"I Believe in You!" The Power of Encouragement in Marriage

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The Smalley Relationship Center

"I Believe in You!" The Power of Encouragement in Marriage
Dr. Greg Smalley
One of the greatest gifts you can give your mate is to believe in his
or her dreams. What a difference you can make if you always treat your
mate not as he might be at that moment, but as you know he can be.


But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called
"Today," …

— Hebrews 3:13

"I've hit the wall!" That was my first thought when I felt an intense
tingling throughout my body. "This can't be happening now!" I pleaded
with myself, "I still have eight miles to go!" But with each step, my
body engaged in a war with my mind. On one side of the battle was that
I had dreamed and trained for six months to complete a marathon. On
the other side, however, was my body. At the eighteen mile marker I
began to experience severe cramping in my calves.



My wife, Erin, found me at the next mile marker. Expecting to see me
running along joyously, her first thought was that I was injured.
After explaining my dilemma, all I could think about was quitting. In
my mind, if I had to walk the remaining distance, my dream of
"running" a marathon was over. As I struggled with each step, Erin
said something I'll never forget: "I believe in you!"

Looking back on the experience, Erin's encouragement seemed so simple.
"I believe in you." I've heard her use those words many times before.
But at that moment, during a time in which I felt so defeated, her
words were like a burst of energy.

The rest of the race looked like a scene out of a Rocky movie. With
each agonizing step, Erin was by my side. Some friends and family who
were watching even joined in the long walk. However, as we reached the
twenty-fourth mile, I couldn't endure walking any longer. If I was
going to finish the race, I had to start running. After several yards,
my calves began functioning again and I was able to jog. Finally,
after 26.6 long miles, Erin and I crossed the finish line together.
She believed in me.

The Power of Believing in Your Spouse

One of the greatest gifts you can give your mate is to believe in his
or her dreams. As the pressures of life intensify, sometimes the
difference between going after a dream and remaining passive is having
someone say, "I believe in you!" If it's your desire to become an
encouragement for your spouse, I suggest you answer two important
questions.

1. What are your mate's dreams? The first step -- learn what your
spouse is dreaming about. What specific things motivate him in life?
What does she want to accomplish in her lifetime? During a road trip,
Erin and I made a list of all the things we wanted to complete before
we die. As Erin talked, I was amazed at the diversity of her dreams. I
had no idea she even dreamt about some of those things. Understanding
your mate's goals is a great way to deepen your intimacy.

2. What stands in his or her way? After hearing about your mate's
dreams, it's important to determine what might inhibit realizing those
goals. Is it a lack of confidence? Maybe she doesn't know where to
begin? Whatever the reason, I encourage you to find out and assist him
or her to overcome those barriers.

As I discovered while running the marathon, when someone believes in
you, there's no limit to what can be accomplished. However, a goal is
only a dream until someone makes it a reality. And that reality
sometimes begins with a simple word of encouragement. What a
difference you can make if you always treat your mate not as he might
be at that moment, but as you know he can be.

(c) Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center