WHY MARRIAGES BREAK DOWN

authored by Lyka M
resource for the pastor's wife, married couples, marriage counselees,and singles

The rate of married couples separating is on a steady rise. In the Philippines, more and more are starting to join a movement pushing for legalization of divorce. Also, cases of annulment are increasing in number.

Why do couples marry and then separate? Listed are the more common factors:

1. MONEY.
Too much or too little of it. How to spend it, what to spend it on, who’s spending more? Who should keep charge of it? Couples seem to always have endless discussions and conflicts in this area.

2. CHILDREN.
Many couples fall into the error of focusing and building their marital relationship around their children. Soon they end up emotionally distant from one another.
Where couples fail to develop and cultivate friendship in their marriages, they would soon find themselves with their kids being the only thing they have in common.

3. MISCOMMUNICATION.
Failure to communicate often results to endless fights and finally, unresolved differences. When couples fight on the same issues over and over again, they start to tire, until finally they just stop talking.
There’s a difference between being heard and being understood, and there’s a difference between hearing and understanding. You don’t have to agree with your spouse all the time but you must strive to understand him/her.

4. INCOMPATIBILITIES.
Failing to deal with and accept incompatibilities will naturally erode the marriage relationship. Couples must strive to change what they can and accept what they can’t. Love and forgiveness is the key. Some incompatibilities are in the area of:
a. Intellectual incompatibility- where spouses just can’t seem to find a common ground for interesting or worthwhile conversation
b. Sexual incompatibility – where one or both spouses aren’t able to satisfy or be satisfied in the area of physical intimacy

5. TIME.
Time can be used for or against marriage. People will always give time for what is important to them. And if you really want something to work, you’ll keep on trying. That involves time!

6. IN-LAWS.
When too many heads rule a relationship, chaos abounds. And some spouses escape conflict by seeking refuge in their parents’ homes.

7. IGNORANCE.
Some people enter the marriage relationship not fully aware of what it fully entails. No marriage will ever be free from problems or disagreements. Some leave the relationship at the point of conflict or if not, settle to live together harboring resentment in their hearts. It’s a union of 2 persons who love each other, that’s all they know. They forget that, it is a union between 2 IMPERFECT persons who love each other.

Are you planning to marry? Be mindful of these things. Are you married? Don’t let these marriage killers creep into your marriage relationship. Commit yourself to unconditional love and continual forgiveness. Remember, whenever you say, ‘But I just can’t forget what my spouse has done!’ What you’re actually saying is, ‘I just don’t want to forgive him!’
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“There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time. “
-Dr James C. Dobson, Ph.D.