and finally, unresolved differences. When couples fight on the same issues over and over again, they start to tire, until finally they just stop talking.
There’s a difference between being heard and being understood, and there’s a difference between hearing and understanding. You don’t have to agree with your spouse all the time but you must strive to understand him/her.

4. INCOMPATIBILITIES.
Failing to deal with and accept incompatibilities will naturally erode the marriage relationship. Couples must strive to change what they can and accept what they can’t. Love and forgiveness is the key. Some incompatibilities are in the area of:
a. Intellectual incompatibility- where spouses just can’t seem to find a common ground for interesting or worthwhile conversation
b. Sexual incompatibility – where one or both spouses aren’t able to satisfy or be satisfied in the area of physical intimacy

5. TIME.
Time can be used for or against marriage. People will always give time for what is important to them. And if you really want something to work, you’ll keep on trying. That involves time!

6. IN-LAWS.
When too many heads rule a relationship, chaos abounds. And some spouses escape conflict by seeking refuge in their parents’ homes.

7. IGNORANCE.
Some people enter the marriage relationship not fully aware of what it fully entails. No marriage will ever be free from problems or disagreements. Some leave the relationship at the point of conflict or if not, settle to live together harboring resentment in their hearts. It’s a union of 2 persons who love each other, that’s all they know. They forget that, it is a union between 2 IMPERFECT persons who love each other.

Are you planning to marry? Be mindful of these things. Are you married? Don’t let these marriage killers creep into your marriage relationship. Commit yourself to unconditional love and continual forgiveness. Remember, whenever you say, ‘But I just can’t forget what my spouse has done!’ What you’re actually saying is, ‘I just don’t want to forgive him!’
---------------
“There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time. “
-Dr James C. Dobson, Ph.D.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Affair-Proof Your Marriage

ministry wives might find these tips of help...
authored by Susan Kleinman

Four ways to ward off infidelity.

While you can't control your husband's actions, here's how to lower the odds that he'll stray:

1. Stay connected.
"The best way to ensure your marriage," says Scott Stanley, Ph.D., coauthor of Fighting for Your Marriage (Jossey-Bass, 1994), "is to maintain your friendship. A lot of times, what men miss most is the time they spend just hanging out with their wives. That's why so many affairs begin as friendships -- it's that intimacy a man is looking for."

2. Talk often.
If you have a new baby or your husband is experiencing a job transition, encourage him to share his feelings with you and discuss yours with him.

3. Keep your sex life active, and talk often about what you both want and need in bed.

4. Be supportive of any healthy ways in which your husband may seek to reinvent himself in midlife, whether it's training for a marathon, switching careers, or even going in for a little surgical nip and tuck. It may be vain or expensive, but it also may keep him feeling so good about himself that he doesn't have to look for an ego boost elsewhere.

Monday, April 17, 2006

10 Questions a Pastor Should Ask His Wife Every Year

a resource article posted at lifeway.com
Written by Tom Elliff

It would be good though for BOTH pastor and wife to ask these to each other, don't you think?...

1. What can I do to cause you to feel more loved and cherished?

2. How can I best demonstrate my appreciation for you, your ideas, and your role as my wife?

3. What can I do to assure you that I hear and understand your heart’s desires?
Discovering the “heart desires” of one’s spouse takes time, attention, focus, and above all a determination to talk about a matter until each understands the other.

4. What can I do to make you feel absolutely secure?
If not addressed, feelings of insecurity or lack of confidence will hover over a home like an oppressive cloud. With their differing gifts and responsibilities, a husband or wife will often sense a threat to which the other may be totally oblivious. For a secure home both husband and wife must hear each other out on these issues, and they must respond with immediate and positive action.

5. What can I do to ensure that you have confidence and joy in our future direction?
Too many couples have accepted the fantasy that marriage allows the husband and wife the privilege of living together while each does his or her own thing. Husbands in particular tend to move away from the heart of their wives by announcing their plans for the future and simply assuming that what brings joy to the husband will also bring joy to the wife.

6. What attribute or practice would you like to see me develop or improve?

7. What attribute would you most like to develop in yourself, and how may I help you in the best possible way?

8. Is there some accomplishment in my life that would bring joy to your heart?
After years of marriage counseling, I have come to believe that few things bring distress to a wife like the failure of her husband to have clear, positive objectives for the future. Yet nothing so encourages a man as the privilege of accomplishment!

9. What would indicate to you my desire to be more like Christ?
My wife told me that there are four visible indicators which reveal the state of my spiritual life: (a) Prayer (b) Genuine interest in the Word of God (c) Sensitivity to sin and promptness in putting it aside the moment God's Spirit brings conviction. (d) A life marked by the fruit of the Spirit.

10. What mutual goal(s) would you like to see us accomplish together?

6 Tips for Spiritual Intimacy Between Pastor and Wife

a resource article posted on lfieway.com

Written by Bernie Cornell
Whether in the Stanley Cup, World Cup, World Series, or Super Bowl, those who win must play as a team. If you desire spiritual intimacy, you must play together as a team.

1. Pray Together
Praying together is a powerful vehicle leading to Spiritual Intimacy. Prayer allows your spouse to hear your thoughts and feelings toward God. Going to God together will bring you closer to each other.

2. Talk Together
Don’t just use clich├ęs such as “How’s it going?” or “What’s up?” Share deep inner thoughts about God and what He is teaching you through Scripture and the Holy Spirit. Remember, conversation includes listening to each other, too.

3. Study Scripture Together
As you study scripture together, share your unique understanding of God’s word. Make commitments of how you will apply the promises of scripture to your life and marriage.

4. Serve the Church Together
Service is putting hands and feet to faith. By serving together, we share experiences with each other, rejoice and cry together, and experience God’s blessings in new ways. Service in the church also is a tangible reminder for us to serve one another in our marriage. Remember the Church is the Bride of Christ. Jesus said, “Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life-a ransom for many.”

5. Plan Together
This is a time to dream together. Look to the future. Have fun. Set steps for spiritual growth. Prioritize what is important in your relationship. Include short-term and long-term goals.

6. Worship Together
Practice worship at home. By worshiping as a couple, you will develop a heart for God, His people, and His Word. You will be surprised how worshipping together will help your oneness and spiritual intimacy mature.

Make spiritual intimacy a part of your marriage. It will deepen and revolutionize your relationship with your spouse, and can shape your marital, intellectual, emotional, and sexual intimacy. Enjoy the journey together, not just the destination.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

DETOXIFY YOUR LIFE!

for all us busy minsitry wives, read on!

How do you often feel at the close of each day? Worn out? Frustrated? Feeling like nothing has really been accomplished throughout that day, like 24 hours is often never really enough?!
Think again, if we needed more than 24 hours, then GOD would surely have given us more than that!!!!

So, what do we do? We should UNclutter our lives! Here is the simple answer to that.

E V A L U A T E.

There are so many things in our lives and daily schedules that shouldn't be there! Let's categorize these things and focus on the topmosts on our list.

1. The MUST DO's. These are without question things that NEED to be done and are categorized in the same group as......BREATHING, EATING, SLEEPING. Get it?!
Attending to the basic needs of your spouse and kids is on this list. Time with God is on this list. Showing love and support to people you care about is on this list.
Things on this list are things that if left undone will ruin the day's outcome.

2. The SHOULD DO's. Items on this list come next. Finishing a house chore, a church project, running errands for self and loved ones are on this list.

3. The COULD DO's. Items on this list are the last to worry and fuss over. Watching your favorite program, playing your favorite game, buying that luxury item,etc belong to this list. THings on this list that are left undone MUST NEVER be such a BIG thing to frustrate or grieve over.

The problem with most people is that they get depressed or frustrated when the COULD DO's are not done.Why is it like that? We feel so very very bad for missing that favorite show, or not being able to buy that nice dress but we don't hurt a bit when we fail to spend bonding time with our spouse and kids.

Let's RE-evaluate our lives and let things that really matter MATTER from now on!

--authored by lyka m

Friday, April 14, 2006

STRESS CHECK FOR THE PASTOR'S WIFE

following is a portion of the article
Care For The Pastor's Wife, Too!
Sarah Jane Wessels, B.Th., Dip. Biblical Counseling Studies

-MINISTRY HEALTH

Pastor's wife, check to see how many of these stressors you have:

TYPICAL STRESSORS
1. No emotional outlet.

2. Suppression of own identity.

3. Being neglected by her husband. She feels (and in most cases is) neglected by her husband’s sense of responsibility which takes him away from her. Often times this sense of responsibility is misplaced.

4. Surrounded by so many Christians with who she cannot communicate because they do not even have the vaguest idea of the position, or in whom she may not confide as a result of the confidential nature of her unique position, the pastor’s wife is often the most lonely person in the whole congregation.

5. Lack of privacy. Members of a congregation often think of the parsonage as their property and regard the pastor’s time as belonging to them. After all, it is their offerings that pays the pastor’s salary. And in South Africa the manse usually belongs to the congregation as well.
Social life is inhibited. Friendship within the congregation can pose problems.

6. Double standards prevailing in the pastor’s life. "Pastor Perfect" comes home from a successful but stressful meeting and house calls, just to take it all out on his undeserving family. His spouse has to put up with a "Dr Jekyl and Mr. Hyde" syndrome.

7. Finances. Much can be said about this.

8. Frustration, stress and poor health that is a direct result of being a pastor’s wife.

9. Lack of pastoral, spiritual and emotional care for the pastoral family.

10. Unfavorable congregational criticism deriving from misconceptions regarding the pastoral family.

11. Time for leisure almost non-existent and mostly only on an irregular basis. The pastor usually works every evening of the secular week and during weekends.

12. Sexual problems deriving from the pastoral lifestyle.

13. Conflict between Colleagues or congregations.

14. Beggars ( "bergies")

15. Live in the shadow of a former minister and/or his wife.

THREE WRONG REACTIONS TO THESE STRESSORS

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For each anxiety, there's a corresponding reaction to deal with each anxiety. The Pastor's wife who is caught up in the "well-intentioned" predicament of being everything to everybody but nothing to herself is prone to at least three major categories of reactions.

1. Anger:
a. For pastor's wives in the younger group age (20 - 30 years of age), the anger feelings may be very strong. Many of them are furious and feel like blaming God and everybody else, but they are brought up not to be blamers or to shift their blame. Though they would like to blame God, for some blaming God would be a severe sin which is severely punishable. So they end up blaming themselves. They become depressed and harvest thoughts of "bringing everything to an end". This may mean divorce or......?

b. For pastor's wives in the middle-age group (30 - 50 years of age), anger and apathy may prevail. Pastors wives may act untouched and put on masks that will please and pacify those who wants them to fit into preset patterns. They become like ducks that let water run from their backs, acting against their real nature. As pastors wives mature toward their 50th birthday, apathy may replace the anger.

c. Pastor's wives of those who are in their mature years of ministry or about to retire (50-?? years of age) seem to respond in such a way that if the anger surfaces again, but since they still are unable to face it or deal with it they resort to all kinds of blame shifting tricks.
Whatever their age or length of experience as a pastor's wife, unless pastor's wives can break free of the "identity-conformation" crisis, these anger-related reactions will continue to be evident.

2. Identity Crisis:
a. Pastor's wives in the younger age group (20-30 years of age) generally begin their tenure as pastor's wife by an initial yielding to the pressure. They try to please everybody... including God. This results in their impression that God is the "big boss" who has very stringent rules, especially for Pastor's wives. The results is an all-too-common identity crises.

b. In the middle-age group (30-50 years of age) most pastor's wives can no longer bear the strain and start fighting for who they are. They are more mature than their younger counterparts. But their youthful zest sometimes gives them a certain boldness or audacious courage courage to spit it all out aloud. Some may perceive this as blatant arrogance. At this stage many a pastor’s marriage cracks. Many of them leave the ministry because their wives can no longer cope with their crippling identity crisis.

c. Fortunately, by the time the long-term pastor's wives mature they finally develop a sense of self. They have changed remarkably from who they were at first. Unfortunately, this may come at a great price. They may become emotionally independent from their pastor-spouse and "go their own way."

As a result of their painful growth and discovery of "self," they know that they cannot blame God or anybody else for their past. The wiser pastor's wife may grieve their "wasted youth." Yet, they grow out of their grief by re-calling their basic personality their "idle youth."

Deep down, however, they still long for their happy, joyful, spontaneous and secure "self" which they once were. For many, this may cause much loneliness and the painful experience of the "dark night of the soul.".

3. Family Dysfunction.
Family dysfunction, contrary to the expectations of many, is as common in families of the congregation as it is in the manse. Unfortunately, pastor's wives who adopt the dysfunctional role mirroring the expectations of the congregation may incite other family dysfunctions.
Family Systems Theory posits that the power of the family system is such that whenever one member of the system starts in dysfunction, others in the family will respond in such a manner as to bring the family to "equilibrium." Such equilibrium is established in mainly two ways.

First, equilibrium can be achieved by somehow altering the dysfunctional behavior in such a way that it become a healthy, functional response.

Second, equilibrium can be achieved as others in the family system respond, change and adapt their own respective dysfunctional responses.

Often professional family therapy is needed in either of the above scenarios. In the first case, it may take the encouragement of a professional therapist to finally give the pastor's wife the "permission" to be her self. In the second case, the therapist may be needed to deal with a larger problem of a dysfunctional system. Indeed, perhaps some of the erratic behavior of "preacher's kids" may be due, in part, to having been raised in a "Christian" family which is hostile to the development of the "self."
-------
If you find many of these to be true in your life then seek the help that you need to resolve the problems and thus eliminate the stressors. Pastor's wife, we encourage you to join a support group, whether ours or another one that you could find. If you're interested in joining our group, find the link above that will lead you to it. God bless u!

Coral Springs Dad Charged With Abuse Claims Bible Permits Spanking

RELIGION NEWS
SOURCE: FEEDBLITZ
[Domestic Violence]
South Florida Sun-Sentinel, USA
Apr. 11, 2006
Will Greenlee
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/


PORT ST. LUCIE -- He struck his 12-year-old daughter with belts because she
lied, because her homework was incomplete and because "it is stated in the
Bible that it is OK to spank your children," the father told police.
The girl said she was beaten for not reading well enough, for using slang, and
for "not accepting Jesus into her heart," police reported.

After the statements, police over the weekend arrested Michael C. Bilodeau,
48, of Coral Springs, on felony charges of aggravated child abuse and neglect
of a child. He was released Sunday from the St. Lucie County jail on $10,000
bail. He declined to discuss the charges on Monday.

The case began Friday night when police responded to a report of a girl
begging for money outside the Walgreen Drug Store at Southwest Port St.
Lucie and Bayshore boulevards.

The girl told investigators she had been sent from Coral Springs to Port St.
Lucie about three years ago to live with family friends "who share the same
religious beliefs and values" as her parents.

The girl said she ran away from the Port St. Lucie home about 12:30 a.m.
Thursday after being spanked with a belt by a woman in the home. She said
she spent the night in a vacant home under construction.

When police took the girl to the Port St. Lucie address, Bilodeau answered the
door, saying he had received a call his daughter had run away and had come
to Port St. Lucie to look for her.

According to police reports, Bilodeau said the girl had been sent here
because she wasn't doing well in school in Coral Springs, and because the
biological mother couldn't care for her because of "misbehaving." The girl told
police the mother "was addicted to the internet and would ignore her."

Bilodeau allegedly admitted he "spanked" the girl a few days earlier. He had
her undress and lean across a bed, then "struck her several times with a belt,"
according to police.

"She needs some discipline," Bilodeau allegedly told police.

When asked why he ordered the girl to take off her clothes before striking her,
Bilodeau allegedly replied that "he wants her to feel the pain," police reported.
Bilodeau also told police he had given the woman in the Port St. Lucie home
permission to spank the girl. He said when the woman spanks the girl the
woman calls him "and puts it on the speakerphone so he could listen to the
spanking as her witness," police reported.

Bilodeau told police the local woman spanked the girl four separate times the
day before she ran away. Police said they plan to speak with the woman and
that the investigation is continuing.

Police said they found old and new bruises to the girl's legs, back and sides,
"consistent with injuries that could be sustained from a belt." She now is in the
custody of the state Department of Children and Families.

"I think the bruises on her body pretty much tell the story," said Officer Robert
Vega, police spokesman. "This is definitely not a situation where it was just
parental discipline -- these people took it a step further."

WHY DOES GOD ALLOW PROBLEMS IN YOUR LIFE?

resource for Bible studies....

What is God telling you with the problems He permits in your life? The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you----depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react 'foolishly' and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring. Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life:

God uses problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving.Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? Proverbs 20:30

God uses problems to INSPECT you. People are like tea bags......if you want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot water. Has God ever tested your faith with a problem? What do problems reveal about you? James 1:2-3

God uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned.Sometimes we only learn the value of something....health, money, a relationship......by losing it. attention to your laws." Psalm 119:71-72

God uses problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Genesis 50:20

God uses problems to PERFECT you. Problems, when responded to correctly,are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you're going to take with you into eternity. Romans 5:3-4

Here is the point:God is at work in your life---even when you do not recognize it or understand it. But it's much easier and profitable when you COOPERATE with Him.

Author:Pastor's Wife: DeRonna Riddick, Hamilton, OH

Thursday, April 13, 2006

A MINISTER'S WIFE, WHO IS SHE?

here's a part of an article written by Polly House on 4/10/06
quite funny, but... true?

A minister’s wife really has a pretty easy job once she gets past the fact that she is expected to:

have a perfect marriage
have a perfect spiritual life
raise perfect children (preferably several of them)
keep a perfectly neat and clean house
own a perfect (but not too stylish) wardrobe
be the perfect Sunday school teacher in a preschool class
be the perfect (but never close) friend to every other woman in the church
play the piano, yes, perfectly
have a perfect smile on her perfect face with the perfect hair.

About Polly House
Polly House is LifeWay's corporate communications specialist and editor of Facts & Trends. She came to LifeWay in 1999. Polly and her husband, Sam, live in Nashville with their two teenage sons, Tyler and Travis. They are members of Crievewood Baptist Church. Polly can be contacted at polly.house@lifeway.com.

KID'S HAVE FEELINGS TOO!

It's quite tempting to mistreat even our own children. We fail to keep their emotions and rights in mind at times. Many times, we forget that though they are much smaller than us, they are no different from us. They feel like we do.

Even mothers can fall into sin by ignoring the needs of their kids. I'm not talking about their physical needs. Im talking about their relational needs. Do you deal with a child on a regular basis? Here are some helpful reminders for you.

1. Answer their questions. Don't you just hate it when you're ignored, and your own questions go unanswered? When you are in the middle of something that shouldn't be interrupted, briefly request your child to wait. But be sure to get back to him later. Refrain from always saying, 'I don't know, honey.', just to ward off your child. He might just figure that you don't know anything at all!

2. Respond to their needs. When you are in the middle of something important and you feel that the child can wait, think; the child might feel that what he's requesting is important too. It's tempting to just shun a child away, especially if he just wants to look for a lost toy or a story book. But that's what's important for him. It's valuable to him. Show your love by valuing what he values as well.

3. Respect their TIME. Sometimes, we fall guilty into squeezing our children into our own schedule. We fail to remember that they have their own schedule too. Refrain from postponing activities your child has requested for you to do. And when spending a day in the mall, or unwinding somewhere, be sure to give them time to look at things they also want to look at and go to places they also want to go to.

ACID TEST: How would I feel if my child was me?

--authored by lyka m

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

BEING GOD-CONSCIOUS

Days are always filled with things to do, and each day usually ends with things still left undone. For many of us, Sunday is the only day when we could 'think about God and His Goodness'. And that's really sad, for God wants to fellowship with us on a daily basis.How do we keep God in the picture? How do we include HIM in our day to day lives? Here are some helpful ways:

1. Keep yourself 'online'. Always be consciuous of His presence, and maintain the communication lines open at ALL times. Pray each moment. Share each moment, each experience with Him.

2. Keep yourself 'thankful'. Be observant. Be sensitive to each blessing, each act of divine grace and thank Him promptly for those.

3. Keep yourself 'clean'. Seek the Holy Spirit's help. Keep yourself spiritually pure. Confess each sin, each fault promptly.

4. Keep youself 'dependent'. Know that you are never alone, and that you can never be on your own. Apart from God we are and we can do nothing. Draw upon God for strength and guidance with each task.

Let's pray that God will keep us close to Him at all times. May God help us keep this mindset all the time- that God is in control and that I need Him to take control of my life. Nothing could go wrong if we keep ourselves aware of that truth, always.

--authored by lyka m